It's My Eighth Bandiversary!

I can hardly believe it's been eight years since my lap band surgery.  So many good things have happened since then.  I got to enjoy feeling in control of my weight for the first time in my life, to stop a terrible cycle of negative self-talk about my weight, and to become comfortable in my skin.  But it's so much more than that.

Eight years ago today, I changed my life and the course of my future.  By freeing myself from the food and fat prison, I've been able to live in a way that I couldn't before.  Working out is part of my life now, and I really enjoy it.  I love good food and cooking, and I'm able to enjoy both without the guilt I used to feel because I now have the ability (thank you, band) to stop before I eat too much.  I go hiking, enjoy the beach and have a wardrobe full of beautiful dresses, cute jeans and other things I couldn't have fit into eight years ago.

During the past eight years, I met and married my incredible husband, who is the warmest, kindest person I've ever known, and I love him more than words can say.  My career is going gangbusters, and the roster of clients who want to work with me practically makes me giddy.  (The side effect of work going so well is that I've been working my @$$ off for the past two years, and the lack of free time makes it hard for me to get in as many workouts as I'd like.  So, yes, I am STILL carrying around that extra 5 pounds, which is really annoying to me, particularly, since I know that I haven't lost it because I haven't done the work to lose it.  Whatever.  I'll get there when I get there.)

I am going to get real here.  I hated being fat, and I am grateful not to be obese or overweight anymore.  I know that it's very unlikely that I would be married to my husband today if I met him at my heaviest -- he wouldn't have looked twice at me.  Now that he knows me, I know that he would love me at any weight, but I can't imagine that our relationship would have gotten off the ground if I'd been at 230 when we met.  I also have to think that at least some part of my success at work has to do with my appearance.  There are all kinds of studies (e.g., see this article from Psychology Today) finding that people make negative judgments about obese people, and I'm happy that my weight doesn't have me starting off at a disadvantage.

I worry when I read about so many others having to have their bands removed.  I don't want to lose mine, and I do what I can to take care of it by going in for an annual esophagram and check-in with my band doctor, by not keeping it too tight, and by doing what I can to avoid getting stuck and PBing (not that it doesn't happen from time to time).  I still weigh myself nearly every day to make sure that my weight isn't creeping up, I pay attention to what I eat, and I workout 2-3 times a week (I need 3-4, but this is what I can do right now).

Would I do the surgery again if I could go back in time?  You bet your @$$ I would.  It's one of the very best things I've ever done for myself, and I have never -- not for a second -- wished I hadn't done it.  So, dear band -- and dear bandster friends -- I am very glad to be on this journey with you through the past eight years and counting.  Cheers!

Sage Advice

Lap Band Gal posted a great article, written by my doctor's husband, Dr. George Fielding.  Dr. Fielding has been banded for 16 years -- a number that gives a long-time bandster like me a lot of hope that my band may last for many more years to come.  In any event, his advice is very good, and I encourage you to check it out...here is a LINK.

And, just for fun, here is a photo of the hubby & me at a highly fancy white tie party last month! (Wow, did he look amazing!) :)

How Quickly I Forget.... An Extremely Belated 7th Bandiversary Post!

In October of 2014, I was completely shocked to realize -- very late in the day -- that it was my sixth Bandiversary.  Cut to October 2015... and November, December... New Year's.... all the way to today, when I realized that I'd completely forgotten to post on my SEVENTH Bandiversary.  

With around five years of maintenance (let's not count that pesky five pound bump, OK?) under my belt, living with the band has become really normal to me.  This goal-plus-five pounds feels a little heavy to me.  It takes some effort for me to think about what it was like to carry around 70 more pounds every day.  That said, I still feel incredibly grateful.  Sometimes, when I'm really pushing myself in a workout, I think "I could not have done this seven years ago" or "Wow.  I can't believe that I've become someone who is a regular at this kind of workout!"  It blows my mind a little, and I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that this is reality.

There is no secret to maintenance.  You have to watch what you eat, and you have to work out.  You can't do nothing (or worse, sabotage yourself) and expect that the weight won't come back on.  The five pounds I put on last May aren't a mystery.  I know what I did and why I haven't lost them.  In my own defense, I've been working my a$$ off all year and have very little free time.  But the math is simple -- I've been getting about one workout less a week for the entire year, and I've been eating like I did when I got that extra workout.  Presto changeo... five pounds-o.

Anyway, I haven't given up on losing it.  In fact, I upped my workouts and got in four solid ones last week -- yoga, spin and two killer barre classes (OMG, I was walking like a robot, I was so stiff!).  This week is hectic at work, but I'm still going to get in three workouts, and I'll try for four again next week.

This isn't a sprint, and it's not even a marathon.  It's like a really long, never ending walk.  It's important to keep the plan sustainable so that you'll stick with it, and to make it as fun and as enjoyable as possible.  Speaking of which, when I get back to my goal, I'm going shopping.  Stay tuned!

Using the Tool

Earlier today, I went to Dr. Ren's offices and got a tiny fill...  just .15 of a cc.  That takes me to 2.9 ccs, which is the same level I went to on June 7, 2010.  Believe it or not, this is my first fill since February 12, 2010 -- more than five years ago!  (I'd completely forgotten I'd need to do liquids for 2 days afterwards....)

It's no secret that I've really been struggling with the extra 4-6 pounds that has consistently been on my scale since May.  I have been paying a lot of attention to my diet and working harder than I've worked in the past 5 or so years to keep my weight from edging up even more.  I also haven't felt as great at the beach as I have in the past few years, or as comfortable in my skin or as happy with how my clothing fit.  (So sick of wearing Spanx, miracle product though they may be...)  I even found myself going back to some of the negative self-talk that I did so often before I was banded, but that I stopped doing after my surgery.  I did my best to nip that in the bud and to stop myself when I found myself having those kinds of thoughts (i.e., of the "UGH!  What is wrong with you?!  How did you let yourself gain this weight?!" variety).  Ultimately, I realized that I have a fantastic tool installed that I should be using to help with this.  So, I booked an appointment.

With the hubby out in the Hamptons earlier this month.

Now, with respect to my inability to get off those pounds, let me admit that while I weighed myself every day and generally watched what I ate, I wasn't perfect.  I fully understand that if I cut my calories more, I would have lost the weight.  That's part of why I was so frustrated with myself over this.  I just didn't seem to have it in me to be strict enough to get back to my goal and stay there.  In part, I've been mourning the loss of easier maintenance.  Before my last unfill, it wasn't that hard -- I simply wasn't as hungry, I stayed full longer, and I naturally didn't eat as much.

I sometimes feel like such a weirdo when I go in for my band appointments (which are about once a year these days) because something about being back at the doctor's office (site of so many post-op check-ups, weight loss celebration, etc.) makes me really emotional.  Try though I might, I have a hard time stopping myself from getting choked up and even shedding a few tears of relief, joy and gratitude.  Being at the offices really drives home for me just how far I've come during the past six-plus years and how incredibly grateful I feel to have my weight in a good place (or good place-ish, in today's case).  Please tell me I'm not the only person who gets like this....

Dr. Ren was really great today, as usual.  I told her that I felt ridiculous for only having 4-6 pounds to get off and finding that I was unable to do it on my own.  I thought I was so much more on top of my weight than that, after so many years of losing and maintaining my loss, and that I should be able to just lose the weight by doing what I'd done to maintain before.

I've been feeling badly that I couldn't get the weight off -- as though I am failing at something I thought I mastered.  Dr. Ren told me not to feel badly about this, and (I'm paraphrasing here) that I should use my band, just as any reasonable person with another issue should avail herself of a sound medical solution.  Imminently reasonable advice, and I feel good about being proactive before 4-6 became 10 or more.  Looking forward to getting back to normal soon.

Summer Fun and Bouncing Scale

In Nantucket with the hubby!

My scale has been bouncing all over those pesky pounds I put on in May.  I continually bounce between 157 and 161, which is hugely annoying since I spent the past 5-6 years hovering around 154-157.  I can feel a difference just from these few pounds.  While my clothes fit, they look better and are more comfortable just those few pounds looser.

That said, the summer has been a lot of fun!  Steve and I have been away most weekends, visiting different places, including the Bahamas, Nantucket, the Hamptons, Saratoga and the Adirondack Mountains.  It's been a blast, and we've really enjoyed it.

It's been hard to get in all of my workouts given that work is very busy and I usually count on Saturday and Sunday to get in two workouts.  However, when I'm traveling, that doesn't often happen.  Certainly on some weekends I get exercise (cycling, hiking, etc.) but it's not the same as going to my favorite spinning class twice.  I did start doing an extra yoga class on Tuesday mornings, and I've been doing that consistently for the past two months, so that has to be helping some.

This morning, I thought about going back to my doctor for a teensy-weensy fill to help me with this weight.  I do think I'll tough it out without the fill for a bit longer though to see if I can do it myself. While I'm being reasonably good on the food choice front and have been weighing myself daily (i.e. the only reason I haven't gained more), I could be better.  Also, I'm enjoying not having the reflux issues I had before (now that I think of it, I haven't had reflux in a long time).

The struggle continues!  I try to remind myself to be grateful for where I am and how far I've come, but those extra pounds are on my nerves!  I want them gone!

Hard to budge...

Well, I'm still trying to get those extra pounds off.  It doesn't help that Steve and I are out of town for weekend trips most weekends, or that I've been working long hours, including all day both days last weekend.  However, I have worked out the past four days in a row (one spin class, three yoga classes), so I do feel good about that.  This morning, the scale had moved only .2.... to 158.6.  Still, that's better than the 160 I saw again after last weekend.

It seems pretty clear to me that this gain is related to my unfill.  I had no trouble maintaining my goal weight until I did the unfill.  However, I do think that being rid of reflux and not worrying that I am damaging my stomach to the point that I could completely lose my band are worth being up 3.6 pounds.  Also, I am sure that if I just keep focused and watch what I eat, I'll be able to get that weight off and keep it off.

Darn it, this is annoying!!  Come back 155!!

Getting there....

OK!  I'm making some progress.  The scale has been at 158.8 for the past two days, which tells me that's a real number.  When I see 157, I'll feel a lot better because that's in my safety-bounce zone from my goal weight of 155.  That said, I'm not stopping until I'm back at 155.

To get back to goal, I've been doing a few things.  One of the most important changes I make when I'm trying to lose weight is that I stop doing carbs at breakfast.  That's right... no buttered roll from the donut cart guy.... which is a treat I might otherwise let myself have once a week.  Instead, I have one of these delicious lowfat Dannon yogurts.  I don't go nonfat because it doesn't taste as good and isn't as filling.  This isn't a hardship because I freaking love this yogurt, but admittedly, I'm generally famished by the time my lunch gets here.

Sorry Mr. Donut Cart!  No order for you!

For lunch and dinner, I've been staying away from meat and have mainly been eating fish.  I'm not doing that as much for calorie reasons as because I've noticed that I feel better (lighter, not sluggish) after I eat fish than I do after I eat pork or beef... and I don't really like chicken that much, especially post-band when dry chicken can be really hard to eat.

I'm ordering from the smug-healthy place again today.  I ordered chipotle glazed shrimp, braised Mediterranean style artichoke hearts and brown rice, with slow-cooked apples and pears for dessert.  I think we all know that I'm secretly hoping they put another Butterfinger in with my order....  :)

Snail-like progress...

I'm feeling a little better, since I've seen 159.8 on the scale for two days running.  I've been trying to be good about my food choices, and I also ate very light dinners both nights, which is helpful to me (especially since I got home from work after 9 both nights).

Yesterday, I ordered lunch from a really great, super-healthy spot.  I got a dish that combined grilled salmon, mango, radish, kale and brown rice ... Gwynneth would have approved....  And for a treat, I got slow-cooked apples, which were delicious.  The place I ordered from is of the type that advertises that its brownies are made with cage-free eggs...  you get the idea.  So, you can imagine that I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED (!!!) when my beautiful, smug-healthy-person lunch showed up and there was a freaking Butterfinger candy bar in the bag!!!  WTH?!?

Seriously?!?  Are the forces of nature working against me??  I have to believe that one of the workers at this spot accidentally dropped the candy bar in there (or maybe it's a prank to de-rail the smug-healthy eaters of this world??).  Needless to say, Butterfingers are my favorite candy bar, and I didn't even pretend to myself that I wasn't going to eat it.  In fact, I savored that thing and stretched out the treat the entire afternoon.  Hence the scale not moving this morning, despite that I barely ate any dinner.  Oh well.  Today is a new day, and I begin again...

Still Struggling...

I am having a hell of a time getting off this weight.  I'm sure that my recent unfill is part of the issue -- though it has reduced my reflux to pretty much zero, which is a very good thing, and I know that I needed to do it.  This morning, I was still at 161.4.  I keep bouncing around in this range.  That a small unfill can make a difference tells me that I might well be up the creek if I ever were to lose my band.

Now... am I REALLY having a hell of a time getting the weight off, or am I just annoyed that it hasn't come off despite that I've only made a few changes to my behavior?  OK... OK... I admit it!!  I haven't been watching what I eat as much as I need to to lose these pounds!  I know that I just have to be even more diligent about working out and focus on making the right food choices.  I've been reasonably good on the food end, but it's been hard to get to my workouts as much as I would like because I've been working longer hours this year.

Still, I'm weighing in every day and am determined not to let these few pounds turn into something more significant -- and to get them the heck off as quickly as I can.  I want to see my goal range on the scale every day again, and I'm determined to get there.

Darn... Too Good to be True...

OK, the scale gave me some false reassurance the other day....  it turns out that the 155.4 wasn't a real number....  I was probably a little dehydrated from my spin class.  As of this morning, I'm coming in at 158.6, which is right in line with what I weighed yesterday.  This is a much better number for me, emotionally, than the 161.4 that took me by surprise after my trip, but it's still about 2 pounds away from the safety zone I like to stay in...  Not a big deal -- I'm just taking note of where I am.

With all that said, I have to wonder why I just HAD to have ice cream after dinner last night...  I didn't go crazy with the portion size, but ... really?  I do actually know that eating ice cream is not the way to lose weight.  I need to get my head out of my you-know-what and focus until I'm back in my happy zone...

Thanks for listening.  This is a really important part of maintenance for me, and I hope it's not coming across as obnoxious for me to blog about 2-6 measley pounds.  If I didn't stay on top of small gains like this, it's unlikely I'd be able to keep off the weight I worked so hard to lose.  As it happens, that's exactly how I defeated the results of every single diet I ever was on before I was banded, and it's how I got to 230 pounds in the first place.

Much Ado About Nothing?

Happily, but surprisingly, I got on the scale this morning to read 155.4.  I didn't believe it, so I moved the scale and got on and off it four more times, getting the exact same weight each time.  Is it really possible that my scale moved 5 pounds in one day?  I guess so -- my stomach had been a little wonky for the past few days and was finally feeling better...  I am sure that had some impact.  Also, I went to yoga on Monday and hit a spin class on Tuesday, which surely helped as well.

I'll see how it goes tomorrow -- I'm not convinced this morning's number is the true number, but I'll see if it holds another day.  

What I like about this experience (short though it's been) is that it tells me how much I've changed over the past six years.  Pre-band, that 6 pounds would have become 10 in a blink of an eye... then 20, then more.  But now, by getting on the scale most days, I can nip a gain in the bud, get on top of it, and avoid derailing years of good behavior.  Feeling good about that.

I'm not going back.

Keeping Track

This morning, the scale read in at 160.4.  I was really hoping that more than a pound of that gain was just water weight that would come off after a day of conscientious eating.  Oh well.... I'll take the pound.  I don't want to be too crazy about it -- I know I'll get back to my goal range soon if I just keep watching what I eat.  But, I'm dying to get back in the 150-range!

Plus, Steve and I have a trip to the Bahamas coming up very soon, and I'm going to have to be in a bathing suit.....

Ack!!!

I just got back from a week of meetings in California.  I flew out on Friday, was in San Diego until Wednesday, then in San Francisco from Wednesday night until Saturday morning.  What was I doing?  Lots of wining and dining of clients and prospective clients.

The ladies' room at Bang Bang in San Diego -- covered in Gosling!

What wasn't I doing?  Working out -- and I didn't have access to my scale.  I really rely on my scale to keep me on top of my weight.  If it's a little up, I make better food choices that day, and if it's a little down, I let myself have a treat if I am in the mood.  One solid week of no scale and lots of eating out is definitely not good for my maintenance plans.

Some San Francisco Scenery

This morning, my scale was at 161.4.  That's SIX POUNDS over my goal.  I also haven't seen the 160s for a really long time -- probably a few years -- and it freaked me out.

Am I surprised?  Honestly, with checking my scale every day and reining it in if I have a splurge day, it's very easy for me to stay right at my goal weight.  I wouldn't have been shocked to be up 2-3 pounds, but to be up so much that I'm in a different 10-pound range?!  I was not expecting that.  Then again, after a week of unbridaled eating, I really shouldn't be so surprised.

Papaya salad and pho at The Slanted Door in San Francisco (which was followed by cheese at another spot, and ice cream at another... my biggest splurge eating day.... is it any wonder the scale is not friendly today?)

This is no tragedy, it's just time for me to check back in (hence this post) and get on top of it before that six pounds has a chance to inch up to ten.  I'm going to do light yogurt for breakfast every day, make healthy choices for my other meals, and get in some good exercise this week.  I'll check back in to let you know how it's going.

Oof.  I hope all my clothes still fit!

A Positive Deflation

So.... if I look at my blog, I've been thinking over having a little unfill for about two years.  Why is that?  Well.. I have reflux from time to time when I'm sleeping, and I have to be pretty vigilant about not eating or drinking for a few hours before I go to bed to avoid that.  Unfortunately, that's not always practical, especially since I switched firms in October and have been working much longer hours, and don't always have the luxury of having dinner before 9 p.m.  (Don't get me wrong, I am HUGELY happy about this move -- I love the new firm, and the work is more interesting than ever.)

I've been thinking more seriously about the unfill lately because the reflux has been more frequent and I really, REALLY do not want to do anything that might damage my band or my stomach.  I want to do everything I can to avoid creating a situation that makes me have to have it taken out.  If that happens on its own, so be it, but I don't want it happening on my watch.

Longtime bandster CindyLew, who many of you oldtimers will remember (though she took her blog down a while ago), contacted me recently and we were e-mailing about these issues.  She inspired me to call my doctor, and I went in yesterday and had my first unfill since June 2010!  I am now at 2.75 cc in my 5 cc band, and I slept like a dream last night!  I also was able to eat kale at dinner (even though I normally don't like kale), which is tough enough that I was worried about missing a bite and getting stuck.  I think I'm at a good fill, and I hope that being proactive about the unfill (er, if you can call hemming and hawing about it for 2+ years before finally getting it done...) will help me to avoid problems with my band.

Six Year Streak!

With my dear hubby at a Christmas dinner.

This year makes six years in a row that I haven't gained weight over the holidays!  I feel really good about that, especially since -- pre-band -- I probably gained most years during that time.  My band is a huge help with this because it forces me to be mindful of what and how I eat, but the other changes I've made in the last six years help, too.

I was at my brother's house over Christmas (I never did get around to telling him about my band, so he still doesn't know), and we wound up going to the gym quite a bit.  I hit two yoga classes and two spin classes while I was there, and went on a bunch of walks, too.  I bet someone who didn't know us would think we were one of those obnoxiously healthy and fit families (heck, maybe we've become one of those families)!  All of these changes feel very natural and part of my life to me, but when I look at how different life is now from seven years ago, it's astounding to me how much things have changed for the better.  Feeling very grateful.  I'm excited to see what nice things 2015 may have in store.

Wishing you a very happy and healthy New Year!!

Sixth Bandiversary!

Want to hear something surprising?  It's 11 p.m. and I only just realized that TODAY is my sixth bandiversary.  I knew it was coming, and it's been on my radar through the fall, but I hadn't realized that today is The Day until just a few minutes ago.

Are you wondering whether I've gotten so used to my band that I just forgot about it?  That's not the case at all.  I still have to eat carefully and take care not to get stuck.  I still get on the scale nearly every day to take stock of how I'm doing.  And, I still work out -- it's actually become a part of my life -- something I did not know would be possible to achieve.

I think about my band one way or another every day, at least a few times.  Sometimes it's to realize that I shouldn't eat too close to bed time because that gives me reflux.  Other times, it's to think that I should be careful about what I order at a restaurant so that I don't get stuck.  More often, it's to be grateful that I've gone from associating guilt and self-loathing with food and how I feel about my body to feeling happy about my appearance and to really enjoying cooking and eating much more than I ever did before.

I am grateful.  So, so, so grateful.  That is a consistent theme in my blog, and that is because it is a consistent theme and feeling in my life.  I am happy much more often than not.  I have a wonderful husband who is the warmest and nicest person I've ever met, and I feel so lucky to have done so much work on myself before I met him that I was ready for this relationship when the time came.  And, as if that wasn't enough already, I just moved to a new job that is a step up in every way meaningful to me.  I am grateful, and I am psyched to see what the future holds. (Don't get me wrong -- my life isn't perfect, and I don't want to give you the impression that it's all smooth sailing for me.  Among other things, I've had some very scary family health issues this year, and have had arguably more than my fair share of stressful things to deal with on many fronts.)

Is a band a magic wand?  Well, no.  But, as I've said before, if the main thing bothering you in your life is your weight and relationship with food ... and you're willing to do the work, it can feel like one.  This has felt like a miracle to me.  I can't understate how grateful I feel to have been able to use this tool and for all the support, friendship and love I've found both through this blog and in my day-to-day life.  Sending all those good feelings back out into the universe, and to each of you reading this post.

Anniversary Trip & The Workout Struggle Continues!

Frites met mayonnaise!  YUM!  I thought the WTF was especially appropriate! :)

 

Hi!  Steve and I had a fantastic time in Amserdam!  We were blessed with gorgeous weather, and since Holland played (and crushed Spain in!!) its first World Cup game while we were there, it felt like everyone was out and about and in a great mood!

 

Getting gear for the World Cup game!

Enjoying beer and bitterballen (er, deep fried croquettes.. where is my WTF sign? LOL) at a canal-side bar!

We did so many different things that I can't recap them all, but we loved visiting the newly renovated Rijksmuseum, the van Gogh museum, and one of the best things we did was to rent bikes and ride along the Amstel River out to a restaurant located about 1 1/2 hours from the city. 

Legit windmill spotted on our bike ride!

 It was such a blast, and we had such a good time together!  So glad I married that guy! :)

On another note, I've been fighting to get back to a good workout schedule.  It's tough during the summer because we're out of town virtually every single weekend, and I really count on the weekends to get in two workouts each week.   I booked an early spin class this morning and was so, so, SOOOO close to just turning off the alarm and sleeping through it.  Fortunately, my annoying cat heard the alarm and decided to meow incessantly to be fed, which made it impossible for me to go back to sleep.

I sat there in bed and made a mental pro/con list, trying to justify going back to sleep.  But when I got to the point -- I'll feel amazing and proud of myself all day vs. I'll feel like a loser for cancelling and wasting $35 -- aggggghhhhhhh.....  there was no choice and I had to get out of bed and get dressed.  Fingers crossed it won't be as much of a struggle on Thursday morning... though I sure do like my sleep! 



Travels, Workouts and Coincidences

Steve and I decided to take a trip to celebrate our one-year anniversary, which is just around the corner!  At first, I was thinking Paris, but decided that we should go to Amsterdam.  I lived in Holland for a number of years when I was a kid, and Steve has never been.  It's a beautiful place, and also a great opportunity for Steve to meet my (honorary) aunt and uncle, who live there, are wonderful, and who were not able to make the trip over for our wedding!  Really looking forward to it!

The trip has motivated me to get more serious about getting back to the gym.  I am in a challenge with Steve to work out every day until our trip, and so far, I've hit four days out of four!  I can't tell you when the last time was that I got four workouts in in a week.  It feels good, and I know it's just a matter of time until my body starts tightening back up   While the scale still shows me at goal, my abs are more rolly-polly than I'd prefer after about six months of minimal gym time due to my back/neck/shoulder injury.

And, on to the coincidences!  I was walking out of a building on Sunday, and someone came after me calling my name.  I saw a girl who looked so familiar to me, but I couldn't place her name or how I knew her!  Lo and behold, it was MLM!  Some of you will remember her from her blog, and others will remember that she sent me a huge box of clothing that I was able to give away on her behalf at BOOBS in Chicago in 2010!  We'd never met in person, but recognized one another from our blogs and finally got to meet!  What a nice coincidence!  By the way, she looks great and has kept off a substantial weight loss.... and had a ring on her finger and a very nice fiance, too!  So nice to see a fellow blogging bandster doing so well!

Baby Got Back Pain

Sooooo.... dumbest injury ever?  In late October, I spent two days walking around town with a friend in boots where one of the rubber soles had popped off (Day 1 it was an accident, Day 2 I did it because they are so comfortable and I already knew I'd have to replace the heel part).  On the end of Day 2, I turned suddenly and ... oops... realized that something weird just happened in my neck/upper back.

The next day, my neck/back were killing me... and while the pain has migrated from spot to spot (right now, it's in my right shoulder and isn't all that bad), I'm STILL not back to 100%.

This has thrown off my really good workout schedule.  For a bit, I knew I shouldn't work out, so I took time off to heal.  For the past few months, I've been going to yoga once a week more often than not, and to Soul Cycle a few times (I'm embarrassed to admit that I've cancelled more than I've gone).  I'm trying to get back in the groove, but I am really struggling to get there.... Which brings me here, to you and my blog -- two incredible things that helped me get on the good path in the first place.

One piece of good news that I'll share with you is that I haven't gained any weight.  I still get on my scale most mornings, and that keeps me on the right path.  I've had to be a bit more diligent about not making bad food choices, but it hasn't been too hard.  HOWEVER, I'm not as toned as I was six months ago, and that bothers me, especially with summer right around the corner.  Plus, I'm avoiding some more body conscious clothing that I'd otherwise enjoy wearing, and that's a crime against fashion. ;)

I want to get back to a regular 3 times a week (4 if I'm a superstar) workout schedule.  It's been hard to get there because I really rely on the weekends to get in two workouts, but I've been traveling a lot lately (out of town the last three weekends in a row... and I have a week-long trip to Hong Kong coming up later this month).  I really like to work out in a class and I'm no runner, so when I'm traveling, it's harder to get the workouts in. 

I'm hoping that blogging will help me to get back on the right path.... any advice or kicks in the bee-hind would be very welcome!

Happy FIFTH Bandiversary to me!!

Today is my fifth bandiversary! I thought it might be useful to go back to the beginning, to remind myself where I started. Here are the first words I posted on this blog:

"I am getting banded on October 23, 2008. I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember and am now at an all-time high (I'll post numbers once I've had some success -- too hard to admit at this early stage!)." [P.S. I weighed 230 pounds.]

Here is some more from that post:

"It's funny -- I was talking with a trusted friend about my decision, and went over my pro/con list with her. Once we nailed down that my real fear was making a drastic change to my life, she said something that gave me a lot of clarity. She said, 'Catherine, you have two choices here. Regardless of whether you do this surgery, you have to either accept that you will be overweight or, you're going to have to make a drastic change in your life.'"

The "friend" who said that to me is my therapist, who I've been seeing for more than 10 years.  (I highly recommend doing therapy throughout this process.  It is so helpful.)  Her words were very true, and they really struck a nerve with me. Sometime after that, I picked up a celebrity gossip magazine, and there was an article in it about a soap actress who had been having success with the band. I eventually mentioned that to my therapist, and she put me in touch with someone else she knew who was also banded. Presto, change-o, and roughly two months later, I had my surgery as a self-pay patient in Monterrey, Mexico (thank you Dr. Rumbaut!).

Over the past five years, I have changed my life and improved it for the better in so many ways. Five years ago, I was roughly 80 pounds overweight, heartbroken, unable to run because of compartmental syndrome (because of my weight, as it turns out), avoiding seeing old friends (because of my weight), feeling badly about myself (same), with aching feet and back (same), hating shopping (same), and feeling despair when I had to get dressed up for a special event because I didn't look the way I wanted to look or fit into my clothes... or both (surprise... same..).


Before and After.



I have met so many incredible bandsters (and sleevesters!) during the past five years, and I am grateful for the way my relationships with all of you have helped me through this process and encouraged me to push myself to do better and to stay focused. This would have been such a different experience without you, and I most certainly would not have enjoyed it as much or felt so much support without my blog and my off-line WLS friends.

At this point, I've been at goal for so long now that it seems normal. I actually get slightly annoyed when I see 156 on the scale (I recall practically doing backflips when I first saw that number a few years ago...). My weight stays right within a small range of 155 -- my goal number (though not the aspirational goal of 145... that proved too hard to maintain).  I sometimes miss the thrill of losing -- that part of this process was so motivating, exciting and fun. My band still seems to be going strong, though I've been having reflux often enough that I am thinking about getting a wee unfill -- my first adjustment in two or more years -- and will likely do that during my 5th year check-up appointment next month.

Five years after surgery, I am at an "ideal" weight, strong, fit and happy about how my body looks (not that I don't see room for improvement..). I am a regular at my spin and yoga classes, my feet and back are fine, and shopping and getting dressed up are a pleasure. Somehow, I've become the kind of person who will give myself a little grief if I "only" get in 2 workouts a week (who am I?!). :)   And the sweetest part is that I fell head over heels for -- and just married!! -- a wonderful, kind, loving, handsome, sweetie-pie of a man who makes my life so much nicer every day just by being in it. 



At a party with my sweet husband, earlier this month.

 

Five years ago, I used to dream that my life might be like this, if I could only get my weight under control. It's not a dream anymore -- it is reality.  Not that my life is perfect -- it's just a heck of a lot better than it was before!  It's hard to express just how grateful I am.  Words are not enough.  I want to show that through my commitment to honoring the changes I was able to make by avoiding backsliding and by taking good care of my body and health, and not taking them for granted.

Thank you so much for reading this and for being there for me. It means more to me than I can put into words, and has helped me immeasurably.  I'm sending best wishes to each and every one of you for continued success and so much happiness and love.