Pantiemonium!

I've been really good about cleaning out my closet and passing clothing on to other bandsters through The Sisterhood of the Traveling XL Dress. I've sent out packages all over the United States. . workout clothes, jeans, dresses, capris, tops, bras, etc., and it's amazing to see the ripple effect and how many of you are doing the same! It's a total thrill when I see you guys post or e-mail me photos of yourselves in clothing from me, and it cracks me up that so many of you recognize which items are mine. . . because I always used to cut out the size tags!

We're going to have to rename it the Sisterhood of the Skinny Bs soon! :)

These days, I only have a few things left that are above a 12 or 14. Obviously, my Jared pants aren't going anywhere, and I have a few special dresses and suits that I plan to get tailored once I officially stop losing.

Welllll. . . I didn't realize until this weekend that there are actually a substantial number of "before" items hiding in my apartment. In fact, they are all hiding in the same spot. . . my undies drawer! I guess I didn't realize it because all of the newest things tend to be on top.

So, how did I figure out that this stash of too-big items existed?? Did I notice it, then clean out the drawer? Why noooooo! Of course not!! Instead, I grabbed what I thought were some cute, new undies and wore them with my dress to brunch on Saturday. As my friend and I were walking down the street, I felt them start to slowly migrate southward - yikes!! I had to spend the rest of the day on stealth-tug duty, or I would have had a serious I-See-London-I-See-France situation on my hands!!

Bandsters, Beware!! :)

So, the moral of my story is to remember to treat yourselves to some cute new undies and get rid of the oldies! And be careful when you are getting dressed!! :)

Spin Me Right Round

I am really enjoying this new spin workout that I've been doing! This studio has much cooler spin classes than I've taken at other gyms, in part because they are so hardcore about it. They turn the lights way down, light candles near the instructor, crank up the music, and manage to give a full-body workout in 45 minutes.

Here is a photo of the studio I've been going to.

On Saturday, I had an incredibly active day. I was surprised that I actually wanted to do this, but I got up in time to make an 8:45 a.m. spin class, then got home, changed (and made myself presentable) and went to my usual 10 a.m. yoga class. It was a really intense workout -- and I probably should have had more water inbetween, but aside from a few seconds of a foot cramp, I was fine!

Here is the inside of one of the studios at the place where I go -- but I don't think it's my location.

Once I showered and changed, I went out for a great brunch with my friend Don, who is still in town visiting. After that, I did a quick jaunt to pick up a birthday present for my friend Monica, had a mani/pedi and a quick massage, then made it up town to meet Monica and a bunch of other people to watch the World Cup. And I did all of that by 3 p.m.!

On Sunday, I had to work all day (wah!), which is why I had wanted to pack so much in on Saturday. But, I made it out for a morning spin class and really enjoyed it. I did have a few splurge things to eat this weekend (steak, chocolate, etc.), but with all that working out, I was still surprised to see that my scale was up a little this morning. I wonder if it's due to the food or to building some more lean muscle mass. Hopefully the latter!

Public Perception and Soulllllllllll Cycles!

Tonight, I went back and looked at my photos from my trip to Monterrey, Mexico for my lap band surgery. It's amazing to me to see how far I've come since October of 2008, and it's hard for me to believe that I was ever as heavy as I actually was.

Photo on the left is me, two days after surgery. The one on the right is from last weekend.

A few interesting things have happened this week. For starters, several months ago, I randomly ran into a guy (Jason) who I used to see when I was in law school. He was extremely good looking, was a graphic design student at the Corcoran School of Art in D.C., and lived in my apartment building. My friends and I used to call him "the dirty hottie" before we got to know him because. . well, he was so cute that he made our minds wander! :) In any event, we met, wound up seeing one another for a few months while I was on hiatus from my relationship with my law school boyfriend, and we became really good friends.

When I ran into Jason, I was having dinner with a friend at a pub near my office. It had been 10 years or so since we'd seen one another, but he came up to me, and I recognized him right away. We exchanged information and have been trying to get together ever since (he lives elsewhere, but gets to NYC regularly for work). Anyway, last night, he e-mailed on the off-chance that I was free, and we wound up having dinner at a cool restaurant in Soho where he knew the chef and half the staff. They kept bringing out all sorts of wonderful things for us to try, and we were given some serious superstar treatment.

It was great to see him (he is still ridiculously cute) and to catch up (don't get too excited. . . he is married. . has two kids and he and his wife just separated and are living apart. . too messy for me). It was great to be able to pick up as though no time had passed. For me, this was really funny because Jason has no idea that I'd gotten so heavy in the intervening years. I'm kind of like (internally): "Hi! I've looked this good the whole time!" He said that he thought I looked just the same, and said something about how good it was that I was in such good shape. (I was like. . "Oh, if you only knew the long road it's been!" -- though I didn't say anything of the sort!)

In other news, tonight, I finally made it to this new spin studio near my house. It's a really cool studio (you can see the name below) and the class was fantastic -- great music, a really motivating instructor, and a challenging full-body workout (we even did a segment for the upper body using weights).

When I got to the studio, I started thinking about Gilly's recent post about the annoying "fat-checker" Zumba instructor at her gym. That made me think about what these people would think of me, coming in to do this challenging spin class -- and I realized that, to them, I probably read as a fit, athletic person. That was kind of a surprising realization, maybe because I hadn't thought about it before. Even in Boot Camp, I was about 30 or 40 pounds heavier when I started, so they know more about from whence I came! After more than a year of Boot Camp though, I have some muscles (to be said as "musckles" a la Popeye) and am in good enough shape that I can do any normal gym's classes without keeling over.

It's also kind of surprising to me -- someone who avoided working out for so long, who NEVER, EVER thought of herself as athletic, and who was just not self-motivated about the gym -- that I found this new gym through word of mouth, followed up on my own, and went to the class all by myself. That, my friends, is an NSV beyond anything on my wish list. It did not occur to me that I would become someone who would be that self-motivated.

It's amazing, but all those workouts have had such a great impact on how my body looks, and how I feel -- health-wise -- that I want to keep them up. If you look back through this blog, you'll see a bunch of posts through the months about how I felt badly about the fact that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to on the gym front, but I did eventually pull it together. So, if you aren't feeling motivated, don't give up. Just keep trying to motivate yourself and keep trying different types of exercise until you find something you like.

So, there is a theme to my post tonight, which just popped out at me. It's about getting used to the different way we are perceived once we get to goal. For me, it's a real pleasure. I like it, and it tickles me that, after 20 months of working with my band, people who don't know me assume that I've never been seriously overweight.

I am so overwhelmed by the feelings of gratefulness and happiness that I have about finding a tool that would let me get to this wonderful, healthy and extremely positive place. The burden that this has lifted from me is so much greater than the 78 pounds I have lost, and I love it that I finally am able to live my life appreciating how I look, instead of feeling like sh*t that I am not flawlessly perfect.

Another fun 40 celebration!

This past weekend was a complete blast! My best friend, Grace (pictured next to me, below) and two of her best friends since elementary school -- who I've known and liked for about 20 years -- all flew in to town so that we could celebrate our mutual 40th b-days together!

We all stayed in my one bedroom apartment (thank goodness I have two bathrooms!) and I'd been wondering how that would go. Actually, it was completely fine and a lot of fun! It was a lot like college, with all of us getting ready together to go out -- and also a bit like a big slumber party!

"Before"

"After!" LOL

We spent the days walking around town -- through Soho and the West Village and even headed up to Central Park. We also went to all sorts of fun places -- Buddakan (the restaurant in the first Sex in the City movie, where Carrie & Big have their rehearsal dinner), The Standard (where I saw Bono not too long ago), and to a bunch of other places in the Meatpacking District.

Being silly at The Standard!

Grace stayed an extra night so that we would get to hang out together, and we met up with our other closest mutual friend from college (Don -- my friend who you'll recognize from other photos), who also is in town right now. Here is a photo of the three of us. Alert the press. . . I have collarbones! :)

All in all, an awesome weekend! It was just so nice to be with such good, longtime friends, to feel great, and to celebrate! And, I love it that my 40th isn't for a few more months, but I've already had two big celebrations! :) Fun!

What I eat. . .

A bunch of people have asked me what I eat. It varies from day to day, but I generally have three meals and a snack.

Breakfast is usually a yogurt or oatmeal, or the occasional fruit smoothie (I like the Caribbean Breeze from Smoothie King with an extra shot of protein). If it's the weekend, I might have something small, like an egg or a few bites of a granola bar before going to yoga, and then I do brunch for lunch.

When I'm at work, I usually have my lunch delivered. My most common orders are some kind of soup that has plenty of protein in it or a chicken Caesar salad (I mainly eat the chicken -- they are both from Hale & Hearty). I also order grilled salmon from Guy & Gallard, sashimi, or even Thai green curry with rice.

For dinner, if I'm by myself at home, sometimes I'll make a piece of fish, or cook a patty of high quality beef (I only eat hamburger meat at home these days. . too high a risk of PBing to order it out), or I'll have a low calorie frozen dinner (so lame. . but so easy. . ). If I'm out, I'll generally order fish -- it's one of my favorite things to eat anyway, so it's no burden.

Here is exactly what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast: A package of instant oatmeal and an iced coffee (with half & half. . some things aren't worth the compromise!)

Lunch: Hale & Hearty Chicken Caesar salad . . . I only ate a little and saved the rest. I mainly ate the chicken, though I did have some lettuce as well. I also had a Snapple diet iced tea with lemon.

Snack: Two small oatmeal raisin cookies

Dinner: Some more of the Hale & Hearty salad

Water: I had somewhere between 6-8 glasses of water throughout the day.

I was at the office past 10 p.m., or I probably would have mixed it up for dinner. I also had one glass of red wine when I got home. And I watched 500 Days of Summer for the second time -- great movie! And, when I say "watched," I mean . .watched the first 30 minutes, then conked out on the sofa for a bit!

The Barbie Bonus

I was thinking recently about how much fun shopping and getting dressed has become since I got banded, and especially as I got closer to goal. It suddenly dawned on me that . . . I feel a little bit like a girl with a new Barbie . . . but that Barbie is me! How silly is that?! But seriously, it's a lot of fun after years of being substantially overweight to have a body that I can dress in all kinds of cute outfits. It's nice to have less restrictive fashion parameters, not to have to worry about Spanx or showing my arms, and to be able to shop anywhere.

Last weekend, I went out to Fire Island with Marjorie and a few other friends (we shared a house out there) and had a great time. I got to pack a bunch of new outfits (most of which you've already seen in other photos), felt comfortable at the beach in my bikini, and was just generally comfortable and not in a funk because of my weight. It's just so nice to be free from all those negative feelings about weight.

SEVENTY-EIGHT!!

Wow -- I am really surprised, but the scale this morning showed me at 78 pounds down! I am just 2 pounds away from having lost 80 pounds. . . and only 7 pounds from my aspirational goal. I'm really surprised to be down another pound this soon, but I'll take it! I think having that unfill was a good step -- I've been able to eat better protein (i.e. more chicken and fish, less cheese), and that must have helped with this last pound!

Fill Adjustment

First, I have to thank you guys for all of your extremely nice comments on my last post! I could not believe how many people commented, and you were all so incredibly positive and supportive that it just made me feel great! Thank you!!

On Friday, I went in to Dr. Ren's office to get a tiny un-fill. I'd been at 3.0 in my 5 cc band, and it was just the tiniest bit too much. I was having more trouble eating and a tiny bit of reflux here and there. Actually, being too tight isn't much help for me on the weight loss front because I spent the time from my last fill until Friday making food choices that weren't as good as they could have been if I wasn't favoring foods that went down more easily.
So, I went in to Dr. Ren and had her take out .1 ccs. I am now at 2.9 ccs in my 5.0 cc band. That is just .05 up from the sweet spot where I happily stayed for around 11 months. So far, this seems like a decent spot for me, and I'm hopeful that this is a spot where I'll be able to stay indefinitely.

In other news, I engaged in some more backsliding behavior with C this weekend. I really need to meet someone else so that he and I can transition to just being friends, permanently. I just so much would prefer to be with someone who is crazy about me and dying to be in a relationship with me. That's what I want, and it's frustrating to me that it's so hard to find.

Aaaaaaaaaack. . . Nervous to post this!!

OK, I may very well delete this within the next few days, but enough of you have asked for a bikini pic. . . and enough of you have been brave enough to post your own bikini pics. . . that I'm going to suck it up and do it, despite my internal cringing and nervousness! Here you go, dear readers. Me, in a bikini after losing just about 77 pounds! . . .



The beauty of the bikini for me is that my problem areas are . . and always have been . . . my legs, not my stomach. So, wearing a one piece really doesn't hide more flaws than the two piece. Be gentle on me, people. . . it's a huge leap of trust and faith for me to post this!!

Memorial Day in New Mexico!

Sculptures at the entrance of the Hyatt Tamaya

I took two extra days off over the Memorial Day weekend and headed to New Mexico to meet my mother, my sister (again, technically, "ex-step-sister") and her mother at a resort called the Hyatt Tamaya in Santa Ana Pueblo. It's a gorgeous spot, and Christine (my sister) and I have been there together before.

Having an iced coffee at an outdoor cafe after lunch

The weather was spectacular! Really sunny and gorgeous. I was able to start almost every day with a 75 minute yoga class at the resort's gym, which was a wonderful way to get centered, get some exercise and begin the day in a nice frame of mind. One day, I did that class, played tennis for two hours with Christine, then went to the pool. . . IN MY BIKINI (!). . . then had a 90 minute hot rock massage (phenominal), then a dinner that started with rose champagne and ended with dark chocolate fondue. Not too shabby!! :)

Here is a shot of the pool where I spent most of my pool-time. There is a great slide in this building!

Me, coming out of the slide!

One of the biggest NSVs for me on this trip was that I had bought a bunch of new outfits. Obviously, the bikini was one of them, but I also bought the cute tennis outfit shown below, some new dresses (including the one in the first photo), and a bunch of really cute workout clothing. It felt so great to be able to wear those cute outfits and to just feel good. I was comfortable in the heat, my tennis game and endurance is SO much better after a year of boot camp (!), and I just really enjoyed feeling fantastic and being comfortable in my skin.

-

One day, I was sitting next to a very heavy woman at the pool. She was really well dressed, had a nice family and was reading Laura Bush's biography. But she sat out there fully dressed, despite that it was really warm. I really wanted to tell her about the band, but I didn't because I did not want to upset her and/or make her feel bad about her weight. I have the impulse to tell people about the band all the time, when I think it's something that could help them. But I do know that hearing that you're heavy enough to be a candidate for WLS probably is not welcome news to everyone. So, I hold back almost all of the time.

My new tennis outfit!

One night, we went over to the casino and bowled with my nephew and his grandfather (his dad and grandparents live in NM, so they were able to visit with him while we did more grownup stuff during the day).

Bowling togs
Helping my nephew bowl! I was so stressed that he wanted to put his fingers in the ball! I thought he might get hurt, but it was fine!

Me, channeling Mary Catherine Gallagher! Hey. . when you make as many gutterballs as I do, it's wise to do it with flare!

Christine and I had actually planned this trip to celebrate our mutual 40th birthdays. One night, the moms took us to a really nice restaurant (Prairie Star) near the resort for a celebratory dinner. Here we all are, on the restaurant's terrace. My hair looks crazy, but whatever!

Here my mom and I are at the dinner of the champagne and fondue! I wore my cougar dress. . . partially in honor of the very cute 25 year old guy at the spa who we spent a lot of time talking to and who wanted us to meet him for a drink at the casino! I'm pretty sure that was directed right at me, so. . rar! :) LOL

SEVENTY-SEVEN!!!

WOW! I did not expect to see a new low number on the scale after my Memorial Day weekend vacation! But, I did work out a lot during my trip. I was in Santa Ana Pueblo, New Mexico with my mother, my sister (who is technically my ex-step-sister -- her mom was married to my dad for almost 20 years and we're the same age), and her mom, Nancy. Our family really takes this whole modern family thing to a new level! I love it though. It's so nice that my mom and Nancy get along and that we can all get together.

I'll post about the trip soon! Just wanted to share the SEVENTY-SEVEN news with you! I am now 3 pounds below goal and 8 pounds from my aspirational goal. AND, I wore a bikini on my trip to New Mexico!! And I felt great in it. That is an NSV that I never imagined I'd ever get to experience at the beginning of this process!! But, lo and behold, guess who has a tan, reasonably flat tummy?? :D