I'm pretty sure this doesn't even count as a breakup . . . but I wound up having a talk with C last night and found out that he isn't interested in taking whatever it is we've been doing to another level. So, since there isn't even a possibility of anything else developing, I don't see any point in continuing to see him. It's one thing if that's an unknown factor, but when someone tells you point blank that it's not what they want, that's another story.
This is a bit disappointing because I do like him, but it's not exactly the end of the world or anything. Other than me having a bruised ego that someone I'm interested in doesn't feel the same way, there isn't much more to it. And, while the amazing chemistry has been totally messing with my girl brain, there are definitely some things about C that would have gotten on my nerves if we were in a relationship.
Still, it's annoying to me. I just don't understand guys sometimes. . .
29 comments:
99.9% (ok I'll back it down to 90%) of them are idiots in one way or another! :-)
Ya know what, you're hot so there will be more chemistry right around the corner. And only if he's lucky, more.
It looks like we're both having rotten days. I am turning 30 today. Ugh. I know 31, 32, etc. will be okay. But this one has been extremely tough for me. I have been upset moreso than I thought I would be.
As far as C, I've been there. Mr. Right is out there though...and he'll embody all those characteristics you want. Most importantly, he will be completely and hopelessly in love. He'll probably bring up the talks about your future on his own so that you don't have to worry about doing that yourself. Not to sound condescending, preachy, or bossy (PLEASE don't take it that way because I admire you much too much), but have you read 'The Rules'? I don't buy everything in it hook, line, and sinker, but it's certainly nice to know. It's about rules for capturing the heart of the right guy. You have a fab life from which we all love to vicariously live through your 'chronicl[ing]' :)....so exciting! But if you are still interested in pursuing the dating scene (with a purpose--and it sounds like that's what you've done), it's just some good info to keep in mind. Either way, I think it's smart that you've cut your losses with C early enough that it wasn't too much of a heartbreak!!! Keep your chin up!!!
Awe, that's never pleasant, when something you've been hoping for doesn't work out...but on the plus side, you enjoyed some time with him, and in a little bit, you'll be ready for someone else to come along.
Also, I feel that all the guys that disappointed me had something to teach me about what I want from a relationship, so when Eric came along, I was able to properly appreciate him - I think if I had met him 5 years before I did, I wouldn't have understood what was important and what wasn't.
Hugs,
Yana
Boys are so stupid sometimes but good for you for ending something that wasn't going anywhere. And as much as he stinks at least he was man enough to not tell you what you wanted to hear. I had a guy tell me what I wanted to hear for 4 years, it's much better to find out quick and find the right guy who will be everything you want and want everything you are.
Catherine, once you get past the momentary ego bruising, reading back over your earlier comments about C it sounds to me like this just might be a relationship worth preserving on a friendship level. Good chemistry, shared interests and you just found out he's honest. Having a great friend with all those qualities is a cool deal, someone you just might enjoy having in your corner as life unfolds. Time to move on and keep looking for that soul-mate for sure but one can never have too many friends.
Sorry C wasn't The One. But everyone else here is right - you are smart, funny, capable and beautiful. It won't be too long before you're being wooed by a great guy who does want what you want. Kudos to C for being honest, and especially to you for bringing up a really difficult topic.
Awww. ((hugs)
But you did totally the right thing talking to him and moving on. It's better to find out now than a few yrs down the line (like PP). And who knows who is round the corner.
I don't think you will have any problems attracting plenty wonderful men.
I appreciate your posting this. Relationships can be tough, but you always write with insight and honesty that is really refreshing to read.
(LOL you do know you have a fan club here?)
Love
Hx
According to my 9 year old - "Boys Drool & Girls Rule". Sage advice wouldn't ya say? Now, brush off that bruised ego and move forward with your beautiful self!!!!
Well isn't he a fool...a hot lady, intelligent, independant, good job...what's not to love. You know what they say one door closes and another one opens....can't wait to see who is on the other side of that door!!! Sorry it didn't work out though...for you
Ugh - I'm sorry... Have to agree with Girl Bandit though - his loss! But it does sound like he might be worth keeping as a platonic friend... maybe! Hang in there - Mr. Absolutely-freaking-right-who-loves-you-for-who-you-are-no-matter-what is out there!
Ahhh shoot.. so it ended the way we really didn't want it to.
Sometimes it sucks that we invest so much of ourselves in one person only to find that it's not going to go anywhere in the long run. His loss at this time and place - no doubt about it. I always feel things happen for a reason: perhaps your guy is waiting for you around the corner. He's probably just waiting for you to step into his life.
That said it sucks that the relationship has come to the end. Thinking of you hon, and a big fat raspberry to C for mucking you around.
Hugs
Cara xx
His loss is right! That does suck. I agree with Bandita - when the right one arrives, the "future" conversations probably will not even be necessary.
And I agree you are looking so amazing you will have no trouble finding more (and even better!) chemistry.
Ugh, men. When one door closes, another one opens.
I agree with Yana, if I hadn't been through some of the hell I went through before I met my husband, I wouldn't have been the right person - or open to him in the right way - for my husband. And vice versa. We both have said knowing now how it worked out, we are actually glad to have gone through what we had to go through since it got us here. Nonetheless, I couldn't have said that at the time and it sure feels awful when it's what you are going through. It's his loss, though. It really is. You are gorgeous, funny, very interesting, dynamic, very intelligent and full of fabulous ideas. If he can't see the treasure that you are - then you are better off for it.
And you've always got us!
Hugs,
Lori
And isn't it great you don't have to be thinking (? is it b/c he thinks I'm too heavy (or whatever??)
Just wanted to throw that in from my own single days-- that would often be my fear of why I would be on the rejection end of things.
I agree with Gen and everyone else who said that when you meet the right person, there won't be any need for negiotiation discussions about the future....
I met my husband when I was nearly 31 and so was he-- we met on Jdate! And we were both so ready to find the right person, we got engaged in SIX weeks!! Everyone thought we were nuts, but we knew it was totally right and we've been married close to 9 years.
The right person might be just around the corner-- so I say move right on along, enjoy your dating life, and the right guy literally will come along at some point soon and it will be EASY!!
Sorry it didn't work out with C, but glad that you had the conversation. Your Mr. Right is out there, you're both just trying to find each other and you will.
He deserves credit for being honest and not stringing you along. Time to move on. You never know where he'll be and when you'll meet, but he's out there. You are fabulous inside and out. Have fun looking!
In my opinion, its better to find out now than before you have too much time invested. It is his loss and I kind of agree with Nessa. At least he was honest and didn't just say things you wanted to hear for his own gain.
On another issue, I have a favor to ask of you. You are the only blogger I have read so far who was banded in MX. I have some questions and I would love to send you an email. However, I don't have you address but if you would send it to me....my email is jdt36x@yahoo.com I would really appreciate it! Thank you.
I'm sorry, sweetie. That really stinks. But you are definitely making the right decision in ending it with him. Before I met my husband I was in your position so many times and it never got any easier. I don't know your history but is on-line dating a possibility for you? When I met DH I was living in Washington, DC and very tired of the bar scene and all the men that came with it. I turned to online dating and here I am 6 years later -- happily married. Hope you do something good for yourself this week! I see a massage in your future!
It sucks! I am going through the same thing had "the talk" and it didnt go the way I wanted either. Like you said there were things about this guy that would work my nerves too if we were in a relationship but I liked the fact that he was over 30, also an attorney, no children, never married, does community service, etc. etc. & so on... Talk about a bruised ego? Feel the feelings and take in all the good words of advice and HAVE FUN keep enjoying your life!
I am so grateful to have met so many wonderful, caring, nice people through this blog. It was so nice to see all of your comments and advice!
I totally agree with those of you who gave C credit for his honesty. I absolutely appreciate that, and told him so as well. I'm pretty sure we'll stay friends. He's a really nice guy, but he's just not in the same place in his life as I am.
So, onward and upward!! :)
xoxoxo,
Catherine
Catherine, though you have already received such good info/advice, I will say that when I had one of those things that didn't work out, I learned to not let it bother me, because I realized that it is 'just one more frog to kiss before I meet my prince". Not to live a storybook fantasy, but that thinking helped me out and kept me from getting too depressed.
We all know they can be total idiots but the good thing is that you saved yourself a ton of time and heart ache later so take it for what it's worth and on to the one that truly deserves a great girl like you !!!
Aww babes,
I know it sucks to hear that he isnt feeling the same way you are. However, Im sure you have quite a fan club of men who adore you. You are smokin and you are classy, fun, and a great sense of humor to boot. There has to be a line of men who are secretly (and some not so secretly Im sure) in love with you. That always made me feel better to think of my fan club when Id get my ego bruised
That suck's big time, but better to have found out now than further down the track....MEN..grrrr! Lick the wounds (hey no calories there! haha) and move on (to the next one)....the right man will sweep you off your feet soon enough..(Prediction from Madam Roo)
Boys are stupid, really they can be so stupid...
I know it's very upsetting when someone isn't in the same place as you in a relationship, it really can bruise your ego. However; don't ever think that he was not interested in you - that is crap. I mean look at you, you are beautiful!! I think he was totally enjoying the time with you, but just wasn't ready to go further - again, boys are stupid sometimes.
Most importantly, you did the right thing. You found out what the deal was, that can be a difficult thing to do, it takes courage.
Also, remember that you didn't waste anytime being with him, I am sure it was fun! But if you were to let him hang around for a little while longer, then you would be wasting your time.
Move on and believe that things will happen when the time is right! You deserve someone who wants the same things as you. <3
Boys sucked when we were kids and they still suck now. But you are fabulous and this guy obviously just wasn't the one for you. The right guy will come along and then we'll talk about chemistry! Hang in there!
Sounds like we're having the same kind of dating luck right now. Wonder why that always happens around Valentines day?
Bruises are temporary and this one will fade fast so you can be ready for the man who will sweep you off your feet!
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