Eleven Days to Go!

Wow!!  Time is flying, and I've been absolutely swamped between work, life and wedding plans!  I can not believe it's only eleven days until the wedding.  Two weeks from today, I'll be on my honeymoon in South Africa!! 

Many of you know that I do letterpress, calligraphy and invitation design as a hobby, and I really had a heck of a good time making the paper items for the wedding, from the Save the Dates and invitations to the table cards, name cards, menus and programs (er, not that I'm done with everything for the reception yet...). 

For the Save the Dates, I made a card with our pictures, the date and location on one side, and information and the URL for our wedding website on the other.  I put them in really gorgeous cream envelopes and used this beautiful Yuzen paper for the envelope liners. 

 

(Ahem... we will not be reenacting this drawing as my arms do not look like this in real life!)

For the reception, we decided to name each table after a special place or thing.  There are nine in all, but since a few folks coming to the wedding also read this blog, I'll just show you three of them here!  Keep in mind that I'm not the greatest artist!  I just enjoy doing this stuff!  :)  You can click on the images to make them bigger.

My wedding gown is going to be completely done tomorrow!  I've had all of my fittings, and it's just gorgeous.  It fits perfectly. 

You know, I'm so glad to have written out and kept the Pro/Con list that I made before my surgery.  I know that I refer to it now and then, but I also go back and look at it from time to time.  I do that less now than I did when I was working toward my goal, but it's still interesting to me to go back and read it.  In eleven days, I'm going to get to check the last "Pro" off my list... not having to be a "fat" bride.  Somehow, the idea of that popped into my mind nearly five years ago when I did that list, and now the reality of it is just around the corner.  It's pretty amazing.

I also went back and read my early posts not too long ago.  Reading them, I am reminded of how I felt at the start of this process.  I was very, very hopeful.  But I was not in a good place weight and health-wise, and I was also suffering in the aftermath of a painful breakup.  It's incredible to me how much I have changed my life for the better during the last five years, and I feel so grateful and happy that was possible.  I am also so psyched to be marrying Steve.  He is such an incredible, warm, thoughtful and loving guy, and I thank my lucky stars that I met him at the time in my life when I did!

Speaking of stars... here is one more table card.....

ELEVEN DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weight Weirdness

Right now, I am at a conference for work.  It's a conference I go to every year, and I see many of the same people there year after year.  Today, I had lunch with someone I am been trying to get business from, but who I haven't seen in person since before my surgery. 

I was a little nervous about her not recognizing me, and almost sent her a note telling her that I'd lost  a bunch of weight to circumvent the weirdness, but then decided against it -- mainly because I knew it would take forever to word it well, and I was really pressed for time.  Anyway, it was fine an she recognized me and didn't express any surprise or shock by the change in my appearance.  It was a total non-issue.

It's funny because I've been at goal for so long now that I don't have these types of experiences very more -- of running into people who I haven't seen since I was 230 pounds.  However, I had this experience today, and one kind of in the same vein yesterday.  I was at a reception and ran into a guy yesterday who I've chatted with at a dinner hosted by a mutual friend of ours.  He was with our mutual friend when I saw him, and our friend reminded him that we'd met, but he totally did not remember me.  At this point, I don't remember whether I was heavy when I met him, or whether he may not recognize me because my hair was darker when I met him.  Who knows?!  It's just funny because I get this knee-jerk reaction to want to explain that I used to be much heavier, though I may be done with that now.

Catching Up!

So much is going on right now, and I've been wanting to write an update for some time!  Two weeks ago, my mother and Marjorie hosted a shower for me here in NYC that was so much fun!  They held it at Marjorie's apartment (site of my 40th birthday party, and it actually looked very similar, which was so nice) and there were 23 friends and family members over for a lovely brunch! 

 

With my aunt

 The room!

 My friend Susan, with my mom

 With two of my oldest besties, Brooke and Nadia

 Marjorie picked some lovely bubbly.... Perrier-Jouet in the cutest packaging

 Kristen & Susan!

 One of the best parts of the shower was a game that we played!  Marjorie had one of her partners depose Steve (in true litigation style) on tape.  He answered 20 questions (I had no clue about this -- no one peeped a word!!).  At the party, I was given a sheet of the 20 questions and had to answer them -- and a prize went to the person who correctly guessed how many Steve and I got right (i.e. had the same answers on).  

 

Here Steve is on the "deposition" tape!

 The funny thing is, Steve was being a gentleman, so he fudged the answers to two of the questions... "Where was your first kiss" and "What is Catherine's favorite joke"....  HOWEVER, I didn't know he was doing that, so I totally outed us for smooching at his parents' house on New Years' Day 2011 .... and had to say, in a room including my mother-in-law-to-be, that my favorite joke (which I seriously have told about 9,000,351 times) is....

Q:  How do you make a hormone?
A:  You don't pay her.

I know... a total groaner, but somehow, it always pops into my mind whenever people are talking about hormones, which happens more than you'd think!!  Anyway, the game was a ton of fun -- though Steve and I barely got any answers right!! 

Me, opening presents!  I have some very generous friends!  All those Scully bags and a few Tiffany boxes practically had my eyes popping out! :)

 

Opening a beautiful nightgown and peignoir from my mother 

 It really was such a great day.  I think everyone had a wonderful time, and it was very touching to me to have so many friends and family members go through so much effort just for me.  We did keep the shower pretty limited to just local friends and family, since I would not expect people to travel for both the shower and wedding, so it was a nice small group, and a great chance for people to get to know one another better before the big day in June!

In other news, I finally (!!) finished all of the invitations (which I made myself) and got them all mailed, with the last few going out on Monday.  We've started getting in RSVPs already, and it's a lot of fun to receive them in the mail!  I'll post photos of them soon -- I just want to redact all the personal information before putting them on the Internet, and haven't had time to do that yet.

One other thing I wanted to mention is that I've been trying to up my workouts to include an extra day per week, and I haven't been having much success there.  Too many other conflicts keep me from doing it, but I'm being good about getting in a solid 3 days of hard workouts. 

This past weekend, Steve moved in to my apartment (kind of a big event to drop almost in a footnote, eh?!), and I did two long spin classes (the hour-long "Soul Survivor" rather than the regular 45 minute class) before spending the rest of both days moving boxes and furniture.  I was BONE TIRED by the end of both days.  I also didn't really want to go on Sunday -- I was tired and sore from the day before, but I forced myself to go. 

At the beginning of the class, I was just not feeling it - - and suddenly a picture of my 230 pound self popped into my mind.  I thought about how I never could have done that workout at 230 pounds, and how I would have stressed about what to wear and felt really self-conscious among the scores of thin, toned Lululemon-ed in the room, if I had dared to go at all.  So, I sucked it up and kicked a$$ in that class, in honor of my old self and in gratitude for how far I've come, and how much my life has changed in the past 4 1/2 years.  I can not believe how much things have changed, and how much that change has been for the better.  It's amazing and humbling, and I thank God that I was able to get the help I needed to get my weight under control.



Mini-Bachelorette in Houston!

For Easter weekend, I went to Houston to see my dad and step-mom, and for a mini-bachelorette party with my best friend from college, her sister (who is also a very good friend of mine), and our friend G, all of whom are a complete blast!  

The weekend started out with some really great family time -- a day of shopping with my step-mom, followed by dinner with my dad, step-mom and two of their friends at my favorite Mexican restaurant in Houston! 

The next morning, we went to the 2nd b-day of my step-mom's granddaughter at.... Chu-c-k E C-h-ee-se.  OMG..  It was sensory overload, but the kids had a fantastic time, and I did, too!  (Can you just imagine me climbing into this truck at my start weight??  I nearly broke it as it was!!)

That night (Saturday) was my Houston bachelorette party!  Grace picked me up in the afternoon, and we got to catch up a bit and get ready before we met up with our other two friends to head to the hotel!

 

A little pre-dinner bubbly at our hotel... 

 Cabbing it to Uchi, which was nothing short of fabulous.

 

 Dinner was amazing!  I definitely recommend checking out Uchi if you are in Houston.  The ham and egg (pork belly roll with a yolk dipping sauce) was out of control, and their caramelized Brussels sprouts were incredibly delicious (and I don't even usually like Brussels sprouts)!

 Most of all, though, it was so nice to see my friends.  They seriously spoiled me!!  I was so touched that they had planned such a great night for me, and had so much fun celebrating and catching up with them!  The wedding is getting so close ... just 2 1/2 months away!  And my shower is next weekend.  :)

Group photo! 

 

Wedding Central....

For the wedding, I'm planning to have lots of peonies, ranunculus, mini green hydrangeas and garden roses.  But, I stopped in to Wh*le F**ds this morning after my spin class and picked up some pink Gerber dasies to give the milk glass vases a whirl!  Here is a photo... 

 

 I'm finishing up the last part of design of the invitations this weekend, too!  Below is the RSVP post card that I designed.  I kept it very simple, other than the giant flourishes!  I seriously LOVE all of this planning stuff!!

 

 

Hoarder!!

I am amassing quite a collection of white milk glass vases to use at the wedding.  I have been trolling eBay like crazy over the last few weeks and now finally have ordered close to the 80+ vases that I'll need for the wedding.  Don't worry.... I'm not going to become a hoarder.... though I do immediately throw out every scrap of packaging this stuff comes in, since I assume the sellers are all reforming hoarders with bugs!  (OCD much?!)  :)

 

Here is part of the collection

It's been really fun to gather this stuff together myself.  I love it that the pieces are not all the same, so every table and every arrangement will be a little different.  I'm also psyched because I am totally going to resell all of these vases on eBay after the wedding, which will substantially reduce our overall flower costs!  I'm planning to sell my dress, too.  I will remember it in photos, and I don't need a giant gown that I'll never wear again (no matter how gorgeous) taking up a foot of my NYC-sized closet!

Happily, after Steve's cousin had to drop out due to a work conflict, I found a local florist who seems great.  Actually, it was a relief when she dropped out.  Her level of GSD (Get Sh*t Done) and mine were not compatible, and I was getting increasingly p*ssed that I couldn't get her to focus on the project and give us a budget for the flowers (she had offered to gift us the labor, we were to have paid the wholesale cost).  Heck, it took four months of e-mails to even get her on the PHONE.  I'm much happier to be paying an arms-length professional, even if it will be more expensive.

 This is the general idea for the flowers.... little arrangements scattered down the tables, though we will only have pink, hot pink, white and green flowers -- no purple or yellow, like here.

In other news, I finished designing our invitations and have started printing them! I'll post photos when I can get them together.  I really love how they are turning out.  I also designed a map for the insert and an RSVP post card, which I'm still tweaking.  It's exciting to finally have a wedding invitation project that I am doing be for my own big day!

Winter Weekend!

This weekend, I had occasion to reflect on my life today, and what it's like in relation to my pre-band life.  I wasn't just comparing it to the obese years, but also to the years when I just didn't feel good about my weight (i.e. all of them since about 3rd grade) and wasn't generally that physically fit.

 

Warming my feet before the fire!

Steve and I went up to his parents' house in the Adirondacks and brought 7 others with us for a really great weekend.  I went skiing for the first time in 20 years (and before that, I'd only been skiing one other time... in second grade).  A few things worth noting.....

 

 

1.  I had to write my weight on the ski equipment rental equipment.  AND I WROTE MY REAL WEIGHT, without feeling embarrassed or wanting to hide it!   I never, EVER, thought I'd see that day.

 

Sledding with my sweetie!

2.  On Sunday, we went sledding, and Steve brought out his vintage toboggan, which was at least from the early 70s, if not earlier.  It was so awesome, and we had a fantastic -- FAST! -- ride down the hills of the club property where we'll be married this summer!  The toboggan fits about 4 people, and when one person said that the way we should do it was with "the heaviest person in the back," I knew that I'd be in the middle. 

 

Here is the old skool toboggan we used -- it was amazing and sailed like a dream!

This reminded me of a day when I was still dating PP, and we had to cram in the car with a bunch of friends.  On the way there, I was in the back -- and it was such a tight squeeze -- but on the way back, I wound up taking the front because, the fact was, that I was by far the biggest person and that was the best use of the space.  I was humiliated -- but glad not to be squished in the back, being worried that my friends were all resenting me for taking up so much space.  That isn't something I ever worry about now.  I may not be the smallest girl in the universe, but I'm a healthy, reasonable size and I feel good.  No -- it's more than that -- I don't feel like sh*t anymore, and I don't feel badly about my size, my body or my weight.  And, even better than that, I was excited to try a day of skiing (P.S. I sucked and ate sh*t like 900 times... I am so bruised... not sure it's for me!!) and to do sledding, running up snow covered hills, and just playing around like a kid.  It was awesome.

 

 Dinner with friends at the house on Saturday!  I made salmon in a Thai sweet chili maranade with salad, couscous and sweet pea tendrils & sugar snap peas.  Yum yum.  Pie for dessert....

Snow Storm!

We're in for a big snow storm on the east coast today!   My office is closing early, which probably doesn't actually mean anything for me.  But, I can wear jeans, so it's all good!

 

I noticed yesterday that the dress I had on (a very fitted sheath) seemed a little tighter than usual.  I knew that I was on the high side of my comfort zone, so I didn't think too much about it.  In fact, I took my secretary out for barbecue for lunch and ate a bunch of delicious pork and a bit of mac and cheese (it was so delicious), then had a dinner out last night.  Actually, the dinner was very cool because they had a mind reader guy there, and he did all of these fantastic tricks that were really incredible!  But... the point is that I got on my scale this morning and it was UP FOUR POUNDS!!  Ack!!!

 

I know that I can't actually gain 4 pounds overnight, any more than I could really lose 4 pounds overnight at my current weight.  So I assume that the food I had yesterday was salty and I"m retaining water, but I do know for sure that the scale is up a little bit.  And, that is why I weigh myself every day (or nearly every day -- I probably forget 1-2 times a week).  Just keeping on top of this before it becomes a big deal goes a very long way to keeping me at maintenance.

 

Admittedly, I was momentarily freaked out today to see the highest number on my scale that I've seen in months.  But I also know that I'll rein it in and be back at a better number within the next few days.  I've got my weekend workouts booked and will be more careful to make good food choices until everything is back where it should be.  It's not a big deal -- it just requires a little attention.  That pretty much sums up maintenance for me.  It's not that hard -- but that's mainly because of the amount that I work out.  If I wasn't burning extra calories at the gym on a regular basis, this would be a lot harder.  (And it definitely shows on the scale when I slack off...)

Wedding Planning Fun!!

I confess.... I freaking LOVE wedding planning!!  Given that three of my hobbies are letterpress printing, invitation design and calligraphy, it's no surprise that designing the invitations and Save the Dates has turned out to be a total blast! 

For the Save the Dates, I drew a photo of Steve and me, standing in front of the mountain range that you see from our reception site.  I basically made myself into a D-is-ne-y Princess...   Am including a picture below (I blanked out the date and city for privacy's sake).  I printed these on 80 lb Crane's Crest paper, which is a nice thick cardstock, though it's not as heavy as the 110 lb stock in the same color that I'll use with the wedding invitations (more on those another time).

The front of our Save the Dates!

My dress came in about 2 weeks ago -- I am so excited!!  I went to try it on during lunch one day, and Marjorie was able to come out and go with me.  It is so beautiful and only needs a little tweaking to make it fit perfectly.  I can't wait to wear it!!  It was so great to see it in my size and in the right color!  I loved it just as much as I thought I would -- which is a lot!!

The road up to our reception site is a little hard to find, so I bought the adorable sign shown below from THIS wonderful brand new website, which has the cutest wedding and party supply supplies.  It was all I could do not to buy everything on there!!   

On the flower front, I've been buying up hobnail milkglass vases (see below) to use at the reception.  Steve's cousin, who is a florist, is getting the flowers for us wholesale and will be giving her amazing arranging skills as our wedding gift (which is fantastic -- she's really good).

What I am planning is to have a bunch of milk glass vases in different sizes and shapes (some hobnail, some not) scattered down the center of each table (we're doing banquet tables), with lots of peonies and other flowers in various shades of pink (maybe mixing in some white and green, too).  I'd like it to look something like the photo below, but less dense (we're trying not to break the bank after all)!

Speaking of not breaking the bank, I've been on spending lock-down for months!!  This isn't as austere as it could be, but I am missing buying clothing and have been taking the subway more often at times when I'd normally take a cab.  We've also dialed-back going out to dinner, and have cut out most charity events (which run anywhere from $75-$150+ per person every time..).  Every little bit helps, and we've been able to squirrel away quite a fair chunk of the wedding budget already!  It helped a lot that we've had some nice gifts from family members.  Also, I plunked my entire bonus in the wedding savings account.... whereas I normally buy myself a nice present and bank the rest.  We're definitely getting there!  I'm looking at the wedding like a present to myself and Steve, and to our friends and family too, though.  I'm so excited about it, and I'm really enjoying the fun of planning.

Happy New Year!

Hi!  I've been MIA from blogland for a bit and wanted to do a quick New Year's post!  Not sure why, but I haven't felt like blogging lately.  All is going just fine on the maintenance front.  In fact, I'm at a recent low (not all-time low) as of this morning -- 151.6, whereas at the end of the summer, I saw 157 a few times (I try to keep it under 155 at all times). 

 

New Year's was a lot of fun.  Steve and I rented a great house out in the Hamptons with 7 other friends, and we had 13 people there for New Year's Eve dinner and fun.  We all love to cook, and we really had some fantastic meals!  I did make it to Ph-y-s-ique 57 once (ballet bar type workout), which was good, given all the eating we were doing!  There was a chalkboard in the kitchen (you can see it in the photo above), and we got chalk so that I could write out the menu for each meal. 

Wedding planning is going so well!  I designed our wedding invitations and Save the Dates and am printing them myself.  I'll post a photo or two soon.

I hope all of you rang in 2013 in a nice way and that this year is already off to a great start!

Christmas Snaps.. and a New Comparison Shot



Steve has a long tradition of having a big Christmas party at his club every year.  This year was his 15th!  It's a really nice party -- a black tie sit-down dinner for 100 people in a very elegant club, and Steve does his best to make sure there are an even number of men and women (the only party like that that I know about in NYC... usually women far out number the men).   Steve planned the whole thing, from the guest list (though in retrospect, I should have jumped in there.. had a friend who was a little upset not to be invited because she viewed this as my party... Agh.  Kind of clueless on my part not to have thought of this -- there are locally-based friends who are invited to our wedding who were not added to Steve's usual invitation list.) to the menu and decorations.  He did a fantastic job, and it was a lot of fun!

 

With Steve in the library

The dinner tables

 Me!  In a R-e-em A-c-ra gown that I rented from R-en-t the R-un-way.  I loved it!

 

A fun shot of us with our feet up!  I love that Steve's socks match my dress!

 With my beardy fiance!  Yes, I did get the ring in the shot on purpose!  :)

And, to drive it all home, and put some perspective on all of this, I did a new comparison shot.  The one on the left was taken just over four years ago.  I was in DC with my brother and sister, had just broken up with PP, and was miserable.  This was a few months before my surgery, and I hadn't started looking into the band at that point (I was self-pay, so once I decided, I had the surgery soon afterward).  On the right was me last weekend.  I am 38 on the left and 42 on the right.  A size 1X, 20, 14W on the left, and a size 8 or 10 on the right.  The me on the left was uncomfortable in my skin -- my feet ached and my back hurt, and I was self-conscious about my weight.  The me on my right felt completely freaking fabulous.  What a difference.
 



Catching Up

Since I posted last, a few things have happened.  My dad and step-mom were in town for a very successful meeting with Steve's parents, and we had a heck of a good time. We went to see some Jazz at Lincoln Center (which is actually in the Time Warner Center...), had a great b-day dinner with my friends, and even made it up to MOMA for a spin and a fabulous lunch!

My mom arrived the following day for an extended Thanksgiving stay (just over a week), I cooked up a storm on Thanksgiving (Steve and Marjorie joined us for a fun dinner), and we had a great time relaxing and seeing Argo, which was off-the-charts good.

Unfortunately, I found out that my step-brother, Robert, died unexpectedly on Thanksgiving.  He hadn't been feeling well, and had not made it to the doctor yet, and then unexpectedly died.  I did not know him very well (our parents married about 10 years ago, long after we'd both moved from home), but I am very fond of his mom and of his young daughter, who is ridiculously cute and adorable.  My heart really goes out to my step-mom, my dad and Robert's family and friends.  It is so sad.  He also has a new baby girl with his current girlfriend, which just adds to the sadness of this.

I'll post more later -- Steve and I had our Christmas Party (really, it's his annual party... I just get honorary co-host status as the fiance!) last weekend, and we got some really nice photos.  I just would not feel right adding a party post to this sad news, so I'll post about it separately later on.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Hello!!  Today is my 42nd b-day!!  And, so far, it's going very well!!  The first thing I did this birth year was kiss my sweetie.  So, that was a nice start already.  Then, I got up this morning and went to spin class and worked out hard.  THEN, despite that I went to Wh-o-l-e F-o-o-ds and passed several pastry carts on the way home, I thought -- I want the first thing I eat this year to set the right tone for the year.  So, I had some Greek yogurt with fruit when I got home.  (I know.. gag.. I'm such a freaking martyr... LOL!)

 

Later today, I'm taking one of my biggest clients (who I love) to lunch at a vereeee fancy restaurant in midtown for our annual b-day lunch.  And, later this afternoon, my dad and step-mom fly in for the weekend.... to meet Steve's parents for the first time!!  That will happen on Friday.

 

Tonight, though, I'm having a dinner party at my house for my dad, step-mom, Steve, myself and four really close friends.  I wanted to do this so that my dad & step-mom would get to know some of my good friends better before the wedding.  I just think that will really add to everyone's fun!!

 

Sooooo, I set the table as pretty as possible....  Want to see it??  Here you go!  The placemats, runner and napkins are from S-er-e-na and Lil-y, and were a gift from my dad and step-mom last year.  I love them.

 

Plainly, I'm suffering from old age because, when I got back from spin, I asked Steve -- didn't the grocery delivery get here??  Well, dear friends, it turns out that some idiot (Read:  me) forgot to click through the final screen and I never ordered the food for tonight.  AGH!!!!  Guess who is taking the morning off of work to go to the grocery store? . . . DOH.

In better news, I opened some presents this morning!!  I got some adorable clothing from my mom and brother, and my mom gave me a potato ricer (which I'd specially requested and will use when I make tonight's dinner... Shepherd's Pie).  My mom also wrote me the nicest letter for my b-day.  I seriously cried when I read it -- it was just so nice, and I will treasure it always.

She also did a fantastic job with the wrapping paper -- see below!

 

Max, "helping" me unwrap my presents 

Steve and I also had a great call this morning with a bluegrass band that we're going to use for our ceremony and cocktail hour (Steve plays bluegrass music -- so this will make the wedding al the more personal for us).  I really want to walk down the aisle to a bluegrass version of a reggae song -- right now, I'm thinking it will be One Love.  Just want to review the lyrics and make sure it's not too far off the mark!  The band said that they would do it, and I think that would be pretty amazing!  I kind of want them to start the strings in with the first few bars of the "Here comes the bride" song, then go right into One Love.   We'll see how it works!!

Have a wonderful day!!

Storms and Participating in the Democratic Process!

Me, in D.C., on the steps of the U.S. Supreme Court, with the Capitol Building behind me.

Steve and I weathered both of the big recent storms just fine.  I lost power (and heat... and eventually water..) for the better part of a week, but since Steve's apartment had power, we were able to stay there.  All in all, it wasn't that bad, and it was nothing short of wonderful to have so much down time together.

My storm-induced staycation let me do something I've wanted to do for a LONG time... clean out my closet!  I needed to do this to make room for Steve to move in, and now it is officially done.   As most of you guys know, I pretty well cleaned out my closet as I lost weight, by sending clothes to other bandsters through the Sisterhood of the Traveling XL Dress.  But I still had a bunch of things in there that needed to go!  It felt so good to get it all in order and to switch out my closet from summer to winter wear (that's what folks in NYC do, since we have such limited closet space...). 

In other news, I feel like I really have had a very U.S.A.-focused two weeks.  During the Sandy aftermath, I listened nonstop to discussions of the election and the storm on a little battery-operated radio that Steve gave me.  Then, on election day, I stood in the cold for 2 1/2 hours (mostly outside -- my feet were completely numb with cold by the end) in order to vote.  And, I also went to Washington, D.C. to see oral argument in a Supreme Court case.  All in all, I feel like I really got to participate in (or at least watch) all three branches of the government -- voting for the Executive and Legslative branch reps, and watching the highest court in our Judiciary branch.  Not too shabby!

I also made time to donate some supplies (a big box of diapers and wipes) to the folks in Staten Island who are suffering in the aftermath of Sandy.  They made it incredibly easy by registering on A-ma-z-o-n, so I was able to just click and donate.  It was really important to me to do something, since I feel very grateful to have made it through the same storm safely and with relatively little trouble.

By the way, on election day, I took some time out to think about what I was up to last election day.  I was just 12 days post-op then, and hadn't even gone through Bandster Hell yet.  Say what you will about Obama and how the nation has fared during the last four years, but I sure as heck am not complaining about how those years went!! :)  Can you imagine??  If I hadn't had my surgery, those years would have been so different, I am sure.  I wonder if I'd be at 270 today, or if I would have found a way to lose a bit of the weight, or at least maintain.  Anyway, it doesn't matter.  That's not what happened.  Did I mention how grateful I am??  WHEW.

Masqued Ball ... 2008 vs 2012

Last night, Steve and I went with a big group of friends to a masqued ball.  This ball takes place every year around Halloween, and I'd been once before.   In fact, this was my FIRST post-band party, four years ago, in 2008.  Unfortunately, Marjorie wasn't feeling well and didn't go, so we couldn't reinact our 2008 photo.

 

 

With Steve at the ball.  He looks like he's going to steal my diamonds in that masque!!

 

2008 to 2012.  Four years older, but feeling so much better!

2008 vs 2012 (Hooray!  My roots aren't as bad this year!)

I always find these kinds of comparisons eye-opening and kind of surprising.  I remember how I felt, getting ready to go to this party in 2008.  I was a little nervous about being at a party and having some wine.  I also didn't know as many people in this crowd then as I do now, so the party wasn't as much fun.  Last night was an absoute blast -- I danced up a storm with Steve, and we had a really great time!

This was particularly good because I think both of us were feeling pretty stressed out last week and really needed a fun night.  Nothing terrible -- but we were both thinking a lot about the fact that we've each been doing pretty much whatever we want and not having to answer to anyone else for most of our adult life.  And, the fact is, that's changing now that we are marrying one another.

To give you an example...  I had my apartment painted earlier this year -- the living room is this fabulous shade of blue-green now, but it just doesn't quite work with my existing furniture.  This week, I came very close to buying a rug on-line that would have helped to tie the whole room together.  But, before I bought it, I realized I should check in with Steve to make sure he liked it.  And, he wasn't in to it and didn't want me to buy the rug.  I didn't buy it, but the fact that (!) someone else had the right to stop me from decorating my apartment how I wanted didn't sit well with me!  I've lived alone for a whopping 18 years, and that hasn't happened before!  But ultimately, I do want to share my life with Steve and am excited about us building a home together, so that's a sacrifice I am willingly making.  However, that doesn't mean it's not an adjustment!!  :)

Happy Fourth Bandiversary to me!

Four years ago, I was wheeled into the OR in the Christus Muguerza Sud hospital in Monterrey, Mexico, where Dr. Roberto Rumbaut installed my lap band.   I changed my life that day.

The past four years have been truly wonderful. Yes, I had moments of frustration, and even some heartbreak and other disappointments, but through those years, I have really enjoyed the feeling of FINALLY, conquering the one issue that really bothered me and that I hadn't been able to fix on my own -- my weight. I've said this before, but it bears repeating. The lap band isn't a magic wand that will solve all of your problems. HOWEVER, if being overweight is the one thing that is really bothering you in life, which was the case for me, it certainly can feel like one.

 

A comparison showing the physical changes from Years 1-2
You can click on this to make it bigger.

Don't get me wrong on the "magic wand" comment -- I've worked for my weight loss. I have put in the time in the gym, which was essential for me to get to goal and is essential to my maintenance. I've watched what I eat and have followed the bandster rules more often than not. But this hasn't felt all that hard to me. I wanted to do that work, and I loved the feeling of inching my way toward goal. Every tenth of a pound lost during the first 1-2 years was a thrill. It made me feel good about myself and, of course, was a reason to update my stats on Lap Band Talk! I struggled through many plateaus and felt frustration sometimes, but in the aggregate, I have felt pretty awesome through this whole process.

There have been many changes through the past four years -- the biggest of which occurred in Year 1, when I lost the bulk of my weight -- 63 pounds. Being able to run again, to shop in normal stores, to be free of foot and back pain, and to recognize myself in the mirror again were HUGE changes that year. But small changes have occurred during the past three years too, and some of the changes made during my first two years now seem normal to me.   Here are my Second and Third bandiversary posts, which give a lot of perspective on that.  A few changes that I want to mention today are that:
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1. I forget sometimes that I was ever fat. What I mean by that is that I don't think of myself as my heavier version -- if I picture myself, I look like I do in the mirror. Clearly, I remember being fat if I think about it ... it's just that I don't think about it all that much anymore.

 

2. I don't do negative self-talk about my body. It's very nice not to have thoughts about myself like "Oh my G.. you are so disgusting, how did you let yourself get like this?" That was at least a daily occurrence 4+ years ago, and it actually stopped right after surgery.  I don't miss it one bit.

 

3. I don't feel guilty about what I eat, even if I have an ice cream sundae, since my diet and exercise can handle the occasional treat.

 

4. I have even more confidence now than I did before.

 

5. I have slowed down on the shopping, since I finally have enough clothing in my size, but I do still really enjoy shopping these days.

 

6. I still fit into the clothing I bought three or so years ago (whereas in the past, clothing wouldn't usually fit long term because I'd be gaining...).

 

7. I have become the kind of person who would be up for doing an athletic vacation! Steve and I want to climb Kilimanjaro together (NOT on our honeymoon... honeymoon will be latrine-free, thank you..!).

 

8. When Steve tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy, I know that he really means it. (I am so going to marry that guy...) :)

 

With Steve at a horse race last weekend.  I am wearing size 8 corduroy pants.  Four years ago, it would have been very hard for me to imagine being able to wear corduroy (without undue whistling and starting a barn blazing fire...), much less a size 8!

9. OMG... I HAVE a fiance!! Woo-hoo! :) There is no doubt in my mind that all of the work I did on myself through the past several years has led me to this wonderful relationship. I'm not just talking about losing weight -- yes, that was part of it, especially because it was the one thing that really got me down in my life. Plus, it surely doesn't hurt that I look better, am healthier, and can enjoy things like hiking and playing tennis with him. But, the mental stuff is a huge part of this too. I make taking care of myself a top priority now, I feel good about myself and my accomplishments with the band, and I'm just generally in a very good place. I also really appreciate that, and it adds to my overall happiness.
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And.... can I get a drum roll, please???
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10. All signs indicate that, next June, I am going to get to cross my FINAL WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL off of my list! It was on my "Pro" list that I made when I was deciding whether to have this surgery. . . .
 

I don't want to jinx myself or anything (knock wood, etc. etc.), but it looks like I am not going to be a fat bride.  If I was still at my pre-op weight on my wedding day, I know that I would have been doing a bunch of negative self-talk about my appearance, and that would have taken away from my enjoyment of the day, no matter how happy I was otherwise.  But now, that's unlikely to happen. I feel so incredibly grateful about that, as well as for all the other changes through the past four years.

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 My Mother of All Comparison Shots. 

From obesity to rocking a H-e-rve L-e-ger bandage dress.  Who would have thought it possible?!

Thank you all for being here for me through this process. Your support and encouragement has made all the difference to me, and it keeps me on the straight and narrow.  I know that I would never have been as successful with my band if it was not for the support of the wonderful people I've met through our blogging community, in addition to that of my friends and family.  It is stunning to me to look back to my first post, from October 11, 2008 (just prior to my surgery) and to see how far I have come on this journey, and all of the great things that have happened along the way.  I'm excited about the future, too!