I still struggle with my decision to keep being banded private from people at work. Actually, it's not a struggle in a global sense -- I really don't want everyone gossiping about this. But, there is a woman there who I really like who has been struggling with her weight for a long time. She and I talk about it sometimes, and she has been very positive about my progress and how I am doing. Yesterday, she was telling me how she wants to go back to the gym, and that she's been feeling badly about her weight. On some levels, I really wanted to tell her about my surgery and to encourage her to get the band. BUT, I also know that a juicy piece of information like that doesn't stand much of a chance of staying private at the office. I have to put my privacy first here and remember that there is plenty of information about the band out there that she could find on her own. Although the decision about whether to tell her or not is clear to me, I do feel badly about not being able to share this information and possibly help her. :(
11 comments:
you know I am a sharer, but you are right on this one. If you tell one person, eventually, that one person might tell someone in private and then it is a snowball rolling down hill.
On the other hand, two people in my department are getting the lapband based on my progress and while this is good for them if it works, the downside is that I feel that if it doesnt work...they might blame me. When they ask me about the band, I make sure to tell them it doesnt work for everyone and you have to work with it, etc.
There are pros and cons to telling and not telling, but you know you have to do what is right for you!
As for being 10 pounds heavier then when you last saw your friend,...that sucks doesnt it! But it wont be that way for much longer Miss Size 12.
Hi Catherine,
I think your concerns about sharing this info is valid. I've only told a couple friends, both non-work related. I too am concerned about the news becoming a bit of gossip. I also don't want people constantly asking me about it, or making assumptions about me that they shouldn't. I am NOT afraid of admitting that I got the band, I just don't want all the things that come with that. It IS a juicy bit of gossip, especially since people will be fascinated with what some might see as the idea that we went to an 'extreme' (surgery) to lose weight, or that we were too weak to do it on our own (what???). Interestingly, these people of which I speak are people who usually have had no weight problems to speak of. Keep up the good fight, and let your intuition guide you on these decisions.
-Momma2fi
(nearlycontentwoman.blogspot.com)
I am also choosing not to tell people that I am getting banded. I know it's going to be hard, but I like you don't want it talked about. I love reading your blog! You have done so well!
I told a few work peeps and I'm sure the majority knows now ~ I'm probable a juicy topic especially with the new to me car in the parking lot but that's OK ~ if they are talking about me they are leaving someone else alone!! ;-)
I know it's a dilemma ~ to share or not to share ~ my standard answer to most when they comment is "I'm working on it" cuz I am working on it daily using the band and working the diet and exercise part of it. Not everyone has the need to know about my gizmo!
I think your encouragement to this co worker is probable enough.
Keep up the great work!! ;-)
The only people who know I am banded is my husband and my Dr.'s. I didnt even tell my mom because I didnt want it getting around my family, which would then get around to my friends, and eventually get around to everyone. I found the info for the band myself through info that was out there floating around in commercials and internet. Other people will find it the same way. I dont want to be the posterchild.
I think you're making the right choice.
There is a lot of information out there about the surgery and the less people who know, the less chance there is of it getting out.
Plus, you can still be a strong, supportive friend to your co-worker by cheering her on and maybe going for walks etc during lunch now and then, without revealing all the details of your journey.
That's a toughie though!
(Btw glad you had fun with the old gal pal!)
I am actually in the complete opposite boat. I posted all about it on my blog, told all my friends and co-workers, told my family...told EVERYONE! And since then I've felt really great about my decision to do so. When I was first curious, my coworker told me shot had gotten it. And I had TONS of questions! She helped me out so much, and actually reffered me to the hospital that saved me over $5000. Family members are so supportive - even the ones who we don't get along with. People don't see it as an "easy" way out like I thought they would. Now that my husband and I did it together, we are looking at becoming the hospitals "spokespeople"... But if you aren't comfortable with everyone knowing, that's totally understandable. Unless she talks about the lap-band outright, or wonders about it...I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't be presumptuous.
*she...I meant SHE had gotten it.
Hey Catherine- I completely understand your dilemma. Although I have not been banded yet, I have already thought about sharing my story with my brother-in-law who suffers from some serious weight related health conditions. But, the in-law side of my family are the ones who I will never share my surgery with due to judgmental issues.
I shared my thoughts with a friend, who gave me some pretty terrific advice. She advised that I share information about my journey while using an assumed name. Basically, you could tell her all about this "girl" you know who has been very successful losing weight with the lap-band. Of course, you have to wait until that conversation opens up. But, maybe it would make YOU feel better if you felt you gave her the opportunity to learn about the band without risking your own anonymity.
Just a thought.
Ahhh, the perpetual question that bugs every bandit - to tell or not to tell.
You know what? You must do whats right for you: if you don't feel comfortable telling your friend then why should it make you feel bad? I'm in the camp that's kept it fairly private, just a few select friends and my husband and boys and MIL. That's it! I still have trouble telling people if they ask how I lost the weight. Right now I go with (for the most part) I just say I walk a lot and dropped the carbs. It seems to work and shut them up.
As for seeing your friend after six years and being 10 pounds heavier than the last time, bet she never even noticed. You look slim, trim and terrific and anyone would be hard pressed to say you are now overweight - AND 10 pounds isn't much in the big scheme of things. Actually, it's a rather weenie number!!!
Stay proud girl xxxxxx
It can be hard to know who to tell and/or when to tell them.
The foodie friends I have spoken of now know. I figured it was time to tell them so they might understand what was going on with me. Also, I was going to Ocean City with the wife right after a fill and knew I'd have some 'splaining to do. ;)
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