On a totally different note. . . Has anyone else tuned into Season 2 of Tough Love? It's a show where a professional matchmaker picks 8 nightmare girls and helps them become better at dating and relationships. I went to a party for the show before the first season. . . then got kind of hooked in to watching it (I so should not admit that)! :)
Well, this season there is a girl on there who used to be 220 lbs and is now thin. Her shtick is that she still thinks of herself as the "fat" girl and can't believe it when anyone says anything positive about her appearance (and she's totally cute). When guys compliment her, the only thing she hears is that they think she is fat -- even though that's not what they are saying. I really hope she's hamming it up for TV because she's kind of a one-topic wonder. . . I also am wondering if she was banded.
The girl I'm talking about is the blonde standing directly behind the guy.
I'm happy to say that I don't feel like she does. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I've been really conscious about -- and present during -- this whole process (recognizing the loss of weight at every step, taking photos, measurements, blogging about it, etc.), that the change has been gradual, and that I started out with very healthy self esteem, despite that I felt badly about the shape I'd let my body get into.It's surprising to me, but I forget sometimes how heavy I was. For example, it was really a shocker to see the photo from my birthday last year and to grasp that I was that big. That wasn't a flattering photo, so even though I cropped it, I didn't look at it much before now. Also, it's completely surreal to me when I try on the pants I wore pre-op, see how gigantic they are on me now, and try to imagine that those pants were a little tight on me at one time. I almost can't believe it is true.
For those of you who are a bit post-op, how are you feeling about this stuff? Do you think of yourself as you are currently, as you were, another way, or some combination? Do you think you'll see yourself as you are when you are at goal?
11 comments:
I LOVE that show!
I actually blogged about it... In some ways I can relate - they did use the word thick to describe her, which is tough... Like after losing x amount of lbs, it's hard to still be the bigger or "thick" one.
I'm only down 40 lbs so far but I see myself as I really am b/c I am constantly taking pictures. I KNOW people in my life who see themselves bigger and I feel so sorry for them. I've always seen myself as thinner (when I wasn't allowing myself or ppl to take my picture) so when I did finally see it in a pic it flabergasted me! it was awful! so now I take frequent pics to make sure my minds eye keeps up w/ my eyes, or the reverse, haha! I hope I can continue to see and acknowledge how I really am in this moment.
I totally ADORE Tough Love. LOL. I got my hubby sucked into it too last season! :) (Which I consider a victory on my part!)
I was trying to figure out if she was banded too...I am so excited to get mine done!! :D
OH! They said "thick"?! I heard "fit"! OK. . now I understand why she was upset about that one. Of course, they all said they thought she was cute and that they would date her. But, I get it -- that would upset me, too.
I don't know if I still see myself as a big girl or the way I am now because sometimes I'm doing something and I catch myself and go.. damn, you STILL have some weight to lose (from my image) but other times I marvel at the changes in my body - my legs look way thinner (especially when propped up on the coffee table,) I have knee caps again, pointy elbows, my stomach has flattened so much it amazes me and so it goes on.
I think in the back of my mind I get scared of looking (and being) big again and I have these little mini panic attacks every now and again (esp when I have a day where I graze).. but for the most part in my mind I think of myself the size I am now. That took the long way round a short question, didn't it lol?
Well, as I said to you before, I have the opposite problem - I don't grasp how big I have gotten! Until I try something on and look in the mirror...I just think of myself as a nice, pretty girl, who is a little extra fluffy, when the case is that I am morbidly obese.
I even had an (obviously) ex ask me about that once - he said "you don't carry yourself like a fat person" as if I should try to be humble and stay out of the spotlight, because a fat person wouldn't want attention.
I hope loosing weight will be kind of like what college was like - I didn't change, I just became comfortable with who I really was...a normal girl!
It's funny because when I was 295lbs, I didnt see myself as that big. I always thought I hid my weight well (lol). I know that was crazy thinking, because when I look back at my before pics I looked every bit of those 295 lbs and some. Now that I've lost over 100 lbs (186 present weight). I see myself super obese. When I go to the store to buy clothes I keep reaching for the big sizes. I very much do see myself as bigger than I am. It's weird though because when I see a drop in the scale the mirror plays tricks on my mind I see myself getting smaller but when I stay at that weight for a while then I start to see myself as huge again. Does this make sense to anyone????
It's an intresting concept to think about. For me I think I see a combination but more on the not so fat side of it...if that makes any sense. What I mean is that I totally put more effort into my apperance now then I ever did before and I "feel" sexier and thinner even though I still have alot of weight to lose I feel like I am suceeding...does that make any sense ??
I have always had a healthy self image to the point of being in denial about my 299.5 pound size so I am like the other who said they really didn't realize how big they were until they lost weight. I am down 60 pounds now thanks to the band. I have always taken a ton on pics so this time I am really seeing the changes and I do a lot of before and during side by side pics so I really see how well I am doing. I do try and spend time visualizing myself at goal so I guess I am a combo of all 3.
Hi I was thinking about this just yesterday. I really do see myself still big. I now weigh 148 lbs after losing 68 lbs. I tend to go to the big sizes still and want to wear big loose clothes. But I figure I was "big" 30 years and I just have to get used to it. The other day, someone behind me yelled out "hey Skinny" not knowing it was me they were talking to I continued to walk until they called my name. Funny it didn't occur to me at all that they were calling me.
My co workers and myself enjoy reading your blog and have discussions about some of the things you write.
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