Happy Birthday to Me! :)

Today is my 39th birthday! I'm heading to one of my favorite spas with a friend this morning, and am really looking forward to it! Should be a really nice day.

It's interesting to think back on where I was at this time last year, and how many things have changed. I was less than a month post-op on my b-day last year, and was still really upset about my breakup with PP. Now, I am 51.8 pounds lighter than on this day last year (and 64.8 down in total), exercise regularly (and intensely!) . . and I am feeling just fine on the love front (despite that there isn't too much going on in that department!).

I really do feel like I spent the whole last year working on myself. Not just on the weight/fitness front -- though that is the most obvious and important change to me. I continued with my therapist, which is always good (I think of it as spa treatments for the psyche)! I also hired a graphic designer to teach me how to use Adobe Illustrator so that I could do more advanced card design, and that has taken my letterpress printing to a new level. This is something I really enjoy, and I'm glad that I motivated to find a teacher and arrange for those private lessons. And, like every other year, I read a ton, learned a lot, and spent time on my friendships and other important relationships. I am definitely in a much better place than I was in at this time last year, even though I was doing just fine then.

I am looking forward to enjoying the benefits of this year's work during this coming year, and to continue moving in a positive direction. I can see already that getting myself in shape is helping on the dating front. Looking better and feeling more confident definitely help! And, hopefully, that will make it easier for me to meet someone who is right for me.

Enjoy the day, everyone!! Will post photos later if I take some good ones today!

Thumbs up!

Good news on the scale front this morning. . . my scale was the same as yesterday! I was worried that it would go up after I did Boot Camp, or that the number I saw yesterday was just a fluke (water weight, etc.). But, 2 days in a row is a good thing!

I was talking to my dad on the phone last night, and it suddenly dawned on me that . . I am only TEN pounds overweight. (OK, 10.2, but who's counting?!) :) This is like a miracle to me. The amount I have left to lose is what a lot of normal/thin-ish people want to lose. That is just incredible to me. My band works like a charm!! Well, with some participation from me, anyway! But it's just so SO so so much better than having to do this without any help.

I had another realization recently. One that took a loooonnnngggg time for me to get to. The other day, it suddenly clicked that I am over PP. Definitely a much better place for me to be!

SIXTY-FOUR!!

FINALLY!! I'm down 64.8 as of this morning. That means I've got 10.2 to go to get to goal! Woo-hoo. Unfortunately, I cut the timing close on Boot Camp last night . . and my cab driver took a wrong turn, so I wound up being too late to do the class. I'm going to go tonight to make up for last night. Hopefully the workout won't result in my weight going up due to muscle weight.

Snail's Pace. . .

The scale FINALLY moved yesterday. . . a whopping .8 pounds. This is the first time the scale has been down since October 13th! Man. . now that I'm closer to goal, the loss is sloooooooowwwwww. Another wrinkle here is that I wasn't able to go to Boot Camp last week, since my friend was staying with me, and I only made it to the gym once (I ran for 30 minutes). I'm wondering if the .8 might be due to loss of muscle, rather than actual weight loss. I'm sure that's at least part of the reason for it. Hopefully there is some real loss in there as well.

I'm back at Boot Camp tonight. Fingers crossed that the scale isn't up again tomorrow. . .

Rather than only complain about how slow this is going, I should mention a recent NSV (thanks, Mary, for reminding me!). I am now comfortably wearing size 10 jeans from The Gap!! That is my goal size (with 8 as an aspirational goal size)! Woo-hoo!!! So, even with 11.2 pounds to go to get to my goal, it's all good. It may take months to get this last bit off, but it's OK because I feel so good and am really comfortable in my skin -- something I was not at all when I started this process.

Looking inside myself. . .

Yesterday, I had my one-year checkup with Dr. Ren. I had an esophogram taken, and they tell me that everything looks great! I have to admit. . . it was pretty interesting to see the esophogram! How weird is it that you can see the underwire and snaps from my bra in this?!

If you click on the photo, you will see a bigger version of it.

You can see the port above where my bellybutton would be, and the tube leading to my stomach. There was a side view of my stomach, too -- but I didn't get a photo of it (I was too chicken to scroll to it when I was alone in the exam room). It was interesting. The part (tissue?) leading up to my pouch and the pouch together kind of looked like a long, deflated balloon. It's so weird and cool to be able to see what my insides look like.

Dr. Ren seemed really happy to see how I've been doing with the band, and how far I've come this year, and it was great to get such positive feedback from her.

In other news, I finally got on the rebound wagon. . . I've seen a guy who I met at that Food and Wine Festival event at Norwood a few times -- let's call him C. It's nothing serious, but is a lot of fun, and he is actually pretty cool and interesting, and increasingly so as I'm finding out more about him. I'm definitely enjoying the attention after my year of self-imposed exile in nun-ville (well, maybe not nun-ville, but too close to it for my liking. . )!

Still Plateaued, but NSV

I'm still stuck at the same weight. . but at least the scale isn't moving up! I noticed an NSV this morning. . . it is a lot easier to get out of the tub these days! Not that it was difficult before (it was fine), but I'm both a lot lighter and my arms are a lot stronger. Just a random thing that I noticed when I was getting ready! (I am a big fan of taking baths, even in the morning.)

How great would it be to have a tub like this?!

Halloween / Marathon Weekend

One of my oldest friends (Sharon) is visiting from London with her 4 month old daughter, and is staying with me. We made brunch plans with several friends on Halloween, then I cooked dinner for 7 people at my apartment that night as a special treat, since I knew it would be too hard for us to go anywhere at night with the baby.

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The dinner was a lot of fun, and it was nice to catch up with Sharon's friends who I know and like. The meal turned out nicely -- and I'm surprised to find after the fact that I barely took any photos!

Guy dressed as Captain Marvel, at about mile 18 of the NYC Marathon

When this guy went by, I cheered "Way to go 'I hate running' guy!! I hate running, too!" -- which elicited a big smile, even though he was on his 25th mile!

On Sunday, I went to cheer for four friends (including Adam & Erica -- the couple of the wedding where I saw PP in July) who were running the NYC Marathon. They all did great -- finished in good time, and enjoyed finally seeing the fruition of all that training! We had a great group of people out for the race, and cheered for so many people who went by (many with their names on their shirts. I also saw a few other people at the race who I hadn't seen during the past year. It was really nice to receive a lot of compliments on how I am looking these days, and to feel good about seeing old friends in general.

Daisy man. .

Giant backpack. . . I guess 26 miles wasn't enough?

It was interesting to talk to Sharon and get her impression on my weight loss. One really positive thing that she said was that she thought I was thinner -- or at least more fit -- than at any time she has known me since high school.

But -- and I think a lot of you will know what I mean by this -- she did refer to the band as taking "the easy way" and, even though it actually IS the easy way, compared with normal dieting, I bristled at this a bit. I also got the impression that she felt I was being dishonest when I didn't tell people about my surgery when they asked how I'd lost all of the weight. I used my standard "portion control and exercise" explanation -- which is absolutely true. And, regardless of what anyone else may or may not think, I still firmly believe that I have zero obligation whatsoever to share information about my very personal -- and private -- decision to have surgery with anyone I don't feel like telling.

Vanity and pride in the waiting room. . .

So, before I get to the funny part, I thought it worth mentioning that I've been at my current fill level -- and happy with that level -- since March 11th. That's more than 7 months. I am at 2.85 ccs in a 5 cc Inamed band.

My last check-in with my doctor was on July 2nd, and I was over 50 pounds down then, and am now 63 pounds down. Since I'm a year out, I thought I should make a follow-up appointment, get an esophogram, etc., and just make sure all is in order. I'm going next Friday.

So, I have to laugh -- yesterday, I was e-mailing with one of my bandster friends, and I confessed that I was looking forward to my doctor's visit. Part of that is because I'm psyched for my doctor to see that I'm really working the band and doing well. AND . . if I'm going to be honest . . . part of it is because I'm looking forward to sitting in the waiting room and seeing what kinds of looks I get, now that I'm so much closer to goal! My friend confessed the same thing -- and that she wore a special thin outfit, shirt tucked in, for her last appointment. Looks like I am not alone here!! :)

Last time I was there, I felt like people were giving me sidelong glances, trying to figure out if I was banded or waiting for a friend. I am positive that I did the exact same thing to other non-obese people in the waiting room during most of my first year of visits! Now I finally understand how that must have felt (great!).

I also always wonder if anyone who reads my blog will see me there and recognized me. If you do, please say hi!

Freaking plateau of freaking annoyingness!!

OK. . so I seem to be stuck at my current weight. Since October 13th, I've just been bouncing up and down from my lowest weight to date. It's so annoying. I've been here before and am reminding myself to have faith that the scale will move down again. But, I'm still a little frustrated. To have my goal within just 12 pounds. . . to be just a fraction away from fitting into a size 10. . . man, I just want to get there.

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I'm trying to resist having another wee fill -- honestly, I don't need it. What I could do (people in my off-line life, please put a sock in it -- I don't want to hear it) is eliminate some of my favorite liquid calories (i.e. wine) . . . but with one of my best friends in town, staying with me for the next 9 days . . . with her three month old baby, I just don't see that as an acceptable option!

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I'm going to hang in there, tough it out this week (assuming the scale doesn't move) and see what I can change the following week to get things moving. I am trying to keep it in perspective -- if I'd known this was as far as I'd go on my surgery day, I would have been 100% OK with that. I've come so far, and I feel great about where I am right now. It's just that my goal is so close. . . !

Fun Saturday Day

I went to an alumni event on Saturday that was a walking tour (with a docent) of various Chelsea galleries, followed by a walk on The Highline. My friend Marjorie joined me, and we had a great time -- despite that it rained on and off all day long! Here are a few photos from the day. . .

We saw an exhibit of Jaume Plensa's work, called "In the Midst of Dreams." It was so dreamy, so etherial and amazing -- I loved it. These heads are probably 6 feet tall -- made of resin and lighted from inside. They were very beautiful and other-worldly.

Each face had different words printed on it. . . Insomnia, Hunger, Hysteria, etc.

Plensa also does a technique, where he elonguates a photo of someone's face on his computer, then sculpts the face. I loved this one. . .

Me, with what Marjorie calls. . a wall full of blue toilet seats . .

Here we are by some Ws that matched her jacket. . .

This installation was by Maya Lin -- she is the architect best known for winning a competition to design the Vietnam War Memorial in DC (and she won while only 21 years old & a grad student at Yale. . slacker. . .)! This huge mountain is made of different sized 2x4 pieces of wood. I am so totally getting this for my apartment!! OK, maybe not. . . LOL

The craziest show we saw started with this piece, below. When I first saw it, I was planning to call this photo "REALLY?!?" I totally thought this was a real roll of toilet paper & empty roll. . . and then found out it is carved Carrera marble (insane!!) and the roll is made of painted bronze. The artist totally tricked us -- this looked perfect until you got up very close and could see that the roll was stone!

Jen and Catherine Clothing Day!

I had so much fun today going through my closet in preparation for Jen's visit. She and I have very similar builds, so -- after I met her the other weekend -- I decided that she should be the person to raid what is left of my closet in sizes that I no longer need. I only wish I would have taken more photos! There were some standout pieces that were especially great on her!


At one point, just for kicks, I decided to put my pre-op jeans (which I'm saving as a reminder) on over my current jeans. . (which are size 12 and are a bit loose these days. . can you believe it?!?) Here goes! Here is a link to a photo of me wearing those jeans when they fit. . (it's the one on the far left). Those jeans are so ginormous on me that it's hard to imagine them ever fitting.

Jen looked great in so many of the things that I had! She made out like a bandit (no pun intended. . ho ho) :) -- dresses, pants, sweaters, jackets, etc.! It was such a pleasure to unload the rest of my old clothing in this way, and to know that they are going to someone who really appreciates them . . even if they will only fit her for a short while! Still, they are now part of the Sisterhood of the Traveling XL Dress, so I'm sure other bandsters will get them eventually!

Jen with her loot (how much do we love her new hairstyle?! A lot!!) :)

Quick update: I love the whole Sisterhood of the Traveling XL Dress!! I was so excited to log on to Sarah's blog last night and to see that -- not only did she rock her 5K (what a superstar!!), but she did it in an Adidas top that I sent to her! That is so awesome!!

Channeling Phelps in Beijing!!

OK. . maybe it's not Olympic Gold, but tonight (drum roll. . ) for the first time EVER, I made it over the high wall at Boot Camp by myself!! And, I did it three times!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!


Keep in mind. . the top of this wall is just in reach when I (I am 5'6) stand with my hands above my head. I have to grab on to the top of the wall, hang on with my arms, walk my legs up the wall . . . and, when I'm near the top, I have to lift up my right leg, hook it over the wall's top, and use my legs and arms to pull the rest of my body over. If that doesn't make sense, just be like "you're a badass" and call it a day! LOL :)


So, you might ask. . . what are the reprucussions of doing this. Well, I don't call it Bruise Camp for nothing. . . Here is my arm. . (I think of this as the Sistine Chapel shot. . )
And, the back of my thigh, which got the worse of it. . . Um, thank goodness it's winter and I can wear tights. . . BTW, it looks worse than this in real life. . gross. . .



Today really was a great Bandiversary because -- in addition to the big wall, which is SO MAJOR (!!!) for me (!), I had a few other NSVs as well.


After lunch, I was over talking to our receptionist, and three people came in separately and each had a lot of nice things to say about how I look (they came by one at a time, so they didn't hear one another). It was so nice to hear, but after the third one, I said to the receptionist how much I appreciated the kind words, and how long a road it has been, and totally got choked up! I didn't cry or anything, but I could have for sure.

Even after a year, this is such an emotional thing for me. It's not that I'm sad even the teensiest bit -- it's more that I feel overwhelmed by how grateful and relieved I am to have found a way to stop the bad cycle of gaining weight and feeling hopeless and horrible about that. This really has been a total God-send for me.


Even now, it's hard for me to comprehend that I am so close to goal. And at the same time, it's hard for me to remember just how big I was before.

Does anyone else have that feeling? When you think of yourself in your mind, do you picture the current thinner version, your old self, or something in between?

I have the current version of myself in my mind, but I still have to remind myself of some things. For example, sometimes I'll see a seat on the subway and before I decide whether to take it, I have to make myself remember to gauge it by my current size, not the old one. It's weird.

But, I will say that I don't expect to see my old, heavier self in the mirror when I look into it (while at the same time, it's a nice reminder to see my current iteration. . .). Weird! But so so amazing and wonderful!!

Happy Bandiversary to Me!!

Wow. It's hard to believe it, but it's already been exactly one year since I was banded. My life has changed quite a lot for the better during that time. I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by.

I hope that this will make sense. . . This one-year period was always going to be over today, but by being banded at the start of it, I was able to use the time to do a lot of things to make my life better. I'm going to make a list of all the changes that immediately come to mind as a result. Here goes:

1. I can run (no compartmental syndrome) -- woo hoo!

2. I am in the best shape of my life.

3. I feel good about my weight, my body, and about what I am doing for my overall physical fitness.

4. I enjoy shopping again.

5. Cute boys are taking notice. . .

6. My feet feel fine when I wear heels all day

7. I want to see old friends and reconnect with people, rather than hide because I don't want them to see how much weight I've gained.

8. I feel empowered by all I've been able to accomplish.

9. I am only 12 pounds from goal (the possibility of this was almost unimaginable to me a year ago, but it is true nonetheless!!)

10. Through this blog and lapbandtalk.com, I've found an incredible network of support and friendship that I never expected to find.

11. My hosiery no longer makes that "whistle" noise when I walk down the hall. . .

12. I am excited about going to big events. . weddings, galas, etc. -- because I'm excited about getting dressed up and looking nice!

I have a few other observations to share that are kind of weird to me. . .
* Sometimes I find myself thinking that 60 lbs is not that much weight, and wondering why I didn't just take it off on my own. . . even though I know FULLY (!) that this is crazy and that I never would have done this without the band.

* Because I was at or near my current size for my 20s and very early 30s, I find myself forgetting just how big I'd let myself get during the last several years. (Thank God I kept some clothes to keep that in perspective.)

* I feel my port more lately, which I don't love (but it's no biggie). I may have banged into it in Boot Camp and bruised the muscle underneath -- so I'm more aware of it lately, whereas before I used to forget about it (no worries. . will ask my doctor about it in my upcoming visit).

So, those are my thoughts today. I want to thank everyone who has been a part of this so far, and those who will join in later on! Without your support and encouragement, I would not have done so well or enjoyed this so much. Am sending lots of love and best wishes to you all.

Catherine
(1 Year Band Veteran!)

Bounce Bounce Bounce. . .

My scale has been bouncing all over the place since I hit 63 down. One day, it was actually up FOUR pounds from the day before . . I was like Wha?? I think I must have had a lot of salt the day before. Then, I bounced down two pounds, and now I'm just .2 away from the number I was at at 63 down.

I know that I bounce like this between most pounds, but usually it's just by a pound or two at most. Hopefully, now that I'm back near 63 again, it will just be a short while before I get to 64. . and 65. . and and and. . . !

BTW, I have two good friends in the UK who used to always rent bouncy castles like the one shown above when they had parties. Apparently, it's not that uncommon to do that there! I love it -- was always such a fan of the bouncy castle as a kid. Unfortunately, almost no one in NYC has room for one in their apartment!

Lunch was fun!

Just a quick update to say that I had a great time at lunch with my old friend. He was very complimentary (but also was nice enough to say that I looked great before, too -- which I appreciated, since sometimes I imagine in retrospect that I looked like a matronly abomination). And, it was really nice to get a chance to catch up in person and have a good chat.

He didn't seem worried about my eating, so I didn't mention my surgery. Although I consider him to be a real friend, we're both in the same field and know a TON of the same people. While I know he is discrete and can keep a confidence, I am happy to keep the number of people in my professional life who know about my band to the minimum.

More Seeing Old Friends . . .

Back on March 28th, I posted about seeing my dear friend Rob (second photo in the 3/28/09 post), and about how he expressed concern at the time about how little I ate at dinner one night.

Well. . . I haven't seen Rob since then. It's been nearly seven months! And, during that time, I've gone from 34 pounds down to 63! Nearly 30 more pounds -- and pretty significant ones at that.

He is in town today, and we're meeting up for lunch. I'm really excited to see his reaction to my appearance. If he expresses any concern at all, I'm going to tell him about my surgery. I know that he is trustworthy and can keep a confidence. Should be interesting!

An NSV, To Boot!

This is an exciting moment!! I just realized that my calves (at 15 inches at the biggest spot) are small enough that I can buy normal boots!! No extended calf, no stretchy-material -- normal, leather boots in a regular size!! I don't know if I've ever had a pair of high boots that fit that description.

To celebrate, I am thinking about buying the above ones in black from Garnet Hill. YAY! I hope they actually fit when I get them home.

With 63 pounds down, my calves are now 1.5 inches smaller then they were when I first started. (Newbies, take your measurements and before photos -- I say it all the time, but I can't stress enough how nice it is to be able to track this kind of stuff!) :)

Shout out to the 'rents!

I have to hand it to my parents -- they are both pretty cool! I've been missing them both this week.

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Right now, my mom is on another exciting trip -- four or so days in Holland to visit her best friend (my honorary aunt, who is fabulous), followed by about a week in Dubai with her boyfriend of many years. Not too shabby! However, I'm really missing our near-daily phone chats!

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Last night, I was talking to my dad and found out that he is having his deposition taken today in a fraud/embezzlement case. Long story short, after he joined his current company, he personally (!) figured out that a long-time employee (treated like family by the owners) had been stealing millions of dollars from the company through the years. It sounds like she was a shopping addict or something . . .she spent a big chunk of it on high-end shoes. (WTH?! I love nice shoes as much as the next girl (maybe more), but I'm not willing to go to prison to wear them!) His deposition is in a case seeking to recover that money. WAY TO GOOOOOOOO, DAD!! :)

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So, both of them have especially cool things going on today. . . my mom is roaming around Dubai, and my dad is fighting crime! NICE! Another nice thing about them is that -- even though they have been divorced for 28 years (OK, probably it's because it's been that long!), they actually get along really well. We all get together for the holidays from time to time, and there is never any drama between them. It wasn't always that easy, but it has been for a really long time.

Also. . . SIXTY THREE! (12 from goal. . Holy . . . !)

I am going crazy with the posting today, but I had to put this up when I saw the scale this morning. Sixty-three down makes me just 12 pounds from goal! And, I'm only 2 pounds heavier than a weight I considered reasonable in my late 20s and early 30s (though I still felt fat at that weight. . . who knew one day I'd rejoice at being that size?!)!

Biotin / Vitamin Question. . .

I've been taking two Flintstones' vitamins every day (which is the dosage for adults), and just bought Biotin because I am shedding at an alarming rate. Fortunately, I have thick hair, so I don't think it's noticeable, but the sheer amount that is in my brush, and elsewhere is a little scary to me.

The Biotin comes in these small capsules (see photo). This morning, I took scissors, snipped the top off, put the powder in a glass, mixed it with water and drank it. Does anyone know if that's OK to do? It's flavorless, so it isn't gross. Obviously, I'll run this by my doctor, but I thought I'd see if anyone else had received advice about this.

Also, any thoughts on the Flintstones? I kind of feel like they aren't really vitamins because they taste like candy and are shaped like the Flintstones! :)