It Occurs To Me....

It occurs to me that, when I started this blog 3 years and 8 months ago, I was obese, suffering from a heartbreak, and suffering in numerous other ways because of my weight (foot pain, back pain, compartmental syndrome, inability to enjoy shopping, feeling bad about myself every single day because I couldn't control my weight, etc.).

Me, after cleaning the blood off my heel from a bike accident I had on Block Island. I thought the pose was great for this post! P.S. It was just a scratch.... P.P.S. I'd had two glasses of wine before this was taken. P.P.P.S. I probably wouldn't have wiped out on that steep grassy hill if I hadn't! :)

If you would have told me in October 2008 that in under four years, I would have transformed into an athletic, fit, person -- and would be engaged to a guy who I'm crazy about, I would have crossed my fingers and said a prayer that there was some chance you'd be right. If you would have told me how much enjoyment, satisfaction, joy, friendship and support I would receive through that time, it would have been hard for me to comprehend that that could be possible.

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The changes through the last several years have really been amazing. These days, I am out in Amagansett (the Hamptons) with friends for much of the summer, and I don't give much thought to tossing on a bikini and laying out in front of them. I don't worry about looking fat, and I also don't feel bad about how I look or what I eat. Part of that has to do with the band, and part of it has to do with the fact that I make a real effort to get in to the gym and not to sabotage myself with bad food choices (not that I'm perfect -- FAR from it). It also doesn't hurt that I've been talking to my trusty therapist every other week through this entire process.

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Anyway, I am really counting my blessings right now, and feel so grateful for everything that has happened since I began this process. Thank all of you for your sweet messages on my engagement post! I loved reading them all, and it was so nice to get to share that wonderful news with you! I'm seriously on Cloud Nine. Not a bad time to take a minute to appreciate what a great journey this has been so far, and how grateful I am for finding a way to change the one thing -- my weight -- that was holding me back from really enjoying my life as much as I could.

BIG NEWS!!!

I got back last night from the best weekend ever! Steve and I had decided last weekend to take off work on Friday and to head out to Block Island, Rhode Island. I'd never been, and absoluely loved that charming, beautiful place!

And, adding to the wonderfulness of the whole weekend . . . STEVE PROPOSED ON FRIDAY!!! :) :) I am so incredibly happy and excited to know that I am going to get to marry this wonderful, caring, thoughtful, loving, fun and ridiculously attractive man!!

Steve somehow managed to keep a bottle of Veuve Clicot not only hidden, but chilled! I love that man!!

More details to follow! I just wanted to share the news! We're keeping the happy news under wraps until we can personally tell our families and most of our friends, but I thought it would be safe to share it here!

At dinner the night of our engagement. I'm totally red from smiling so big and crying tears of joy!!

Addendum: I just realized that this very happy development will round out me completing my list of doing every single thing I was looking forward to about losing weight with the band. Assuming all goes well between now and then (and I don't have any reason to believe it won't), I'm going to get to look fit and trim at my wedding!

Oops! ... I Did It Again

Oops! I did it again... I got my a$$ up and into the gym.... OH baby baby....

(Help!!! Endorphins make me super dorky this early in the morning!!! Who knew?!)

I feel surprisingly great and am psyched that I got up for spin again this morning. Meanwhile, it's so competitive to get in these classes that the Thursday class was booked solid by 12:03 on Monday morning (registration opens at 12) and I couldn't get in. So, that's my last morning spin for the week. I feel really good about getting up though -- that is two workouts that I absolutely would not have been able to get in (due to plans at night) if I hadn't rallied both mornings. Woo hooo!!! (Pats self on back.) ....I think my cat just rolled his eyes at me! :D

I Did It!!

You did it! You did it!

You said that you would do it, And indeed you did.

I thought that you would rue it; I doubted you'd do it.

But now I must admit it That succeed you did.

You should get a medal Or be even made a knight.

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I am laughing so hard right now because I am patting myself on the back for something that most people would think is nothing at all. You see, my friends, I am the antithesis of a morning person. I would sell my own grandmother down the river (slight exaggeration...SLIGHT) for 10 extra minutes of sleep on any given weekday morning. I just do NOT want to get out of bed. It's not in my DNA to be a morning person, and I've been like this for my entire life, as far as I can tell.

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So, why do I feel like I'm going to get a medal and a ticker-tape parade today?? Wellllll...... today, for the first time EVER (there are a lot of first times EVER on this blog), I got my bee-hind out of bed 1 1/2 hours early and went to spin class.

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It was hard! I had given myself 15 minutes to get ready... and then snoozed for 5 ... and then spent the next 3 debating "Am I going?" "Should I go back to sleep?" "If I go back to sleep, I'll get another 1 1/2 hours in..." "If I don't go, I'm not going to get my workouts in this week." Etc. Thank goodness the devil didn't show up ... I don't even know what bargain I might have made! Hee hee...

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I would like to thank my cat, Max, for helping me with the decision. Max is seriously the most freaking annoying cat ever, and if he even SENSES that he might be fed two seconds early, it's going to be a meow-fest. I usually grab earplugs, turn over, and say "I don't negotiate with terrorists." But today, I dragged my tired self out of bed, said "Don't get used to this, Maxer" fed him, pulling on my workout gear all the while, and I made it to the gym.

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How do I feel? Like a marathon-winning champion. I may even do it again tomorrow. (Gasp!) Major, major props to those of you who do this every day.

Summer in the Sun

With Steve (and a few other friends) at a restaurant in Montauk.  I am LOVING that beard he has going on!  I wouldn't have expected to, but it looks so good with his tan!

I've been a bad little blogger... but only because I've been out and about having fun!  My weight is holding at 154.6 (just .4 below goal) though I'd really rather see it about 4-5 pounds less than that.  Steve and I are sharing a house out in the Hamptons with a few other friends this summer, and between that and other weekend trips we have planned, as well as work, it's proving difficult for me to get in to do 3-4 workouts.  I've been more on the 2-3 front.  And, that is exactly why I'm on the high end of my "safe" weight zone.  Exercise is absolutely the key to maintenance for me, just as it was the key to getting to goal.

So, I'm trying to make sure I don't get off track this summer.  The weekend before last, I'd scoped out a spin studio and a yoga one near our house in the Hamptons, and got the schedules for both.  On Saturday, I rode my bike over to spin for the 9:30 class.  I didn't love the class.... the bikes move from side to side (So-u-l C--ycl-e has stationary bikes), and I found these ones hard to manage.  Whenever I'd pedal, the seat would hit my thigh as the bike rocked from side to side.  It was annoying, and I had a hard time keeping up my cadence with the bike moving so much.  I also was a little concerned that I'd get some weird bruise on my thigh!  (I didn't.)  It was still a good workout, so even if it wasn't my favorite, I'll go back again next time I'm there.  We also went on a bike ride to hit the shops in East Hampton, and I bought... for the first time, EVER, a pair of white jeans at Tory Burch.  (I'm wearing them in the photo, but you can't see them.)

So, why did I buy those white jeans?   Wellllll, because they fit great and were really cute ... and because I may have completely forgotten to pack anything to wear to cover my bottom half for Saturday night.  Oops! :)

I have to run, but just wanted to say hi and post a quick update.  I've been reading everyone's blogs and posting here and there.  But, with being out of town so often on the weekend, it's a challenge to find time to blog!  Will try to do better!

Photos Galore from Cabo!

Cabo definitely exceeded expectations!  It was absolutely gorgeous, our friends' wedding was the culmination of an incredibly fun week, the weather was amazing, and our hotel turned out to be really great (especially considering how well-priced it was), as well as an excellent jumping-off point for scuba diving, sailing, and visiting the three jewel hotels of that area.... the One-and---On-ly- Pal-mi-ll-a, L-a-s Vent-anas al Par-adis-o and La Es-p-e-ranza. 

On our second night in town, Steve and I made plans to have dinner at the P-a-lm-il-la.  Oh boy.  It was just so, so incredibly nice, and -- I don't know what we did to merit it -- but they rolled out the red carpet for us!  We got the best table at the bar, the restaurant manager came and told us all about the hotel's history, we were given the best table at the restaurant and a tour of the kitchen between our entrees and dessert.  I was in heaven.  What an amazing experience, and what a beautiful location.  I don't know when I've ever been anywhere more beautiful.

 At The One and O-n-l--y Pa-lm-i-lla

 At our fabulous side-by-side dinner table at Ma-r-k-e--t at P-a-lmi-ll-a

 Spices galore during the kitchen tour! 

Me, with the pastry chef.  OMG... he made this carmelized popcorn souffle that was positively X-rated, it was so delicious!!

The next night, we went with Marjorie over to Las Ve-n-tan-as al P-ar-aiso, another celebrity hot spot, which was actually right next door to our hotel.  It was gorgeous, though nothing blew me away as much as the P-alm-i-lla did.  Still, it was pretty spectacular.

Out on the dive boat with Steve and Marjorie -- the visibility wasn't great, but I still saw an octopus, a Moray eel, tons of fish, giant parrotfish and a ray!

 After diving, we went to the famous Cabo spot, The O-f-f-ice, for some great seafood.  Check out that view!  The food was great -- the freshest fish and delicious margaritas! 

 On one of the days, I arranged for Steve, Marjorie and two other friends and I to go out on a sailboat over to the famous Cabo Arc, and around the Sea of Cortez.  We got a beautiful day for it, and I loved these shots of Steve jumping off the boat!  The crew even let him captain the boat for a bit, and he looked so happy guiding it through the sea!  That boy loves to sail.

 WHOOPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

 The bride, looking like a movie star! 

 For the rehearsal dinner, our friends did a tequila tasting, followed by a sit-down dinner.  It was such a blast.  And, while having three tequila shots BEFORE dinner may not always be a good idea, it sure did lend itself to a fun night!  (Who am I kidding?  At this weight, I can't handle 3 shots anymore... I had about half of each, then discretely left my glasses on a table...  I didn't want to waste a day of my vacation feeling bad!)

With Miss M at the tequila tasting!

 After dinner with a few of the girls!  In retrospect, I am probably wearing the largest size of anyone there, but it's only by a size, and I certainly wasn't thinking about that AT ALL, and it didn't make me feel bad or self-conscious.  Those girls are teeny!!

 After our first days there, which were very social, Steve opted for some alone-time with me and rented this cabana for us at our hotel.  It was verrrreee romantic and beautiful, though not as private as we hoped!  Good thing we weren't starkers b/c everyone who walked up those stairs could see us, and one of the wait staff came by every hour or so to see what drinks we wanted! 

 We also went back to Las V-e-nt-anas one night for a romantic dinner with just us two.  Here is a photo.  I wish I didn't have that sweater on my shoulders so you could see this top, but it was actually pretty chilly in the shade, so I needed it.

 At the beach by our hotel -- here is Steve, floating around like a cute seal!

 Yikes!  Bikini shot!! :) I am totally pointing my toe, per Amy W, but you can't see it...

Love at the beach!

 The dress code for the wedding was all-white, which made for a really photogenic reception.  I was so, so glad to be at goal shopping for a white dress.  I can remember all too well what hell it would have been to try to find something decent to wear in a specific color (especially unforgiving white) when I was at my start weight!  Happily, I found this maxi-dress on sale at Bloomingdales.  I was initially making fun of it to Marjorie, but after I looked at it closer, I was like.. um, I may try this on!  And I was glad I did!

Wedding mariachi band!

We also went to La E-s-peran-za, which is the hotel where Carrie went for her "honeymoon" after Big didn't show for the wedding in the SATC movie...  It was a really gorgeous spot.  Steve and I went early for cocktails, then had a bunch of the girls join us after for dinner.  This was our last night in Cabo.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaa..... wish I was there now!!

La E-sp-era-n-za

At dinner with the girls!  Steve was a lucky guy! :)  (Actually, I love it that he can hang at a table of me and four friends and have a great time!)

So, that's the vacation recap!  Now I'm back to real life!

Hello from Cabo!!

With Marjorie at the pool.  I'm wearing my itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie Milly flowered bikini... and Steve's hat!  :)

Hello!!  I'm in Cabo San Lucas this week for the wedding of two good friends!  We got in last Saturday and will be here until Tuesday.  I am really enjoying it so much!  One great part is that, not only do I get to be here with Steve, but we also have other friends here, too!  Notably, Marjorie is here, so that's adding to my fun considerably!

We've gone diving (Steve's first time!  He was a champ!!) and did a sailing trip around the arch as well -- so relaxing and nice.  The weather here is to die for -- sunny and hot, with just enough breeze to make it wonderful.  This is also the first time in FIVE YEARS that I've taken a whole week off of work at once (I didn't even take that much time for my surgery...), so it's all the more enjoyable and really feels like a REAL vacation.

A quick pre-vacation update is that I had a really great time catching up with Nora (our favorite Traveling Bandita - link on right) when she was in town, and I also spent part of the week before my vacation at a conference in D.C., which was also enjoyable.  Actually, I saw a few people at that conference who I hadn't seen since before my surgery, and it was interesting, nice and a little weird to see their reactions to how much my appearance has changed.  The part that was weird is that I'm used to it now, so their really big reactions were a bit unexpected -- I'd forgotten that it would be a big change for them, if that makes any sense.

OK, enough with the computer!  I finished up some w*rk I had to get done today and am now heading back to the beach!!  Margarita to be in hand in T-60 seconds!!  xoxoxo  :)

Stuck Like Chuck and Other Stories...

I had a really fun weekend.  On Friday night, Steve and I went out to dinner, just the two of us, and had a heck of a good time.  We started out having drinks with an old friend of his, then headed to Sm-i-th and Wo-l-lensk-y for our dinner.  We ate in the grill part of the restaurant... which has the distinction of having a bathroom that is really pretty darned far away from the tables.

I normally don't even think of that.  I've been banded for 3 1/2 years, and I've never gotten stuck where I didn't have time to get to a restroom before I had to PB.  Guess what?  That is EXACTLY what happened to me there.  I got stuck on . . . creamed spinach (WTH?!  Not exactly what I'd expect to get me stuck).  I'd had a few glasses of wine by that point, and we were talking up a storm, and I guess I wasn't really paying enough attention and didn't chew well enough.

Well, suddenly, I realized -- this is going to come back up -- and there is NO POSSIBLE WAY for me to get to the far-away bathroom in time.  I told Steve that I was having an issue, grabbed my napkin, and -- as subtly as one can, unloaded that spinach into my napkin.... which I then put on the floor (and wrapped in two other napkins before we left).  Shockingly, I don't think anyone other than Steve even noticed.  And, after that happened, I felt fine again, so we just went back to enjoying ourselves.  I will tell you what I told Steve -- and I bet most of you agree with me -- even an incident like that does not make me regret having the band.  Still, that felt like such an amateur move on my part!  I'm 3 1/2 years out for crying out loud!  I should not be making mistakes like that at this point!  Oh well -- I'm just glad it wasn't more embarrassing.

This is from Saturday night at an underground supper club in Brooklyn.  Happily, I did not PB at that event...

The loft where the dinner was held had a wall that was a giant chalkboard, and that is where they wrote out the menu.

Our table -- there were actually four tables -- it was a pretty big group!

I wound up getting in good workouts on Saturday and Sunday.  I've been working out since my IT band healed after I injured it back in November, but had been slacking a bit -- never getting in four workouts, and sometimes only doing two (I usually manage to get in three).  Anyway, even though my weight is fine, number-wise, I can tell that I'm not as lean as I was.  It's a minor difference, but I can feel it when I'm wearing my jeans.  So, I've been refocusing, and have been back on track during the past week or two.  It feels good to be able to nip these things in the bud, and to know that it's not a crisis if my jeans are a little tight -- no need to panic, I just have to get into the gym.

What else??  Welllllll, I did go to Ph-y-s-i-que 57 with Marjorie on Saturday, and afterwards, we did some shopping and had brunch.  We MAY have even popped into Tiffany's and had a good gawk at the engagement rings...  And I may have even identified a ring that I was drooling over....  So, if Steve wants some guidance, Marjorie is now well prepped!  We've been talking about getting engaged in a very serious way, and I'm not sure when it will happen, but it seems clear that it's going to happen at some point before too terribly long.  Good stuff!!  I love that guy so incredibly much, and can't wait to make it all official. 

W*rk Photos Through The Past Five Years....

For the second time since I was banded, I updated my pr*fessional photo earlier this month. I got the final photo this morning. What a difference from my 2007 to my 2009 and to the 2012 one, huh? I put all three next to one another today and looked at them for a while. It's amazing to me what a difference there is, and it's also kind of nice to feel like my 41 year old photo looks better than the 37 year old one. Thank you God, band, spin, boot camp, blog and so much more.

Going Blonder and Seeing Bandster Friends!

I had a really nice treat yesterday because my friend Peter (a fellow bandster who I've mentioned before) was in town for a concert, and we were able to get together before hand! Peter was banded about six months after me, has lost 80+ pounds, and has transformed himself into a fit, healthy runner. We actually met through LapBandTalk.com, and he was at the first bandster brunch I ever organized (can't find the date.. it was back in 2009, and Yana and Jen from Life's Little Journey were there, too!).

As an aside, I want to say that -- for any bandster who hasn't done this aready (and I know most of us have) -- I definitely recommend getting in touch with other bandsters in your area and making time for brunch and dinner (and a few cocktails). There is something so great about being able to talk band with someone else who actually really understands what it's like. Peter and I have had some great downloads through the past three years, and the same is true with many of my other bandster friends, too.

So, back to Peter -- I remember when he was just starting to try Couch to 5K. He was determined, stuck with it, and really became a runner. Earlier this year, he ran the NYC Half Marathon. He has totally changed his life since being banded, and really looks fantastic. Last night, we were talking about what made the difference for each of us with respect to getting to goal, and we both agreed that it was the commitment to exercising on a regular basis that did the trick. Any of you who have read my blog from the beginning know how many false starts (and posts about how bad I felt about not motivating to exercise) I had before the exercise habit stuck, but it did stick eventually, and it has made a world of difference.

On another note.... can you tell that I went quite a bit more blonde at the hairdresser's last week?? It's a big change (no more trying to channel Kate M-i-dd-leton) but I am really liking it for summer!

Fun weekend!

My best friend from college was in town this past weekend, and we celebrated her birthday together, which was a complete blast! As a b-day treat, I took her to W-a-verley I-n-n for her birthday dinner, and we had a blast. That restaurant is a major celebrity-spotting site, and we spent our first half hour there trying to discretely gawk at everyone coming in. No celebs though... until sometime through the meal when .... J-on H-amm and J-e-n-nifer West-fel-d-t came in and were seated at a table right next to us!

I love both of them -- I'm a die hard Mad Men fan, and I loved JW's movie Kissing Jessica Stein, too! Plus, I've seen her out a few times lately -- most recently on Tuesday night at a restaurant called Il C-a-ntinor-i (we spent part of the meal looking to see if JH would come in, but he did not). So, it was especially cool to get to see both of them together.

Grace and I had such a fun weekend -- the sighting was icing on a really fun meal, and it was so great to get to catch up with her in person. She also finally got to meet Steve, and really liked him. :) No surprise there, but I'm so glad that was the case!

Vacation Pics and Being Hard on Myself

Yesterday, my friend sent around a link to his photos from Abaco. He is a really good photographer, and the quality of his pictures is really amazing. I love the one of Brooke and me above. That said.... this is the first time I've ever been on vacation where I didn't have a pretty strict Don't-Photograph-Me-In-My-Bathingsuit-Without-My-Express-Permission policy, so there were quite a few photos of me in my swimsuit.

Looking at these photos in the throes of PMS was not the smartest thing I've ever done... I was really feeling very down last night. I guess that, after three years of working my @$$ off, I thought I was going to look like a Victoria's Secret swimsuit model in my bikini. By the light of day, I remember how grateful I am for how far I've come, but last night I was engaging in a pity party.

I normally tend to be a positive person, but I was really in the dumps last night. Steve called, and I was telling him how I felt, and his response was "Well, if you feel like you want to lose a little more, you have the tools to do that." OK, that wasn't his ENTIRE response, but it was the part that I took away from the conversation. It totally bummed me out. Wasn't he supposed to say "You're totally insane! You are perfect!!"? Actually, after we got off the phone, he knew I was upset, so he called again and did say all the right things. ... Which was really nice because I was in total PMS crybaby mode. How ridiculous is that?! I should be celebrating the fact that I have come as far as I have, not nit-picking my imperfections.

Disclosure: The Lap Band does not magically make cellulite disappear....

Note to self: Never, EVER, ever hold your arms out like this in a photograph. It's the one position where my arms look bat-wing-y. Also note to self: You should feel so freaking lucky that this is the case, instead of being upset when you saw this photograph.I don't just want to focus on the photos that weren't so flattering because (a) that's not the full picture and (b) I really don't want to put them all up. So, let's put some of the nice ones up.

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Disclosure: I totally knew this one was being taken and had time to suck in the ole stomach. Much better!

I liked this one, too.
And, I thought this one of Steve and me was a keeper.

I'm not sure yet what my take-away is from my PMS-induced wah-fest. I guess it's not to be so hard on myself and to remember how far I've come, and to be grateful for that. I DO feel that way the vast majority of the time. It's amazing (in that it's so incredibly ridiculous) that I spent even 5 seconds feeing bad about that arm photo, given that I got there from HERE.

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I also was reminded that Steve never knew me in my pre-goal iteration, so he never even saw me 10 pounds heavier than I am now. I know that it is hard for him to understand just how hard I worked to get to goal since, for him, how I look now is how I've always looked. He really was very sweet and supportive last night, especially during that second call. I just kept thinking --- oh boy.. he is going to think I'm totally disfunctional for freaking out like this, but he could not have been nicer or more understanding.

Confession

I am really, really tired tonight. And, the ONLY thing that is keeping me from cancelling my spin class is that I have this cute new Lululemon shirt to wear. Vanity... thank goodness it comes in handy once in a while....

Abaco was a Blast-a-co!

Steve and I had such a great time in Abaco with our friends, Brooke and Stew! I've been great friends with Brooke for the past 15 years, and absolutely love her husband, too. It's so nice that they and Steve like one another, since that made for a really great mix on our vacation.

Self portrait... oh boy... my hair was a disaster the entire trip!

Steve, at the beach behind Pete's Pub, our go-to spot for delicious rum drinks called "Blasters" and incredibly fresh fish!

Brooke & Stew, enjoying Blasters at the beach!

We used a cute little golf cart to get from the house to the beach. It was a bumpy trip, but a lot of fun! The house belongs to some family friends of Steve's, and they were so nice to lend it to us for the trip. We felt very lucky to be able to be there -- it was really a spectacular place!

On the cart with Brooke!

Me, on one of the docks at the house! The house was very cool, and had three pink "pods," each having a separate function, including a bedroom suite and a living/dining/kitchen suite.

On one of the days, we drove out to a community called Cherokee, to see the longest dock in the Bahamas. It was in an unbelievably beautiful setting, and we spent a good part of the day soaking up the sun there.

Stew, on arrival at Long Dock Beach

This is the first vacation of my life where I had a different bikini for every day of the trip. In looking at the photos (and let's face it, I'm not putting the ones I'm talking about up on the blog! LOL), I see that I could stand some improvement in the stomach and thigh area. But, it's such a big improvement from where I started that I don't really care.

This bikini is a $20 number that I picked up at Target! Oh, how I love that store!

The day after we were at Long Dock Beach, we booked ourselves on an island hop -- which involved us going on a dive boat to a few reefs for snorkling, and then on to Harbour Town on Elbow Cay to see the amazing old lighthouse there.

Me & Steve at the top of the lighthouse.... you can still see the mask lines on my face! I made it too tight! Ack!

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but Steve is a really good guitar player. So, when he found out that a few musicians were going to be jamming at Pete's Pub on Friday night, he offered to join... and wound up doing a set while the main performer went home for a shower! (I love island life!) :)

On our last day there, it rained a bit in the morning, and we were treated to a FULL rainbow -- we could see it, end-to-end from the terrace, and it was truly spectacular!

And, that's what I did on my five day vacation! It really was a great time, and we're already thinking about what island to explore next in the Bahamas! (I think Harbour Island may get the vote... but we'll see!)