After my last post, both my mother and my friend Christina made the same observation to me. They said that they never realized when I was heavier just how unhappy I was about my weight. There is a reason for that. It wasn't something I wanted to share (other than with my therapist, who I specifically went to because I was having trouble motivating to take off the weight. Meanwhile, I'm one patient who she can be sure that she cured!).
I've always been of a firm belief that I should not complain about my weight unless I was willing to really do something about it. The reason for that is similar to one of the main reasons I didn't tell everyone about my band. In the distant past, whenever I'd told people that I was unhappy about my weight, they always took that as an invitation to comment on diets I should try, remark on what I was eating or should be eating, etc. In other words, they would turn into the Food Police. I hated that so much, in part because I knew I should be doing better. Eventually I realized that if I didn't open up the discussion, I wouldn't be on the receiving end of Food Police comments.
On a completely different note. . I have to tell you about the weekend! I had a great time with Chris. We went out for dinner and drinks on Friday night, and had such a great time that he asked me out again for Sunday night. During dinner on Friday, he mentioned that he had stomach cancer about seven years ago (he's been in remission since). The surgery he had was laparoscopic, and he was very open with me about how that impacted his life and feelings in general.
After that, I felt comfortable sharing with him that I have the lap band, so I told him. He didn't know what it was, so I explained it. I thought his reaction was a good one, and he gave me props for really working to lose the weight and get in shape. And, that was that. Not really a big deal!
On Sunday, we went out for dinner at a cute Argentinian spot near me. I told him that I was glad that I had told him about the surgery, since I wouldn't have to over-order to look normal! We shared three dishes, had great conversation and really enjoyed each other's company. . . .
BUT. . there was one thing. . . he seemed stressed and told me that "Something great happened to me yesterday, and I feel like I need to tell you about it." I was like. . oh God. . .Did he get back together with his old girlfriend?! Fortunately, that wasn't it. Long story short, a friend offered him his dream job in Denver, Colorado. He's going there on Wednesday for business anyway, so he's going to meet with the company and find out more about the position while he is in town. I think he will probably take the job if it is offered. Wah!!
One thing I liked about the conversation was that he told me that he was disappointed that this came up right after we started dating, and that he would want to keep seeing me if he moved and for me to visit. That's not exactly my ideal situation though. I am hoping he decides not to go. I guess I'll know more after he gets back next week. Boo! Bad timing!
17 comments:
I feel the same way about the food police. My best friend was shocked when I told her about wanting to get the band. She just couldn't get that I was even concerned. But ultimatly if I need to change something in my life I have to figure it out. If others start to chime in I always felt invaded and probably stand offish! And I shut down! But now I am changing. Quietly. But I am ready.
On the dating...don't totally discount long distance. It isn't ideal but my husband and I did it for three years. Back and forth to England. The heart ache was rough but it is amazing how our relationship is now. We learned so much during that time and had some amazing adventures. Good luck! I wish you the best.
Awww on the situation with Chris. I hope things work out. It is so cool about you guys being able to share those things.
I hope the situation with Chris keeps him local. I got goose bumps reading, as I flashed back to the first dates with my hubbs. I haven't told anyone about the band either, except for my immediate family and 3 of my closest friends.
I didn't tell certain people about my Band (like my Mother) because of the whole food police issue. I hate when people give me pointers in anything but especially eating. Like they've never had an f-in cookie!
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that Chris stays local. However, don't lose all hope. My hubby and I spent a year doing the long distance thing before we were married and it took some creativity and determination, but we made it work.
My mother takes the role of food police and it makes me crazy! It is as if she thinks she needs to educate me on what and how to eat. Trust me, I know enough about nutircian and dieting to write a book. It's not the knowing that is the problem, it is the doing. That's why I got the band - to get a little help.
On the Chris front, I am sorry for you about the timing but I can tell you I live in Denver and you never know, you might like it here ;-). I'm sure that things will work out exactly as they are supposed to. Keep your chin up.
Yeah, I can see you as a jet setter.
Ugh just yesterday my mother felt the need to share and comment about my moving (I asked my nephew to open the door to the deck).
Apparently I don't move enough she has observed. I had spent all day running round, baking etc - bearing in mind technically I am off work still.
She then told me off for rolling my eyes. lol
An yeah long distance can actually make it interesting. Hubby asked me out the day before I moved to the UK...he has terrible timing! It is also an exscuse to travel and find new places to meet!
My hubby and I did a year of long distance. After a year he was so madly in love with me and realized he couldnt live without me so he moved where I lived. Now we have two children and are wildly happy 7 years later.
PS I HATE the food police!
It's great that there was such a perfect, natural way for to tell him about your surgery. As far as his moving, what did you say when he said he'd like to keep seeing you? I've never had a long distance relationship so I can't give any advice. I would imagine that communication and honesty would be the keys to making it successful. I hope you told him that while you are happy for his opportunity, you are also bummed that he would have to move. Of course, there is always the chance he won't get the job - sad to hope for that, but I'll hope for you.
I'm completely with you on the food police. Until I was ready to follow through with doing something about it, there's only bad things that can come from complaining about it.
As for Chris... The timing sucks, but hopefully it will all work out exactly as you and he want it to. The CO bar can't be worse than the NY one... right?
@Bonnie -- I told him all of those things! :) And, I also sent him an e-mail today with a few recommendations for what to do during his interview (be rude and bossy, hit on people and make off-color jokes)! :)
@Read -- it's not that easy for me to move at this point in my career, and I love NYC. Not that Denver isn't great, but my life and everything I've built up work-wise for the past 13 years is here.
Hey wait wasn't there a guy in Aspen way back when? Now another Colorado issue. Well, that is a major drag, he sounds great. I'm with the others, if it is worth it, the long distance thing could work...at least for a while.
Good job telling him about the band, I am impressed you did that early on!
I hear you on the Food Police. One of the reasons I haven't told a lot of people about the surgery is because I don't want people monitoring and commenting on food or weight loss. But then, yesterday, I found myself feeling whiny that only one person has commented on my 60lb weight loss. Can't have it both ways, I guess :)
Funny how guys get gutsy about saying stuff like that ONLY when something more pressing happens to them! Denver is pretty and all but it's no match for a hot chick in an hip city!
I hate the food police-- thx for posting this. I hope Chris stays around...
D'oh!! Before my husband was my husband we had to date long distance for about a year. You are right that it's not ideal, but we made it work. And in ways we got to know each other better because all we could do is talk on the phone.
Fingers crossed! xoxo
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