I was embarrassed. I said something like "ugh -- don't look at those photos -- they are from last year and I've lost quite a bit of weight since then." I could tell he was surprised, and he just said "Wow -- you look great now." Which, I think was the best possible response.
I wanted to ask my friend to delete all of these photos, but after (sober) reflection on that issue, decided not to do that. These are photos from a really fun Thanksgiving celebration and the reality is that I was much heavier then (I was just one-month post-band surgery at that point and in Bandster Hell). Whatever my weight was then does not take away from the fun of that day, and it doesn't somehow make me look fatter now. It's hard to let that sink in, but I do believe that is the truth of the matter.
13 comments:
I like your thought process on that one...Your right, it was a fun day and just because you weren't perfect (or what society finds as perfect) in your look, it is still you and "that" you should be treated with just as much love and respect as "this" you...
Photos are memories to be cherished, not for what we looked like but for the feelings of that moment. p.s. I keep a large copy of my before picture on my fridge door for the world to see. It's my way of making me think before I graze.
Great post, Catherine. It is good you had a fun time, and that you have good memories. You are the same person inside as you always were. But it's good to be happier on the outside too.
Happy New Year from snowy England
Hx
Thanks. It's really hard for me to look at that photo and see myself the way that I was.
So many of our BEFORE photos are painful! Don't I know that! In addition to the point that you are making (that regardless of what we looked like, it was a worthwhile time in our life, a fun time, an important time), I also began thinking about my BEFORE pictures as reminders to live in the moment and appreciate each phase of my life for what it was and to share those pictures with others in the throes of Lapbandhood to prove that it's possible to get from HERE to THERE...it just takes time! The later of those two thoughts occurred to me over Thanksgiving when I saw my cousin who had been banded in Dec 2008. He saw me....minus 115 pounds...and instantly became sullen and felt defeated! He was upset that he had ONLY lost 60! I had to remind him that I was 2.5 years out and that when I was one year out, I had only lost 50!!! He just saw the present ME and used that as his yardstick for his success!
Great post! Got us all thinking...
Judi
I can totally relate to what you are going through internally!
I found some comparison pics on my comp from before I was banded.. and HOLY COW .. frightening. What is worse is that I plan on putting them on my blog when I hit 30 K down.. and I'm like.. eeeeeek! I can't imagine how I would feel looking at the old me like you did from another persons collection.
That said: cherish those memories and hang on to them as a reminder of what you don't want to do again. We all need that gentle prod.
I understand completely. I just posted some photos from last summer so I could compare where I was and where I am. Just looking at those pictures made me want to delete them all. But then I remembered they were from my best friend's graduation party, where she wore the crown and smiled all night from the love and support of her friends and her accomplishment. So I will keep them, I will always cringe when I see them and I will remember that I can be a much better friend now that I am finally shedding the weight and becoming happier with myself. Kudos to you for coming to the same conclusion.
It's so interesting to me how we are all our toughest critics. While I think the work you have done is fantastic and the fact that you are a workout fiend and feel better about yourself in your own skin is amazing, I think you look beautiful in this picture. I understand that it represents someone that you weren't happy with in terms of weight, and I feel the same way when I look at my old pictures, but it's also such an inspiring reminder of the incredible work you've done to get to where you are now. I'm glad that you felt safe enough to post it for us to see and to share the story with us. Thanks lady. xoxo
I think your logic on this one is right on. All of us who are successful with the band (I'm hoping to count myself among you at some point) will have to deal with the fact that we didn't always look so fabulous but that's who we were. Like you said, it doesn't change how much fun that day was and the pictures are really about the memories, not the images.
Catherine you get to see that view every morning??? Is that your apartment? What a great picture...and you're right, as much as you don't like the way you look in it, it was great memories and a great way to reflect back on how far you've come.
Catherine - at times, I want to delete all my "fat" pix... it is really, really painful to see - but then I think about how much I want this and how hard I've worked for this... so don't delete them please... keep them for those days when you want to see them - otherwise, you don't have to look at them! You look so beautiful... but you were beautiful then too - don't forget that!
Catherine,
I know, we're the same age (almost)! But, I have to tell you, you look like you're in your twenties, which you must hear all the time. Either that, or you have a professional touching up all of your photos. I'm actually REALLY looking forward to 40. It's liberating- you know who you are and what you're doing! It's THE BEST feeling. I'm excited for this decade. However, my daughter keeps reminding me that parenthesis have a place, but not on my face...sigh...
Lara
Excellent reflection. My sister posted a picture on me on facebook a full body one from last Jan when we went away I was pre-op so at about 299.5 pounds I almost fell out and then almsot asked her to remove it then I said no in all honesty that was an awesome trip and that was what I looked like at the time... hey it is what it is...until it isn't and it isn't anymore! Good growth spurt for ya!
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