Four years ago, I was wheeled into the OR in the Christus Muguerza Sud hospital in Monterrey, Mexico, where Dr. Roberto Rumbaut installed my lap band. I changed my life
that day.
The past four years have been truly wonderful. Yes, I had moments of frustration, and even some heartbreak and other disappointments, but through those years, I have really enjoyed the feeling of FINALLY, conquering the one issue that really bothered me and that I hadn't been able to fix on my own -- my weight. I've said this before, but it bears repeating. The lap band isn't a magic wand that will solve all of your problems. HOWEVER, if being overweight is the one thing that is really bothering you in life, which was the case for me, it certainly can feel like one.
A comparison showing the physical changes from Years 1-2
You can click on this to make it bigger.
Don't get me wrong on the "magic wand" comment -- I've worked for my weight loss. I have put in the time in the gym, which was essential for me to get to goal and is essential to my maintenance. I've watched what I eat and have followed the bandster rules more often than not. But this hasn't felt all that hard to me. I wanted to do that work, and I loved the feeling of inching my way toward goal. Every tenth of a pound lost during the first 1-2 years was a thrill. It made me feel good about myself and, of course, was a reason to update my stats on Lap Band Talk! I struggled through many plateaus and felt frustration sometimes, but in the aggregate, I have felt pretty awesome through this whole process.
There have been many changes through the past four years -- the biggest of which occurred in
Year 1, when I lost the bulk of my weight -- 63 pounds. Being able to run again, to shop in normal stores, to be free of foot and back pain, and to recognize myself in the mirror again were HUGE changes that year. But small changes have occurred during the past three years too, and some of the changes made during my first two years now seem normal to me. Here are my
Second and
Third bandiversary posts, which give a lot of perspective on that. A few changes that I want to mention today are that:
-
1. I forget sometimes that I was ever fat. What I mean by that is that I don't think of myself as my heavier version -- if I picture myself, I look like I do in the mirror. Clearly, I remember being fat if I think about it ... it's just that I don't think about it all that much anymore.
2. I don't do negative self-talk about my body. It's very nice not to have thoughts about myself like "Oh my G.. you are so disgusting, how did you let yourself get like this?" That was at least a daily occurrence 4+ years ago, and it actually stopped right after surgery. I don't miss it one bit.
3. I don't feel guilty about what I eat, even if I have an ice cream sundae, since my diet and exercise can handle the occasional treat.
4. I have even more confidence now than I did before.
5. I have slowed down on the shopping, since I finally have enough clothing in my size, but I do still really enjoy shopping these days.
6. I still fit into the clothing I bought three or so years ago (whereas in the past, clothing wouldn't usually fit long term because I'd be gaining...).
7. I have become the kind of person who would be up for doing an athletic vacation! Steve and I want to climb Kilimanjaro together (NOT on our honeymoon... honeymoon will be latrine-free, thank you..!).
8. When Steve tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy, I know that he really means it. (I am so going to marry that guy...) :)
With Steve at a horse race last weekend. I am wearing size 8 corduroy pants. Four years ago, it would have been very hard for me to imagine being able to wear corduroy (without undue whistling and starting a barn blazing fire...), much less a size 8!
9. OMG... I HAVE a fiance!! Woo-hoo! :) There is no doubt in my mind that all of the work I did on myself through the past several years has led me to this wonderful relationship. I'm not just talking about losing weight -- yes, that was part of it, especially because it was the one thing that really got me down in my life. Plus, it surely doesn't hurt that I look better, am healthier, and can enjoy things like hiking and playing tennis with him. But, the mental stuff is a huge part of this too. I make taking care of myself a top priority now, I feel good about myself and my accomplishments with the band, and I'm just generally in a very good place. I also really appreciate that, and it adds to my overall happiness.
-
And.... can I get a drum roll, please???
-
10. All signs indicate that, next June, I am going to get to cross my FINAL WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL off of my list! It was on my
"Pro" list that I made when I was deciding whether to have this surgery. . . .
I don't want to jinx myself or anything (knock wood, etc. etc.), but it looks like I am not going to be a fat bride. If I was still at my pre-op weight on my wedding day, I know that I would have been doing a bunch of negative self-talk about my appearance, and that would have taken away from my enjoyment of the day, no matter how happy I was otherwise. But now, that's unlikely to happen. I feel so incredibly grateful about that, as well as for all the other changes through the past four years.
-
My Mother of All Comparison Shots.
From obesity to rocking a H-e-rve L-e-ger bandage dress. Who would have thought it possible?!
Thank you all for being here for me through this process. Your support and encouragement has made all the difference to me, and it keeps me on the straight and narrow. I know that I would never have been as successful with my band if it was not for the support of the wonderful people I've met through our blogging community, in addition to that of my friends and family. It is stunning to me to look back to my
first post, from October 11, 2008 (just prior to my surgery) and to see how far I have come on this journey, and all of the great things that have happened along the way. I'm excited about the future, too!
