Happy THIRD Bandiversary to me!

Today is my third bandiversary. Today marks three years since I took a well-researched, calculated risk. It marks just about three years since I was able to stop feeling like sh*t about my weight every single day and since I first started breaking free from the food prison.

So, how has my life changed? Well, I went from weighing 230 pounds to holding steady right around the 150 pound mark -- five pounds under my goal. I've become someone who looks forward to exercising and who talks about her workout at cocktail parties (OK, I know that's not necessarily a good thing, but I've bonded with a lot of other women about it..)!


I also understand that working out is the key to maintenance for me. Over the past year, my weight hasn't changed that much. I've been able to easily maintain within a range of about five pounds, and as long as I'm able to hit the gym 3-4 times a week, it's no issue at all to maintain on the lower end of that spectrum. This year, I did three trips -- all to the Adirondacks -- that involved serious hikes that I would never have even attempted at my start weight, and I enjoyed all three, though even at my current level of fitness, they were challenging.


In addition to fitness and maintenance, this year also has been a lot about being in love and enjoying my relationship with Steve. It feels so incredible to be with someone who appreciates me so much, and I love not having to worry if I look fat .. or if he thinks I'm fat... or if ... blah blah blah, anything having to do with fat. It's just not a worry anymore. I can't believe how lucky I am to have found a tool that would make it possible to let that type of negativity go. I never imagined that would be possible -- or that it was part of what banded life would offer to me.


I'm a lucky bandster, for many reasons -- including that Lap Band Girl always has her bandiversary just before me, and she always posts something interesting and thought provoking that gets me thinking. For example, her post last year led to me figuring out that I'd spent $120.25 per pound to get to goal. (It was worth every penny.) This year, she wrote a letter to her "fat self" that inspired me to write a letter to the version of myself who was thinking about having this surgery, but still had a lot of doubts. Here is my letter:




Dear Me c. 2008,

Don't be scared about this decision. This is going to be the right thing for you. The surgery doesn't turn out to be that big of a deal, and the payoff is going to be so good that you would have gladly suffered through ten times worse if you could see how this is going to turn out three years down the road. The best news I can give you is that you are going to get to your goal. You are going to get to be thin, fit and healthy. Believe it or not, you're going to become someone who other people ask for advice on staying in shape -- even people who don't know you were ever overweight. You're going to be one of the fittest people in your trendy spin class, and you'll get to wear super cute outfits there... and everywhere else.

It's a FACT that you are going to get to feel good about your weight, your body, and what you eat. Your relationship with food is going to change quite a bit, but only in ways that you are going to like. You'll still enjoy flavors just as much. You'll still love going out to nice dinners, brunch, cooking and entertaining at home. It's just that you'll get to enjoy all of those feelings without feeling guilty -- or disgusting -- or sick to your stomach from overeating afterwards. You'll get to eat ice cream in public, shame-free. You'll get to shop absolutely EVERYWHERE, and they will have clothing in your size, and you won't have to make due with things that are just OK because they fit you -- you'll be able to do much better than that.

You will never have to worry if a guy thinks you are fat. (Because you'll know that if he does, the problem is all his because you are definitely NOT fat.) In fact, your 40-year old bootie is going to look so much better than its teen-aged iteration that you're actually going to LIKE it for the first time ever!! You are going to get to wear bikinis in the summer! And, shopping for them won't even leave you with post-traumatic stress-disorder!!

You will be able to wear heels without being in undue pain the whole time!! Also, your feet won't hurt all the time -- your heels won't crack -- and you won't have to stretch out your back after you've been walking around for a while. Also, your legs won't rub together when you walk. I don't want you to get too far ahead of yourself, but I can tell you that CORDUROY is in your future! (No, you don't start a fire. I know -- I'm as shocked as you are!!)

You'll get to go to foreign countries and feel like a sexy jet setter, instead of a fat American. You'll get ushered in with a smile and great service at the Hotel C*stes in Paris, among other spots. It will actually feel GOOD to be hot in the summer, and you won't have to be nervous about wearing your swimsuit. Bumping into old friends will be a pleasure. You won't look ridiculous dancing (well... as long as you don't break out the robot... AGAIN. Seriously, you're 40 for crying out loud -- no one needs to see that)!

You're going to get to feel lovely -- and healthy -- physically strong, mentally strong, attractive, admired, and proud of yourself for finding a way to solve this lifelong struggle with your weight.

Also, you know that @$$hole saying "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"? I know -- totally obnoxious, right? Well, it turns out that it's true.

So, my dear self, circa 2008, please don't be afraid. Don't worry about the surgery -- you're doing the right thing, and all of the things you are so worried about really don't turn out to be a problem. I know that not everyone gets lucky like this, but you fall in the right percentages during at least your first three years.

Go ahead with confidence. There are so many good things waiting for you.

Love,

Catherine