I know I mentioned earlier that I decided only to tell a few friends and family members about my surgery. I've been very lucky in that everyone has been very supportive.
Yesterday, though, I was talking to one of my friends (let's call her "Y") and she said -- "I hope you don't mind, but I told X about your surgery." By way of background, X is one of Y's best friends and lives in California. X is also a lawyer and works in house for a company I'd be extremely thrilled to represent -- she also is at least 100 lbs overweight. Y is not heavy at all, and I understood that she told X about my surgery in the hopes of helping her find a good solution to her weight struggles.
However, when I told Y about my surgery, I specifically asked her to promise to keep it in confidence and let her know that I consider it to be something very personal and private. I also let her know which of our mutual friends know so that she would have that information. Under the circumstances, I find it EXTREMELY uncool that she told X without clearing it with me first -- all the more so since I've met X and am going to see her later this month at a party here in NYC. It's also likely that X and I are going to cross paths professionally through the years. And, even if that were not the case, this is my private business, not something that a friend who supposedly promised to keep it in confidence has any business telling others about without my permission.
I let Y know that I wasn't happy with this and that if she wants to mention this kind of thing to anyone else, that she either should ask me first or, if she can't control herself, at least avoid disclosing my name. This is not her news to share. Have any of you had similar issues with friends not being able to keep confidences? I let Y know that I would be happy to talk to X if she is interested in going forward, but stressed that -- while I'm willing to forgive her this time, I will be very upset if this happens again.
The other issue that I'm having is that another friend -- who is tall and thin, but is heavier now than she is used to being (you'd still describe her as "thin" if you saw her) doesn't seem that happy for me if I tell her how things are going with the band and actually seems to get a bit competitive about the weight loss. It's pretty ridiculous -- by her own admission, she's only 10 lbs over her goal weight, whereas I have about 55 lbs to go. If it were a contest, she'd hardly break a sweat leaving me in her dust. However, it's not a contest!! This isn't really such a problem -- I'm just going to stop talking to her about the band/weight loss. I don't want to make her feel bad about being heavier than she'd like, and if she can't be happy for me on this point, there isn't any point in me telling her about it.
In retrospect, I'm very glad that I didn't tell either of the above friends about my blog. I know that I'm not the only bandster who has had issues like the ones mentioned here, and I feel like I'm doing a decent job of keeping it in perspective. Still, the blatant violation of my trust is something that I find difficult to forgive, and I'm still pretty mad about it.
7 years ago
5 comments:
my mother told me years ago if you dont want a secret to get out then tell no one. and its true.
None of my "real" life friends know about my blog and none of them will. Im glad for that. As for your friend opening her mouth , If she's told one sorry but she's probably told others.
I would be pissed too if i were you.
It seems people like to sabatoge those who are doing better than them or are 'threatening them" I find that a lot. I get " Your thin enough you dont need to lose anymore weight " My point, dont worry what others think, The band is your business and your losing weight for your self regardless of how you have done it !
It sucks that your friend did that to you. What you do and whom you choose to share it with is up to you and you alone! What a pain.
I have a couple of friends that I have told and one of them told her big mouth husband which I wasn't happy about. They are both looking into surgery themselves so I'm hoping that if they go ahead Big Mouth might be able to keep it shut.
I was so excited about the surgery I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I live in a small town and am prepared that it won't stay out of the gossip for long, especially when I start losing!
What's a girl to do!
Bel
Wow, truth is some people really can't keep their mouths shut. I could use the support, but I don't trust people in my life to not spread it around or use it against me later. This is main reason why I'm telling no one. I say stick to blogs and forums for support, make some virtual buddies on facebook. :-)
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