He's smart, interesting, funny, self-aware, has a great family, is well-traveled, successful, handsome, creative, and very warm. Our group (all 8 of us) stayed at his family's house in the Adirondack mountains on January 1st, and his parents were there. They were really wonderful -- fun, open, silly, friendly, very welcoming and they had so much in common with my family. Their overall way of being was similar to how we are, they have similar religious backgrounds, they hold hands when they say grace, and they even have the same "joke" mug that we do . . it's a mug with a ceramic frog affixed to the bottom (so you freak out when you get to that part of your drink and see a frog in there). Even his two dogs and cat were great.
So, after two days of this, and many really good conversations, I was feeling completely smitten. After we all had a wonderful dinner of that gorgeous turkey shown above, we all begged S to get out his guitar and play some songs for us (he even plays the guitar and has a great voice. . I was dying). We had a sing along (and lots of very nice wine!), and people scattered up to bed now and then. Eventually, S and I were the only people in the living room.
He held out his hands for me to take them, and I did, and he kissed me. Wow. We also wound up having a long conversation about how we'd both been feeling this incredible connection all weekend, and how surprised we were to know that the other person felt the the same way. He said that, to him, I was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, and that it wasn't just about how I look, but that he felt that I was funny, smart and a really warm person. . . All the things I would want someone to see and think about me. Seriously, I was totally blown away.
I'd like to stop the story there, but there is something not so great that I have to report. You see, S is part of this whole Upper East Side crew who have known one another forever (they are basically the real life equivalent of Gossip Girl). So, my friends have full knowledge of his dating history since, roughly, birth. (Seriously. . I found out at dinner that the uncle of one of the other guys on our trip was there the night that S's parents met.) Anyway, about three or four years ago, he was in a relationship with a friend of one of my friends and he cheated on her, rather than ending the relationship when he should have. He totally broke that girl's heart, and my friend really cautioned me against dating him. My friend also told me that S seems to have some commitment issues, and that she thinks this is why he has never married.
I get worried about information like this, but on the other hand, it was a while ago, and I don't have full information here. At this age, I can't imagine that anyone has a flawless past, and I'm certainly not going to refuse to date someone this incredible because of this. But it is making my happiness a little bittersweet.
Anyway, S and I have been having a great e-mail exchange all week (seriously, it's so distracting. . he's such a good writer, so funny and interesting) and he is taking me ice skating (!) on Friday night. How cute is that? BTW, I am a horrible ice skater! I hope that I don't injure him.
OK, people, hold your breath and make a wish. I do not want to get my heart broken again, but I am totally smitten.
39 comments:
Holy mackeroli. YOWZA.
I'm excited for you. AND I think you're wise to temper your enthusiasm just a little with what you know about S. Go out with him, enjoy your time with him, and when an opening in the conversation presents itself, see what he has to say about these things.
I will tell you when I met my husband I was convinced there had to be something wrong with him. (Turns out I was right: He has no respect for Gawker and watches scifi movies almost exclusively.) I think it's a strange feeling when you've kind of been looking around wondering when your guy is going to come along and then he actually shows up.
Keep us updated! Have fun ice skating!!
Thanks for the scoop! Have fun ice skating...and tell us all about how it goes :)
Kristin, you said it sister. Yowza.
I met my husband through a friend of mine who was also a coworker. My husband and my friend had dated previously and he did her wrong. Enough so that he told me all he had done to her before I went back to work. And when I went back to work on Monday, she told me to be careful because he had done this and this and this and this. Turned out, he told me more of the "bad" than she had.
He knew that she was going to try and steer me away from him. So he came clean so that he could keep my respect. And it worked.
So my question is, does S know that you have this friend of a friend? If he knew that you had access to this info, he might come clean himself. I think I'd plant that seed, basically, and see if he comes clean on his own. If he comes clean, I think you have a keeper. If he doesn't, I think you are wise to hold back a bit.
But I also think you are wise to just enjoy this for what it is. When amazing happens, you have to hold on and enjoy. Your relationship doesn't have to involve his baggage.
I'm definitely hoping and wishing for you! You deserve amazing!!
Yipee!
My advice to you is to make your own assessment. When I met my husband he was 42. I guess I was in a similar Gossip Girl scenario except in DC. People said he must be a Peter Pan. My friend dated him and said he was boring. I'm glad I was able to filter the white noise and make my own decision. It's been a great 13 year marriage. Like you guys we had an instant connnection and we were very direct about it. I was engaged in 3 weeks and married in 5 months.
Crossing my fingers for you!
Generally, I say once a cheat, always a cheat. However, I have known many people who have changed their ways and are fantastic people. Also, guys can grow up in a matter of a couple of years. Maybe he is past that stage in his life and just maybe, he has finally found Ms Right! I always give people the benefit of the doubt. But, at the risk of getting your heart broken again, just take it slow. I am secretly jumping up and down for you though!
I am excited for you too! My advice, have fun, be yourself, and wait and see.
I think the connection is the most important thing. Who knows why he hasn't married yet- why haven't you? It's not because you are flawed, it's because the right one hasn't come along yet.
Enjoy this phase! Keep us posted!
A person can change and grow quite a bit in three or four years. I know that my husband had cheated on a previous girlfriend before we met as well. He told me the story himself during a long intimate conversation. Not that it excuses his behavior, but I think he did it as a chicken way of getting out of an unhappy relationship. I guess he figured it would be easier for her to break up with him than for him to reject her.
I'm sure that this information kept me at a distance emotionally for longer than if I wasn't aware of it. Eventually I came to realize that he was not the same person as he was back then, and our relationship was not the same as their relationship.
Good luck, I'm so excited for you!
Just take it slow. I think it is too early to be freaking out about things he did three years ago with someone else. As you get to know him, he'll reveal his committment issues.
In the meantime, enjoy yourself!
Cute dog!
Wow - this really is straight up "Gossip Girl"!
People can change...and like you said - who doesn't have flaws? You also don't know his take on the relationship.
I say if you feel it - go for it!
As a side note - I am getting banded this Monday and your blog has been so inspiring and helpful! I've also started a blog to document my journey.
http://thebandontherun.blogspot.com/
Take care and good luck ice skating!
Ohhh I like SMITTEN! Have fun baby!
Great way to start the year!
SO, SO EXCITING! Just like an episode of SATC. How romantic that you met on a New Year's Eve trip and you have already spent time with his family. Now you don't have to be nervous to meet them.
I think it is good information to know about his past but every relationship is different. I am a true believer in what is meant to be. . . and this is your time.
So enjoy! Be careful skating and please post so we can hear the details!
I agree with the previous post - your blog is so inspirational to so many of us newbies. Now it is time for you to have your happily ever after.
I am so excited for you! You are so level headed, I have no doubt that you'll be just fine! Enjoy!!
I could seriously read your posts all day! Your life is so interesting!!!! Have fun on Friday! I know you will! I wouldn't pay to much attention to what everyone else knows about "S!" If I was you I would get to know him all on my own! ;)
Wow!!!! This sounds wonderful. Everybody has a past and sometimes we are not proud of immature mistakes.
Lord knows if I had a dime for every bad decision I made or relationship I messed up, I'd be able to live on the Upper East Side. We all make mistakes and I would take the knowledge you have of his past and use that to keep your head clear, but at the right time (and you will know when) I think you need to discuss it with him and explain any hestancies you may be having. If he is the good guy you really feel he is, then he will totally understand you needing your questions answered. If he runs away and won't talk about it, he's still a dick who hasn't changed.
Keep us updated...he sounds fabulous!
You go girl---I have NO WORRIES that you won't be cautious!
The basilica is so beautiful! S sounds like a dream. It is meant to be...keeping my fingers crossed for you!,
Hey babes,
As an old married woman and one who's never been cheated on before or after, I'm at a bit of a loss as how to deal with the info about S.
I guess my take would be to just enjoy things while you can. I do know, through living with a houseful of men - that they trundle along in one mindset then BANG they mature rather quickly (that make sense?) Maybe S was pushing to get out of the relationship and was too chicken to end it himself: I guess the big thing is - the gossip thing is dangerous - the information might be wrong etc. Just follow your grown up instincts and I'm sure all will be revealed in enough time.
As for how things are going: I'm so HAPPY HAPPY for you. You're a beautiful successful woman who deserves someone amazing in her life. If S is it - then hang on with both hands. He will be lucky to have you. xxxx
I am excited for you. Just take it one day at a time and make your own assessment of S. A few years makes a big difference and who really knows the circumstances? Its all about you and how he treats you!
Have fun ice skating!
Well good luck and just enjoy the experience. Just go with it and see where you land!
I understand your concern, but you can't turn down a great guy because he cheated on a friend of a friend. I hate to admit it, but when I was younger I cheated on the guy I was living with. I was miserable in the relationship, but was afraid to break it off so I took the coward's way out. But I learned from my mistake and have never cheated since. Enjoy!
The wedding song that I dedicated to my husband goes, in part, "I wish you out of the woods And into the picture with me. I wish you over the moon, Come out of the question and be." When I met Scott, I was convinced that I made him up and he couldn't possibly be what he seemed. It turned out that although he had some baggage (who doesn't?) he is pretty darn awesome and after 12 years together, he's exactly what I thought he was. I don't blame you for being cautious, but it seems like a good thing.
Dang...Sounds like I could have written this a couple months ago. You know, I'm the queen of trying to find something wrong with someone. You try hard enough you will find a flaw or two. Also, everyone has baggage from their past. Especially if you are getting into your forties and fifties. My new BF and I decided not to dredge up the past and focus on our future. We both have enough baggage to fill a few novels and then some. I don't tell him everything and he doesn't tell me everything about himself and his past. Crap he doesn't even know some of the things that are going on in my life now (doesn't know about the band). My good friend who is married to the love of her life says she and her husband left the past in the past as well and they are perfectly happy.
No two relationships are the same. As much as we want to compare we can't. I so often want to ask my BF how I stack up compared to his two ex-wives - yes two. Plus a kid and two step kids. At least you don't have that to contend with. His kids are older so that does help. However, I want to know if he felt the same way about them as he does about me - how stupid is that?
We are women and want things to be romantic and perfect and if you are like me - you also want to control things just a wee bit. One thing I have discovered from this relationship is to just "let go." Don't try to make something of something that isn't there!! I have already tried to sabotage my relationship a couple times and was told "don't "F" this up" it's going so well! He was right.
Just go with the flow Catherine and enjoy the ride. Let him romance you. I think you know in your heart if something feels right and you are wise enough to know BS when you hear it. You've been in enough relationships and dated enough to know if something is special or not. This seems really special so have FUN!!!!! What a concept? FUN?!
:)
You deserve it!
Dang...Sounds like I could have written this a couple months ago. You know, I'm the queen of trying to find something wrong with someone. You try hard enough you will find a flaw or two. Also, everyone has baggage from their past. Especially if you are getting into your forties and fifties. My new BF and I decided not to dredge up the past and focus on our future. We both have enough baggage to fill a few novels and then some. I don't tell him everything and he doesn't tell me everything about himself and his past. Crap he doesn't even know some of the things that are going on in my life now (doesn't know about the band). My good friend who is married to the love of her life says she and her husband left the past in the past as well and they are perfectly happy.
We are women and want things to be romantic and perfect and if you are like me - you also want to control things just a wee bit. One thing I have discovered from this relationship is to just "let go." Don't try to make something of something that isn't there!! I have already tried to sabotage my relationship a couple times and was told "don't "F" this up" it's going so well! He was right.
Just go with the flow Catherine and enjoy the ride. Let him romance you. I think you know in your heart if something feels right and you are wise enough to know BS when you hear it. You've been in enough relationships and dated enough to know if something is special or not. This seems really special so have FUN!!!!! What a concept? FUN?!
:)
You deserve it!
Here's my wish for no broken heart. I hope he's I hope he's a good done - you deserve it.
What a beautiful way to start the New Year!...So happy for you, delighted that you have that rush, glow, and special joy that comes when Mr Wonderful enters your life. Enjoy..That special glow and wonderful feelings. Enjoy! Follow your heart!
It is better to have loved than to be so cautious and miss the thrill of it all. I know you will use your mind but give your heart a chance. Mom
Ahhhhhhhh Catherine that is so exciting! Have fun make your own assessment and see where it goes! But keep us informed!
Wow, he sounds wonderful and you sound happy...for what it is worth, don't ever not date someone who you feel such a strong connection with because you are afraid of having your heart broken...as the saying goes "Better to have loved and lost than to never haved loved at all"....everyone has a past and there is always 2 sides to it....and lots of gossip....just have a wonderful time with him.....you just never know what it will bring!
Luck!!! Be cautious and watch for warning signs but like Amanda said..Have Fun! Live in the moment! and worry about commitment later.
Awesome story!!!! So excited for you!
And cheaters can, in fact, change. Before we were married, DH and I BOTH cheated on each other. He also was living with another woman and cheated on her in order to get back together with me. Youthful indiscretions! (We were in college after all). It took forever to work out the hurt feelings on both sides, but work it out we did. 16 years of married bliss, no cheating.
So skate away! Have fun and enjoy every minute. So happy for you.
Well I don't really know what to add to the comments since they are all much more insightful! But I guess (a) Congrats - I am thrilled for you Catherine! You deserve to enjoy this and I hope that you live in the moment and enjoy it all... (b) You know your gut - trust it - if it continues going down this pat and gets more and more serious, you know your moral standards and whether or not you need to talk to him about the information you have... You are a lawyer after all, so he shouldn't be surprised that you've done some research!!!
I wish you nothing but the best, my friend... As many others have said, there will always be something that drives you nuts, or that you find that isn't perfect but you'll know whether or not you can tolerate it!!! Can't wait to hear more as you choose to share it.
BTW - I am REALLY going to try to get up to NYC before I have the baby to take Lucia to "Tea" at the American Girl store... I'll keep you and Jen posted! Probably in the spring closer to Easter... would love to get a brunch in with you girls!
So many good comments that I really have nothing to add. First, so happy you've met someone! Second, I think it's wise not to jump in with both feet knowing his history. However, as you said, at this age, everyone's made mistakes. Perhaps he hasn't been able to commit because he just hasn't found the right woman. Have a wonderful time ice skating!
So damn excited for you-- sorry to feed into this, but it sounds like the blush of first love/ infatuation.
Just go with it, I think my husband was a MAJOR heartbreaker to certain girls before he and I met. When he found the right girl: boom! Magic.
Have hope and enjoy- life is for living!!
I really look forward to the opportunity of meeting you someday... maybe you, Jenny and I and any others can get together at some point???
so excited for you! Nothing like a new romance ;)
I got goose bumps for you.
(My word verification is "wifer". Just sayin.)
Awww! Sounds amazing! My DH and I met and had the most amazing instant chem. We were engaged in six months and have been together for six years now. I still find myself staring at him, and wonder how he can be so wonderful. I often think about how Im so glad I never settled into a relationship where I wasnt blown away. There were lots of men who I dated who would have been happy to settle down;but I knew I wanted amazing. And some of my friends would tell me I was looking for something that doesnt exsist; but here I am married to what I was looking for all along.
This sounds like a perfect beginning. I think you should talk to him about the "friend of a friend" and the info you have. See how he reacts. You should get a good feel for the situation then. Don't try to make conclusions before he tells you his side.
Love your blog! I think you will look AMAZING in a wedding dress...just sayin :-)
Pinch me. I'm smitten FOR you.
We all can't be perfect, right? Not to down play it, but you know what I mean.
Once you are a little older (i.e. not 23 anymore) it's easier to lay it all out. I told my husband that if he ever cheats I will kill him. You see how some simple relationship guidelines will serve you well?
I can't wait to see how things unfold! xo
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