Over the weekend, I went to the bachelorette party of my friend Jessica. I really like Jessica, but don't know her that well. We do things with one group of friends together, but I don't think we've even ever talked on the phone, and I don't have her number. I actually got to know her during events leading up to Erica and Adam's wedding last summer, since her fiance (Chris) is friends with PP, Adam and that group of guys. If none of this sounds familiar, just click on this link and you'll find a few posts with all of the background info.
After all the anxiety I had about having to see PP and his new girlfriend at A&E's wedding last summer, I decided early on that I would decline the invitation to Jessica and Chris's wedding. I just didn't want to put myself through that again.
HOWEVER, Erica told me that PP was not invited to the wedding, since he and Chris aren't as close anymore. So, when I got my invitation, I marked it "accepts with pleasure" and sent it back. (I was not invited with a date.) The wedding is at a great venue here in NYC, I really like the couple, and a bunch of other friends will be there. Sounds like a wonderful time.
So, at the bachelorette party, I was talking with Jessica and she mentioned how she got a huge stack of RSVPs when she got back from a recent trip. I don't know why I asked, since I already had it on "good" authority from Erica, but I asked her if PP was invited. AND, he is. And, he is bringing that girl. And they are now living together. AND, apparently, he told Chris about a week ago that they have been looking at engagement rings. Seriously?
Look, I don't want PP back anymore, and I mean that in earnest. What this new person has is just not something that I want. However, that does NOT mean that I want to go to a wedding (without a date, no less) and have to see them together, potentially waving around her engagement ring and exuding happiness. I just know that will have the potential to make me upset.
However, on the other hand, I really don't want him back. And, some petty part of me really wouldn't mind showing up in a fabulous dress looking my absolute best and letting him eat his heart out. And, trust me, I know him well enough to know that this will completely mess him up for at least a few days. Also, I was looking forward to this event when I didn't think he would be there. I found a great dress to wear and was looking forward to seeing some friends there who I don't get to see all that often.
Also, Jessica was really surprised when I told her that Erica said that PP was not invited. Apparently, Erica never even ASKED Jessica a thing about the guest list. So, I'm really at a loss to know why she would have told me that. And, I'm really pretty p*ssed about the whole thing, since now I already accepted the invitation and if I bow out, everyone will know why. GRRRR!!
I would love to get your opinion -- what would you do in my place? Go to the wedding or bow out?
7 years ago
35 comments:
I absolutely think you should go ONLY if you really want to go. I can totally relate to your dilemma though.
About a year after my divorce, I had been invited to a wedding of a mutual friend of mine and my ex's. Almost the same situation except my ex was with the women who he cheated on me with who was also his best friends wife! They have since married and are miserable and in marriage counselling I might add!
I was so torn over whether to go or not but in the end, I decided that I would go. I had lost some weight since the divorce and even at my worst, I was much prettier and much more liked by everyone (except my ex I guess) than the "bitch" (sorry, thats what I call her because she is not a nice person and she's very mean to my girls).
So, I went to the wedding alone, sat with wonderful friends and had a really good time. The "bitch" on the other hand, never left her table and truly looked miserable! I was so relieved when the wedding was over but I was also glad that I didn't let them get in the way of my having a good time.
Go! Let PP see how absolutely fantastic you look. Don't let him be the reason why you don't go to an event that you were really looking forward to. Let him think (even if you are faking it) that being around him and this new girl doesn't bother you; let him know that you are totally over him. Easier said than done, I know; but are you likely to regret going more than not going?
Happiness is the best revenge. Not only do you not need him to be at your all time best, you are achieving this level of success completely by your own doing. That sends the message that when it is the right time and man for you, that will be ONE LUCKY GUY. And, he's obviously NOT PP.
Go, go, go! You're in such a good place in your life. You should celebrate that - and if a bit of gloating that you are so fantastic can be done - even better!!
I really enjoy your blog btw. I'm not sure if I've commented before but I've read through the entire thing. I hope to be banded in the next month or so and you have been very inspiring! So much so, I've started my own.
I would put on that amazing dress and go...let him stew over it for a few days after the wedding. He deserves it! Also it is just wrong that you were invited without "and guest" that is not the way wedding invitation etiquette works. I think you will have a great time.
I would most def put your amazing party dress on and go have a wonderful time! He deserves to see what he can't have.
Catherine,
You should absolutely go (if you really want too, and it sounded like you did prior to hearing that he would be there). Wear your great dress and have fun with your friends. Like you said, it will mess him up for a few days.... let him see how much hotter and happier you got AFTER him. LOL. Revenge is sweet, I hope for the opportunity to be in a similar situation some day. :-)
Girl you need to GO! Look fabulous and have fun. Of course it will hurt your heart a little - it always will - but I learned that the more times I was exposed to my ex and his wife, the less painful it became. And just enjoy the fact that you look absolutely incredible and enjoy just a little bit of knowing you're screwing with his head a little. LOL. PS. I have decided you look like one of the characters on the new series "parenthood." Her name is Lauren Graham. Her hair is a darker - but the first time I saw her on TV I couldn't figure how why she looked familiar! LOL.
Totally go - if you don't - you're giving him too much power over your life and you'll probably always wonder how the night would have gone. GO! Knock 'em dead. Heck - you could even meet "the one" at this wedding but you won't know unless you go. Take the power back. It's your life. Live it! And take pics!
You would hate yourself in the end if you didn't go. You will look beautiful and you will have a great time with your friends. Don't let him dictate your actions, please. You are a strong, vibrant woman and you never know who you may meet at that wedding. Maybe a devastatingly handsome man? Please go...You would regret it if you don't! :)
Go, loook and feel fabulous and don't give him a second thought. Living well is the best way to get over things. (Oh and check with Erica why she thought PP wasn't invited - weird).
I say go, but only if you really don't mind going. You shouldn't have to skip events that you truly want to go to just because of him. Pretend you don't have a history and go enjoy yourself!
Go if you can bring yourself to do it. It does not seem fair at all that he should still be a factor in your decisions. But I understand not wanting to go.
Can you rustle up some sort of date? That is so weird when single people are not allowed to bring a date to a wedding. Incredibly tacky, I think.
Or, do you have another close single girlfriend who is going? You could arrive totally gorgeous and fabulous and make him feel bad, that would be worth it!
Plus, we want to see you in the dress. ;)
How can you even think about not going???
You look amazing...you feel amazing and a strong independent woman like you would NEVER allow a guy to dictate where you do or do not go.
Buy that fabulous dress and strut yourself in there like you own the place. You have a golden opportunity to show your ex how you've thrived without him...how many gals get a chance to do that?
Just a short comment. Can you call the bride and make sure you are sitting at a table with most of your close friends and not at a table beside PP. Maybe she has another single guy who would fit in too. Just a thought.
Okay. You should go. I mean this in all honesty. Girl, you look HOT! in every picture I have seen. You have nothing to be weird or ashamed about. Plus if there are a lot of "non plus-one" guests then you might meet someone nice. Also, I think you need to see this guy again to realize that it is your past and that you really just wish him well and what's done is done. Closure. Wear something gorgeous (like you always do) and knock em dead!
go. you look and feel great. how can anything put a damper on that? and the fact that you are going without a date proves your confidence and how good you feel about yourself. make sure you walk around all night for everyone to see with that big beautiful smile plaster on your face constantly.
I'm with all the others that say go... Go, and spend their money, drink their booze, and look DAMN GORGEOUS and make PP's life miserable for a few days and maybe even impact his girlfriend! Play it up! Seriously! Enjoy yourself, show a little extra cleavage, and smile sweetly... maybe even ask him to dance and tell him just how much he fucked up!!!
YOU MUST GO. YOU MUST. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
For all of the reasons stated above.
But mostly because you deserve to go and have fun and be with your friends and wear that amazing dress and....well.....rock his world a bit!
Go ahead. GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judi
Go and have the best time! Wear a killer outfit and let him feel like an idiot for letting a prize like you go!!
Oh my word - I agree with everyone ... and what Band-babe wrote resonates with me. You have achieved wonderful things and come into your own sans a man. I can relate to the feeling of having something smashed in your face (ie them turning up together, the potential ring) but people will look at the gorgeous, sassy and intelligent woman you are and think "Meh, his loss!" ... and I think quietly you'll be thinking the same thing.
Miss Dee
I vote GO. You wanted to go when you thought he wasn't (and as a bonus - expecting that it would be a fun time) and you should not let him being there deter you. Is it an option to ask the bride if she would mind if you brought a date? Not sure what kind of wedding it is, but maybe it wouldn't be an issue?
You definitely need to go and enjoy yourself...why should you miss out on a great wedding, the chance to show off your new bod and hot dress...just because of him...as hard as it is, you gotta put yourself out there and if he can't handle it....tough (that's his problem!)
You go, girl! With bells on!! Wear that fabulous dress, look stunning and let him eat his petty, non-committal heart out. He deserves to be messed up for a few days. And you're just the girl to do it with your new attitude and your new look. It might not be easy, and yeah, if shes flashing that ring around (bitch!!) just smile and scarper asap. It's all you can do. But hold your head up high. You are better than both PP and this new girl and that's what counts. xxooxx
Take the hot looking model guy...I dare you. if you can go and be pleased for everyone then go...as long as it wont screw with your head. You are gorgeous and he needs to know what he missed out on...
Well-- this is a tough one! But, if you have a good group of friends there at the wedding and know you will have a good time, then I would go and show off!!!
Definitely go & show off your HOT new figure! Eat your heart out PP! ;)
hmmmmm......I understand your dilemma. I want to shout "GO!", but I've been in a similar situation. I broke it off with my ex because he didn't want kids. We were together for 5 years and have many mutual friends. After we broke up, he tried to get back together and even proposed marriage. We back slid a couple of times until I made an absolute decision to cut him out of my life. Sounds harsh, but he was toxic for me. It was the best thing I could ever do. Now I'm married to my perfect man and so so happy. Well imagine my surprise when my ex and his new lady had a baby. Even though that is absolutely not the person I want to be with. It can bring up a myriad of old emotions and suddenly I'm that confused 23 year old again. So I understand trying to protect your sanity. Do what's best for YOU. If you are going to feel worse by seeing him than not going to the wedding. Then don't. What I know of you is a strong, charming, striking person and if you go he will definitely eat his heart out!
I say go and watch him squirm!
Life is all about taking chances. If you sit home you will be probably regret not going. Not sure I can add much to what anyone else has said, but I've come to the conclusion that you just have to be brave and get yourself out there in this life! Plus, with the added bonus of the weight loss and the fab dress why wouldn't you go?!
I would get a sudden case of food poisoning and send a super nice gift instead of going.
You only have one life to live and why be uncomfortable...
I think you should go and wear the most fabulous killer dress and know that you are past him with you H-O-T self!!!! You are an amazing person and looking amazing and deserve to have fun with friends no matter who is around. I know how uncomfortable it may be though so its ultimatly up to you of course!!!
GO, have a BLAST and show off your NEW HOT BODY!
Sorry to be piping in so late but I say go. And unlike A&E's wedding last year, do not go talk to him. Let him see you from across the room and make him squirm. Because you will - and he will. And he'll be even more devastated if you don't approach. Sit with your friends and like many others have said, who knows - there may be some wonderful Mr. Right-type of guy there that you might meet. Because you will be turning heads!
Don't let this guy rule you. As long as he does, you are not over him. He's a mere human being that has no control over you unless you give it to him. So give him something else - the act of just not caring.
I know I am too late to really comment here - I have been away all week and am really behind in blogs!
BUT, I totally know how you feel. There was this guy, we will call him E. E was my first real love, we were together for a couple of years but then things got a little too heavy, we went through somethings and then I realized that he did not have his shit together and that I did. I also realized that I did not want to help him get his together, too much work. Well, he is really close friends with my brother so I get to see him all the time! Once we even hooked up again, but it didn't last too long. Things hadn't really changed enough for me to get completely emotionally involved again.
Anyway, after many years, I had the pleasure (not) of meeting his new finance, very awkward. I was engaged to Dan at the time and we got married a few months after E did. She is really nice and we have "hung out" a lot since they are very close with my brother. But, I do find it strange that she sent me a Friend Request on FB - but that is another story!
I know that I am in a much healthier relationship and I am very happy, but every once in a while I wonder what my life would be like, still to this day! What was it with her - what about her made him grow up and get a house, a good job and have kids (they have two very cute little ones).
Sorry, my point is that I think you should put on the fabulous dress you have picked out and have a great time! You know that he will be staring at you in disbelief - I mean why shouldn't he - you are gorgeous! <3
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