I saw Will Ferrell. . . and it was GLORIOUS!

Will Ferrell is just SO SO funny! My friend Erika took me to see his new show on Broadway last night, and we laughed our heads off! He was seriously the spitting image of G.W.

In band news, I'm still (!) suffering from getting stuck on Sunday night. I think my band just tightened up a bit after that. It's been harder to eat without getting stuck, so I've been having liquids as much as possible, and I bought a few Isopure protein drinks at GNC yesterday to make sure I'm getting enough protein. Don't want my hair to fall out! :)

Here is a self portrait of Erika and me in Times Square after the Will Ferrell show. Not the best photo ever!

Also . . . as of this morning, I'm 21.6 lbs down!

Scars. . .

I responded to a post on Lap Band Talk earlier today about scars and thought it might be interesting to post an updated photo. Honestly, I don't know if using Mederma has made any difference. Unfortunately, my first set of photos just weren't that good, quality-wise, and now that I have my fancy new camera (yay!! just got it tonight!), the image is a lot clearer.

Below is the photo I took tonight. Actually, the top scar seems to be fading pretty well. The bottom one is still quite red and not so pretty!

Below is the photo I took on c. November 20th (2 months ago). The thing is, the lighting here was much brighter and the photo isn't really in focus, so it's hard to really see. Still, looking at this one, it's obvious to me that the little scar has faded a lot. Interesting! Maybe I'll keep using the Mederma after all!

Measuring up. . .

Two days before my surgery, I took measurements of my chest, waist, hips, upper arm, forearm, wrist, thigh, calf and ankle. I started a progress chart with that information and my weight. I've been great about logging in my weight, but I misplaced my measuring tape in October and haven't taken measurements since then.

I am now 3 months and 5 days post-op and 20.4 lbs down. I took my measurements tonight and was surprised to find that I lost the most from my waist and hips (which is great!). Here is how I measured up:

Chest: -.75 inch (not that I'm trying to lose there!)
Waist: -2.5 inches
Hips: -2.25 inches
Upper arm: -.5 inch
Forearm: -.3 inch
Wrist: -.55 inch (surprising that it's more than my forearm, right?! Maybe I didn't get the exact same spot, though I've been trying to just measure the thickest point to be consistent)
Thigh: -.25 inch
Calf: -0
Ankle: -0

I thought it was weird that I'm losing more some places than others and that my calves didn't change! I guess we'll see if that changes in another few months.

Stuck

Last night, I cooked dinner for my friend Erika and had a great time. I made veal chops with polenta, roasted tomatoes and sauteed mushrooms, with a great arugula salad to start and lemon sorbet for dessert.

Erika knows about my surgery, so it was not any big deal for me to just take a small portion for myself and chew chew chew. Everything went fine, but after she went home, I was still a little hungry, so I had another few bites. And I got really stuck.

Basically, I slimed for about an hour and did a little PB, but I still didn't feel totally unstuck. I was able to have some water, and it went down, but I really had to burp after it went down. (If this sounds familiar to you and you know what the fix is, please post a comment!)

During the night, I woke up and STILL felt stuck. It was just really uncomfortable, and I had to burp. This morning, I still have an uncomfortable need-to-burp feeling, and when I drink water, it seems like my stomach is probably swollen a bit around my band b/c it feels tighter. I expect it is irritated from last night's events.

Here's to hoping the feeling goes away by mid day!

No Man's Land Size

I have to admit, I felt really great yesterday in those pants! And, when I thought back on it, I realized that it's been more than TWO YEARS since I could get into them (I haven't worn them since before I started my current job). Wow.

In other news, I have to go to an engagement party on February 19th, and my ex-boyfriend is going to be there. By way of background, I broke up with him in early July because after 2+ years (which were fantastic, I might add), we just were not on the same page about marriage and children. (Read: We're both 38, I'd like to get married & have kids with him, and he's more in the Peter Pan mindset.)

He's an investment banker and lost his job several months ago. So, he decided to take time off to travel and has been out of the country for the past 2 months. I saw him last in mid-November.

My weight was never an issue for him, and I don't have any illusions that me looking better is suddenly going to put him on the same page with me. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that I don't want him to see me and be kicking himself that we're no longer together! On the contrary! :)

That leads us to the obvious issue of me needing to look really, really good at this party! Unfortunately, I'm a weird size right now! I bought a really cute dress on-line in 14W, but am totally swimming in it. And, 16 is still too snug. (To my thin friends who read this, please block out this info. and let's never, ever talk about it.) Plus, most designers whose clothes I'd like to wear only make up to a 12 -- or a 14 at most. Oh, how I hate them!!

You know, you'd think the fashion industry would NOTICE that there is a 4-6 size gap in the market. There is such a shortage of clothing in that range -- hence the title of today's post. Yes, you can buy pants at The Gap, but finding a great dress is pretty much impossible. (If anyone thinks I'm wrong on this, please let me know where to shop!)

Now that I think about it, I was in the same position about 2-3 years ago when I was on my way up the scale. It was much easier to shop being 20 lbs heavier than I am now. However, I wouldn't trade those 20 lbs for anything! After all, soon enough, I'll be 30 or 40 lbs down (can't wait!) and then the problem will be "There is so much to buy! How will I ever decide?!" :) :)

Woo hoo!

I'm wearing a pair of pants today that I haven't fit into in about 1 1/2 years, and they look good! :) :) Band, I am loving you!!!

Breakfast Break (Day One)

I tried out my doctor's no-breakfast suggestion today. It went OK. I wasn't hungry when I woke up, but wasn't sure how the rest of the day would go. I packed my usual food supply -- a SlimFast shake (breakfast), a Ziplock bowl of homemade soup and a lowfat yogurt.

I still wasn't hungry when I got to work, so I decided not to have the shake. Funny enough, I kept thinking about breakfast -- so I kept asking myself "Are you really hungry, or do you just want to have something for the sake of having something?" The answer was the latter. By around 11:30, I actually was hungry, so I had the yogurt.

I wound up having the soup closer to 2, which worked out really well because I had a cocktail party for work tonight. I was still full enough that I didn't eat any hors d'oeuvres there (I'm still on day 2 of post-fill liquids) and just had a glass of wine.

Now I'm home, had another bowl of soup and am feeling good. (I was pretty darned hungry on the way here though!)

I'm going to try the no-breakfast thing again tomorrow. I brought some decaf teas to work, so I'll plan to have that instead again and see how it goes. It's interesting that the hardest part about that was feeling like I didn't do something I'm "supposed" to do, i.e. eat breakfast. Hmmm!

TWENTY!

Woo-hoo!!! As of this morning, I am OFFICIALLY down 20 lbs to the dot! Not 19.4, not 19.6. . . a solid, real 20! Feels great!

Skinny Girl Secrets. . .

I went in for another fill today and made sure that my doctor was the one to give it to me this time. She added in another .3 ccs, and I am now at 2.5 ccs in my 5 cc band.

My doctor has me follow each fill with 2 days of liquids, then 2 of mushies, so it generally takes a while for me to figure out whether the fill made a difference. While I was waiting, I re-read the office's list of best practices for bandsters. I've read it many times before, but this time, one of the first items caught my eye. It said: "Eat one to three small meals per day." I'm not sure why, but I never noticed the "one" in this before -- I just understood it to mean that I should have three small meals.

I asked my doctor about that guideline, and she said -- "Let me tell you a Skinny Girl Secret." (By way of background, she is thin and very pretty.) Needless to say, I was all ears! Her: "You really don't need to eat breakfast every day." She asked if I ate breakfast because I was hungry when I woke up (I'm not), and asked what I usually have (either a SlimFast shake or oatmeal). She then went on to explain that, while breakfast is a very important meal for growing children, the same isn't true for adults. She also told me that several studies by obesity physicians show that breakfast really isn't that important. I was like "WHAT?! All I've ever heard about breakfast is that it's the most important meal of the day!"

So, at my doctor's recommendation, I'm going to take a break from breakfast to see how it goes. She said that if I'm hungry when I get up, it's fine to have breakfast. But, if I'm not, there is no reason to eat. (That seems pretty straightforward, but it kind of blew my mind to be getting this information for the first time!) She suggested that if I'm not hungry, to just have a tea or a coffee instead of a meal.

The "one" part of the "one to three meals a day" thing really surprised me, so I asked some more questions. My doctor said that if you're not hungry, one meal a day is fine. She also said that I should think of just doing a healthy soup at lunch (which I do anyway) and dinner. I remarked that part of the reason I've been sticking to three meals a day is out of habit, and she was like "Exactly!!"

Still, it seems weird to me (and a little anorexia-esque/unhealthy) to think of only eating one small meal each day. I'm not planning to go that extreme, though I will try foregoing breakfast for a few days to see how it goes. Will let you know how it goes!

Funny -- I just ran a Google search and see that there are a bunch of articles on doctors' conflicting views of the importance of breakfast.

More Fill

I'm going to try to get in for another fill today. This weekend showed me that I really can eat a bit too much -- not that I overdid it in any real way, it's just that I've stopped losing. I had one of those Amy's Organic frozen meals last night and could eat the whole thing, so that tells me I probably am too loose.

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Cindy -- 30+ lbs down is amazing!! Congratulations!

BTW, I ordered my new camera over the weekend, so will be back to posting photos soon!

Seeing sights on the Hudson. . .

Today was a pretty crazy day. This afternoon, I heard people talking excitedly in the hallway. -- Let me preface this by saying that I work on the 37th floor of a building that has 360 degree views of the city. My office looks out over midtown at the Hudson river.

So, someone came in my office and said something like "Oh my God! Look outside! A plane just crash landed in the Hudson!!" And, sure enough, there were all of these boats in one area and there were two or three helicopters hovering nearby. I'm pretty high up, so I couldn't make out the plane right away, so I went into one of my partner's offices and someone lent me a pair of binoculars.

This isn't my picture (darn me losing my camera on New Year's!!), but it is what I saw. What an amazing feat it was for the pilot to land that plane safely in the middle of the Hudson! I was very happy to learn that everyone survived and that -- aside from one person with two broken legs (ouch) -- so far, it looks like everyone is fine. WHEW.

In band-related news, I'm finally back down to my lowest post-op weight (after wrestling with the same 2 lbs for a week). I can't wait until I can report another loss!

How much of a fill to get into the zone?

I posted earlier about my third fill experience with Nurse RoughStuff. I only had him add .2 ccs to my band, thinking I just needed a weeee teeny fill. However, the .2 doesn't seem to have made a bit of difference.

I was thinking of going back for more on Tuesday (the day when my doctor lets people walk in for fill appointments), but my last experience there was bad enough that I didn't feel ready to go back. I've been worrying since my last appointment that the nurse might have pulled out a stitch or two, and the area around my port has been tender.

However, after staying at exactly the same weight (to the 10th of a pound) for about a week, I'm feeling better and am ready to go back. I'm going to call up to make an appointment tomorrow.

It's interesting to realize that soon, I'm going to have an idea of what it means to put in an extra .5 or so into my band. A week ago, I had no idea what adding .2 ccs would mean -- I honestly had no clue -- and Nurse Roughstuff deferred to me, whereas I think my doctor would have been able to translate what I wanted into an approximate amount of saline.

BTW, I am sorry for not posting more lately -- I lost my camera on New Year's (it must have fallen out through a hole in a bag I was carrying), so I haven't had any new photos to post!

Pierce

Years and years ago, my best friend had a dream that I was going to marry Pierce Brosnan. That was back in the day when I was substantially thinner. . . as were Pierce's wife and co-stars! Tonight, I was surprised to see him on the red carpet with his beautiful, albeit heavier-than Hollywood-norm, wife.



I'm guessing she's somewhere between 180 and 220 -- but she's still very lovely -- and gorgeous Pierce has been quoted as saying that he loves her curves. How refreshing.


Clearly, things with Pierce and me could have worked out after all! Too bad someone else already is married to my supposed husband! :) :)

Third Fill

I went in for my fourth post-op visit on Friday and had my third fill. My doctor's nurse (a guy) did the fill this time -- and it was really unpleasant. He was just way too rough and I left feeling sore and manhandled. He kept pressing on my port before putting in the needle, and I let him know that was hurting me! Then, he didn't get the needle in properly and we had to do it again.

By that point, I was THISCLOSE to refusing to let him do it and saying I'd wait for my doctor (who is a total pro), but I felt bad doing that because he was nice (personality, not port-prodding-wise) and I didn't want to get him in trouble. Still, this is my body and I'm scared that he might do something to mess up my port. Next time, I'm taking no prisoners! I'm going to insist (nicely) on having my doctor do it.

So, you might remember that after my first fill, I went back and there was 1 cc missing from the 1.7 cc the doctor said that she put in the band. Well, this time, the exact right amount was still in my band (2 ccs), so I don't have a leak -- whew! I had Nurse RoughStuff put in an additional .2 ccs -- in retrospect, I probably should have gotten a little more. I wanted the band to be a weeee bit tighter and .2 doesn't seem to have made any big difference.

On the weight loss side, I'm still wrestling with the same 2 lbs, which seems to be the norm for me. But I'm still nearly 20 lbs down! I'm really, really hoping to be at least 25 down by month's end, and I think that's a totally reasonable & realistic goal.

In other news, I saw two movies this weekend -- Defiance and Slumdog Millionaire. Both were really good -- great stories and fantastic acting. I definitely recommend them both.

Privacy and Friend Frustration . . .

I know I mentioned earlier that I decided only to tell a few friends and family members about my surgery. I've been very lucky in that everyone has been very supportive.

Yesterday, though, I was talking to one of my friends (let's call her "Y") and she said -- "I hope you don't mind, but I told X about your surgery." By way of background, X is one of Y's best friends and lives in California. X is also a lawyer and works in house for a company I'd be extremely thrilled to represent -- she also is at least 100 lbs overweight. Y is not heavy at all, and I understood that she told X about my surgery in the hopes of helping her find a good solution to her weight struggles.

However, when I told Y about my surgery, I specifically asked her to promise to keep it in confidence and let her know that I consider it to be something very personal and private. I also let her know which of our mutual friends know so that she would have that information. Under the circumstances, I find it EXTREMELY uncool that she told X without clearing it with me first -- all the more so since I've met X and am going to see her later this month at a party here in NYC. It's also likely that X and I are going to cross paths professionally through the years. And, even if that were not the case, this is my private business, not something that a friend who supposedly promised to keep it in confidence has any business telling others about without my permission.

I let Y know that I wasn't happy with this and that if she wants to mention this kind of thing to anyone else, that she either should ask me first or, if she can't control herself, at least avoid disclosing my name. This is not her news to share. Have any of you had similar issues with friends not being able to keep confidences? I let Y know that I would be happy to talk to X if she is interested in going forward, but stressed that -- while I'm willing to forgive her this time, I will be very upset if this happens again.

The other issue that I'm having is that another friend -- who is tall and thin, but is heavier now than she is used to being (you'd still describe her as "thin" if you saw her) doesn't seem that happy for me if I tell her how things are going with the band and actually seems to get a bit competitive about the weight loss. It's pretty ridiculous -- by her own admission, she's only 10 lbs over her goal weight, whereas I have about 55 lbs to go. If it were a contest, she'd hardly break a sweat leaving me in her dust. However, it's not a contest!! This isn't really such a problem -- I'm just going to stop talking to her about the band/weight loss. I don't want to make her feel bad about being heavier than she'd like, and if she can't be happy for me on this point, there isn't any point in me telling her about it.

In retrospect, I'm very glad that I didn't tell either of the above friends about my blog. I know that I'm not the only bandster who has had issues like the ones mentioned here, and I feel like I'm doing a decent job of keeping it in perspective. Still, the blatant violation of my trust is something that I find difficult to forgive, and I'm still pretty mad about it.

Some Post-Christmas Fun

(Me with my nephew and niece - 12/26/08)

One of the most fun parts of my trip to South Carolina over Christmas happened on December 26th. That day, we drove to my aunt and uncle's house for a festive post-Christmas dinner. My cousin's wife, Natalie, brought two gingerbread houses for my niece (Grace) and nephew (Connor) to decorate, and we had a complete blast putting candy all over them!

(Natalie, Catherine & Grace - hard at work!)

Ultimately, we decided that it would be awfully fun to decorate the kids! They absolutely loved it, and we were all laughing our heads off over this for about an hour!

I tried to put some Twizzler whiskers on Connor, but they just didn't want to stay on, no matter how much sugar icing I put on them! (Admittedly, he doesn't look too upset about that!)

There go the Twizzler-whiskers! Good thing his Hershey's Kiss horn stayed on!!

Fortunately, we were able to pull Grace away before she pulled a Mike Tyson on Connor's candy ear! :)

Nineteen . . na na na Nineteen (point 4!)

I am feeling really good this morning! I got on the scale and am now 19.4 lbs down!! I'm just on the cusp of having lost 20 lbs!! And, in all honesty, it hasn't been that hard.

Yesterday, however, I did have my first PB-in-restaurant-setting situation. I took the day off from work and went to have my hair done in the morning. I was hungry & had a little time between the appointment and my plans to meet a friend at MOMA (Museum of Modern Art), so I stopped in Dos Caminos to have some lunch. I ordered a tortilla soup, which I had at that restaurant ages ago (I called in advance the first time to make sure they could puree it for me). The soup is very small, so I also ordered another small dish -- butternut squash empanadas with goat cheese.

Because the first time I had this soup it was pureed, I didn't realize that they put a lot of melted cheese in it, as well as some small pieces of chicken and avocado. That was fine -- so I thought. I generally ate around the cheese and chewed the solid ingredients well. HOWEVER, I got massively stuck. (Please stop reading if you get grossed out easily. . .) I started sliming in a big way (basically, lots of bubbly saliva kept coming up into my mouth). I thought it would pass quickly, which is what's happened in the past, but it didn't.

I got up casually and went to the ladies room to try to let whatever it was that was blocking me come up. Unfortunately, some person who didn't understand the concept of "OCCUPIED" kept jiggling the handle to the restroom door, so even though I didn't feel like the block was gone, I hurried up and got out of there as soon as I felt a little bit better. I went back to my table, and the empanadas had arrived while I was in the ladies' room.

Unfortunately, when I sat down, I started sliming again. I wanted to look normal, but there was no way I could take another bite of food or a sip of water without fear of making things worse. I cut up an empanada and made it look like I was eating. I then told my (very cute) waiter that I had to run back to the office and asked him to wrap up my lunch and bring the check. Less than a minute later, I came to the sudden realization "I am going to throw up." So, then I went back to the restroom again (feeling very conspicuous) and threw up a little. That made it a bit better, but I was STILL stuck! Thankfully, the check was on my table when I got back, so I threw in $40 (on a $31 bill. . no time for change) and got the heck out of there.

I got into a cab and was still sliming. I thought -- "OMG, I am going to have to ask the driver to pull over so I can throw up!" Fortunately, I had a plastic takeout bag, so I wasn't as panicked as I would have been otherwise. Weirdly, about 2 minutes into the cab ride, whatever had been blocking me made it through the band and I was totally fine (and didn't get stuck again that day).

So, after a brief trip home to freshen up, I finally made it over to MOMA and saw the Van Gogh and the Colors of the Night Exhibit. It was amazing -- there were some really incredibly beautiful paintings on display, including the following one, which is my favorite from that show. Enjoy!