Most of you know from prior posts that I've told my closest friends and most of my family about my band. I also am trying hard to keep my band life and work life (professional reputation, etc) separate -- and I'm still struggling with the balance.
Funny enough, this subject came up in a recent string on LBT that led to a pretty heated discussion, mainly because the original poster was making some very ignorant and inflammatory statements about how not telling people is morally and socially irresponsible, etc. I completely disagree with that. Still, I do struggle with keeping my privacy at work vs. being open with the people there who I really like and consider as friends.
The way I have to look at is that the moment I tell one or more people at work, I will have to expect that other people (who I do not want to share this with) will find out. So, if I want to keep any privacy at work, I need to stick to sharing this information with purely personal friends and family. As the old saying goes. . the best way to keep a secret is not to tell anyone. . .
Yesterday, a colleague who I really like and consider to be a friend asked me about my weight loss. She is very thin, but her mother is more than 100 pounds overweight, and she is trying to inspire her to lose. It sounds as though the family is very involved in trying to get the mother to diet, mainly out of concern for her health. I gave her the best advice I could (without mentioning my band) and suggested that her mom look into surgery as an option. Part of me wanted to tell her, in the hope that it would help her mother. But, the small chance of that happening vs the sacrifice of my personal medical privacy just did not make that an option that I was willing to take. Funny enough, I learned in that conversation that my friend is completely opposed to WLS and has discouraged her mother from considering bypass surgery.
I feel that I made the right decision for me, but that does not mean that it wasn't hard not to tell this person who I like and consider as a friend. If you have this situation, how are you handling it?
7 years ago
9 comments:
It is such a personal decision. I really believe everyone should do what makes them feel comfortable and not worry about what others expect. Who ever said you have a moral obligation to tell others about the surgery is, to be blunt, a complete idiot. I find it also funny, that your skinny co-worker is "against" WLS. How closed minded. This is from a person who doesn't have a struggle with weight and will never understand what is is like to live with being obese. You should ask her if she would rather lose her mother to some disease that could take her life due to her obesity, or have WLS, get healthy, and live longer?
I can't imagine how awkward that conversation might have turned had you told her and then found out she is completely against WLS! Good choices, Catherine! I think you need to do what's right for you and those choices are very individualized!!
You have such a great blog, and I can't thank you enough for sharing your story with us. I have told 3 people at work, and have asked them not to say anything. I hope my secret is safe. I agree it's tough. One of the people I told is a colleague (man) who is 200+lbs overweight. He wasn't impressed and didn't seem interested in my story, but I thought telling him might be helpful. (I kept it personal, didn't mean that I thought he should have the surgery, just that it was working for me.)
On another note, I found a great excuse for eating out with colleagues...I have a sore tooth, and can't eat much. Worked like a charm!
Catherine - I saw that thread on LBT. Wow. Although I am pretty wide open, I think it is a PERSONAL CHOICE unlike the person who started the thread. It was amazing. I think you did the right thing. I find, that while being open about it with everyone is okay for me, at times, I find I don't want to talk about it when people who I don't even know, know I've had surgery, ask me about it. So, I'm starting to learn to keep my mouth shut! Nothing negative for me so far, but it is mine to share as I see fit.
Well, I tried to keep it a secret at work, but once I told 1 "friend" co-worker, it was all over. Everyone knew. If they didn't know, they suspected and frankly, now I don't give a damn! I don't care if they know. Honestly it would be really hard for me to hide it anyway, because I have so many business dinners/lunches/travel that it becomes very obvious that I can't eat. If I am traveling with people they think I am a freak bc the whole week they see me push around my food during business trips. Anyway, do what makes you feel comfortable. In another year, I doubt you feel same need to hide it.
It's been really interesting to hear everyone's take on this -- and CMV, I'm definitely keeping the sore tooth excuse in my back pocket!
It will be interesting to see if my feelings on this do change in a year or so. I'm open to that possibility. It will be interesting to look back on this post next year and see if my thoughts on this have changed.
I didn't see the thread on LBT so I don't know what they were all saying, but I chose to tell my close friends and family, and also a few of my work friends. So far, no one who I confided in at work has broken that confidence. Eventually I think I will end up telling anyone who asks, b/c I believe that if something changed my life than maybe someone else can benefit too.
Hello there, I love your blog! I totally agree that this is a personal decision to tell or keep it a secret. For me, it was tough to keep it a secret. I am too proud of the band and that I took CONTROL of my obesity and did something about it. I know how hard it is lose weight and it didn’t sit well with me to even imply that I did this on my own, without the help of the band. I love talking about it, to those I chose to share it with. Thank goodness that I have only gotten positive feedback and encouragement so far. The lapband has been an emotional rollercoaster for me and has been everything BUT an easy way out... I have my guns out ready to challenge anyone who makes a comment to me that it was... that may be another reason for me sharing... I LOVE to defend my decision. :) Best of luck to you!
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