Despite its appeal. . and, er. .obvious scientific merit. . I actually did not consult a Magic 8 Ball when I was making my decision!
After thinking it out carefully, reading your comments, and talking to a few friends and family members, I decided not to go to Jessica & Chris's wedding. I was really surprised that almost every comment on my last post said I should go! Believe me . . . the fantasy of showing up fully beautified in a ridiculously hot -- yet tasteful -- dress was a lot of fun to think about!! But, the reality is that I'm not such close friends with J&C that missing their wedding would be a huge deal to me, or to them. And, my thought is that if going and seeing PP (particularly if he is engaged to that girl by then) would make me feel badly for even 5 minutes of my life, then that would be 5 minutes too many. In terms of the revenge-ish angle, it just doesn't have a big enough payoff for me to make it worthwhile. I don't want him anymore. No matter how he might feel seeing me at that event, it ultimately makes no difference to me at all. Also, I know myself, and if I were to go, I'll be thinking about it frequently from now until June. I'd be thinking about PP when I chose my dress, when I decided what shoes to wear, how to wear my hair, etc. -- and my effort would largely be based on him. But he isn't worth that effort, and I am not going to waste any more of my energy on him than I already have.
In looking at my calendar, I realized that I had actually already made plans to be out on Long Island with other friends over the wedding weekend. So, I was able to truthfully tell Jessica that I'd learned of a scheduling conflict and would have to change my RSVP. I was honest that the information she shared about PP impacted my decision, and I thanked her for being such a sister and sharing that information with me. She is a great girl and clearly understood exactly where I was coming from, and sent me back a very nice, gracious response. So, we are fine and this matter is all straightened out.
I feel really good about my decision, and I know that it was the right one for me. In fact, I feel a bit empowered by it. I want the next time that I put substantial effort into getting ready for an event to be either simply for myself, or for someone worthy of that effort. And that person is not going to be PP. That much I can say with certainty!
Have a great night! :)
23 comments:
I think that was a great decision, Catherine. You'll have a *much* better time on LI than you would at the wedding. Wouldn't it be funny if you end up meeting your husband on that LI trip? You'd have a good story to tell.
You are a smart woman...I never even thought about the situation from the other angle (what you explained to us) and it makes perfect sense. Although you would have looked fabulous and beautiful, your actions would have been because of him and it seems like you are at a point in your life where you are in complete control. Good for you!! :)
Good decision. Bravo for being you!
I think if it feels right then it's the right choice for you. I totally get what you're saying about the feeling of making that effort for him - you're too good for that. xxxx
Well, I still think you would have looked hot, but you are very convincing with your reason not to go. I hope you have a great time whatever happens that weekend!
What a healthy decision! Where on LI are you going? That is where I am from until recently. My whole family is still out on Eastern Long Island! I miss them and LI so much!
Very well done, you made the right decision for you and the healthy decision.
All that matters is what feels good and right for YOU! We support you either way!
Catherine, you are so evolved! Does the band help with that? You made the right decision. I didn't comment on your post about this dilemma but definitely did not think going was worth the feelings that could accompany you in that decision. Sounds like someone took a psychology course? LOL.
I just stumbled across your blog after a post you made on the lapband forum. I loved reading your list of things to do when you lost the weight. I've just started my pre-approval process and reading your blog was such an inspiration!
@Sherry -- I know. . barf, right?! :) Sometimes it might be nice to be less evolved and throw a big old scene and break things! But ultimately, I know that doing the best thing for myself is what will make me feel the best in the long run. Thank goodness I have a very active imagination! :) :)
Ahhh ha.. so our reverse psychology worked lol. Well, ok not. But feeling empowered is the best feeling in the world and you've obviously thought about your dilemma long and hard. Whatever way you go its the best thing for you!
Sorry I missed the dilemma...but I love your reasoning why not to go. You are valuing yourself and your are right...he is NOT worth all that effort. I can't believe I will meet you in Chicago
Good for you - especially for taking care of yourself & your heart... how strong you are! do you think you would have had the courage to make that decision pre-band? I sometimes think that this tool has really helped me take into account ALL of the reasons for decisions - not just the "surface" ones. You'll have a great time that weekend on LI!!!
Great argument counselor...you convinced me.
Isn't it great when you are confident in your decision.
Good for you, I like how well thought out your decision making process was. However, I must say, if I looked like you and was in that situation....I'd go and I would ask to sit at the same table, but I'm not as evolved as you are. Hopefully this process will help me in all areas. You are such an inspiration to so many. Have fun on Long Island.
Whatever feels right is the right thing to do. Kudos for making the choice yourself and not just going with what all the commenters suggested - there sure were a lot of "go's". :)
Great decision! Sounds like the bride wasn't offended and you have a great weekend planned so all is right with the world.
You are so right...not worth spending another minute! Have a blast with the ladies!
I hadn't left this comment on your other post, but I was totally thinking DON'T GO! Just because it would make you engage with those old feelings you've spent so long getting over. So going actually gives him and those old feelings power. Moving on and not choosing to engage is not hiding!
You are so much more evolved (and smarter with it) than I would be.
Good on you for "knowing yourself" and knowing how best to take care of yourself.
I spent a long painful time getting over someone who - in the end, whatever the excuse, really just didn't want me. I wish I'd had your sense!
Hx
Now that you put it that way....you are so right! You definitely have the right attitude! Add that to your smarts and self awareness--no wonder you are such a success!
Clearly, I am not as married to my convictions! Ah...happens to me all the time....I think one way and am convinced I'm dedicated to that thought and then someone comes along and makes so much sense, I can't believe I thought the way I did in the first place! I might not be physically flexible but no one can say I'm not mentally flexible!
No matter where you go and who you spend your time with that weekend--I know you'll do it beautifully!
Onward!
Judi
Insert foot in mouth....
I am sorry that I did not read ahead in your posts!
I am glad that you decision is made and that you are feeling excellent about it, good for you! <3
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