Reflections on Pre-op Journal II

Another thing I did before my surgery was to write out a Plan For Success. I did this back in October 2008. Here is what it says (I thought this might be helpful for other pre-op bandsters. . ):

Plan for Success:

In reading one of my "band" books tonight, I came across an article that said that having a game plan can really improve my chances for success.

I've been thinking of a few things I can do, but hadn't really formalized a plan. So, here goes:

THINGS I WILL DO TO HELP MYSELF SUCCEED:
- Tell family and friends about the surgery so that I will have a support network (and won't feel weird when eating with them) - (DONE!)

- Commit to staying exactly on my pre-op clear liquids diet - (DONE!)

- Commit to the post-op plan of 2 weeks full liquids, then 2 weeks of soft foods - (DONE!)

- Think of ways to celebrate my birthday with friends where eating won't be an issue (maybe a girl's day at Ohm?) - (DONE! Had a great time at Ohm Spa, by the way!)

- Hire a personal trainer as of 11/08/08 (I didn't do this on schedule, but I did hire the trainer and recommitted to exercising in a serious way . . see bruise photo from previous post!)

- Keep good, correct foods in the house. (DONE!)

- Avoid alcohol to the extent possible. (I could be better about this to be perfectly honest. . is just such a big part of my social life that it's hard to really avoid, plus I love a nice glass of wine)

- Commit to taking SMALL bites and chewing until food is dissolved (DONE! I'm not perfect, but I do a pretty good job at this)

- Commit to small sips (Honestly, this hasn't been all that necessary)

- Commit to avoiding calorie-filled beverages (DONE! Well, except for wine!)

- Journal/blog regularly and chronicle your success -- AND admit it if you mess up (DONE! And is an on-going part of my plan!)

- Look for NSVs if/when your weight plateaus (I'm doing this!)

- Try out the support group at NYU (I haven't done this, but I feel like LBT and the people who I know through my blog do what I would have hoped a support group to do)

- Be proactive about your care -- don't wait so long for a fill that you gain weight. (DONE!)

- Measure yourself periodically and write down your measurements (DONE!)

- Know that this is not going to be easy, but that this will be worth while. And, know that this WILL be easier than staying on a diet on your own for a whole year, then maintaining your weight long-term. (So true -- and I do fully know that.)

- Try to notice NSVs (like less foot and back pain) as they occur (DONE!)

- Make mini-goals for yourself, e.g. 10 lb goals, and feel free to reward yourself with facials, massages, nice mani/pedis, etc. (Oh believe me. . DONE!) :)

- Go through your closet and "size" it so that you won't miss wearing cute things that you like on the way to goal (DONE!)

- Don't read too much about negative/failure stories on the lap band chat rooms. (DONE! I do read some of those stories, but I don't get sucked in, which accomplishes my fundamental objective.)

- When you start going to restaurants again, do trial runs with your friends who know about the surgery (plus, will be fun). (DONE!)

- Don't get disproportionately upset if any of your good friends don't understand, say the wrong thing, etc. They love you, and no one is perfect. (Honestly, my friends have been pretty freaking amazing. I'm very lucky in that way.)

- Focus on your other hobbies and interests (Get new letterpress projects, enjoy the Van Gogh course at MOMA) - (DONE! Unfortunately, the Van Gogh course was totally sold out, so I never did get to take it, but I've been spending more time on my hobbies, which is always very enjoyable).

I hope that was helpful and/or interesting!

Reflections on my Pre-Op Journal

I was responding to a post on LBT earlier tonight, and it inspired me to go back and look at the pro/con list that I made for myself when I was deciding whether or not to go forward with my band surgery. I did a side-by-side list, but I don't think the formatting will work here, so I'll do the cons first (with my comments now that I know how they played out) and the pros. . . Here goes:

Cons:

- Surgery and related pain (honestly, was so much less of a big deal than I'd expected)

- Having to radically change how I eat and drink (again, much less of a big deal than I thought it would be);

- Small risk of complications (thank God, so far, so good);

- Reflux, PBing, getting food stuck (no reflux problems, and PBing and getting stuck are annoying/ gross, but not really that big of a deal compared to getting my weight under control);

- Worried that I won't enjoy nice restaurants or cooking anymore (totally a non-issue. . that hasn't changed a bit. Only thing is that I can't generally finish my meal, so it's a bit wasteful, but I still love the experience, enjoy the flavors and have fun entertaining at home);

My star-crossed love. . . Pellegrino water!

- No soda, champagne, sparkling water (OK, I admit it! I miss my Pellegrino! But it's a small sacrifice that is outweighed by how my band is treating me! And, I've been off my (at least) once-daily Diet Pepsi since October and don't really miss it. Champagne is actually fine with my band. I would have really missed that! Honestly, I could probably have Pellegrino and soda, but I feel like I owe it to my band to stick with the program -- it isn't that hard to be good on that front.)

- Looking weird when I'm at dinner with others (I've figured out how to work around that, so it's a non-issue)

- Risk of needing cosmetic surgery later (It doesn't look like I'll need a body lift, but I may want a breast lift when all is said and done. I don't see that as a negative though -- it just is what it is).

OK, so on to the Pros. . .

Pros:

- Thin for the rest of my life;

- Better clothes;

- More attractive;

- Less risk of heart disease, diabetes, joint pain, back pain;

- Won't keep just getting fatter every year;

- Won't want to avoid people I haven't seen for a while ;

- No more berating self about weight;

- Tinier, so won't have to worry about fitting/comfort in planes, trains, kayaks. . ;

- More comfortable in bathing suit and most other clothing;

- May cure compartmental syndrome (which, see 2 posts ago, it seems to have done!)

- No more hosiery-noise (I so hate that corderoy-pants whistle noise. . . Getting there on that one. . .)

- Alleviate foot pain. . . hello more heels! (So true!)

- Won't be a fat bride (well, assuming I ever get married, of course!)

- Look better naked (too true!)

- Standard bath towel will wrap around with room to spare (and it does!)

Shout Out to The Dash!

Just a quick note to shout out to Cara and wish her the very best for her surgery today. I hope that you have a speedy recovery and that all goes extremely well today! Welcome to Bandland!

The first rule of Fight Club. . .

OK, just kidding. . .but I DO feel a little bit like I've been to Fight Club. . . well, my arms and legs look like it at least! Tonight was my second time at Boot Camp, and it went much better than the first time.

For starters, I was actually pretty much able to do able to do everything (not even remotely perfectly, and I'm one of the slowest runners, but I didn't have to take any sit-down-and-rest-type breaks . . just a few "cheats" on repetitions when I just couldn't do any more) and I did all of the running without having any problems with the compartmental syndrome that bothered me when I was heavier.

I'm pretty sure that I never posted about the compartmental syndrome issue before, so I'll do that now. When I was at my heaviest, I was trying to lose weight and signed up to run the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I bought some cute running clothes and tried running. . . BUT, I had a problem where the fascia (basically, muscle coating) on my calf muscles was not flexible enough. So, when I'd run, my muscle would swell up due to the impact, but the fascia would contain it.

Um, OUCHHHHH!!! My left leg got the worst of it at Boot Camp. . . Waaaaaaaaah!

Basically, it was as though I had really tight, binding SaranWrap around the muscle. Because the muscle had nowhere to go, it would compact on itself, which cut off my circulation (my calf would go numb) and was really painful. I'd gone to a special sports doctor here in NYC to see what could be done about it, and to this day, I think it was really weird that he never even hinted that the problem could be my weight. Actually, I e-mailed him to ask him about that after my last visit with him, and he never responded. I think he was worried that I was trying to find comorbidities so that insurance would pay for my band, but I really was just curious.

Interestingly, now that I've lost 44 lbs, I'm able to do all of the running in this class without even a hint of a problem with my calf muscles. NSV IN THE HIZ-OUSE!!! :)

I'm Alive!!

I survived my first day of boot camp! Honestly, it was the hardest workout I've ever done, and I thought I was going to pass out or throw up at a few points. AND they went "easy" on me today because it was my first class.

Exactly what I looked like after class. . . er, except that I was half passed out on the sofa and icing my leg with a bag of peas!

The people in the class were really nice and very helpful (as helpful as people who are being worked out to capacity can be, anyway!), and I liked that part of it. But OMG, it was HARD!!!! I mean, it was even hard for the people who are thin and in good shape!

I'm going back tomorrow and will see how it goes. I'm a little afraid to see how sore my muscles are tomorrow. I have a big bruise on the inside of my knee from this rope thing I had to climb across. They had us run a lot of laps (but mostly just 2 at a time, so it wasn't too far). Toward the end of the workout, one of the instructors took me aside to show me the whole course and had me do things like climb over hurdles, climb up a rock wall, swing over water on a rope and then crawl on my belly under a net on the other side, etc.

At one point, I was so tired and he made me run a lap. I was so tired that I had to walk it, and he made me run another one (with the threat of doing another if I stopped running)! Fortunately, the walked lap got my heart rate down, so I was OK.

I also had to do 100 situps with a classmate -- we had to both put our feet together inside a tire. Then, she'd do a situp with a weight bar and I'd do one without a bar at the same time, and we'd trade the bar in the middle and do the opposite. . for 100 situps! I thought the instructor was JOKING when he said how many we had to do!

Still, it felt so good to use my body and to be pushed (I mean. . when I wasn't about to puke or faint, of course! J/k. . sort of). I know I'm lazy about really working hard in the gym, and without this kind of structure, I will generally do as little as I can get away with. I'm still a bit scared of the class, but I'm going back tomorrow (assuming I can still walk. . . ). I just try to keep in mind how great this is for my WL goals and for toning and shaping up.

Shower Prep!

I mentioned the wedding I am going to in July, but may not have mentioned that I'm throwing a shower for the bride at my apartment on Thursday night. We decided to do this as a dinner because none of us are that in to the traditional bridal shower thing.

In preparation, I bought a damask tablecloth and hot pink runner on etsy.com. Here is how the table looks so far! I still need to iron everything and polish the glasses, etc., but you get the idea.

Am thinking it's looking pretty festive!

The shower should be fun -- we'll be 8 girls, and I'm preparing the meal myself, which is something I enjoy doing. I'm just doing my favorite salad, followed by a Paula Dean recipe for shrimp with cheese grits (the grits are not on the diet, to be certain!) and cupcakes. Very simple and hopefully will be very low stress.

Shopping Spree. . .

My mom is in town for Memorial Day weekend, and she is -- bar none -- my favorite person to go shopping with. She just has infinite patience, a great eye, and I also really trust her opinion. Today, we were looking at dresses for me to wear to the wedding of my friends Erica & Adam. I'm a bridesmaid (one of two) in the weddding, and Erica only set a few basic guidelines (no black, no red, and no one-shoulder gowns -- her dress is one-shoulder). Very reasonable.

Did I mention that I will be seeing my ex-boyfriend (of the Peter Pan Avoidance Tour) at this wedding? Yes, I probably did. What I haven't blogged about is that I found out he basically started dating the very next girl he even spoke to after we broke up (some random he met on his trip to Kilimanjaro last September (!!!)). By all accounts, it's nothing serious, but it really sticks in my craw (a) that he moved on to another relationship -- regardless of the grade -- so quickly; and (b) that I am probably going to have to see him with this girl at our friends' wedding. Honestly, I've been thinking about it way too much, and the whole prospect is very upsetting to me.


So, obviously, I need to look amazing at this wedding. As in "Oh-My-God-Look-At-Her" Amazing. Also, as in "Oh-My-God, How-Did-I-Lose-That-Amazing-Woman?!?! I-Am-An-Idiot!" Amazing.


You're beginning to understand the importance of today's shopping extravaganza, aren't you? :) So, during the week, I called up the shopper I use at Saks (I know. . I'm fancy like that . .) and another one at Lord & Taylor (amazing dress department). Leaving aside that the L&T shopper was a freaking nightmare (seriously. . showed up late, looked like sh*t, had only pulled 3 dresses, was MIA for basically the whole appointment -- and on personal calls on her cell when she actually was around. Hello. . isn't retail in crisis?), we had a great time.

Turns out that I actually love Badgley Mischka more than I even thought. There were two standout dresses today, and both were from that designer. The first one (at L&T) was this emerald silk wonder that made me feel fantastic. Truth be told, it was way too formal for this wedding, but I loved it anyway.

The second one is the one in the photo. Admittedly, this is a size too small (wedding is in late July & it will need to fit then), so the hip part is bunched up and the cleavage is a bit more than it will be then. But, I really like it. The color and the cut are just what I wanted.

Also, today was a big NSV for me. For the past many years, every time I've gone shopping, all I did was focus on the flaws in my figure -- how dismayed I was about not being thinner, how disgusted and embarrassed I was with/about myself for having gained weight, etc. But today, I just felt great. I know this dress does not fit perfectly yet -- and it's still obvious that I have a way to go to get to goal, but I just felt so good about where I am at this particular moment in time, and where I am headed in the next several months. I attribute a lot of this to my band and to how far I've come with that extra help.

Data on my Rate-a (of loss with the band. .)

I took time today to figure out my average rate of loss per week and thought you guys might be interested to know what it is. . . . turns out that since just prior to surgery, I've lost an average of 1.43 lbs per week.




I'm definitely not the fastest-losing bandster out there, and I've seen plenty of people blow right by me. That said, slow and steady is working for me. Yes, I get frustrated when it takes a long time to get to a particular number on the scale, but I never doubt that I'll get there eventually.


I was actually surprised to find out the rate -- I had thought I was only losing about 1 pound each week! If anyone wants to comment on how they are doing on average, I'd be interested to know how it is going for you. No matter what the rate, it sure seems like we're all doing fantastically!

Also, I wanted to mention that I haven't had a fill since March 13th. That 2.85 ccs in my 5 cc band seem to have gotten me to a sweet spot. For me, the sweet spot means that I can't very much, but I usually can eat enough not to draw a huge amount of attention to myself when I go out to dinner with people who don't know I am banded. So I think anyway. . it never fails that the waiter asks if there was something wrong with my meal. . .

Gulp! I signed up today. . .

I'm officially signed up & paid up for eight weeks of Boot Camp. . 3 times a week! I'm scared and not really sure if I'll be able to hack it. Still, I want to give it a try. I can quit after the first class if it's just horrible. I really hope that I like it. I want to get that last 30 lbs off and I know that this will help me an incredible amount.

Also. . . FORTY-FOUR!

So, after all that stalling, my weight finally jumped down 2.8 lbs yesterday. I wasn't sure that the number was real, but it's still on the scale today, so I guess it is! Happily, I think that still keeps my weight loss rate right around the same rate.

I just got a glimmer of how totally psyched I am going to be the day I get to post the big five-oh. Must be patient and enjoy 44 for the moment!

Pure Power. . . or Sheer Hell? :)

Last night, I went to have my hair done, and I was talking with my stylist about exercise. She is a runner (and has a super great tiny figure) and told me about this program she has been doing called the Pure Power Boot Camp.

Basically, it's an intensive 8-week program where you have to commit to either 3 or 4 days a week (depending on your program), and they work you out, military style, for an hour each time. It's not just any old workout . . there is an obstacle course, a rock wall, hurdles, walls to pull yourself over, etc. Honestly, it sounds really scary. Here is a link to the site: http://www.purepowerbootcamp.com/
Still, my stylist told me that there are people of all shapes and sizes in her class, including a woman who is around 300 lbs (they give people varying things to do, based on fitness level). Of course, she also said that it's not unusual for people to throw up during the workout (greaaaat. . . ) so I'm kind of scared! I'm not in great shape. . but I'd really like to be. And, I need something to kick me in the bee-hind and get me going. I'm not 100% sure about doing this, but I am at least going to check it out.

Can you imagine? If I can make it through the six weeks, I bet that I would drop weight a bit faster and get toned up in a hurry for summer. . . . Stay tuned!

The Sisterhood of the Traveling XL Dress :)

I was so thrilled by how great Angie looked in the dress that I sent her, that I decided to send some other clothes to another bandster on Friday. This package went to Linda, whose surgery date is June 5th and who will be needing the sizes I sent to her very shortly!

I sent her this great wrap dress from Eileen Fisher, some capris and a pair of jeans as well. Fingers crossed that she likes them and that they fit well!

Not the best photo of the dress -- it's much better on! Also, it's polished enough for work, but as comfortable as wearing your bathrobe!

I like the idea that these clothes may change a few bandster hands over the next year or so, as we all continue to lose weight and keep changing sizes.

As for my own clothing needs, I've been doing quite a bit of shopping in my own closet! On Friday, I was able to wear (drumroll, please!) a pair of gray Banana Republic pants that I'd forgotten I had. And, they fit wonderfully! I haven't been able to shop at Banana for years, and it used to be one of my favorite stores.

Today, I had brunch with my friend Nadia, then we walked around Soho (our usual post-brunch routine) and did some shopping. For the first time in years, I actually tried on a few things and was excited about going into different stores. I even went into Bloomingdales and tried on a few long gowns for my friends' wedding in July. AND, they fit and looked good (not good enough to buy, but good enough that I wasn't hating what I saw)!

I consider this to be a big NSV for me, and a significant moment in my WL journey. Honestly, hitting the 40+ lb mark has made a huge difference, and I feel like it was a very significant landmark in this process.

Confessions of a Gym Avoider. . .

Confession time. . . I am totally not going to hit 3 workouts during the time I mentioned in my last post. I thought I should come clean about my delinquency.



I don't know what was wrong with me this weekend, but I just could not motivate to get to the gym. So, I will recommit to doing better this week. I don't know why I'm having such a time getting there. I actually like working out . . it's more a question of getting to the gym. You may ask. . "Why Catherine, how far is your gym? Is it a LONG trip to get there??" And I would have to admit that it's only a few floors away. . in my apartment building. LAME!

Plateau. . .

I seem to have hit a plateau. The scale just isn't moving at the pace it's been going for the past six months. I base this on how tough it's been to get off the last 2.6 lbs (I'm at 41.6 down today).

I've been thinking about things I can do to get the scale moving again. . . and the only real answer seems to be that I need to get more serious about hitting the gym. I've been working out with my trainer again (but only once a week), but if I'm going to be honest about it, I haven't been very diligent about going to yoga or swimming.

So, dear readers, you are my witnesses. I am going to commit to working out three times between today and Monday. That should help to get me back on track. I really want to hit 45 sooner than later!

Mind & Body

Someone posted on LBT recently, asking whether people felt that the physical or mental changes of losing weight/having the band have been more difficult. I thought this was a really interesting question.

For me, neither the physical or mental part has been very hard (maybe I should thank my therapist and dr. for this!). I guess getting used to how I have to eat now -- which is part mental, part physical -- is the biggest challenge, but it has not been all that difficult. All in all, the changes I've had to make have such a good outcome that it's colored my outlook in a really positive light. Things like planning meals, chewing, getting stuck and sliming don't seem like a big deal to me in contrast.

So, that's the physical side. On the mental one, I guess I'm not exactly sure what I look like right now to other people, but I feel like I'm getting back to the lighter, more attractive version of myself that I was 10 years ago. I can't believe I am only just over 30 pounds from goal. And yesterday, I thought about my start weight and it seemed so surreal to me that I could have ever been that heavy. Does anyone else get that feeling?

I will say that, before the band, the idea of losing 40 lbs just seemed like an impossible goal. Yet now, losing 70 lbs and keeping it off seems a very realistic goal, and I feel confident that I will be able to do this. Thank God! Literally! :)

The other night, I went to Macy's to pick up a present for my mother, and it was the first time in years that I stopped to look at clothing. Shopping just stopped being fun once I got into bigger sizes. It was a surprise for me to realize how long it had been since I just browsed like that.

Wrapping my brain around it. . .

I've been thinking about what losing 40 pounds really means. So, tonight, when I was at the gym, I picked up a 40 lb dumbell and carried it for a few seconds. It was pretty darned heavy. It's so strange to think that I was walking around carrying that much more weight every single day. I wonder what it will be like after I am 60 down to pick up that much weight and think about what that really means for my body. I will say that it makes total sense that my feet don't hurt anymore. . .

Just for fun, I ran a few searches on Google for things that are 40 lbs. Apparently, I lost the equivalent of this fish in body weight! Weird!!

Measuring Up, Part 3

I'm at another 10 lb point (am actually down 41.2 today!) and took my measurements this morning. I have lost . . . (are you sitting down?!?) 17.95 inches. WOW.

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Since the last time I reported my measurements (March 11th), I'm down another 6.15 inches.

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Here is how the weight has come off, based on the measurements I took two days before my surgery:

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Waist: -5 inches
Hips: -5.25 inches
Chest: -3 inches (whew . . no more loss here since last time!)
Wrist: -.5 inch
Forearm: -.7 inch
Thigh: -1.4 inch
Calf: -1 inch
Ankle: -.3 inch
Upper Arm: .8 inch

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I had a really nice NSV last night. I went to go see Branford Marsalis play at the Jazz Standard (cute small jazz club that is part of the Blue Smoke restaurant) with my friend Maria. Maria is one of my closest friends, but I don't see her that often -- she has 2 young daughters, is expecting her 3rd (a boy!) and owns her own investor relations business. So, I haven't seen her since right after my surgery.

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I hadn't told her how I was doing with the band (though I did tell her about it months ago) and she was surprised by how I looked! She told me I was "channeling myself 10 years ago"! :) Of course . . 10 years ago, I weighed 25 lbs less than I do right now. . but who's counting! :) Was really nice to get such a great reaction from her.

James Beard Awards

Being banded certainly doesn't mean that I don't appreciate wonderful food! So, last night, I went to the James Beard Awards with my friend Erika. The awards were held at Avery Fisher Hall (part of Lincoln Center) and were followed by a dinner prepared by all female chefs, as the night's theme was to honor women in the industry.

It was a star-studded event to be sure! After the awards ceremony, there was a dinner -- served cocktail party style, with each table having a different small dish or a different drink. This was perfect, since virtually everything was band-sized and many of the dishes were band-appropriate. In particular, I had one dish that was a green apple sorbet with the most succulent crab meat ever. It was 2 bites of wonderfulness!

OK, so on to the celebrity sightings. Those of you who are foodies and/or love the Food Network will appreciate this! At the dinner, I got to speak with Dan Barber (I love Blue Hill at Stone Barn), Alain Ducaisse and others . . and was within inches of Mario Battali, Jacques Pepin (adorable - he smiled at me!) and Tom Colicchio (Top Chef) for much of the night! Other people who I saw there were Martha Stewart, Daniel Boulud, Lydia Bastianich, Emeril Legasse (who co-hosted), Stanley Tucci (same) and Cat Cora (same), who was pregnant and looking wonderful. Also, the cute blonde guy (Jeff) from last season's Top Chef was there.

What a night! It was easy to do this event as a bandster because of the very small portions, and I just picked from the best things there (asparagus wrapped in thinly sliced beef carpaccio from grass-fed organic cows. . hello!). Most dishes were healthy, so that also helped!

FORTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About time!! :) I thought that last bit of a pound would never come off! I'm now in a new number range. . . that I haven't seen for a loooooong time. Woo-hoo!