I have realized this week that if I didn't have my band, I'd be on a path to gain back all of this weight. I've had an extremely demanding week at work, since I'm writing a combined response and cross-motion that involves some fairly complex technical issues relating to computer software (read: your basic nightmare). I'm far along now, and I do enjoy doing this work. But, until I get it done, the sheer immensity of the task (getting the research I need, writing the brief, putting together the supporting declarations and exhibits, etc.) creates a fair amount of pressure. And the kicker here is that my filing deadline isn't until December 24th, but I am hell-bent on filing by the 22nd (the day I leave for Christmas). BUT. . I do know that I have those extra days if I need them. BUT .. if I take the extra time, it will ruin my holiday.
Anyway, you should see the crap I've eaten this week. I usually make such good food choices, but Monday night, I got a blondie and mac & cheese from Au Bon Pain for dinner. Tuesday was fine. Wednesday, I had oatmeal for breakfast (good), then Thai noodles with chicken for lunch, with the leftovers for dinner. Not terrible. . except that when I got home around 10 p.m., I had two glasses of red wine and most of an avocado. Yesterday, I had a granola bar for breakfast (totally fine), some sashimi and a California roll for lunch (wonderful!), some peanut M&Ms (not great, not horrendous in the scheme of the day), and (WTF, Catherine?!?!) nachos for dinner. OK, so I ate about six chips worth (smothered in cheese, beans, sour cream and guac, I might add. .) and tossed the rest, but it was still a gross choice. This is worse than I ate when I was fat!!! Oh, and I haven't been to the gym all week because the earliest I've left the office this week was still after 9 p.m. That is IT. I am done with this trend. Today is a new day.
Anyway, if I ever wondered what ever motivated me to binge eat (which is how I consider I've eaten this week, even if the amounts were small), it's clear as a bell right now. It's work. It seems that I still have an impulse to reward myself with food when I am stuck working long hours. Until the recession hit, that was my norm for about 11 years, which tends to explain how I got to my highest weight.
And, I have an impulse to overeat in that situation too. All I can say is, thank God for my band. I know that a few days of my usual schedule will put me right back on the good path. Still, it was kind of surprising (and frightening) to me to see how easy it was to backslide into this bad behavior, despite that I've made so many good, positive changes through the last two years.
Weirdly, as of this morning, I haven't even gained 1/10th of a pound. But I feel sluggish and bloated - ugh.
13 comments:
Hang in there my friend... you know that it is a blip on the screen, and that you'll be back on track. BEFORE the band, you probably didn't even recognize when you were doing it so you are already further ahead than you were. Merry christmas - enjoy your holidays!!!
Good for you starting to correct your week today rather than waiting until the weekend or worse, Monday as we all have done in the past! I so agree with you about feeling bloated and such by eating crappy! I too am on a mission to correct my food choices this week. I won't wish you luck because I know you will do it!
That's great that you didn't have a big setback weight-wise. If I even look at cheese I gain 5 lbs. Sounds like you've got it under control, so I wouldn't beat myself up if I were you. :)
We all face the "what to eat" struggles, what a blessing that you are at a place where you recognize "bad" choices and regain control before you actually lose it and start gaining. Yay for getting your big project done so you can have a relaxing holiday- sending good vibes your way so that it is complete and filed ASAP :)
good on you for taking check and reversing the trend. I have realised the same bing eating trigger in myself.... whenever I had finals or a major paper due in highschool and college... and even now if i know i need to pull an all-nighter or a long weekend day working on a project with a tight deadline, the first thing I do is head to the foodstore and stock up on junk food to get me through! WTH!?!?!
Yesterday I had one of those days, I didn't eat a bunch, but I made less than good choices and I still feel bad today, just not like myself. Good to be able to turn it around though. I hope you finish your project before your personal deadline!
This probably isn't what you want to hear but I'm sort of relieved to hear that even Catherine the Great sometimes eats nachos for dinner. The beauty is you're catching yourself mid-bite (so to speak). I think it also shows how your metabolism, your actual body chemistry, has changed in the last 2 years in that you didn't gain any weight with this eating. Even naturally thin people have bad weeks. The difference between them and me and is that my bad weeks last for months. You'll be back on track in no time.
Stress eating is tough for a lot of us. One could argue that that sort of lifestyle (all work, no play) isn't natural and it is understandable that you'd look for an outlet. I hope you finish by the 22nd so you can have some free time for the holidays!
Hi...this hit home with me. I'm a management consultant and I'm sure that stress eating from various stressful engagements helped me reach my highest weight. I think the nice thing is that your weight didn't change but that you have a self awareness of what triggers your eating...and from your blog you are very self correcting (which accounts for your success). I work hard to redirect my work stress to outlets aside from food...its hard because food can be so comforting...Merry Christmas...
http://rachelthinwitin.blogspot.com/
Your bad day looks like my good day. That's why I'm a blubbery 140-something pounder and you're rock hard and youthful.
I'm an example that your skin will tell what your scale won't!
I am so glad that you can see the trend and reverse it thanx to your band... I am hoping to be amazing as you are when I get to goal... You are incredible, an inspiration to us all. You will be back on track tomorrow.
You've acknowledged it and are now on your way to correcting the temporary blip.
Shake it off...you're still perfect in my eyes.
All of those bad choices and Still the Skinny pants look great can't wait to see the rear view!
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