Vanity and pride in the waiting room. . .

So, before I get to the funny part, I thought it worth mentioning that I've been at my current fill level -- and happy with that level -- since March 11th. That's more than 7 months. I am at 2.85 ccs in a 5 cc Inamed band.

My last check-in with my doctor was on July 2nd, and I was over 50 pounds down then, and am now 63 pounds down. Since I'm a year out, I thought I should make a follow-up appointment, get an esophogram, etc., and just make sure all is in order. I'm going next Friday.

So, I have to laugh -- yesterday, I was e-mailing with one of my bandster friends, and I confessed that I was looking forward to my doctor's visit. Part of that is because I'm psyched for my doctor to see that I'm really working the band and doing well. AND . . if I'm going to be honest . . . part of it is because I'm looking forward to sitting in the waiting room and seeing what kinds of looks I get, now that I'm so much closer to goal! My friend confessed the same thing -- and that she wore a special thin outfit, shirt tucked in, for her last appointment. Looks like I am not alone here!! :)

Last time I was there, I felt like people were giving me sidelong glances, trying to figure out if I was banded or waiting for a friend. I am positive that I did the exact same thing to other non-obese people in the waiting room during most of my first year of visits! Now I finally understand how that must have felt (great!).

I also always wonder if anyone who reads my blog will see me there and recognized me. If you do, please say hi!

Freaking plateau of freaking annoyingness!!

OK. . so I seem to be stuck at my current weight. Since October 13th, I've just been bouncing up and down from my lowest weight to date. It's so annoying. I've been here before and am reminding myself to have faith that the scale will move down again. But, I'm still a little frustrated. To have my goal within just 12 pounds. . . to be just a fraction away from fitting into a size 10. . . man, I just want to get there.

-

I'm trying to resist having another wee fill -- honestly, I don't need it. What I could do (people in my off-line life, please put a sock in it -- I don't want to hear it) is eliminate some of my favorite liquid calories (i.e. wine) . . . but with one of my best friends in town, staying with me for the next 9 days . . . with her three month old baby, I just don't see that as an acceptable option!

-

I'm going to hang in there, tough it out this week (assuming the scale doesn't move) and see what I can change the following week to get things moving. I am trying to keep it in perspective -- if I'd known this was as far as I'd go on my surgery day, I would have been 100% OK with that. I've come so far, and I feel great about where I am right now. It's just that my goal is so close. . . !

Fun Saturday Day

I went to an alumni event on Saturday that was a walking tour (with a docent) of various Chelsea galleries, followed by a walk on The Highline. My friend Marjorie joined me, and we had a great time -- despite that it rained on and off all day long! Here are a few photos from the day. . .

We saw an exhibit of Jaume Plensa's work, called "In the Midst of Dreams." It was so dreamy, so etherial and amazing -- I loved it. These heads are probably 6 feet tall -- made of resin and lighted from inside. They were very beautiful and other-worldly.

Each face had different words printed on it. . . Insomnia, Hunger, Hysteria, etc.

Plensa also does a technique, where he elonguates a photo of someone's face on his computer, then sculpts the face. I loved this one. . .

Me, with what Marjorie calls. . a wall full of blue toilet seats . .

Here we are by some Ws that matched her jacket. . .

This installation was by Maya Lin -- she is the architect best known for winning a competition to design the Vietnam War Memorial in DC (and she won while only 21 years old & a grad student at Yale. . slacker. . .)! This huge mountain is made of different sized 2x4 pieces of wood. I am so totally getting this for my apartment!! OK, maybe not. . . LOL

The craziest show we saw started with this piece, below. When I first saw it, I was planning to call this photo "REALLY?!?" I totally thought this was a real roll of toilet paper & empty roll. . . and then found out it is carved Carrera marble (insane!!) and the roll is made of painted bronze. The artist totally tricked us -- this looked perfect until you got up very close and could see that the roll was stone!

Jen and Catherine Clothing Day!

I had so much fun today going through my closet in preparation for Jen's visit. She and I have very similar builds, so -- after I met her the other weekend -- I decided that she should be the person to raid what is left of my closet in sizes that I no longer need. I only wish I would have taken more photos! There were some standout pieces that were especially great on her!


At one point, just for kicks, I decided to put my pre-op jeans (which I'm saving as a reminder) on over my current jeans. . (which are size 12 and are a bit loose these days. . can you believe it?!?) Here goes! Here is a link to a photo of me wearing those jeans when they fit. . (it's the one on the far left). Those jeans are so ginormous on me that it's hard to imagine them ever fitting.

Jen looked great in so many of the things that I had! She made out like a bandit (no pun intended. . ho ho) :) -- dresses, pants, sweaters, jackets, etc.! It was such a pleasure to unload the rest of my old clothing in this way, and to know that they are going to someone who really appreciates them . . even if they will only fit her for a short while! Still, they are now part of the Sisterhood of the Traveling XL Dress, so I'm sure other bandsters will get them eventually!

Jen with her loot (how much do we love her new hairstyle?! A lot!!) :)

Quick update: I love the whole Sisterhood of the Traveling XL Dress!! I was so excited to log on to Sarah's blog last night and to see that -- not only did she rock her 5K (what a superstar!!), but she did it in an Adidas top that I sent to her! That is so awesome!!

Channeling Phelps in Beijing!!

OK. . maybe it's not Olympic Gold, but tonight (drum roll. . ) for the first time EVER, I made it over the high wall at Boot Camp by myself!! And, I did it three times!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!


Keep in mind. . the top of this wall is just in reach when I (I am 5'6) stand with my hands above my head. I have to grab on to the top of the wall, hang on with my arms, walk my legs up the wall . . . and, when I'm near the top, I have to lift up my right leg, hook it over the wall's top, and use my legs and arms to pull the rest of my body over. If that doesn't make sense, just be like "you're a badass" and call it a day! LOL :)


So, you might ask. . . what are the reprucussions of doing this. Well, I don't call it Bruise Camp for nothing. . . Here is my arm. . (I think of this as the Sistine Chapel shot. . )
And, the back of my thigh, which got the worse of it. . . Um, thank goodness it's winter and I can wear tights. . . BTW, it looks worse than this in real life. . gross. . .



Today really was a great Bandiversary because -- in addition to the big wall, which is SO MAJOR (!!!) for me (!), I had a few other NSVs as well.


After lunch, I was over talking to our receptionist, and three people came in separately and each had a lot of nice things to say about how I look (they came by one at a time, so they didn't hear one another). It was so nice to hear, but after the third one, I said to the receptionist how much I appreciated the kind words, and how long a road it has been, and totally got choked up! I didn't cry or anything, but I could have for sure.

Even after a year, this is such an emotional thing for me. It's not that I'm sad even the teensiest bit -- it's more that I feel overwhelmed by how grateful and relieved I am to have found a way to stop the bad cycle of gaining weight and feeling hopeless and horrible about that. This really has been a total God-send for me.


Even now, it's hard for me to comprehend that I am so close to goal. And at the same time, it's hard for me to remember just how big I was before.

Does anyone else have that feeling? When you think of yourself in your mind, do you picture the current thinner version, your old self, or something in between?

I have the current version of myself in my mind, but I still have to remind myself of some things. For example, sometimes I'll see a seat on the subway and before I decide whether to take it, I have to make myself remember to gauge it by my current size, not the old one. It's weird.

But, I will say that I don't expect to see my old, heavier self in the mirror when I look into it (while at the same time, it's a nice reminder to see my current iteration. . .). Weird! But so so amazing and wonderful!!

Happy Bandiversary to Me!!

Wow. It's hard to believe it, but it's already been exactly one year since I was banded. My life has changed quite a lot for the better during that time. I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by.

I hope that this will make sense. . . This one-year period was always going to be over today, but by being banded at the start of it, I was able to use the time to do a lot of things to make my life better. I'm going to make a list of all the changes that immediately come to mind as a result. Here goes:

1. I can run (no compartmental syndrome) -- woo hoo!

2. I am in the best shape of my life.

3. I feel good about my weight, my body, and about what I am doing for my overall physical fitness.

4. I enjoy shopping again.

5. Cute boys are taking notice. . .

6. My feet feel fine when I wear heels all day

7. I want to see old friends and reconnect with people, rather than hide because I don't want them to see how much weight I've gained.

8. I feel empowered by all I've been able to accomplish.

9. I am only 12 pounds from goal (the possibility of this was almost unimaginable to me a year ago, but it is true nonetheless!!)

10. Through this blog and lapbandtalk.com, I've found an incredible network of support and friendship that I never expected to find.

11. My hosiery no longer makes that "whistle" noise when I walk down the hall. . .

12. I am excited about going to big events. . weddings, galas, etc. -- because I'm excited about getting dressed up and looking nice!

I have a few other observations to share that are kind of weird to me. . .
* Sometimes I find myself thinking that 60 lbs is not that much weight, and wondering why I didn't just take it off on my own. . . even though I know FULLY (!) that this is crazy and that I never would have done this without the band.

* Because I was at or near my current size for my 20s and very early 30s, I find myself forgetting just how big I'd let myself get during the last several years. (Thank God I kept some clothes to keep that in perspective.)

* I feel my port more lately, which I don't love (but it's no biggie). I may have banged into it in Boot Camp and bruised the muscle underneath -- so I'm more aware of it lately, whereas before I used to forget about it (no worries. . will ask my doctor about it in my upcoming visit).

So, those are my thoughts today. I want to thank everyone who has been a part of this so far, and those who will join in later on! Without your support and encouragement, I would not have done so well or enjoyed this so much. Am sending lots of love and best wishes to you all.

Catherine
(1 Year Band Veteran!)

Bounce Bounce Bounce. . .

My scale has been bouncing all over the place since I hit 63 down. One day, it was actually up FOUR pounds from the day before . . I was like Wha?? I think I must have had a lot of salt the day before. Then, I bounced down two pounds, and now I'm just .2 away from the number I was at at 63 down.

I know that I bounce like this between most pounds, but usually it's just by a pound or two at most. Hopefully, now that I'm back near 63 again, it will just be a short while before I get to 64. . and 65. . and and and. . . !

BTW, I have two good friends in the UK who used to always rent bouncy castles like the one shown above when they had parties. Apparently, it's not that uncommon to do that there! I love it -- was always such a fan of the bouncy castle as a kid. Unfortunately, almost no one in NYC has room for one in their apartment!

Lunch was fun!

Just a quick update to say that I had a great time at lunch with my old friend. He was very complimentary (but also was nice enough to say that I looked great before, too -- which I appreciated, since sometimes I imagine in retrospect that I looked like a matronly abomination). And, it was really nice to get a chance to catch up in person and have a good chat.

He didn't seem worried about my eating, so I didn't mention my surgery. Although I consider him to be a real friend, we're both in the same field and know a TON of the same people. While I know he is discrete and can keep a confidence, I am happy to keep the number of people in my professional life who know about my band to the minimum.

More Seeing Old Friends . . .

Back on March 28th, I posted about seeing my dear friend Rob (second photo in the 3/28/09 post), and about how he expressed concern at the time about how little I ate at dinner one night.

Well. . . I haven't seen Rob since then. It's been nearly seven months! And, during that time, I've gone from 34 pounds down to 63! Nearly 30 more pounds -- and pretty significant ones at that.

He is in town today, and we're meeting up for lunch. I'm really excited to see his reaction to my appearance. If he expresses any concern at all, I'm going to tell him about my surgery. I know that he is trustworthy and can keep a confidence. Should be interesting!

An NSV, To Boot!

This is an exciting moment!! I just realized that my calves (at 15 inches at the biggest spot) are small enough that I can buy normal boots!! No extended calf, no stretchy-material -- normal, leather boots in a regular size!! I don't know if I've ever had a pair of high boots that fit that description.

To celebrate, I am thinking about buying the above ones in black from Garnet Hill. YAY! I hope they actually fit when I get them home.

With 63 pounds down, my calves are now 1.5 inches smaller then they were when I first started. (Newbies, take your measurements and before photos -- I say it all the time, but I can't stress enough how nice it is to be able to track this kind of stuff!) :)

Shout out to the 'rents!

I have to hand it to my parents -- they are both pretty cool! I've been missing them both this week.

-

Right now, my mom is on another exciting trip -- four or so days in Holland to visit her best friend (my honorary aunt, who is fabulous), followed by about a week in Dubai with her boyfriend of many years. Not too shabby! However, I'm really missing our near-daily phone chats!

-

Last night, I was talking to my dad and found out that he is having his deposition taken today in a fraud/embezzlement case. Long story short, after he joined his current company, he personally (!) figured out that a long-time employee (treated like family by the owners) had been stealing millions of dollars from the company through the years. It sounds like she was a shopping addict or something . . .she spent a big chunk of it on high-end shoes. (WTH?! I love nice shoes as much as the next girl (maybe more), but I'm not willing to go to prison to wear them!) His deposition is in a case seeking to recover that money. WAY TO GOOOOOOOO, DAD!! :)

-

So, both of them have especially cool things going on today. . . my mom is roaming around Dubai, and my dad is fighting crime! NICE! Another nice thing about them is that -- even though they have been divorced for 28 years (OK, probably it's because it's been that long!), they actually get along really well. We all get together for the holidays from time to time, and there is never any drama between them. It wasn't always that easy, but it has been for a really long time.

Also. . . SIXTY THREE! (12 from goal. . Holy . . . !)

I am going crazy with the posting today, but I had to put this up when I saw the scale this morning. Sixty-three down makes me just 12 pounds from goal! And, I'm only 2 pounds heavier than a weight I considered reasonable in my late 20s and early 30s (though I still felt fat at that weight. . . who knew one day I'd rejoice at being that size?!)!

Biotin / Vitamin Question. . .

I've been taking two Flintstones' vitamins every day (which is the dosage for adults), and just bought Biotin because I am shedding at an alarming rate. Fortunately, I have thick hair, so I don't think it's noticeable, but the sheer amount that is in my brush, and elsewhere is a little scary to me.

The Biotin comes in these small capsules (see photo). This morning, I took scissors, snipped the top off, put the powder in a glass, mixed it with water and drank it. Does anyone know if that's OK to do? It's flavorless, so it isn't gross. Obviously, I'll run this by my doctor, but I thought I'd see if anyone else had received advice about this.

Also, any thoughts on the Flintstones? I kind of feel like they aren't really vitamins because they taste like candy and are shaped like the Flintstones! :)

The NYC Food & Wine Festival

Saturday was such a fun day. My friend Marjorie and I went to one of the events of The NYC Food & Wine Festival. It was held at a very cool private club called Norwood, started at 2 p.m. and went late into the evening.

Because it was a nice day, they were able to hold all of the demonstrations in the backyard, which was just beautiful. The event was organized by a company called Razor, A Shiny Knife, and it was billed as an "educational, theatrical and social dinning experiment" -- which it definitely was!

Michael Cirino of Razor, a Shiny Knife was our host . . . here, he is teaching how to sharpen knives and basic knife skills. . .

The demonstration I was most excited to see was the sous-vide demonstration. This is a molecular gastronomy technique where food is basically pressurized, and it does some interesting things to its texture. Here, the example was with some yellow melon.

Before shot of the melon . . .

In the sous-vide machine. . .

Here it is, after -- look how saturated the color is and how juicy it is!

Spike from Top Chef was helping in the kitchen and came out to say hi to our group.

Andrew (also from Top Chef) is now the chef at Norwood. He came out to talk about a few things . . . the most memorable of which was the AMAZING, to die for, foie gras that he prepared. Seriously, it was amazing! Also, he was really nice, and even came to sit with us after dinner and to socialize a bit.
Michael is talking to the group about mollecular gastronomy here.

At dinner, we all received individual place settings made by a local artist. These were really cool because the design is all graffiti inspired. Very urban and beautiful!

Here, Michael is overseeing the plating of our first dish -- dungeness crab with watermelon and other yummy deliciousness. (I'll refrain from posting the entire lineup of food porn. . trust me, it was spectacular!) Fortunately, I only could eat a small bit of each dish. At the end of the meal, they told us that the full calorie count -- if you ate everything -- was over 2,000 calories. YIKES! I doubt anyone was able to finish that much though. It was a LOT of food.

And, here is me, pink and rosy from all of the good food and wine! Cheers!!

Web world and real world meet!

I'll post about the Food and Wine Festival event later -- I took a bunch of photos and had a blast. But, on Sunday, I met up with three fantastic people who I know only through this site and http://www.lapbandtalk.com/, Peter (RealizeInCT), Jen, and "Lola" (who is a bandster-to-be).

We had a great time (I do wonder what the waitress thought about how little we all ate!) and it was so nice to meet in person. One thing that I especially liked was being able to talk about band stuff with people who are going through that experience. Of course, being on LapBandTalk, this blog and other blogs, gives me the ability to do that, but it was really nice to have a group together and be able to talk in person. Plus, Peter, Lola and Jen are all very interesting people with great personalities, so it would have been a great day regardless.

Year In Review. . .

Amy asked me if I could figure out a timeline of when I was at what sizes, so I went back through my blog and tracked all of the significant events of the last 11 months. . . Here goes. . . (if you click on the timeline, you can open it in a bigger version).

A Locally Sourced Event. . .

For someone who has had WLS (weight loss surgery), I sure do go to a lot of food-related activities! During the past year, I went to the James Beard Awards, that underground dinner club in Brooklyn, lots of great restaurants (Adour, Babbo, Del Posto, The Modern, Bar Boulud, etc. etc.) and really have enjoyed cooking and having a few dinner parties.

Today and tonight are not going to be an exception to this! There is a food and wine festival going on in NYC at the moment. And, a couple who Marjorie and I met at the dinner in Brooklyn had tickets to an event being held today, but wound up with a conflict. So, they -- very generously -- gave us their tickets. (We're going to take them to a nice dinner as a thank you.)
-
The event we are going to is at Norwood House (cool private club. . think Soho House, but cooler). It's called "A Locally Sourced Evening" -- everything but the food will be locally sourced -- tablewear, etc. So it's bound to be not only a great meal, but one that is beautifully presented! I am so excited! (Plus, I've been wanting to go to Norwood ever since a friend told me that she saw Ryan Gosling there. . .) :)
-

The event actually starts at 2, and we can go by then for all sorts of demonstrations and such (including a sous-vide cooking demonstration. . . after that molecular gastronomist guy was on Top Chef, I'm fascinated by this technique. . very odd)! Then, there is a dinner at 7. I will definitely be bringing my camera and hope to get some good photos to post!

Leopard Dress!

Since I sassed it up for work today, I thought I'd post a photo of my outfit. . . This is the Elie Tahari dress I got the amazing deal on in Palm Springs. . . and it was still on sale for full price at Saks when I got back! HAH! :)

Sixty one. . . (14 to go to goal. . )

I've had a cold for the past week -- nothing too bad, but enough that I haven't felt my best. Despite the cold, I haven't been that diligent about my diet this week -- and because I'm not feeling that great (and didn't want to contaminate the class), I cancelled boot camp this week. So, I was bad on the exercise front as well.

-

What does "not that diligent" mean? Well, I had ice cream on Sunday (which I almost never do), went to Del Posto for dinner on Wednesday night for a friend's birthday (this is a Battali / Bastianich restaurant -- great food) and split a foie gras appetizer with a friend . . . then had refried beans and cheese for dinner last night. Not exactly setting a shining example here. . .

-

I'm pretty sure that my calorie intake this last week has been higher than usual. Maybe I needed that to get my metabolism amped up?

-

Another thing I thought worth mentioning is that I recently got really upset with my mother because when I hit 60 pounds, the following popped out of her mouth . . "Wow! Just think -- if you had really stuck with the diet, where you'd be!" Let me tell you . . this made my blood boil!! I hopped right up on my soap box saying things like "Just how do you think I've lost 60 pounds if I haven't stuck with the plan?!?" and "How is 60 pounds not good enough?!?" and "It's not a 'diet.'" (I should point out that my mother has been incredibly supportive about the band from the very beginning.)

-

After thinking it over later, I realized that she was actually right and that I was being oversensitive to the criticism. Truth is, I've enjoyed things like wine, the occasional dessert, foie gras, etc. through this past year. And, if I had religiously followed all of the bandster rules and been more strict about what I eat, I probably would have been at goal ages ago. But, getting there slowly has really worked for me. I've been able to enjoy myself through this process, haven't felt deprived, and my skin has followed along with the loss -- I don't think I'm going to need any plastic surgery (not even a breast lift) when I'm done.

-

I don't mean this as a license to eat bad food -- it's just an observation that the band still works well when you follow the rules 95% of the time and permit yourself the occasional treat in moderation.

Sway with Me. . .

One thing that you may -- or may not -- know about big skyscrapers is that they are designed to sway in the wind. . . the idea being that if they have a bit of give (like a tree), they will be less likely to be damaged in high winds.

That's all fine and well. But. . as someone who works on the 37th floor of a very tall building, I have to say that it is incredibly freaky. Yesterday, it was very windy here in NYC, and the building was moving and creaking all day long. It was really disconcerting -- you can actually see that it's moving -- and in one of my partners' offices, I could see his windows bellow out and in as the building shifted. It actually made me feel sea sick, and for a while I thought about heading home to work from there. But, the winds died down eventually, and all was well. . .

Wrapping my brain around it. . .

I've been searching for photos of things that weigh 60 lbs since I hit the 60 mark, but there are slim pickings out there!

Still, it's crazy for me to think that I've lost the equivalent of these fish. . .

And this brown dog! Obviously, losing 60 lbs of weight feels much better than if I lost this sweet dog!

So far, no downward movement on the scale. I'm just bouncing up and down the same .5 lbs, as I usually do. It's especially annoying here though because I'm at a 10 lb mark. So, the second number on the scale varies based on whether the .5 is up or down! I'm looking forward to getting a few more pounds off so that this will not happen anymore.

I have a feeling that the last 14.6 lbs may take some time to get off, but I'm OK with that. I already feel good where I am and, while I'm excited to get to goal, it's OK with me if it happens gradually (as long as it happens)!

True Religion. . .

One of the things I've been looking forward to about losing weight is finally being able to fit into cool designer jeans. I took a look on-line this morning and found this great pair from True Religion. Super cute, right?

Darn it. . wouldn't you know that the biggest size they make is equivalent to a 10?? WTF?? 10 is not such a big size that it should be the ultimate cap!! Plus, I don't fit into a 10 yet. Looking at the measurements for the jeans size, I still have to lose an inch off of my hips to fit into the largest size of these jeans. I've got to tell you . . . That really sticks in my craw!!

I know I'll be there eventually, and I suppose this gives me something else to look forward to. But, I'm not really expecting to be smaller than a 10 when I get to goal, so I'll be wearing their biggest size even when I'm at an "ideal" BMI. I don't really understand why certain companies do their sizing like this. . not when the average size in the U.S. is a size 14. Grrr!

The Freak Zone . . .

I just posted about my recent date. I waited a whole day, and then - - this morning -- decided that I should follow through on my promise to e-mail him. So, I sent a very nice message thanking him for a nice dinner, and letting him know that I enjoyed myself . . depite that I did not want to pursue this further. I also closed out the match.

I hope you're sitting down. . . Now for the weird part. . . This morning at work (!!) I get a call from some guy who says:
X: Hello. My name is X and I was wondering if I might speak with you for a few minutes.
Me: Well, X, that depends on what you would like to speak with me about.
X: This may be a bit unusual, but . . I am friends with a guy named [G], who you had dinner with earlier this week.
Me: OK. .
X: G mentioned that he had a nice time with you, and that you closed out of the match. He's been trying for a while to meet the right person, and I was wondering whether you might be willing to tell me what it was that made you not want to pursue this, so that he might benefit from it in the future.. .

The call went on, and X told me that his wife thinks the problem is G's hair (he shaved his head b/c is going bald -- totally not an issue for me). He also asked if I thought G needed to lift weights, bulk up, etc. I was like . . no. . the guy is a marathon runner. Didn't have a problem with the physique. Basically, I told him that it boiled down to me not feeling any chemistry -- that G was polite, nice, interesting, well-traveled, educated, etc. -- nothing wrong with him per se -- he's just not my cup o' tea. The whole thing was so weird.

Just to make sure there is a full understanding of how weird this was, I should point out that X was calling me from London for this info. ALSO, I'd never given G my contact information at all -- I only told him my last name at dinner after he specifically asked me. So, G had to have Googled me, found my bio and pulled my work no. from there. Hello, stalker!

Oh well . . looks like I dodged a bullet of dating someone with creepily-budinsky-like friends! Dude. People are so weird. . . Plus, I would have respected him more if he'd had the nerve to actually ask me what my feelihngs were directly. Hmm. . . wonder why he's still single . .