Thanksgiving Recap -- and update on the PP sighting

At the Delano Hotel in South Beach with my mom

I've been MIA this past week because I was in Florida, visiting my mom for Thanksgiving! We had a great time, and the warm weather was such a nice break from the cold here in NYC. It was fun to break out a few summer clothing favorites, and I even made it to the pool twice to catch some sun.

View from our table at the Delano

On Thanksgiving, we went to South Beach for drinks at the Delano Hotel (an old favorite), followed by dinner at a restaurant called Barton G's that a couple I met on the plane recommended. Barton G's had very gimmicky food and drinks, but it was all really delicious! Our favorite was the Lobster Pop Tart (shown below), which we split -- it was an appetizer of lobster and gruyere, inside a flaky filo dough crust -- yum!

The Lobster Pop Tart at Barton G's

I ordered the turkey -- a traditional plate of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams and cranberry sauce. In typical bandster style, I could only eat a little bit, which made for great leftovers later on! My mother had the swordfish, which was actually served on a sword! Too funny -- but delicious!

"Sword" fish. . .

We shopped 'til we dropped on Black Friday, and I did quite a lot of my Christmas shopping. I also bought myself a new pair of jeans because my size 32 Lucky jeans are getting too big. After trying on countless pairs of True Religion, J Brand and others at Saks, I wound up getting a size 30 pair of Hudson jeans that I really like. Fortunately, they were on sale, since they are about a mile too long and I'll have to get them hemmed!

In other news, I have a bit of an update on the PP spotting. I found out later that he had gotten married at a small family-only event in Texas a few weeks before I saw him. And that we ran into each other just a few hours before his NYC reception. How weird is that? The funny thing is that his friend Wendy seemed noticeably uncomfortable when we met. . I guess now I have a better appreciation for why!

I also had the annoying situation of having my friend Erica tell me (when I asked) about the Texas ceremony, but she totally failed to mention that she had been at his reception the very night before we talked. That's especially weird, since she went out of her way to tell me that none of his friends went to the wedding -- as though I would be glad about that, somehow? Of course they didn't go . . it was a family-only event and they were all at the party here in town!

Erica told me that she didn't mention the wedding earlier because she didn't want me to have it on my mind around my birthday. I can understand that, but I still don't see why she wouldn't have just told me about the reception too -- it's been two years since we broke up, I knew PP was engaged, and I certainly would never begrudge him celebrating with his friends. I mean. . I'm not going to send a gift or anything, but it's not as though I hate him and don't want him to have any friends!

Black Friday lunch break with mom. . had to break up all this text with a photo!

It was also a little weird to (ahem. . cyberstalk and find photos of the wedding and reception and) see Erica, Adam, Jessica, Chris, Lauren and Randy there. After all, I'd been out on Shelter Island staying with the first four, and the latter two joined us for brunch one day. No one mentioned a word about Brian's wedding (which had just happened) or the upcoming reception, even though they were all about to attend it. It felt so strange to find the photos and see them all there.

I feel like they must have had a discussion among themselves and decided not to mention it to me, which feels really weird to me -- particularly where Erica is involved, since she's supposed to be my friend (I"m less close with the others, so I don't really feel that they had the same duty of candor). Does she think I'm such a loser that I'd go into a tailspin if I knew? (P.S., I wouldn't and didn't.) Did she really think it would be better for me to find out another way, rather than through her, my supposed friend?

I'll tell you . . . seeing her in the photos ONE DAY after she tried to act like Brian's friends ditched his wedding really chaps my hide. I can't imagine her thinking I'd be upset about her and Adam attending the reception -- I would never be like that! And the kicker?? When I found the photos, I also came across another album that showed me that during Part 2 of the Peter Pan Avoidance Tour. . . when he went to Chile, Easter Island and New Zealand for three months. . . during which time I was crying my eyes out every single day, hoping we'd get back together. . . well, it turns out that this girl -- his now-wife -- was on the Chile and Easter Island part of the trip with him. I am virtually certain that Erica knew about this and withheld that information from me (she went on a trip to Mt. Washington with them directly afterwards -- I can't imagine they didn't talk about the trip) .

All of this is now basically ancient history. I'm not upset about the PP part of the story -- though it would have been nice to have full information back when it mattered most to me. But I am upset that, once again, Erica just doesn't seem to understand the basic concept of being a good girl friend (looking back, I see that I didn't blog about a similar problem we had in the past). I'm also upset to find out now that I was basically a fool to waste those months crying over PP, since he was off having a fabulous time traveling with another girl while I was at home being miserable. I'm not planning to discuss this with Erica, at least not for the moment. Instead, I'm going to take a step back and reevaluate this friendship.

Guess who I ran into yesterday afternoon?

You got it. I ran into PP yesterday (a.k.a. Peter Pan, a.k.a. my old boyfriend who I haven't seen since July of 2009 (i.e. 30 pounds ago)). I had a really unusual schedule yesterday, in that Marjorie and I decided to see a 10:30 a.m. movie -- the new Harry Potter in IMAX. And, we went to brunch at a restaurant in a neighborhood we normally don't visit for brunch. And, it just so happens that out of all the tables in that large restaurant, they gave us one right in the window.

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At some point, Marjorie said "That guy looks just like PP," and I looked out and, lo and behold, realized instantly that it was him. I decided at that instant to go outside and say hello, and I did. Maybe it's not that dignified that I ran about half a block to catch up, but that's exactly what I did. He's about to move to Boulder, CO (what is up with these guys all moving to Colorado?!) and I really didn't think I'd see him before he left. That was a little disappointing because I really wanted him to see me thin. So, I got that opportunity yesterday.

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He was walking with a girl who I knew wasn't his fiancee by her appearance. As I came up to them, I realized that it was his best friend, Wendy (I am not kidding -- that is her REAL name. . too funny, given his nickname -- I only just put that together!)! Wendy was visiting from Australia, and I'd never met her before, though I had heard a lot of good things about her. So, I finally got to meet her. PP greeted me really warmly, gave me kisses on the cheek and a big hug on greeting and departure, and seemed really happy to see me. The whole thing was kind of surreal. He exclaimed (twice) that "you look fantastic!" Thank goodness for my Texas roots. . . I never leave the house without getting ready . . not even for a 10:30 a.m. Harry Potter showing. . .

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I guess it was kind of bittersweet. I was happy to see him, happy for him to see that I made the band work, and happy to see that he still lights up when he sees me. I'd be dishonest if I said that I wasn't feeling lots of old feelings on seeing him. But he's engaged to someone else now and we just didn't want the same things in life, so I suppose things are better the way they are. Oh well. . . at least I got the fun of showing off my new and improved figure, if nothing more! (He seriously did look stunned -- it was not un-fun!) ;)

Comparison Shot Reality Check

Lest anyone start reading this blog and think I've always been at goal (since God knows I plateaued long enough between that and today), here is a comparison shot. At left is a photo of me from my birthday celebration in 2008 -- just under a month from my surgery date. In the middle is me at the same spot in 2009, and on the right is me from last weekend. Apparently, slow and steady does the trick. I've been such a slow loser, with plenty of plateaus during this process, but the weight has eventually all come off. If I can do it, that means that you can do it too. Wow.

This post is a perfect example of why I tell all the newbies to take lots of before photos! I only have a few and wish there were more for the sake of these comparisons!

81!! Out of this world!!

Wow!! I had thought I was done, but the scale is moving once again! And, right in the direction of my aspirational goal! I don't know what is different about what I've been doing. . . except that I didn't get to the gym as much during the past two weeks, so maybe this is a loss of muscle mass?? I did go to spin last night and worked out really hard though, so I'm surprised the scale is down this morning if that is the reason. Who knows?! 148.8 is the new number. It's only 3.8 pounds from my aspirational goal -- and it's 6.2 below my actual goal.

Lordy Lordy . . Look Who's Forty (and in the 140s!!)

This has been THE best birthday that I've ever had! The party was a complete blast, I received so many nice messages, cards, presents and flowers, and just felt so completely loved and happy to celebrate this event with so many close friends.

The tables! I got the flowers for 1/2 off through a deal on ideeli.com and made the menus and CD favors (you can just see them under the napkins) myself!

I always wondered how it would feel to turn 40. I heard that expression "Fair, Fat and Forty" years ago and was scared that I'd be very fat on this landmark, but I'm not. Thank you, band. It's kind of amazing to come into this decade in better shape than I was ten years ago, feeling stronger and more confident than ever before. What a total blessing.

So. . let's talk about the party! Keep in mind that I held a dinner for TWENTY-SEVEN people in my friend Marjorie's ONE-BEDROOM apartment! Those of you who don't live in NYC (and heck, those of you who do) may think I'm totally crazy for trying to pull this off, but it worked!! And we had enough room!

Here is a before photo. We moved out most of the furniture to make room for two big tables, then put a third in the dining room.

Before

After!
The dining room, before: After! Note the twinkle-lights on the terrace! It was warm enough that we were able to be outside as well. So nice!

Tess, the amazing chef who was instrumental in bringing it all together!
With my friend Maria

Erica and Emily

The theme of the party was "Old Enough To Know Better, Too Young to Care," so I printed that up on the covers of the CDs I made, as well as on the menus. Here is a closeup of a menu. . .

And, another shot of the table with the candles lit!

And, here are my friends, sitting down! (That's Chris on the far left -- not the best photo of him, but you get the general idea!)

With my friend Jessica . . and, you can see my Tracy Reese dress!

Dessert was a sundae bar with vanilla ice cream, home made chocolate syrup, brownies, crushed toasted hazelnuts, Luxardo cherries, two kinds of sprinkles and whipped cream that was infused with fresh strawberries. YUM!!! Bizarrely, I only had a few bites! I was too excited talking to everyone to do too much damage on the dessert front. . . but I did have a sundae the next day when we did the clean-up. It was deel-ish!

Everyone seemed to have a fantastic time, and judging by how many of my friends "friended" each other on Facebook the next day, everyone really liked one another! I was also really happy that -- by and large, the party went off without a glitch. Not to say that there wasn't one. . . the kitchen sink not only got completely stopped up, but DROPPED OUT OF THE COUNTER (!!) after dinner was served! We wound up being unable to use it, and had to get Marjorie's building to let us use a vacant apartment so that we could clean up and get the dishes done before the party rental folks picked them up!

Fortunately, that actually turned out to be kind of fun! The valets from the building got luggage trolleys and carted things back and forth for us. We brought music and wine down to the apartment and sang along while doing the zillion and one dishes! And, the valets wound up being very happy because, in addition to tipping them nicely, we fed them like kings on the delicious leftover soy-glazed salmon, root vegetable lasagne and -- of course -- ice cream sundaes with homemade brownies!

Celebrating the Big Four-Oh

Monday is my 40th birthday. Gulp! I'm living my last few days in my thirties right now, and this one is almost over! While that's kind of hard to process, I'm at least glad that I'm entering my 40s feeling and looking better than I have in as long as I can remember. That makes the number much easier to . .er, stomach! :)

So, how am I celebrating? Well, I'm throwing a dinner party at my friend Marjorie's apartment for 27 people! Given the limited space, I was only able to invite my closest friends who live in the area, but as a result, this will be a party where I absolutely love every single person there. There isn't a bad seat in the house. And, if the dinner is ruined and we wind up having to order pizza, I know it will still be a blast (especially since the case and 1/2 of red and white wine, bottles of champagne, cases of beer have already arrived, and the party music mix is finished)!

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I really wanted to cook this meal myself, since I love cooking, but I didn't want to have to work during the meal. I explored a few options leading up to the final plan, and ultimately, I decided to hire a private chef to help me with the planning, cooking, and all of the during-event work. This particular chef is a woman named Tess, who is totally fun and lovely, and she used to be the private chef for a friend's brother (the one with the fabulous house in the Hamptons. . sorry, the old post only shows the cabana). It's been a lot of fun working with her, and I'm completely psyched for the event!

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Today, I spent more money on groceries (and alcohol) than I have ever spent at one time -- if I wasn't so shocked, I wouldn't disclose the number at all, but let's just say it was well over $1,000. Yikes! And that's before I pay Tess, the party rental vendor, the florist's bill, party favors, the cleaning service, my hair, etc. But, you only turn 40 once. And, with everything I've accomplished in the last few years -- especially with my band's help -- I really want to celebrate this moment in style.

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So, tomorrow I'm taking the day off of work (read: checking BBerry all day) and cooking with Tess. The party rental deliveries should arrive in the afternoon, and then Marjorie and I will set the tables as beautifully as we possibly can. I bought a ton (nearly 30!) of votive candles and, assuming we don't burn the house down, it's going to be absolutely gorgeous!

I am having three of these arrangements delivered on Saturday before the party. I actually was able to buy three coupons from Ideeli.com, so I paid half price for the arrangements! How wonderful. This florist is on my old block in the West Village, and I saw Giesle Bundschen going in there after she got engaged, and have always suspected that they did the flowers for her wedding to eye-candy. I mean, Tom Brady.

Anyway, this is certainly the biggest event I've ever hosted myself, and I'm just so excited about it. I'm going to wear the Tracy Reese lace dress from the comparison photo I recently posted and will be sure to put up lots of pictures! Wish me well, ladies (and gents)! Lordy lordy. . . I am about to turn forty!!!

Gimme Shelter!

Autumn leaves out on Shelter Island

I had a really nice weekend. My friends Adam and Erica just finished renovating their house out on Shelter Island, which is an island located between the Hamptons and the North Fork of Long Island. I've only been out there in the summer before, so I didn't realize how incredibly gorgeous it is in the fall! The island is just covered in trees, there are tons of deer everywhere (a bit dangerous for driving and lime disease. . but they are so darned cute), and it's just beautiful.

I made a special request for the room with the "Princess Bed"... here is the view from my window!

Another couple (Jessica and Chris, of the wedding I didn't go to last summer) came out as well, and we all really enjoyed the weekend. We had some nice meals out, cooked some really good things in, and had a ball doing wine tasting out on the North Fork. Chris and Jessica don't know (as far as I know) about the band, and I doubt they noticed anything about my eating, aside maybe from the fact that my portion sizes are so small.

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How to buy eggs on Shelter Island: Go to the spot where the guy who has the chicken farm puts a cooler full of eggs. Put $4 per carton into the container with everyone else's money. Take your eggs!

Here I am with Erica and Jessica at Love Lane Kitchen in Mattituck. . .

At Shinn Estate Vineyards in Long Island

Wine tasting at Shinn Estate Vineyard in Long Island

That night, we made a delicious dinner that included these amazing pork ribs, shown below.
One thing I have to say about the above photo is that I always hated how my hair looked in a ponytail when I was heavier. I felt like my hair helped to balance me out. . . volume on the top to match all that volume on the bottom. But I actually like how it looks in this picture. That is a first for me.

On Sunday morning, we made an elaborate brunch, and two more friends came over to join us. This French toast casserole was to die for! And, surprisingly, I was able to have a small piece without feeling like I was going to get stuck.

This became baked eggs with spinach and onion. . yum!

One interesting thing about this weekend is that I met everyone through PP (my old boyfriend), and I'm glad that I've been able to stay good friends with them. When PP and I were dating (pre-band), we went out to Shelter Island with Adam and Erica a few times. They are both super athletic, and I always felt embarrassed and frustrated that I couldn't/didn't want to do everything that the group wanted to do. . . like a 100 mile bike ride, or a big kayaking trip around the bay.

Cut to the present day. The ultra athletic Erica did my boot camp with me a few months ago, and she just came downtown about a week ago to join me for a spin class. This past weekend, I was up early on Sunday, so I went for a run before brunch. I ran along a road where I caught sight of the bay through the trees, crunching autumn leaves all the way. It was wonderful, and I felt so good thinking about how far I've come. Part of me regrets that I wasn't able to offer PP this version of myself, and I wonder how different things would have been if I had been able to do that. But, at least the next person I fall for will get the benefit of all these changes, and I'm hopeful that he will be even better for me than the version of himself that PP was able to offer me.

AND, the scale is holding fast at 149.6!! Even with all the wine tasting and good food from this weekend. Could it be that this is a new number for me?? I don't dare to think it. . . and I really don't expect it. But I'd be psyched if it's true!

What I lost. . . .

It's been so long (since February 1, 2010!) since I hit a new ten pound mark that you guys might have forgotten that I like to post pictures of things that weigh as much as I lost. Well, today is going to be a doozie. I am laughing so hard as I'm typing this because . . . . guess what?!?



I LOST SNOOKI!!!! Buh-bye, Snooki. Though honestly, I'd rather be 80 pounds overweight than to have to carry her around all the time!

Eighty!!!! Is Great-y!!

FINALLY!!! I hit the elusive 80 pounds down mark! I saw 149.6 on my scale this morning!! I haven't seen a number in the 140s since 1997 (phen-fen. . need I say more?). It took four months (since July 6, 2010) for me to get off this last 1.2 pounds. And, I will tell you that I'm pretty sure it's not a "real" loss or one that will stay with me for long.

I actually got some kind of stomach bug last weekend. It was kind of scary on Sunday night because I literally woke up every hour, on the hour (brace yourself. . TMI coming. . .) to retch into the lovely toilet, among other things. Glamorous, no? No. :P There was nothing to throw up. . . I would just heave a few times, feel better and go back to bed. . . until the next hour.

I was worried about my band during all of this. I also debated going to the hospital, but since I wasn't actually vomiting and only heaved a few times per instance before I felt better, it didn't seem warranted. And, everything seems to be fine. Had it been worse, I would have gone in for an un-fill. Anyway, after that wonderful night, I stayed home from work on Monday and haven't been feeling 100% until maybe last night. That said, I have been eating decently well the past two days. I haven't made it to the gym all week because I wasn't feeling up to it, so the loss isn't not due to that. I'm thinking it may have a bit to do with my giving up wine all week and drinking tons of water to rehydrate. . .

Real or not, I saw a number in the 140s today, so I'm going to run with it! I'm pretty sure my body wants to be in the 150s. But, it sure was exciting to see 149.6 on the scale this morning. I had thought I might see it earlier in the week . . actually, I kept thinking of that crazy line in The Devil Wears Prada, where the girl says "I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight!" Sick thinking!! But a funny line nonetheless.

Halloween Fun

This is the first year post-band that I was able to go out on Halloween, and I had a great time! Truth be told, this was the first time in years, or maybe even ever, that I was excited about wearing a cute, sexy costume!

I decided to dress up as Katy Perry (at the suggestion of a guy friend who went as Elmo), so I got an outfit like the one she wore on Saturday Night Live recently. . except that she cut the cleavage in her Elmo shirt all the way down to the nose!

Me as Katy Perry from SNL

(I'd like to thank the Victoria's Secret Miraculous Plunge bra for its help with this costume!)

I know it's not exactly the most feminist costume I could have gone with. . . :) . . but it was a LOT of fun! I had a great time, enjoyed the attention and the novelty of it all!

I hope everyone had a happy Halloween! I can't wait until all the extra candy is out of my office. Had to work late tonight and had two miniature Snickers for dinner. Um, gross. . . especially since I had grilled salmon in the fridge that I could have had instead. . . Darn those Halloween candy enablers!!

Downsizing. . . and a Comparison Photo

I just got back from the tailor. I have this gorgeous black cashmere coat with chinchilla trim that I bought when I was at my heaviest. I love love love that coat. It's so luxurious and beautiful, and even at 230 pounds, I felt like a movie star in it. You can see it in a photo in a post from last December, but the picture doesn't really do it justice.

(Not my actual tailor, but close!)

Last year, I took my coat to the furrier to have them fix some of the chinchilla that was looking a little worn, and I also had them cut it down to my then-current size. That little endeavor cost about $400, but the coat was very expensive, so it was completely worth it. They did a beautiful job on it, and it looked as good as new. I've only lost about 12 pounds since I had the coat altered, but with all of the exercise I've been doing, it looks at least 4-6 sizes too big.

Sooooo, I finally motivated to get to the tailor and she is going to cut it down! And, I'm patting myself on the back right now (pat pat) for not waiting until I was freezing to death before taking it in! This will cost about $140, but since there is no way I could get a perfectly fitting coat even remotely like this one for $140, that seems very reasonable to me.

I also took in my Rockstar sweater/jacket from St. John, which is one of my favorite pieces of clothing. For some reason, I didn't get it altered last year, so it was at least 10 sizes too big for me today. The tailor was undaunted. . .she just got out her chalk, pins and ruler and went to town! She's amazing. I wish I could sew like that. Anyway, in two weeks, I'll have it and the coat back, and I can't wait to wear them. The tailoring cost about 1/10th of the price of the jacket, so it also was well worth it.

This morning, in anticipation of my tailor visit, Yana dropped off some dresses that I loaned to her, including the one shown on the far left here. I tried one on for the tailor, but decided not to have them tailored. I've been having so much fun getting new dresses -- like the Tracy Reese number shown on the right! -- that I don't really need another cocktail dress right now, and now that I'm at goal, I actually might rather wear something a little slinkier!

Ramblings on Dodging the Food Police and Dating

After my last post, both my mother and my friend Christina made the same observation to me. They said that they never realized when I was heavier just how unhappy I was about my weight. There is a reason for that. It wasn't something I wanted to share (other than with my therapist, who I specifically went to because I was having trouble motivating to take off the weight. Meanwhile, I'm one patient who she can be sure that she cured!).

I've always been of a firm belief that I should not complain about my weight unless I was willing to really do something about it. The reason for that is similar to one of the main reasons I didn't tell everyone about my band. In the distant past, whenever I'd told people that I was unhappy about my weight, they always took that as an invitation to comment on diets I should try, remark on what I was eating or should be eating, etc. In other words, they would turn into the Food Police. I hated that so much, in part because I knew I should be doing better. Eventually I realized that if I didn't open up the discussion, I wouldn't be on the receiving end of Food Police comments.

On a completely different note. . I have to tell you about the weekend! I had a great time with Chris. We went out for dinner and drinks on Friday night, and had such a great time that he asked me out again for Sunday night. During dinner on Friday, he mentioned that he had stomach cancer about seven years ago (he's been in remission since). The surgery he had was laparoscopic, and he was very open with me about how that impacted his life and feelings in general.

After that, I felt comfortable sharing with him that I have the lap band, so I told him. He didn't know what it was, so I explained it. I thought his reaction was a good one, and he gave me props for really working to lose the weight and get in shape. And, that was that. Not really a big deal!

On Sunday, we went out for dinner at a cute Argentinian spot near me. I told him that I was glad that I had told him about the surgery, since I wouldn't have to over-order to look normal! We shared three dishes, had great conversation and really enjoyed each other's company. . . .

BUT. . there was one thing. . . he seemed stressed and told me that "Something great happened to me yesterday, and I feel like I need to tell you about it." I was like. . oh God. . .Did he get back together with his old girlfriend?! Fortunately, that wasn't it. Long story short, a friend offered him his dream job in Denver, Colorado. He's going there on Wednesday for business anyway, so he's going to meet with the company and find out more about the position while he is in town. I think he will probably take the job if it is offered. Wah!!

One thing I liked about the conversation was that he told me that he was disappointed that this came up right after we started dating, and that he would want to keep seeing me if he moved and for me to visit. That's not exactly my ideal situation though. I am hoping he decides not to go. I guess I'll know more after he gets back next week. Boo! Bad timing!

HAPPY SECOND BANDIVERSARY!!

Exactly two years ago today, I had lap band surgery. The past two years have been amazing, and I have not questioned my decision to get banded for even a moment. It's been such a novel, freeing and incredible experience to actually feel GOOD about my weight and my body for two whole years in a row. I feel like I've been freed from prison -- the food prison. . and the fat prison, too.

On this momentous occasion, I want to share some thoughts and observations with you. . .

I'm counting my band-related blessings. Here are the first ten things that come to mind:

1. I am strong and fit now.

2. I can run, whereas I couldn't when I was at my heaviest.

3. My feet and back don't hurt anymore.

4. I feel good, both physically and mentally.

5. I am proud of achieving my goal and making this work.

6. I no longer feel any shame, self-loathing or disgust about how my body looks.

7. I like how I look, and I'm forgiving of any flaws I may have.

8. I really like the extra attention and special treatment that I get now.

9. It is a pleasure to go shopping now.

10. I have plenty of wiggle room on airplanes, in canoes, and anywhere else I choose to put my substantially smaller and cuter bee-hind.

Exhibit A: My substantially smaller and cuter bee-hind at the US Open in August 2010

Is the thrill gone after two years? Do you just forget about the band after a while, and does being at goal just seem normal or ordinary?

The thrill isn't gone for me. I so often think about how grateful and lucky I am to have found this tool to help me with my weight. I am still thrilled by NSVs all the time. Finding that I fit into a Tracy Reese size 8 (!) dress recently was a big one. Feeling tiny when I'm on a date is a new good one too!

SVs (scale victories) are hard to come by now that I'm in the low 150s. I have not lost even an ounce since July 6th -- more than three months ago! But, I've been taking spin classes and doing yoga throughout the intervening time. . and, in taking my measurements for this post, I was really surprised to learn that I lost 5.9 inches since July 6th!! Wow!! That includes half an inch from each thigh, half an inch from each calf, and a whole inch off my hips!! (I can't stress enough how important it is to take your measurements as early as possible during this process.)

Number of Inches and Pounds Lost?

During the past two years, I have lost 79.2 pounds (going from 230 to 150.8) and . . . . . (insert drumroll).............

50.45 inches -- that is 4.2 FEET -- from my body!! WOW!!!

I can hardly believe it when I try on my Jared pants and see how enormous they are on me. I actually have a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I used to fill them out.

This photo was taken in April 2010

What did this loss cost you?
Lap Band Gal recently wrote a bandiversary post that I loved. One of the things she did was to calculate how much she paid, per pound, for her lap band surgery and follow up visits. Like me, she was self-pay. I haven't kept exact track of what I've spent, but it's in the neighborhood of $9,500, all told. That's about $120.25 per pound.

It sounds like a lot when you put it like that. But $9,500 was such a small price to pay to get my life back, to feel good about myself, to be healthy and fit, to fit into any seat comfortably, to be able to wear regular-sized clothing, to be free from hating myself for my weight, free from foot pain and back pain -- and the shame of having to see old friends and knowing they would see how much weight I'd gained.

Do I miss anything about my pre-band life?
Not really. OK, there is ONE thing that I kind of miss. . . taking a big ole bite out of a juicy burger that has pickles, a bun, tomato, ketchup and mustard on it. Yet, even though my mouth is watering at the thought of that bite, I honestly couldn't care less about giving it up. I would never trade 80 pounds for that bite.

How was Year Two different from Year One?

Year One was all about seeing new numbers on the scale and learning what worked well with my band. I felt incredible that entire year and, for the first time in my life, I spent an entire year feeling happy and grateful about my weight and how I was managing my

personal battle of the bulge! That feeling has carried through -- I still feel fantastic about that. In fact, I've felt downright joyous on the weight front ever since I began this process, even when I had other stresses in my life.

During Year One, I dropped the bulk of my extra weight -- 63 pounds. I am 5'6, and that took me from 230 to 167 lbs, leaving 12 more to get to my goal of 155. I only lost 16 pounds this entire year (taking me to 151). But, they were really significant pounds. They took me from being slightly fluffy to having a reasonably rocking body for a 39 year old! Hee hee!

I got serious about exercise about six months into Year One, but I really dug in during Year Two. It is really a part of my life now, and I'm in even better (!) shape now than I was on my first bandiversary. And, because of its effects, I actually like body parts, like my bootie, which I'd hated for my entire life up to now. Even my legs are shaping up these days! I wear clothing that shows off my figure now (within the confines of good taste, naturally!). And, my clothing size ranges from an 8 to a 10. (I started at size 20, 14W, 1X).

On other levels, Year One was about getting over my breakup with PP, and about holding on to my job during the recession. Year Two was about getting used to my new body, and pushing myself to be physically stronger and more fit. It was also the time of my nearly year-long rebound relationship with C. During Year Two, I also worked at finding ways to build my practice at work despite the depressed economy, and on branching out socially and making increasing efforts to do new things.

Comparison from July 25, 2010. Click here to see a bigger version.

What an amazing road this has been, and continues to be. I wish there was a word to convey how grateful I feel to have found a way to free myself from the fat prison. How about grateful to the 10th power?? :)

What will Year Three Be Like?

As I begin Year Three, my initial impression is that this year is going to be about living my life to the fullest. Part of that will include continuing with my exercise and setting new fitness challenges for myself. I am seriously thinking about running a 10K next year. If I get tired of spin class, I'm going to try Physique 57, which I understand is a fantastic workout.

I feel ready for a new relationship and am really excited about the possibility of falling in love. I really want to plan to hike the Inca trail, or to do some other vacation that is physically demanding enough that I never would have done it at my start weight.

For Year Three, I don't care if I lose any more weight (not that 2-5 more pounds lost wouldn't be fab!), but I care very much about maintaining and keeping up my fitness level. Honestly, maintaining has turned out to be much easier than I expected. I know that working out 3 times a week (on average) is key to that for me. It also lets me do things like eat ice cream or cookies when I want (in moderate portions), without the scale going up. I'm lucky that my band tightness doesn't fluctuate too much, and I'm at a very comfortable fill level that works well for me. Weighing myself every day is also key to maintenance for me. If the scale is up, I forego the cookie or get in an extra workout. If it's down, I eat what I like, within reason.

I have spent a lot of time working on myself -- physically, emotionally and intellectually -- during these last two years, and I really like where I am. I also love every single one of you who I have connected with through the bandster blogosphere, as well as everyone in my day to day life who has supported me through this process. You are all such an important part of what has helped me to stay the course and keep focused, positive and encouraged. This blog has been an incredible tool and resource for me, and I am honored that you have let me share it with you.

Bandster Lunch with Tina!

Today is a big day for me. . . it's my second bandiversary! But, before I get into my big bandiversary post, I wanted to give a shout out to my fellow Superstar of the Band, Tina from Losing It! She is in NYC right now for work, and made time yesterday to come and take me to lunch.

Tina is just as funny, warm and interesting to speak with as she is to read on her blog! She also is one of the few bloggers I know who has been banded longer than me (she was banded a few months earlier), and it was great to be able to hear her perspective. One interesting thing she pointed out was the distinction between PBing because you're stuck and PBing because you just ate too much. I hadn't really thought about it, but these really are two distinct types of PB experiences. In fact, I actually had the latter during my date last night. Lovely. :) Fortunately, I made it to the restroom in plenty of time!

Tina -- thanks so much for making time for me during your visit, and for a great lunch. I really enjoyed it.

Date Update. .

I have to admit. . . it was a pretty darned good date! I wound up going to brunch with Chris at one of my favorite spots, and we had a really nice time. We talked up a storm, found out that we have quite a few things in common, and just generally had a great time! After brunch, we walked around Soho, and went into a few stores, including one of my favorite clothing stores, New York Look (cheesy name, amazing clothes). I wound up finding a really gorgeous dress from Tracy Reese, and buying it to wear to my cousin's 40th b-day dinner at 21 Club that night.

Chris definitely had a hand in my purchasing decision! He was really complimentary about how the dress looked. I felt like it was a liiiiiiiitle short for me (it is about an inch above the knee. . and my legs have always been among my top-two least favorite body parts), and I said that -- and he asked the salesman to talk me out of that thinking, saying that I have "great legs"! I can tell you without question that that is the FIRST time in my entire life that anyone has ever said that about me.

But, you know what? After 1 1/2 years of hard core working out -- including all of the spinning I've been doing during the past few months -- I looked down at my legs in the dress to evaluate, and was surprised to see that they actually looked pretty good. I hadn't realized how much they had changed until that moment. So, dear readers, I bought the dress! (Photos to follow! I wasn't able to bring my camera, but others took pictures. . which maybe I'll see. . one day!)

Date no. 3 is this Friday -- I'm really looking forward to it! And, he actually CALLED ME ON THE TELEPHONE yesterday to set up a plan. Yes, dear readers. A man who knows how to use a phone for more than just texting! Will wonders never cease?!. . :)

Date Update. .

I have to admit, I had a great time last night! Chris was just as nice as I'd remembered, and we chatted up a storm. I did mention at one point that I'd lost "a lot" of weight since I'd seen him last and was (ha ha) wondering if he'd recognize me. His response? "Really? I didn't notice -- I just think you look great." Very sweet . . . but let's face it, 50 pounds would be pretty hard not to notice! Either he's the most unobservant person in the world, or he was just not sure what the right thing to say was! I have to believe it's the latter, which is totally fine -- I do understand that this can be an awkward topic. No points taken off for that! :)

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Drinks wound up turning into dinner-ish. . we were at a Mexican restaurant (which he thoughtfully picked because it is near my office), so we shared guacamole and chips and a quesadilla, all of which went down just fine. Plus, one thing I like about sharing is that it's not really obvious how little I am eating.

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So, after dinner, we walked over a few avenues and he got me a cab, which I always appreciate. There was definitely a smooch goodnight. . . or two. . . which I will give a resounding thumbs-up! :)

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And, I can't believe I almost forgot to mention this part. . . he broke up with his old girlfriend in May. AND, (this one's for you, Island Babe!) I told him (after he kissed me) that I'd really enjoyed meeting him at Lesli's party and that I was a little disappointed when he said he had a girlfriend. . and that I was surprised he didn't mention it during the day. He seemed slightly embarrassed, and admitted that it was because he had liked me, even though he wouldn't have acted on it since he had a girlfriend.

An interesting one. . .

So. . . in February 2009, I went to a party at my friend Lesli's house, a few hours north of NYC. It was actually an epic party -- lots of amazing people, wonderful food, good wine -- even a bonfire and fireworks! It was very Big Chill. . but with more people and less open disfunction! Anyway, while I was there, I met a really nice guy named Chris. We talked on and off for most of the day, even lounged together on a super-modern beanbag for a quiet chat, and generally had some very good chemistry going the whole time.

At the time, I was almost 30 pounds down. . just a hair under Onederland, and I felt fantastic. Chris was the first guy I even looked at after PP and I broke up, and I thought it was significant that I felt some interest there after months of post-breakup sadness. I had actually driven to the party with Chris, my friend Marjorie, and some annoying vegan friend of Lesli's (she would have been an annoying meat-eater, too. .). On the way back, we were all talking about our weekend plans, and Chris FINALLY breaks out the "girlfriend" word in connection with describing his plans. I was fairly miffed. . . even though he didn't do anything wrong, I still felt like he should have broken that news to me about 5 hours earlier.

So, cut to last week. . . Lesli was in town (she lives in Beijing) and had dinner with Chris. Then, he got in touch to ask me out for drinks. :) We're meeting tomorrow night. Here's the interesting thing. . he hasn't actually SEEN me in about 50 pounds. But, we're friends on FB, so he surely has seen photos of me and must know that I've changed a bit since the party. Anyway, drinks are on for tomorrow. I wonder if I'll still like him. . if he'll recognize me. . and if I'll recognize him. Stay tuned. . . !

Rolling Back the Years. . .

I had a great weekend -- my mom was in town, and we had a fantastic time catching up, doing a docent tour of some galleries in Chelsea and enjoying some nice food and wine in Chelsea and the West Village.

Me, in front of some glass flowers by Robert Chihuly at the Marlborough Gallery in Chelsea

Among the many things we did this weekend was to take stock of my closet. Because my mom was having some health problems this summer (she is doing really well now - - thank you to all those of you who have asked -- I really appreciate it!), she had not been up to NYC for a bit. As a result, she hadn't seen the bulk of my new clothes, so I did a little fashion show for her yesterday!

As I was trying on the new things, a dress I've kept for the past 14 years caught my eye. It's a floor-length Betsey Johnson dress that I wore to my law school Barristers Ball with my old boyfriend, Peter, in 1996. (You may remember Peter as the Italian movie-star-type from the recent post where I'm wearing a deep pink dress.) I may not be as young and fresh-faced as I was in 1996, but I'll tell you -- the dress fits even better now! And, much to my surprise (though I surely work out about twice as much as I did then), I think that my arms actually may look better and more toned now than they did 14 years ago. You be the judge. . .

Me, at home, yesterday. Me, with Peter in 1996 at the Barristers' Ball
(post-blow-out and professional makeup ) :)

It would be hard to put into words how good it feels to look like my old self again. I don't take it for granted, and I appreciate things a lot more than I ever did the first time around, and I am a lot more forgiving of my flaws than I would have thought possible. I smile sometimes when I hear my thin friends (who are just beautiful as they are) beat themselves up over a few unwanted pounds or the slightest, most imperceptable bit of jiggle on their legs. If they only knew the secret to getting free from feeling badly about that!! I mean, all they would have to do is gain 80 pounds over a number of years, and then lose it!

Ha ha. . not exactly something anyone would sign on for willingly. But, I will tell you that going through this journey not only has freed me from the "food prison" -- it also has freed me from feeling badly about myself for not having a perfect body, and has let me feel good about what I do have and what I've been able to achieve. I think I am actually stronger and more confident about my appearance as a result of going through this journey. As difficult as it has been, especially during the gaining and pre-band years when I felt so hopeless, I don't regret it because it has taken me to where I am now.

Confessions of a Shopaholic. . .

My best bargain for fall . . a $29 military jacket from H&M

Just kidding about the title! I'm not an out of control shopper, but now that I'm finally at a weight that is either my final weight (152 this morning, size 8 or 10, depending on the cut) or close enough that clothes will still fit if I lose a few pounds, it has been VERY tempting to buy new clothes all the time. It's actually fun to shop and try things on now, which is adding fuel to that fire! ;)

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Still, I actually need clothing. None of my old stuff fits! And, I'm actually a little smaller than my old "thin" size, so even the "thin" pants that I kept from 2000 (Banana Republic size 10) are a bit too baggy to wear these days. I was pretty well stocked up for summer, but now that it's fall and winter is around the corner, I'm finding myself with nothing to wear again!

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During the past few months, I've bought several dresses for work, two suits, some workout clothing, undies and bras, boots, shoes and sweaters. I've also bought a few low-dollar items at H&M (I love that store), like cute tops for going out, some cardigans to help take my work dresses into fall and a military jacket (see photo).

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There are still so many things that I need though. Things like sweaters, pajamas, new sneakers, etc. It's a strange thing to be starting from zero with my wardrobe. Still, it's fun to shop and I'm just trying to buy a reasonable amount at a time. The plus side of all of this is that I really like every single thing I have that is in my current size, and I've gotten rid of 99% of the old stuff (keeping things like my Jared pants, of course!). Good thing I do like everything . . . because I don't have that many choices and wind up wearing the same things over and over!