I haven't done a vlog for a while and figured it was high time I did! This one gets into the issues of To Fill or Not To Fill. . . and friends adjusting to the fact that I'm nearly at my goal. One thing I didn't say, but should have, is that the vast majority of my friends (including the very select few who have access to my blog) have been nothing but awesome in their constant support and encouragement.
7 years ago
32 comments:
Yeah...I can see your friend freaking out. Sometimes people put us in a little bubble...my bubble is that I'm the fat funny friend...and now that you've stepped out of it, I can see some people being uncomfortable with that. It's hard sometimes to see someone who has truly achieved something. Also, you're competition now.
I'm admittedly a jealous person...I wish I wasn't, and I really hate that I am, but I am, and sometimes it really eats at me. And sometimes, I'm sure, things have popped out of my mouth akin to "well using the band is cheating" (which by the way, I do NOT agree with, and IMHO you should totally have the little tiny fill - you have the tool - USE it!!!) It sounds like, while it bothered you, you have risen above it and can see the comments for what they are.
Someone gave me some really great advice, and I'd like to pass it along to you: 99% of the time, when someone says something offensive, assume stupidity rather than malice. Because honestly, the vast majority of the time, that's all it is, someone saying something flip, without really thinking of the ramifications. And rise above it. Which it seems like you've done.
Best of luck with those last few pounds!
Catherine - FOR GOD'S SAKE... GET THE FILL! 11 months without one? I think you're due. I'm sorry about your friends, BUT... rock on for fitting into the size YOU fit into - not that your friends are, because if they are truly friends, they are going to celebrate YOU and deal with their shit separately... it's hard. I guess partially since I am NO WHERE NEAR my friends' sizes, I haven't experienced it - yet... I hope to some day! But, you continue to inspire and I think you are well within your rights to get that extra point.2 fill!!!
When I told some of my friends that I was having band surgery they reacted very differently than what I was expecting. They acted like I shouldn't get it done because I had myself fat and now I should live with it. Kind of like they were better than me and didn't want me to better myself. I of course did not listen!
You are doing awesome! And yes, get the fill!!
Funny, my word verification looks very much like "dingalings"-- and that is what I'd call your jealous friend and anyone else who discourages you from using your band as a tool for now and THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
You have every right and people say the darndest things!! I don't know what else to say other than do your thang, girl, get your fill if you think you need it.
Good luck and all the best!!
Vanessa
I think you should go for a tiny fill... what is the worst that could happen? you are too toght and you get it taken out.
I have not had any friends react that way yet because i am still far enough away from their weight that I dont fit into their clothes. I wonder what it will be like when I can? Anyway forget the haters,you have worked hard to get to goal!!! stay safe out there, its a nightmare in queens
I am not close to my goal...but, you said it yourself, you have this tool installed, of course you should use it. First of all you would by no means be taking the easy way out, is being obese for years not a struggle enough..? The surgery and eveything else..this isn't a joke. I don't know, I think it's nuts to think of it that way.
But, I wish you the best in your decision, and I'm sure you will get the weight off, however you choose!
Hi Catherine,
I've been reading your blog since Jan 2009 and have always intended to write to let you know what an inspiration you've been (I was finally approved for my band in Oct 2009 and, since our starting stats and goal weights are the same, I still reread your old blogs for "reality checks" on various things I experience from week to week). Anyway, I've been seeing a family therapist who specializes in food disorders/weight issues and she has specifically warned me about the things you're starting to experience. Even our sweetest, most well-intentioned friends who really want us to do well and feel good...might want our success to level off at "do well" w/out reaching "do better than I" (funky wording, but I hope you get my point). You've done so well and I'm so happy for you that you've been able to spend so many months at a fill level that leaves you satisfied w/out missing out on your enviable NYC dining experiences. I say GET THE FILL!! You could even really work it, by getting the fill to get you to goal and then getting an unfill for your maintenance. All the best to you as you take off these last few pounds!!
I really liked this blog/vlog. I think you should get the fill and, hopefully, it will help. I am now in a normal weight range (as of last week--by the way, I am at a 3.5 fill in your same-sized band--I have only been above 2.25 for a couple of months), but a lot of my family and friends are super skinny. I don't know if I'll ever fit in their clothing sizes.
As far as not wanting your friend to know you fit in her size, I'm definitely that way too. I feel bad for those (few) friends out there who are heavier than I am. I try to minimize my weight loss (by appearance and conversation) around them so that they will not feel as bad about themselves.
One other thing--I've heard that the pouch is supposed to loosen as we lose weight (because the fat around the stomach/esophageal area lessens). It could have loosened some in your case since last year. If you do something on the small side of a fill, you may not miss out on much of the fun NY lifestyle (but can lose more weight all the while).
My one problem since I've gotten tighter is gurgling. We have lunches where we discuss case law. I have told my co-workers who've noticed that I have an esophogeal issue. I'm NOT telling them about the band, and it really is an 'esophogeal issue'! :)
Bandita, that is so interesting! I am at 2.85 in my 5 cc band and you are at 3.5. It's so interesting how it's different for all of us.
I'm thinking about going up to 3.0, at the most, with this fill. I don't want too big of a change, but my band is DEFINITELY looser now than it was a few months ago -- I just want to get back to the level I was at before.
BTW, I'm inclined not to even tell this friend about it. Maybe the time has come to stop talking to her about band-related things.
Friends are funny, aren't they? On the one hand, they are or can be our biggest cheerleaders/supports.
However, on the other hand, its been said and I wouldn't know because I have always been "the not thin one", its nice to have a friend who is heavier because they will always be the thin one when you are together. I can ALMOST see things from their perspective as you get healthier and thinner, it kind of makes them think about their own health/body issues.
Anyway, get the fill. You have worked so hard and have not abused your "band priviliges" at all.
Ah great Vlog catherine. Especially since we've met, it's so nice to really SEE you again ;)
I totally can relate to friends being sketched, wondering if I really have that much more to lose, etc. I do - unlike you I'm still overweight and although I look great, I still look big. But still - I know that my friends who wear the same sizes as me are freaked out by my catching up, and because I can wear kinda small sizes for my weight - they know I'm gonna get smaller than them. Fuck em if they don't like it!
Winona, thanks so much for posting! I'm so glad that my blog is helpful to you!! :)
Angie -- 10-4 on that. :)
I think that we just have to let our friends deal with their own issues and let them bounce off of us. At the end of the day you did this for your health and for you and unfortunately this is the time when our friends start showing their true colors. I think your idea about stopping having band related conversations with Miss Judgy McJudgerson is probably a good idea. You've always got us to run these things by.
I've heard the same thing as Bandita. As we lose we lose fat on our stomach and our band loosens. I would definitely get a bit of a tweak. You've done such amazing work now and the band has been good to you. Why stop now??
xoxo
1st- get the fill. Like you said, you haven't worked this hard and come this far to stop using the band when you need it most.
2nd- I haven't even been banded yet and my friends are starting to voice some insecurities about their own weight issues (which most of them don't have!) Don't get me wrong, everyone has been incredibly supportive, but there has definitely been a subtle change.
I think seeing someone accomplish a HUGE (pun intended) goal makes many people, myself included, look inside a bit more and sometimes we don't like what we see. Some can internalize that disappointment and others project it on to others in some not so nice ways. Kind of like the one friend who was so inspired when I walked the Avon Breast Cancer 3 day 60 mile walk that she signed up and trained with me the following year and the other friend who just keeps reminding me I ended up with a stress fracture in my foot. :)
Can't wait to help you celebrate the loss of those last few pesky lbs.
Get the fill...... You can just tell your friend life isn't fair and there are no rules for weight loss. No one is in control of your journey but you. 11 months is an amazingly long time without a fill. As Bandita said, as we lose weight we lose fat around our internal organs, so overtime the band can feel loose.
By the way your jaw line and collar bones are looking amazing.
Catherine LOVED your blog. I could write a whole PAGE of things that have been said to me.One that totally sticks out is friend that is 175lbs and 5'9 and said god I will kill myself when you get to my weight. I am 179lb now do you know how bad I would like call her when my scale says 175! friends are so weird! On the Fill end get it! My NP says every 6 months or so some saline can leak out and loosen the band.And what happens in the DR office your friend doesn't need to know.
http://betterbanded.blogspot.com/
Hi Catherine - loved that vlog. First of all, your face is totally skinny!
Next, I agree with the others - get the fill for sure. My surgeon told me some of the fluid evaporates or leaks out or whatever, so you really should expect to top it off. I already have 7.4 ccs in my 10 cc band - only 5 months out!
The friend thing - very weird. I don't think I will have to worry about that particular issue, most of my friends are so freaking skinny (like size 4), I would never even want to be their size! Plus, there is no shopping here, so unless we are in Telluride or something the size thing is a total non-issue!
Your progress has been totally amazing and inspirational!
Yes, this is my favorite vlog so far that you have done...maybe bc you said assanine...which I dont think I can spell. I can't believe someone who tell you that it's not fair. Um..we have the band for a reason and we are going to use it damn it!
Oooh, guess what Mary gave me today? A dress that came from you that is too big on her now. The brown polka dot one!
Thanks Catherine and Mary!
get the small fill. you've earned it and you deserve it. God helps those that help themselves. so go ahead and help yourself. and it is not ok for any of your friends to be jealous of how thin you are. you did not cheat. you reognized that you needed help and you got it. if you were an alcoholic and went to aa for guidance and help would they consider that cheating to get sober. no. the band isnt cheating. it was help that you seeked. friends that are jealous are not hurting you they are hurting themselves. and i'd move them lower down on the friend list. its ok to wish that you also had something that your friend has but it is not ok to be jealous that they have soemthing that you don't.
I totally agree with everything said. get the fill and don't tell her...it is your body and your band. By the way you look amazing.
When I lost 30kg (66kg) on a strict diet & exercise program I had one friend who told me every day after the loss became noticeable, that I should stop, that I was exercising too much and I was thin enough. She even had the nerve to say to me when I put on 10kg (22lbs) that she knew I should have not bought all the new clothes I did because she knew I would never stay that size and that I should go home now and toss them and learn to be happy at a heavier weight!!! She even said she would ring my DH to make sure I did it.
Bye the way, she never stops going on about how thin she USED to be!!! These people are sabotuers and I have learnt over the years that they gets their kicks from us failing. I now tell those people nothing and just get on with it. And this is also a good reason why I have not told anyone about the band.
You are not a cheat and I know from your blog that it hasn't been easy ...you have worked hard.
You deserve all the happiness and success coming your way (or already there!!!!
Get the fill. To the friend that said this isn't fair - how is having to lose 70+ pounds fair? You did something to beat this. That friend is choosing to play the victim. Don't let that mentality get to you - you are in charge of your body and you get to do what feels right to YOU.
Honestly, just talking this out while doing the vlog cemented my decision to get a small fill. Truth is, my band IS looser than it was before.
Also, the comments on fairness made me think of something else. . it's not exactly FAIR that some people get blessed with amazing genetics and can eat what they like and never gain. And, I think I'd be a complete dumb@$$ not to make use of this great tool to lose the last few pounds.
In thinking about it, maybe if I'd reminded my friend that I had to be on the straight and narrow for 15 months and lose 70 pounds BEFORE getting to this "last few pounds" phase, that might have put things in better perspective for her. My losing these last few pounds and a person who has never had a real struggle with weight losing their extra 3-5 pounds -- well, those are two very different things.
Hi, Catherine. I just love reading your blog and now viewing your blog. I think everyone tends to label or sort their friends. I need a good listener or tonight I want to hang with my crazy, funny friends. You are changing, and they haven't quite caught up. I don't think anybody has a say on how you choose to improve yourself but you. Having said that, I think you should get that fill and make your goal weight and then celebrate your ass off with all those good friends!!
Hi Catherine, I've been reading your blog for a while, and loved the vlog - makes me feel like I really know you, even though we live thousands of miles apart!
Re the fill, the only caution I would have is don't get too much. There is a fine line between "sweet spot" and "over tight" and esp since you eat out a lot, you probably want to be careful not to get on the tight side of that line.
If you have an extra 0.2ccs put in, how do you think it will affect you - are there foods you will have to give up? Or are you hoping it will just cut your portion sizes down?
I've had my band for 2+ yrs and got to goal weight(though maintaining is hard work and I've regained a little). Sometimes my band has been "soup and slimfast" tight (that's an expression in the UK bandster community, meaning I could only get thick fluids down).
(That level of restriction never lasts more than a month or so, then it eases off, and the weight loss is usually good; but I'm not sure it would suit your lifestyle)
You have done really well, and you look stunning.
Re the "friends" - I think everyone else has already said what I think
Best of luck with the last few pounds,
Hx
Hehehe am late to comment but I agree with every other comment. Yes to the fill!
As for your friend, I am totally in your court, perhaps with time she'll change her mindset and stop relating to you that way.
I hate to sound harsh, but your friends are acting like tools. The friend who says it isn't fair to get the fill is "jealous" in some weird way. And the friend who would freak out over you fitting into the same size jeans as her should be happy for you if she is a true friend. You are a dynamic, strong woman and when you were overweight, they felt less intimidated by you, because they felt the playing field was in their favor. Now that you are an "equal" weight wise, and with everything else that is positive going on in your life, you are a real contender so to speak. It is a shame that women feel the need to be competitive instead of supportive to one another.
You know, people talk the same smack talk over childbirth and pain relief. “Epidurals aren’t natural and are taking the easy way out”- but every birth story, like every weight loss story, is different. After 32 hours of labor I really did need an epidural with my 7 pound daughter. After 3 hours and no drugs my 9 pound, 13 ounce son was born. Most people only hear natural v. “unnatural” birth stories and expect the “easy” birth was the medicated birth. Hahahahahah. The same is true of weight loss. Every story is different, and it sounds like you’ve made a logical choice for your particular set of circumstances. Weight loss with a tool is not necessarily the easier weight loss. And, by the way, in a decade, I suspect you’ll focus on your healthy lifestyle and weight, not the path you selected to get there, as a decade after my kids were born I seldomly think of their birth stories, only how great they are.
Hope this makes sense! Get the fill if you think you need it...
Tamea
Hi Cathrine,
I totally see where you are coming from with your friends. I agree with your more mild approach to it. I dont think they mean to hurt your feelings or be negative. It is an adjustment for them as well. And as you are thin for longer, they will adjust and react accordingly. Its human nature. Glad youre not letting their poor manors get you down, and Im glad you can put it aside and be mature and realistic about it.
About your fill, I agree with everyone. Get the fill. Im at 3.0 in your size band. It is a good amount. I dont PB unless its the first bite and I didnt chew well enough. And I always have enough time when I do that to make a gracefully exit to the bathroom without anyone suspecting anything. Its tight, but not too tight at all. I can eat bread, pizza, rice, whatever as long as I chew. In fact, Im going in tomorrow for a .25 fill because I need more restriction than that. Im not "good" without more restriction. I cheat. Bad me! I need a tighter band to keep me honest and 3.0 in a 5cc band isnt tight enough for a cheater like me. It should help someone like you with more will power though. Go for it and enjoy the restriction and getting off those last few pounds.
Catherine, I think Lori nailed it on the head with the *perfect* comment, to friends or anyone who thinks the band is "cheating."
God helps those who help themselves. You make your own luck.
I won't reiterate all the wonderful comments you've already received from your readers but I did want to touch on the idea of 'fairness' when it comes to weight loss. My ears really perked up when you said that and my temper started to flare a bit. I guess b/c I've had this notion my entire life of how 'unfair' it is that I got such crappy metabolism. I went on my first diet at 10 years old! Talk about "unfair"!
It just seems so very obvious to me that spending most of your life on a 'diet', being overweight despite best efforts and then finally having to get life altering surgery to be able to get in a 'normal' weight range is the most UNFAIR thing in the world!
Its a shame that your friend can't see that as well. Do what you need to do and feel good about your choices. As always, your confidence and outlook are intoxicating.
Catherine,
Good for you for deciding to go ahead and get the fill. I think you're probably right about not having any more conversations with that friend.
One thought comes to mind though. Who/what is having the fill cheating against? ; )
It is so interesting the responses that some have gotten as their weight goes down. I will be curious to see if the people around me change as my weight goes down. I know when I told my cousin that I was getting the band, she immediately knew someone at work who had one and said that it was not the most pleasant thing to have. I was disappointed that she had to find something negative to say to me about it.
Good luck and you look lovely!
--Ali
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