Worried friends. . .

I went to the Patent Prom last night and had a really good time. I caught up with a bunch of old friends, met a lot of people, and managed not to drink too much (I live in mortal fear of being hungover because I can't throw up from the lower part of my stomach like a normal person anymore).

Here is a photo of me with my friend Monique and an attorney named David who she works with from time to time.

Monique and my friend Rob (who I've known very well for more than 10 years) are the people I had dinner with on Thursday night. At dinner, I ordered a beet salad to start, and tile fish with risotto as my entree. The salad was huge, and I could only eat a little. I also couldn't eat much of the fish, and my friends exclaimed "Oh no! You didn't eat anything! Was it alright?" I reassured them that it was fine, and I had the leftovers packed up, since I really hadn't eaten much.

Rob walked me out of the Waldorf when I left last night, and we were talking. I asked him if he'd noticed that I had lost weight (we are close friends) and he said yes, but he said that he and Monique were concerned that I wasn't eating. I didn't want to tell him about the band, so I just said that what I'd ordered wasn't really what I had wanted and that (I use this one a lot) part of my new diet is chewing each bite 30 times, so I get full faster.

I hope that made sense to him. I really don't want my friends to think I have an eating disorder! I could tell Rob about the band (and maybe I will at some point), but I wasn't really planning on it. I really don't want him to be worried. Maybe I'll tell him if he brings up the eating thing again.

Here is a photo of me & Rob. I didn't post it initially, and my mom called and said "Wow! Rob really aged a lot!!" She thought he was the older gentleman in the first photo!

I'd be interested in hearing from fellow bandsters how you handle this kind of thing. Sometimes I feign a stomachache (though I don't want to act sick or have people fuss, so that's not my favorite) and sometimes I feign having had a late lunch. Other than that, I'm at a loss!

Dress Stress and Old Photos. . .

I have a black tie event tonight (it's the NY Intellectual Properties Assn's Annual Judge's Dinner. . . a.k.a. "The Patent Prom"). :) I really, really did not want to buy another gown for this event, given that I'd only be able to wear it once, in all likelihood.

So. . last weekend, I tried on the beautiful midnight blue gown that I wore on Halloween (there is a photo posted from back in Oct.) and it still looks decent. HOWEVER, I must have spilled something on it, since it had a spot that I hadn't noticed. I took it to the cleaner and said that I had to have it on time for a Friday event. I thought that meant Thursday night delivery (my cleaner is in my apt. building and they give the clothes to the valet service when they are ready. . believe me, I know how ridiculous this sounds). :)

Thursday night I get home and . . no dress. Cr*p!! I wanted to make sure the spot was out on Thursday so that I could emergency shop on Friday if necessary. So, I decided to go through my closet for backups. It wasn't pretty, people.

The brown dress I wore to my friend Sharon's wedding (there's even a photo of it in an early post) is totally too big. It just looks bad. . loose in all the wrong spots. And, this pretty bustier/long black skirt combination that I bought to wear to my cousin's September 2004 wedding is still too tight (WAY too much cleavage for a work event). And there wasn't anything else that was a viable option.

I was kind of stressed last night -- what if the dress doesn't come in?? What if it still has a big spot on it? (A: I'm wearing it with the spot and pretending I got it that night. . ) :) Long story less long? It's totally fine -- it's here, the spot is gone, and I'm good to go! WHEW.

I will admit that this event has been a stressful one for me. I'd managed to skip it for about 7 years, but at my current firm, it's a must-attend event. It's also the one time during the year that I am bound to run into a TON of people I've known through the years. And, given that I hadn't seen many of them for years (i.e. years when I put on a significant amount of weight), I was always nervous about how people would react when they saw me.

The thing is, the people I was worried about knew me when I looked like this:

This is me with my friend Sascha back in the summer of 1996, when I worked as a summer associate at my first firm.

This is another photo from the same summer. . . I was about 145 lbs then. . . a great weight for me, and I felt pretty darned good.

Last year, I ran into one major @$$hole from my old firm (he was born that way, so I don't take it too personally), and he was really drunk. He didn't recognize me at first, so I said "Hi, X . . How are you?" He drunkenly looked at me and realized who I was. If you could have seen the way he looked at me, I am sure you would have wanted to smack him. Clearly, he was thinking "Holy S, have you put on a TON of weight!" I'm not imagining this or being overly sensitive -- it was really that obvious. This was particularly horrible, since we were standing with other people who I know and like, and it would have been impossible for anyone to miss his reaction.

So, while this year, I'm not exactly the spitting image of my 25 year old self, I'm feeling much better about how I look -- and future prospects for how I will look -- than I did last year.

BTW, can you BELIEVE that I thought I needed to lose 10 lbs when I was the weight I was in those photos?!? What in the world was wrong with me?

Close[d] Encounters. . .

I haven't written for a few days because I wasn't sure exactly how much I wanted to blog about this. Still, it's totally band-relevant, and definitely part of this process.

On Monday night, I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend. The one of the Peter Pan Avoidance Tour. I told him about the band back in November, which was the last time I saw him (I was about 13 lbs down then) before he took off on a 3-month trip.

On an emotional level, the dinner was a really good thing for me to do to get some more closure. It's hard for me to understand how a guy who says he loves and cares about me, that I'm his best friend, that he still feels the chemistry between us, and that our relationship is "World Class" and "the best one [he's] ever seen" wouldn't also have the desire to marry and have children with me. But that's the case. So, while I really thought he was the right guy for me for more than 2 years, it turns out that he isn't after all, since those are two things I really want.

OK, so now for the happy band-related part. I did get to walk into that restaurant knowing that I am 34 lbs thinner than when I started (and than the version of myself he likely has in his mind, has in photos, etc.). I also got to see that "WOW!" look when he saw me take off my coat. He kept trying not to give me the full-on elevator-eye treatment, but it was clearly a struggle for him. And, it was great to hear how good he thought I look and all of the nice things he had to say about that. He also noticed that I'm actually thinner now than when we first met, which is true. So, I guess that's an NSV -- definitely a very bittersweet one, given the things we talked about, but an NSV nonetheless.

And, to lighten the mood, here is a photo taken of me last night at Artisanal (great bistro-style restaurant with amazing cheeses -- my friends and I were happily surprised to be given the table in the private cheese cellar, which was amazing! Look at all of the cheese behind me. . )

Some More Show & Tell

Not too long ago, I posted photos of myself in the studio doing a letterpress project. Last weekend, a friend of mine (who is a photographer) and I got together and staged a photo shoot for my various letterpress projects in my apartment. We worked for 11 hours, using things that I had around the house as props! He did an amazing job and I am in awe of how beautifully everything turned out!

Here are a few shots that I thought you might enjoy.

These are the Christmas cards I made for myself to send last year -- the text is from Oh Little Town of Bethlehem. The inside says "Merry Christmas from the Little Town of NYC!" :)

Here is a fun shot of the bachelorette party invitations I made for Sharon! There are 2 invitations in the shot -- one showing the front, the other showing the back.

Close-up of the bling & the pirate skirt -- Sharon loves pirates. . . there may even have been a pirate stripper at the event . . . :).

And, here is a photo of the invitations I just finished printing (the ones I was making when I took photos in the studio). :)

These are the RSVP cards that go with the invitation. The stamp plays off of the compass on the map shown on the front of the Save the Date and the logo I made for them that was inspired by it.

And, here are the Save the Date postcards (though these were computer printed, not letterpressed).
Hope you enjoyed these! :)

33 . . and restricted!

As of this morning, I'm 33.6 down. Wow! Between the economy and the state of my love life at the moment, I haven't been feeling all that chipper lately. However, at least the band helps me to make sure that there is one area of my life where I'm consistently happy about how I'm doing!

I'm at very decent restriction right now. However, I notice that I seem to be tighter at night and wind up "sliming" a lot when I have dinner (fortunately that's only happened when I've been alone). Maybe there is some correlation between eating in front of the television and not paying enough attention to how much I'm chewing. . Hmmm. (Doh! How did I not think of that before?!) OK. . I'll sit at the table like a civilized person next time. :)

A Few Very Expensive Bites. .

(This photo of my friend Nadia & me was taken last weekend at The Silver Spur in Soho)

Last night, I went out to a very nice restaurant -- The Modern, which is the restaurant in the MOMA (www.themodernnyc.com) with my friend Erika. Unfortunately, my band was pretty tight, and I was having trouble eating all day. AND they only have prix fixe menus, so I wound up having to order a 3 course meal and only being able to eat very little of it. I did, however, have them wrap up my (basically untouched, gorgeous & delicious) dinner for me, despite that I wouldn't normally ask in such a nice restaurant. So, between dinner and wine, I wound up spending nearly $200 (we split the bill, which was almost $400. . . ) to barely eat anything. That's the last time I will do that, barring a special occasion where someone else picks the restaurant.

One of my friends asked me some very thought provoking questions in an e-mail recently, and I thought that this might be interesting to post. Here goes:

Q: Now, that you changed your eating habits thanks to band, do you think you will be able to keep these habits after the band is taken out?

A: Even though it is possible to take out the band, it is not intended to be temporary. I'll leave it in indefinitely, assuming there are no problems that can't be fixed without removing it. Most people who have their bands out gain weight again.

Q: I never realised that you were unhappy when the scale went up. Did you ever talk about it with anyone?

A: Not really -- my philosophy is that my weight was in my control and that, as long as I wasn't going to take the steps necessary to lose what I wanted to lose, I had no business complaining about it. I definitely felt bad about it, but had such a hard time finding the will power needed to take off a significant amount.

If you think about it, I've been on this "diet" for about 5 months, and it will probably take about 10 more months for me to get to my goal (I'm not really sure about that -- I'm trying to be conservative in projecting my progress). To stay on a strict diet for 15 months without ever messing up would not have been possible without the band. I just do not have that kind of iron will power to be perfect for so long.

Q: What do you think were your eating habits that made you gain?

I'm generally a very healthy eater -- lots of fruits, vegetables, fish, etc. I've thought about how I gained this weight and realized that there are a few reasons. I basically put on 10 lbs a year by eating just a bit too much for my (sh*tty) metabolism on a regular basis. Part of how I did that was by drinking wine with dinner more often than not, and then going for a snack around 9 or 10 at night -- despite that I didn't need it. So, in addition to the wine, I'd also have the extra calories from the snack. I also would "splurge" here and there and have dessert once in a while, or even the occasional (but very rarely) hamburger & fries.

To make sure that I succeed with the band, I've stopped having wine at home, unless it's a special occasion. That cuts down on calories, as well as the urge to eat late at night. Of course, if I go out, I can have wine or a cocktail -- the idea was just to make it so that those extra calories are the exception, rather than the norm.
* * *

Must get running -- going to get my hair done today, then am going to a St. Patrick's Day party tonight!

Another fill. . .but a tiny one

I went to my doctor yesterday -- mainly because I forgot I had an appointment and it was too late to cancel by the time I remembered! I've been at very decent restriction, though I'm sure I could go a bit tighter. I talked to my doctor about it and, since I had taken the time to go to her office, I kind of wanted a teeny top-up of my fill, just to spare me coming back later.

So, now I'm at 2.85 in my 5 cc band. I don't notice a difference from before the last fill.

I asked her about sliming -- which happens to me sometimes, and she said that it's what happens when you eat a little too fast or don't chew enough, and (warning: gross) the saliva pools on top of the stuck food in your stoma. That's why it comes back up -- because it can't go down. Now that she explained it to me, it seems obvious, but I hadn't really put this together before.

The scale seems to be really moving now that I hit the magic number! I'm down 32.4 as of this morning. Onederland really makes stepping on the scale a pleasure, and I'm feeling so motivated to get closer to goal (albeit at an appropriate pace).

Measuring Up, Part 2

I took my measurements again last night, since I'm at a 10 lb point. And, I've lost 11.8 inches in total! Here is how I've done since I started:

Waist: -3.2 inches

Hips: -3.25 inches

Chest: -3 inches (thank goodness it's slow loss . . no perceivable issues there so far. . .)

Wrist: -.5 inch

Forearm: -.4 inch

Thigh: -1 inch

Calf: -.75 inch

Ankle: 0 (same)

Upper Arm: .6 inch

Since my last measurements, which I took on January 26, 2009, the change has been:

Waist: -.7 inch
Hips: -1 inch
Chest: -2.75 inches (yikes! Guess it did finally come off there. . )

Wrist: same
Forearm: .1 inch
Thigh: .75 inch
Calf: -.75 inch

Ankle: 0 (same)
Upper Arm: .1 inch

(So, that's a loss of 6.15 inches in the last 10 lbs.)

Interesting to see that now the weight came off in different places (alas, mainly off the top. . ) during this last 10 lbs.

By the way, I got on the scale this morning, and it's the same as yesterday! I'm happy about this because every time I lose, I generally stay the same for a bit before I lose again. And, sometimes, the scale will be artifically down because I'm dehydrated or something and it will bounce back up a little the following day. HOWEVER, if it's the same 2 days in a row, I can relax a little and know that the loss was a real one. Onederland, I'm here to stay!

ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can hardly believe my eyes this morning, but I'm officially in ONEDERLAND. By today's count, I am down 30.8 lbs! I was so happy to see that number on the scale that I had tears in my eyes!

Another observation. . .

I forgot to put this in my list, but the shoulder pain from the operation seems to be totally gone and has been for some time. I'm not sure when it ended, but I just realized yesterday that I wasn't having it anymore.

Getting there!

As of this morning, I'm a solid 28.0 down! I'm really excited to get the next two off! I know that it will take a week or two, but I also know it's just around the corner. :)

Observations roughly 4 months post-op

I'm about 4 months and a week post-op and thought it might be interesting to record a few things I've noticed about how I'm feeling.

* I'm almost 30 pounds down and feel really fantastic (despite that I felt hideous at this weight on the way up).

* I'm pretty calm about small gains on the scale, since I know I tend to bounce up and down a bit before each loss.

* The changes I've made toward food are now habit (I've been bringing my lunch to work now for about 4 months, am having a sensible breakfast (yogurt, oatmeal or a SlimFast) when/if I'm hungry in the morning).

* When I wear heels, my feet don't kill me right away, the way they used to.

* A cute guy flirted with me over the weekend and I'm feeling much better about having to start dating again.

* I don't want to cry when I see photos of myself. (In fact, apparently, I want to post them all over this blog . . . LOL!) :)

* I'm still being way too lazy about working out. At a fellow-bandster's suggestion, I've told myself that when I get off the next 3.2 lbs, I'm going to recommit to the gym.

That's all that comes to mind right now.

Snow Day!!!

(Views from my window this morning)

It's official! My office is closed today due to the snow storm and high winds. I got up early and will work from home for much of the day. However, this morning, I've been spending time finishing up my friends' wedding invitations. I was in the studio last night for about 4 hours, cutting the invitations and RSVP cards and printing the return addresses on the envelopes for the invitations and thank you cards. All in all, I am really pleased with how everything turned out!

Here is a shot of the super-scary guillotine that I used to cut the invitations! It could totally cut off someone's head -- yikes!

And, in band-related news, I am 3.2 lbs from ONEDERLAND. I am really excited to get back there -- Has been a while!

Snow Day?

I just got an e-mail from my office. . . turns out we may be closed tomorrow because of the snow. Fingers crossed!!

I had a really great weekend. A friend of mine was in town from Shanghai (she used to live in NYC and moved to China about 2 years ago). She and her husband have this great (very modern & cool) house upstate, and they invited a bunch of friends over (with kids & even a few dogs) for an all-day get together. There was lots of food (I was not very good, but my band kept me in check), plenty of wine, a bonfire outside, and even fireworks after dark. Plus, it was one of the nicest, warmest gatherings that I've been to in ages. Wish I could turn back time so I could do the whole thing over again tomorrow!