Dear Lord. . . Please stop me from putting this dollar in the vending machine. . . I really should be spending it on a manicure. And, possibly, a more comfortable hat.
Once again, I am reminded of how much my blog and all of your encouraging comments help me to stay on track. I have said this before, but I don't think I would have done as well without having my blog to keep me accountable and motivated.
Today (now yesterday), I wasn't perfect, but my food choices were an improvement over recent days, despite that I was at the office past midnight. I had oatmeal for breakfast, a nice piece of salmon for lunch and some kind of flaky white fish for dinner (thank God for an infinite supply of places that deliver to my office). I also had (it pains me to admit) a small package of peanut M&Ms late-afternoon. Nonetheless, it was still a respectable day, food-wise.
I don't usually suffer from "head hunger" very much, but tonight, I had it like crazy. I realized today that I must have used eating as a procrastination tool when I was overwhelmed with work and on my way up the scale. Despite that I was totally full, I had an urge to overeat during dinner, but my band kept me in check.
Later, I had a really, really strong urge to get cookies from our vending machine. But, since I'd already had M&Ms and, when I checked in with myself, I realized that I was not AT ALL hungry, I talked myself out of it. I had to do that THREE separate times. The second time, I stood in front of the machine for a few seconds looking at the options, then walked away. The third time, I had a dollar in my hand and was thisclose to putting it into the machine. Fortunately, that was after 10 p.m., so no one was there to hear me when I said "For f*#! sake, Catherine!! You are NOT HUNGRY!!!! WALK AWAY!!" (I seriously said that out loud. . . hello, crazy!) But, it worked. I got a green tea instead, and I feel really good about not giving in. I didn't even really WANT those cookies. I think I just wanted to take a break from my work.
It's amazing how much easier the recession made my weight loss part of this journey. Getting out of work by 6:30 or 7 on a regular basis was a huge help. I can't imagine getting to the gym as often as I have if I was working these hours all of the time, which is what I did for my entire career until about 2 or so years ago. I also think it would have been more difficult for me to avoid sabotaging myself, given my instincts during the past week. But now, I have my eye out for bad behavior, and I avoid it most of the time, and fight it when I start going down that path. For me, I see that as a sign that I have changed, despite that my old bad instincts kick in now and then. That, plus the fact that I am dying to get in a few workouts leaves me with no doubt about the strength of the changes I've made or my long-term commitment to working with my band.
It's amazing how much easier the recession made my weight loss part of this journey. Getting out of work by 6:30 or 7 on a regular basis was a huge help. I can't imagine getting to the gym as often as I have if I was working these hours all of the time, which is what I did for my entire career until about 2 or so years ago. I also think it would have been more difficult for me to avoid sabotaging myself, given my instincts during the past week. But now, I have my eye out for bad behavior, and I avoid it most of the time, and fight it when I start going down that path. For me, I see that as a sign that I have changed, despite that my old bad instincts kick in now and then. That, plus the fact that I am dying to get in a few workouts leaves me with no doubt about the strength of the changes I've made or my long-term commitment to working with my band.
Sending major love to all of you for helping me with this, with your own blogs, your comments and the fact that we all make up a pretty incredible community.
6 comments:
Do you think the vending machine thing is seeking to reward yourself for all of your late night hard work. I think I did a lot of that on my way up the scales before the band. My mental dialogue was...oh you have been good look at you at work after midnight..you deserve this ice cream..etc.
I try to reward myself now with a break or a walk or a surf on the web or something instead of the food..but i find myself just like you standing in front of the machines often.
xxxooo
Great job... Taking your hand out of the cookie jar!
I think I may be "our Lady of perpetual call" and really need to quit with the mindless eating of holiday fare at work. I need an intervention.
Like everyone else said - great job resisting temptation! I'm a vending machine gal, too. The other night I was watching a movie with friends at their house and they kept trying to pass me snacks and I actually resisted! I was very proud of myself. :) Doesn't it feel good when we can conquer our weaknesses?
So great that you recognize the trigger for eating comfort foods... do you notice the things you're going for are high in fat and simple carbs (mac and cheese, m+m's, cookies)? I am so with you on that.
Now the key is to find out how to calm, comfort and reward yourself in another way other than food-- I am sure I am not telling you anything you haven't already figured out for yourself.
I hear you on the work stress.
For a real crazy thing, I'll tell ya:
One thing that does work for me is literally closing my office door and laying flat on the floor and breathing for a minute or two. Sometimes I stretch.
I know, I may be nuts, but I imagine you have your own office and a door - so it could be worth a try.
I totally did this today. The horrible thing about our effing vending machine is we have one that aa ICE CREAM in it! Like klondike bars and icecream sandwiches its the devil!
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