Don't get excited. . . this isn't as exciting a revelation as Amy recently made! :) But I did finally tell C about my band. Leaving aside the issue that I'm the only person I know who can turn a rebound fling into a nine month affair. . . I wanted to tell you about how it went. You might remember that I had wanted to tell him for a long time. In fact, back in December, I wrote a post about this. One of the things I wrote about was what my concerns were about telling -- and since that hasn't changed, I'm going to recap that here:Part of my fear in telling a guy about the surgery is that his perception of me will change. I think that's a legitimate concern. Part of that is that I don't want the person to suddenly look at me through some kind of "fat goggles" and suddenly find me as being less attractive. Another part of that is that I don't want the person judging me based on my inability to control my weight without the band. I'd hope that anyone I'd be serious aabout would view this as a positive though -- that I find a way to fix serious problems when I have them, and that I'm not afraid to make big changes or take calculated, well-researched risks when I need to do so to improve the quality of my life.
Telling C was interesting. We'd been having a serious talk about things going on in his life, and I decided that it was a good time for me to share this information about myself. He reacted in a really normal way. It turns out that he knew all about lap band surgery, since a friend's husband is a surgeon in the field, and he didn't seem shocked or to have any negative reaction at all. He just said that he was glad that it had worked for me and that I was happy that I'd done it. I told him that I'd been really curious about what his reaction would be and asked him if knowing about the band made him think of me differently -- he said that it didn't.
I also told him that I was surprised that he'd never asked me about my big scar, and asked if he'd ever noticed that I had a lump (i.e., my port) above it. He'd noticed the lump, but never thought to ask about either. Funny, right? I mean, here I am sweating it out that someone is going to freak out if they notice the port, and he noticed it and didn't even think to say anything about it!
I shared all of this with my friend Christina (my friend who lives in Berlin and gave me the beautiful bracelet and earrings as a goal present), and she made a really great observation that I want to share with you. This is what she said, and I think it's a great way for all of us to think about band surgery and to help others to think about it as well:
If your eyes are weak, you get glasses or lenses. If your teeth are not straight, you get braces. And, if you have [serious] problems with portion control, you get a band. And if a person takes the risk of the operation, then the pressure/annoyance/suffering they felt [because of their weight] must have been pretty strong. So, it is a good thing [for that person to] walk down the road of getting banded.
24 comments:
I love your friends way of thinking - its something more people should understand. You have a problem - fix it if it bothers you. We did and we have.
Congrats on telling C. Sometimes things seem bigger and scarier than they actually turn out to be. Guess this was one of those situations. xx
Your friend is a good one, that is for sure. I am having dinner this week with one of my oldest and dearest friends who to this point I have not told I had the surgery. She is very "anti-medical" and whole heartedly believes in holistic treatments for everything. She won't even take an asprin for a headache. I have seen her suffer through migrains. So, to tell her I had this life altering surgery will be very strange and I wonder how she will react. I am wondering if I should even bother to tell her. We are going to one of Detroit's finest restaurants, where I will perhaps have an appetizer for my meal, so I am sure she will wonder why I am not eating. She tends to over order too, so we can taste everything. I think I will clip your friend's comments and keep them with me for inspiration that evening, in the event that I fess up. It is just very strange not telling her about this major thing in my life. But at the same time, I am not really comfortable telling her. Not sure what I will do....
i love your friend's thoughts on it! :-)
Isn't it funny how we can often make things such a big deal in our heads only to find that other people react in a very casual way?
I'm pleased for you that C. reacted as he did; it's probably quite a weight off your shoulders (quick - jump on the scales and see if it made a difference!)
Catherine, I'm so very happy that C's reaction was so positive. I'm very lucky in that, thus far, everyone I have told has been very supportive (at least to my face!) so I'm not even sure what a negative reaction 'sounds like' at this point in time. That said, I also have a husband and am not having to factor in telling a potential mate or significant other.
As for your friends words -- so wise and supportive. You are very lucky to have such a friend.
Fantastic view of the band. We have a problem, we search high and low for solutions, we find one that works. The End.
Glad to hear C. handled the news so well. I know it's hard to look at oneself objectively, but even as little as I know you, I can see that you are a really accomplished woman. I'm sure C sees that even more than I do.
xoxo
Great view of the tool. Awesome...
so happy the boy turned out to be a good one :) Amazing how we work these things up into huge issues in our own minds and then find out it's just us.
Your friend's comments (love her theory, btw) reminded me of something in that book by Dr Sewell that i discovered thanks to your blog.... he basically tackled the whole 'am i a failure if i have the surgery' fear by pointing out that obesity is a disease... and said if you found out that you had heart disease you wouldn't self medicate (except, perhaps, Linda O's friend), so why wouldn't you seek professional medical help in dealing with this obesity disease...
Well Said.....Your friend was totally right, I am glad you told C about the band. I am sure it is a weight off your shoulders.
Your friends comment COMPLETELY reminds me of what my husband said that finally made me OK with having surgery.
He had glasses when we met and wanted lasik before our wedding so our wedding pictures would have him without glasses.
Fast forward a couple years later and my mom is having lapband surgery and wanting me to get it to (so she won't be along in the whole process). I was SO against it until I did some research and then was kind of thinking about getting it. I asked him about it and he told me it is just like any other cosmetic surgery. Someone doesn't like their boobs, they get a boob job. Someone doesn't like their glasses, they get lasik. People get so many surgeries because they want to look different these days, he said this was nothing different to him. If it made me as happy as lasik made him, he wanted me to get it.
It totally convinced me and change my mind about the surgery completely! That is now how I think about it as well, I don't get down on myself at all about getting the surgery, I just had something about me I didn't like so I got surgery to make me look better. Maybe a bit vain, but not more than anyone else in the USA!
What a great post! I am so happy for you that C was so understanding about the band. Your friend is a smart cookie!
Your friend has a great outlook on things. Glad things went well with C. I think a lot of times, we build things up and they seem bigger than they actually are. Congratulations.
She is totally right. Thanks for posting that.
You made me breath a sigh of relief with this post. Its so cool that C knew details about the surgery and had a nice reaction.
I'm so happy for you. Go over to my spot when you get time because I nominated you for an award.
http://lessthanfat.blogspot.com/2010/08/me-versatileim-one-trick-pony.html
Catherine, you are inspirational! I am so glad that C was fine with it....you are an exceptional woman....how could he possibly judge you? Thanks for your story!
What a great way to look at it, I will quote your friend next time I want to explain. Glad the reveal was positive!
I love the last verse from your friend! SO DAMN GOOD!
So true....we are a society of fixers...we want to fix anything that we are able to. We can fix this weight loss problem...it is doable and those of us lucky enough to be able to have the surgery can do something about it.
Nice post! Glad you were able to tell him.
Sounds like it's going well! :)
Love your friend's perspective and glad it went well with C.
Your friend has a great perspective-- I agree. Why are we so dang critical of people getting help for weight loss? It is NOT cheating, and we know that.
Ah. Even if it is cheating, I'm a happy cheater and I don't give a crap anyway.
Glad you were comfortable and told C. I must say that anytime I have disclosed this info, I have been surprised by the 'non-plussed' reactions I've gotten to the info. People really don't seem to care very much unless they have a serious weight issue themselves-- then they really take it personally.
Interesting.
Wow, Maine looks beautiful, and I love those shots of you and your friends, especially the flip flop shot. So summery and colorful.
Since I'm still pre-op, I've been thinking about whether I'm going to tell people about the band or not. My inner circle will definitely know, but I'm not sure about acquaintances, co-workers, etc. I hadn't even gone down the road of telling a love interest, because, well, there hasn't been one in my life in a long, long time. (That sounds sort of pathetic, I know).
I really appreciated this post, and I think your friend is awesome.
You are really brave for telling him and how funny that he already knew!! I know the hesitation--there are ppl out there who judge no matter what, but C obviously loves you for you! :)
I totally relate. Besides my family, I have only told one friend (the supermodel looking one). I know my other friends would be very supportive but just had a feeling they wouldn't be able to 'relate' as I needed them too. I guess part of it is me still thinking that it's all my fault I am fat, that it's a weakness in me. I so loved what your Berlin friend wrote. That just made my day.
Love your friends quote! And I'm so glad you're talk went well, hopefully I'll have the same luck in the future.
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