Vacation Pics and Being Hard on Myself

Yesterday, my friend sent around a link to his photos from Abaco. He is a really good photographer, and the quality of his pictures is really amazing. I love the one of Brooke and me above. That said.... this is the first time I've ever been on vacation where I didn't have a pretty strict Don't-Photograph-Me-In-My-Bathingsuit-Without-My-Express-Permission policy, so there were quite a few photos of me in my swimsuit.

Looking at these photos in the throes of PMS was not the smartest thing I've ever done... I was really feeling very down last night. I guess that, after three years of working my @$$ off, I thought I was going to look like a Victoria's Secret swimsuit model in my bikini. By the light of day, I remember how grateful I am for how far I've come, but last night I was engaging in a pity party.

I normally tend to be a positive person, but I was really in the dumps last night. Steve called, and I was telling him how I felt, and his response was "Well, if you feel like you want to lose a little more, you have the tools to do that." OK, that wasn't his ENTIRE response, but it was the part that I took away from the conversation. It totally bummed me out. Wasn't he supposed to say "You're totally insane! You are perfect!!"? Actually, after we got off the phone, he knew I was upset, so he called again and did say all the right things. ... Which was really nice because I was in total PMS crybaby mode. How ridiculous is that?! I should be celebrating the fact that I have come as far as I have, not nit-picking my imperfections.

Disclosure: The Lap Band does not magically make cellulite disappear....

Note to self: Never, EVER, ever hold your arms out like this in a photograph. It's the one position where my arms look bat-wing-y. Also note to self: You should feel so freaking lucky that this is the case, instead of being upset when you saw this photograph.I don't just want to focus on the photos that weren't so flattering because (a) that's not the full picture and (b) I really don't want to put them all up. So, let's put some of the nice ones up.

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Disclosure: I totally knew this one was being taken and had time to suck in the ole stomach. Much better!

I liked this one, too.
And, I thought this one of Steve and me was a keeper.

I'm not sure yet what my take-away is from my PMS-induced wah-fest. I guess it's not to be so hard on myself and to remember how far I've come, and to be grateful for that. I DO feel that way the vast majority of the time. It's amazing (in that it's so incredibly ridiculous) that I spent even 5 seconds feeing bad about that arm photo, given that I got there from HERE.

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I also was reminded that Steve never knew me in my pre-goal iteration, so he never even saw me 10 pounds heavier than I am now. I know that it is hard for him to understand just how hard I worked to get to goal since, for him, how I look now is how I've always looked. He really was very sweet and supportive last night, especially during that second call. I just kept thinking --- oh boy.. he is going to think I'm totally disfunctional for freaking out like this, but he could not have been nicer or more understanding.

Confession

I am really, really tired tonight. And, the ONLY thing that is keeping me from cancelling my spin class is that I have this cute new Lululemon shirt to wear. Vanity... thank goodness it comes in handy once in a while....

Abaco was a Blast-a-co!

Steve and I had such a great time in Abaco with our friends, Brooke and Stew! I've been great friends with Brooke for the past 15 years, and absolutely love her husband, too. It's so nice that they and Steve like one another, since that made for a really great mix on our vacation.

Self portrait... oh boy... my hair was a disaster the entire trip!

Steve, at the beach behind Pete's Pub, our go-to spot for delicious rum drinks called "Blasters" and incredibly fresh fish!

Brooke & Stew, enjoying Blasters at the beach!

We used a cute little golf cart to get from the house to the beach. It was a bumpy trip, but a lot of fun! The house belongs to some family friends of Steve's, and they were so nice to lend it to us for the trip. We felt very lucky to be able to be there -- it was really a spectacular place!

On the cart with Brooke!

Me, on one of the docks at the house! The house was very cool, and had three pink "pods," each having a separate function, including a bedroom suite and a living/dining/kitchen suite.

On one of the days, we drove out to a community called Cherokee, to see the longest dock in the Bahamas. It was in an unbelievably beautiful setting, and we spent a good part of the day soaking up the sun there.

Stew, on arrival at Long Dock Beach

This is the first vacation of my life where I had a different bikini for every day of the trip. In looking at the photos (and let's face it, I'm not putting the ones I'm talking about up on the blog! LOL), I see that I could stand some improvement in the stomach and thigh area. But, it's such a big improvement from where I started that I don't really care.

This bikini is a $20 number that I picked up at Target! Oh, how I love that store!

The day after we were at Long Dock Beach, we booked ourselves on an island hop -- which involved us going on a dive boat to a few reefs for snorkling, and then on to Harbour Town on Elbow Cay to see the amazing old lighthouse there.

Me & Steve at the top of the lighthouse.... you can still see the mask lines on my face! I made it too tight! Ack!

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but Steve is a really good guitar player. So, when he found out that a few musicians were going to be jamming at Pete's Pub on Friday night, he offered to join... and wound up doing a set while the main performer went home for a shower! (I love island life!) :)

On our last day there, it rained a bit in the morning, and we were treated to a FULL rainbow -- we could see it, end-to-end from the terrace, and it was truly spectacular!

And, that's what I did on my five day vacation! It really was a great time, and we're already thinking about what island to explore next in the Bahamas! (I think Harbour Island may get the vote... but we'll see!)

I'm Back-o from Abaco!

What a great five days!! We had some beautiful days, and such a fantastic time with my friends Brooke and Stewart, who joined us for the trip! More to follow.... camera still isn't recognized by my computer, so I'm having trouble showing photos! This one was taken on the longest dock in the Bahamas, where we spent part of a gloriously sunny afternoon.

Eek though... got on the scale this morning and saw a recent high... 157. That's two pounds above my goal weight, and I try never to be above that number (155). Looks like I'm going to have to be on the straight & narrow for the next week or two. We really did eat very well in Abaco... but maybe I didn't need cheesecake two nights in a row.... Oops. Oh well.. as long as I nip it in the bud, it's not that big of a deal, and I'm not going to waste time feeling badly about it. Just wanted to put it out there.... will let you know how I do at getting back into the comfortable zone!

New (or should I say Na-Na-New) Celeb Spotting

I can not believe that I forgot to mention this earlier! On Friday night, I took Steve out for dinner as a thank you for several really nice things he's done for me recently, and we went to Nobu in Tribeca. Guess who was at the very next table?!? Robin Williams! AKA Mork!

Being NYC-ers, we didn't bother him (and tried to act like we were too cool to care -- er, which we're totally not), but there was a table of French tourists who basically accosted him as he was leaving. There were FIVE of them, and they asked him to pose individually with each of them!! That seemed really outrageous to me, but he could not have been more lovely or gracious. He even broke out a few French phrases when speaking with them, much to their delight.

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On a less exciting note, I was shopping in the Meatpacking District on Sunday, and former Bond Girl, Jane Seymour took her sweet d@mned time hogging the door at a store I like as she was coming in and my friend and I were trying to leave! She may be a door-hogger, but she was extremely well-dressed and beautiful.

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That's it, lovelies!! Had a great workout at spin tonight, am trying to SHRED IT for a trip to the Bahamas next week, and have got to get to bed! Sweet dreams.

People Who Missed the "Fat" Years

Photo of me from the summer of 1996, when I was still in l-a-w school.

We hired a guy who I knew from l-a-w school about a year ago. He had some serious health issues during the last year, and has just come back to the o-f-f-i-c-e after a long leave. Fortunately, he's doing well and on the mend. He's a really nice guy, and I'm very glad he is OK.

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Late in the day yesterday, he popped by my office on the way home to say hi, and we were talking about whether he felt like his whole experience gave him any new perspective, and how he feels about the whole thing. I said to him (forgetting that he never saw me at my heaviest) that -- while recognizing the major differences between our two situations -- I had a similar experience from getting my weight under control, and that it's made me so much more appreciative of being able to be healthy and fit now. He looked a little confused/uncomfortable (like he didn't understand what I was talking about on the weight front), and so I said "Hmm... that's right... you may not have known this, but I had gained quite a bit of weight for a while, and then got it off."

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And then he admitted to me that he actually did know, but not from anything I'd said or from seeing me. Apparently, he went to an event at the f-i-r--m where I was speaking, and the people at his table commented "THAT is Catherine?" And they were commenting on how much my appearance had changed. So, they were the ones who had told him about me being so fat.

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Honestly, I feel kind of weird about the whole thing. I'm a little uncomfortable knowing that while I was up there speaking in front of a big group (AT MY W--O-R-K, no less), a bunch of my colleagues were sitting there in the audience, talking about my weight/body. I guess I feel a little better knowing that whatever they were saying was probably positive -- and that knowing my old l-a-w school friend was present may have shut it down a bit -- but that just seems really inappropriate. I don't exactly care that they told my friend about my weight (it's not like that was a secret from anyone...), I just feel more weird/violated that they were all talking about me while I was up at the podium and they were supposed to be listening to what I was saying. I guess this is human nature, and to be expected when there is a big change in someone's appearance, but it still makes me a little uncomfortable. And.. I have another big speaking event at the f-i--r-m on Thursday. Hopefully they're over it by now...

A Telephone Tickle

Soooooo.... last night, at around 8 p.m., I was at the office and texting with Steve to figure out our plans. At one point, I texted him to call me on my work phone. My phone rang a few seconds later, showing his area code on the phone.

Me: Hello, Darling!!
Other person: HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHAAAA!! That's the most cordial greeting I've ever had from an adversary!!

Um, yeah.... It wasn't Steve!! It was my opposing counsel on a very contentious matter!! We both had a good laugh, and it actually set a great tone for the call.... and we wound up settling the dispute. Too too funny. I was 10 shades of red for a good while though.... :)

@$!%!!

Guess what I gave up for Lent? Cookies? No. Ice cream? NO. Pork products? Have you lost your mind?! I gave up saying bad words.

Want to know how it's going? Not that +!#*%* well! I have messed up more times than I can count. But, I'm trying, and I'm at least being conscious about it, so hopefully that is a step in the right direction. I just thought that Lent would be a good excuse to clean up my act and stop dropping the F and S bombs in casual conversation. It's very common in NYC for people to say the F word (in its many forms... noun, verb, adjective, with an -er appended to it, etc.). But, I do notice that when I hear other people who I don't know very well drop that word into conversation, it doesn't sound all that great.

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Are you giving up anything for Lent? Or just working on anything specific right now?