Happy FIFTH Bandiversary to me!!

Today is my fifth bandiversary! I thought it might be useful to go back to the beginning, to remind myself where I started. Here are the first words I posted on this blog:

"I am getting banded on October 23, 2008. I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember and am now at an all-time high (I'll post numbers once I've had some success -- too hard to admit at this early stage!)." [P.S. I weighed 230 pounds.]

Here is some more from that post:

"It's funny -- I was talking with a trusted friend about my decision, and went over my pro/con list with her. Once we nailed down that my real fear was making a drastic change to my life, she said something that gave me a lot of clarity. She said, 'Catherine, you have two choices here. Regardless of whether you do this surgery, you have to either accept that you will be overweight or, you're going to have to make a drastic change in your life.'"

The "friend" who said that to me is my therapist, who I've been seeing for more than 10 years.  (I highly recommend doing therapy throughout this process.  It is so helpful.)  Her words were very true, and they really struck a nerve with me. Sometime after that, I picked up a celebrity gossip magazine, and there was an article in it about a soap actress who had been having success with the band. I eventually mentioned that to my therapist, and she put me in touch with someone else she knew who was also banded. Presto, change-o, and roughly two months later, I had my surgery as a self-pay patient in Monterrey, Mexico (thank you Dr. Rumbaut!).

Over the past five years, I have changed my life and improved it for the better in so many ways. Five years ago, I was roughly 80 pounds overweight, heartbroken, unable to run because of compartmental syndrome (because of my weight, as it turns out), avoiding seeing old friends (because of my weight), feeling badly about myself (same), with aching feet and back (same), hating shopping (same), and feeling despair when I had to get dressed up for a special event because I didn't look the way I wanted to look or fit into my clothes... or both (surprise... same..).


Before and After.



I have met so many incredible bandsters (and sleevesters!) during the past five years, and I am grateful for the way my relationships with all of you have helped me through this process and encouraged me to push myself to do better and to stay focused. This would have been such a different experience without you, and I most certainly would not have enjoyed it as much or felt so much support without my blog and my off-line WLS friends.

At this point, I've been at goal for so long now that it seems normal. I actually get slightly annoyed when I see 156 on the scale (I recall practically doing backflips when I first saw that number a few years ago...). My weight stays right within a small range of 155 -- my goal number (though not the aspirational goal of 145... that proved too hard to maintain).  I sometimes miss the thrill of losing -- that part of this process was so motivating, exciting and fun. My band still seems to be going strong, though I've been having reflux often enough that I am thinking about getting a wee unfill -- my first adjustment in two or more years -- and will likely do that during my 5th year check-up appointment next month.

Five years after surgery, I am at an "ideal" weight, strong, fit and happy about how my body looks (not that I don't see room for improvement..). I am a regular at my spin and yoga classes, my feet and back are fine, and shopping and getting dressed up are a pleasure. Somehow, I've become the kind of person who will give myself a little grief if I "only" get in 2 workouts a week (who am I?!). :)   And the sweetest part is that I fell head over heels for -- and just married!! -- a wonderful, kind, loving, handsome, sweetie-pie of a man who makes my life so much nicer every day just by being in it. 



At a party with my sweet husband, earlier this month.

 

Five years ago, I used to dream that my life might be like this, if I could only get my weight under control. It's not a dream anymore -- it is reality.  Not that my life is perfect -- it's just a heck of a lot better than it was before!  It's hard to express just how grateful I am.  Words are not enough.  I want to show that through my commitment to honoring the changes I was able to make by avoiding backsliding and by taking good care of my body and health, and not taking them for granted.

Thank you so much for reading this and for being there for me. It means more to me than I can put into words, and has helped me immeasurably.  I'm sending best wishes to each and every one of you for continued success and so much happiness and love.

Wedding Recap! (Blogger isn't cooperating, so I had to put most of the text at the end... but I'm posting anyway!)

I have to admit... I love, love, loved our wedding!  We were blessed with gorgeous weather in an otherwise rainy and cold week, and everything went off without a hitch! 

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but we got married in the Adirondack mountains, in a beautiful old church.  

I loved the moose heads...  very Adirondack-ey!

My shoes.  So smart that they read books!

My handsome groom, getting ready at his parents' house.

My Something Blue... a lace handkerchief my mother bought for me years ago on a trip to Venice.

"Dear God, please let it fit!!"

It fit!

The groom, best man, ushers and one of our ringbearers (we only had one attendant each, in the spirit of keeping it simple).

My handsome groom!

Getting ready with my BFFs!

Ringbearer meets The Ring "Barker!"  Yes we DID have a dog in our wedding! :)

The Ring Barker stops for some lovin'!

The MOH!  Note the bluegrass band up in the balcony!

Waiting to enter the church with my father....

Dad, walking me down the aisle!!!  He was saying the funniest stuff to me to keep us both from tearing up!!

With my sweet groom!  Look at the adorable smile on our priest's face (I've known him since I was 7, and he did the most incredible and personal wedding mass for us -- it was just amazing!)

The happy couple!

The florist did such a beautiful job!!

In our gettaway car!

On the club property...

Smooching in a field....

Bluegrass and cocktails on the porch!

I made this sign for our photographic guest book -- we had props and lots of Polaroid-type film.  The book is hysterical!!

The flowers and tables!  Check out all my eBay-purchased milk vases!

Lawn bowling between the ceremony and reception!

How gorgeous does Nora (A Traveling Bandita) look?!?  We got to meet her adorable new baby over the weekend, who is a beautiful, sweet girl!



Seriously preppie!!



Entering the reception for the first time!!

Dip dip dip dip!!

I love this one -- everyone is having so much fun on the dance floor!

With my husband!

Steve, making me laugh during his speech. :)

My speech!



Cutting the beautiful cake that a friend of Steve's family made for us!



Blogger isn't cooperating, so I couldn't finish telling the story above!  Hopefully the photos did a good job of conveying how happy we were, and how much fun we had celebrating our wedding!  We were very fortunate, in that our close family friend, Father F., who I've known since I was 7 years old, was able to come to do our ceremony.  He made it so personal, and so meaningful, and it added so much to the celebration.

We really wanted our ceremony (really, the entire weekend) to be very personal to us, and to be reflective of us.  Soooo, that led to us having lots of special touches.  Honesly, I was worried that our wedding was going to come across as really hokey!!  We had Steve's favorite dog (his dad's Yellow Lab puppy) as our Ring Barker, toting the rings down the aisle on a caribiner attached to her collar.  We also had a bluegrass band play the ceremony music.... And I walked down the aisle to a bluegrass instrumental version of Bob Marley's One Love!  

During communion, they played a gorgeous version of "Down to the River to Pray" (the Alison Krause version), which was just stunning.  And... one of our readings was "All You Need Is Love" by the Beatles.  Funny enough, it all came together so nicely and really gelled!

Between the wedding and reception, we had a bit of down-time, so our friends had a little lawnbowling tournament on the green next to the clubhouse.  Then, the bluegrass band struck up tunes on the porch and the cocktails started flowing!  I had a rum punch as our signature cocktail... why YES, I DID buy those straws just for that occasion!  (BTW, lucky for me, picking a red cocktail for the reception did not backfire on me!!)

All my months of collecting milk glass vases on eBay paid off, and the flowers looked so pretty at the reception!  I was so happy with that, as well as the programs and menus that I made (sorry for not posting -- they have too much personal information on them to put on here). 

We had a second band come to play the reception --this was a compromise, since I would have loved to have a bunch of dance music a la Lady Gaga, Rhianna, etc., but Steve is not a fan.  So, we had the band play a few old standards and a whole lot of funk!  And, Steve even got out and played two songs with the band toward the end of the night!

It was such a wonderful day -- and such a wonderful weekend.  I loved every minute!

My Worst Stuck Episode Ever

All's well that ends well, so I haven't really been thinking about the stuck episode I had during my wedding weekend.... but it did occur to me that I should tell you guys about it.

 

For the rehearsal, we had a huge pig roast in a beautiful field, inside of a tent.  Almost all of our guests were able to be there, so we had a great crowd.  We were at long banquet tables, with Steve and I sitting along one side of the tent. 

 

We were having a great time, enjoying the food and chatting, and then the speeches (which were so great -- some hilarious, some just really touching and nice) started.  Right then, right at the very start of the speeches, I realize that I am STUCK.  As in my-mouth-is-filling-with-saliva-because-I-can't-swallow Stuck.  As in, I-am-going-to-PB-in-about-3-minutes stuck.  This was very inconvenient, since everyone was either looking at us or at the speaker, and there was NO WAY I could get up and leave during the speeches.... much less make it to the Port-A-Potties in time to PB in privacy (seriously, as the bride, you can barely get 2 feet without getting stopped)!

 

One good thing is that I was seated right across from Nora (of A Traveling Bandita), so I was able to tell her and Steve that I was stuck.  Nora emptied her wine and handed me her glass (what a sister!), but I didn't think I could casually PB into the glass without anyone noticing.  So.... what did I do?  I feigned "napkin drop," bent over and PBd on the grass under Steve's chair.  I instantly felt MUCH better, and I really don't think anyone knew other than Nora and Steve (thank God). 

 

I poured a bit of water over the spot, and presto-change-o, happily fertilized grass and a much, much happier bride.  WHEW!!!  Crisis averted!!

Hi!  I just PBd on the floor!  How bridal of me!

CHECK!

It's official!!  All the things I was looking forward to about being banded have happened!!  Here is a link to my pre op journal, in which I wrote out the things I hoped would be positives of banded life.  It's official that they all have indeed been positives -- and the negatives were so much less significant than I ever imagined.

Tonight, I came home from dinner with two very good friends, wearing a tailored black sheath dress ("better clothes") and heels ("hello more heels!"), after a day where I did not have any negative thoughts about my weight, was comfortable in my skin, and fit everywhere, including wrapped in a normal-sized towel.  And, a friend had sent me this photo, in which I can say with confidence that I do not look fat.   Wow!!

The wedding was wonderful -- so much fun, so personal, so filled with joy, and we were surrounded by our loved ones for the whole weekend.  And, as icing to the cake, we got incredible weather during an otherwise cold and rainy week!  More to follow on the wedding and honeymoon!!

Eleven Days to Go!

Wow!!  Time is flying, and I've been absolutely swamped between work, life and wedding plans!  I can not believe it's only eleven days until the wedding.  Two weeks from today, I'll be on my honeymoon in South Africa!! 

Many of you know that I do letterpress, calligraphy and invitation design as a hobby, and I really had a heck of a good time making the paper items for the wedding, from the Save the Dates and invitations to the table cards, name cards, menus and programs (er, not that I'm done with everything for the reception yet...). 

For the Save the Dates, I made a card with our pictures, the date and location on one side, and information and the URL for our wedding website on the other.  I put them in really gorgeous cream envelopes and used this beautiful Yuzen paper for the envelope liners. 

 

(Ahem... we will not be reenacting this drawing as my arms do not look like this in real life!)

For the reception, we decided to name each table after a special place or thing.  There are nine in all, but since a few folks coming to the wedding also read this blog, I'll just show you three of them here!  Keep in mind that I'm not the greatest artist!  I just enjoy doing this stuff!  :)  You can click on the images to make them bigger.

My wedding gown is going to be completely done tomorrow!  I've had all of my fittings, and it's just gorgeous.  It fits perfectly. 

You know, I'm so glad to have written out and kept the Pro/Con list that I made before my surgery.  I know that I refer to it now and then, but I also go back and look at it from time to time.  I do that less now than I did when I was working toward my goal, but it's still interesting to me to go back and read it.  In eleven days, I'm going to get to check the last "Pro" off my list... not having to be a "fat" bride.  Somehow, the idea of that popped into my mind nearly five years ago when I did that list, and now the reality of it is just around the corner.  It's pretty amazing.

I also went back and read my early posts not too long ago.  Reading them, I am reminded of how I felt at the start of this process.  I was very, very hopeful.  But I was not in a good place weight and health-wise, and I was also suffering in the aftermath of a painful breakup.  It's incredible to me how much I have changed my life for the better during the last five years, and I feel so grateful and happy that was possible.  I am also so psyched to be marrying Steve.  He is such an incredible, warm, thoughtful and loving guy, and I thank my lucky stars that I met him at the time in my life when I did!

Speaking of stars... here is one more table card.....

ELEVEN DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weight Weirdness

Right now, I am at a conference for work.  It's a conference I go to every year, and I see many of the same people there year after year.  Today, I had lunch with someone I am been trying to get business from, but who I haven't seen in person since before my surgery. 

I was a little nervous about her not recognizing me, and almost sent her a note telling her that I'd lost  a bunch of weight to circumvent the weirdness, but then decided against it -- mainly because I knew it would take forever to word it well, and I was really pressed for time.  Anyway, it was fine an she recognized me and didn't express any surprise or shock by the change in my appearance.  It was a total non-issue.

It's funny because I've been at goal for so long now that I don't have these types of experiences very more -- of running into people who I haven't seen since I was 230 pounds.  However, I had this experience today, and one kind of in the same vein yesterday.  I was at a reception and ran into a guy yesterday who I've chatted with at a dinner hosted by a mutual friend of ours.  He was with our mutual friend when I saw him, and our friend reminded him that we'd met, but he totally did not remember me.  At this point, I don't remember whether I was heavy when I met him, or whether he may not recognize me because my hair was darker when I met him.  Who knows?!  It's just funny because I get this knee-jerk reaction to want to explain that I used to be much heavier, though I may be done with that now.

Catching Up!

So much is going on right now, and I've been wanting to write an update for some time!  Two weeks ago, my mother and Marjorie hosted a shower for me here in NYC that was so much fun!  They held it at Marjorie's apartment (site of my 40th birthday party, and it actually looked very similar, which was so nice) and there were 23 friends and family members over for a lovely brunch! 

 

With my aunt

 The room!

 My friend Susan, with my mom

 With two of my oldest besties, Brooke and Nadia

 Marjorie picked some lovely bubbly.... Perrier-Jouet in the cutest packaging

 Kristen & Susan!

 One of the best parts of the shower was a game that we played!  Marjorie had one of her partners depose Steve (in true litigation style) on tape.  He answered 20 questions (I had no clue about this -- no one peeped a word!!).  At the party, I was given a sheet of the 20 questions and had to answer them -- and a prize went to the person who correctly guessed how many Steve and I got right (i.e. had the same answers on).  

 

Here Steve is on the "deposition" tape!

 The funny thing is, Steve was being a gentleman, so he fudged the answers to two of the questions... "Where was your first kiss" and "What is Catherine's favorite joke"....  HOWEVER, I didn't know he was doing that, so I totally outed us for smooching at his parents' house on New Years' Day 2011 .... and had to say, in a room including my mother-in-law-to-be, that my favorite joke (which I seriously have told about 9,000,351 times) is....

Q:  How do you make a hormone?
A:  You don't pay her.

I know... a total groaner, but somehow, it always pops into my mind whenever people are talking about hormones, which happens more than you'd think!!  Anyway, the game was a ton of fun -- though Steve and I barely got any answers right!! 

Me, opening presents!  I have some very generous friends!  All those Scully bags and a few Tiffany boxes practically had my eyes popping out! :)

 

Opening a beautiful nightgown and peignoir from my mother 

 It really was such a great day.  I think everyone had a wonderful time, and it was very touching to me to have so many friends and family members go through so much effort just for me.  We did keep the shower pretty limited to just local friends and family, since I would not expect people to travel for both the shower and wedding, so it was a nice small group, and a great chance for people to get to know one another better before the big day in June!

In other news, I finally (!!) finished all of the invitations (which I made myself) and got them all mailed, with the last few going out on Monday.  We've started getting in RSVPs already, and it's a lot of fun to receive them in the mail!  I'll post photos of them soon -- I just want to redact all the personal information before putting them on the Internet, and haven't had time to do that yet.

One other thing I wanted to mention is that I've been trying to up my workouts to include an extra day per week, and I haven't been having much success there.  Too many other conflicts keep me from doing it, but I'm being good about getting in a solid 3 days of hard workouts. 

This past weekend, Steve moved in to my apartment (kind of a big event to drop almost in a footnote, eh?!), and I did two long spin classes (the hour-long "Soul Survivor" rather than the regular 45 minute class) before spending the rest of both days moving boxes and furniture.  I was BONE TIRED by the end of both days.  I also didn't really want to go on Sunday -- I was tired and sore from the day before, but I forced myself to go. 

At the beginning of the class, I was just not feeling it - - and suddenly a picture of my 230 pound self popped into my mind.  I thought about how I never could have done that workout at 230 pounds, and how I would have stressed about what to wear and felt really self-conscious among the scores of thin, toned Lululemon-ed in the room, if I had dared to go at all.  So, I sucked it up and kicked a$$ in that class, in honor of my old self and in gratitude for how far I've come, and how much my life has changed in the past 4 1/2 years.  I can not believe how much things have changed, and how much that change has been for the better.  It's amazing and humbling, and I thank God that I was able to get the help I needed to get my weight under control.