(That is not me in the photo, just in case you were wondering!)
A good friend of mine who I've known since 1990 was visiting last night on the tail-end of a business trip. Her name is Candace, and we met in college. Afterwards, we both wound up living in D.C. at the same time, and she moved into my apartment building. We were good friends and spent a lot of time together, but lost touch during the past six or so years -- minus a long phone call every year or so and holiday cards. (She was living in Italy, then moved back to TX to run her company from there, life got in the way, etc.)Anyway, I hadn't seen Candace since around October of 2003 -- just about six years exactly. I had been wondering whether I was heavier now then when I last saw her. She looked pretty much exactly the same -- not older or anything -- just with longer hair. And, we completely picked up where we left off in that way that old friends do. So, my NSV? She said "You look exactly the same!! Except you're thinner." YES!!!! (Thank you, Boot Camp! I probably am 5 lbs higher on the scale, but I have more lean muscle now!)
I didn't tell my friend about me being banded -- I just didn't feel like having some conversation where I'd say "By the way, I totally let myself gain 10 pounds a year every year since I saw you last and was in an unhealthy BMI range . . . then had WLS!"
It felt great to hear her say that I look just the same (but thinner. . don't forget that part!) :) as I did before. It really reinforced that feeling I've been having of "getting myself back" through this process. I'm not sure if this will 100% make sense, but I actually recognize the version of myself that I see in the mirror these days. That's the person I remember . . not the heavier, puffy, more middle-aged-looking version of myself that I saw over the past several years. It still surprises me sometimes not to see the puffy person looking back at me, but I certainly don't miss that!!
I wonder if this experience will be different for bandsters who were very heavy for their entire adult lives and are now going to be thin. I can imagine that it might be even harder to get around to thinking of yourself as being that thinner version of yourself if you had never seen yourself that way before. I now look more like the 30s version of my the person I looked like through my teens and 20s, but I still don't always remember what I look like now and sometimes get surprised when I catch a glimpse.
(Oh, to be so young again! I was 26 years old, on a trip to Santa Fe with Candace, my mom and Candace's mother when this was taken. We were there for Indian Market Weekend.) 
7 comments:
I wonder how I'll feel - I've never been thin. Like my weight was probably a healthy one last when I was like 11. It's a fun adventure, but a scary one sometimes too.
Congrats on your friend and the nsv!
Ive been heavy since I was about 13! I wonder how I will see myself when I get down to a normal weight again. I know now I look soooo much younger and healthier than I did 6 months ago but sometimes I still see that 300lbs person in the mirror and I know I need to work on that! But Im sure you look amazing and fabulous getting so close to that goal weight! :o)
My story is mostly like yours, Catherine, I was thin-ish in high school and college and throughout my 20s. I still have a hard time imagining myself back at those sizes, however.
What a wonderful place you are in now, recognizing the real you!
Wow good post!
I can completely see what you mean about how losing this weight has given you back to yourself, put you back on a track you'd left 6 years ago.
I've always been "big" as an adult. But when I lost weight before I did recognize than smaller version of me, as me, right away. It was hard to wrap my head around the wt ls but when I'd see "her" in the mirror, I'd feel excited- like, "yeay!, there you are!"
When I gained it back, wow, I really missed that feeling of seeing "her" and feeling more like me.
It's good to have "her" back so I can only imagine how calm and centred you must feel now, you're there, you've worked so hard and when you do look in the mirror you see you, the real you.
Cool, thoughtful post. Thanks Katherine. (as always!)
Yeah, I too have been overweight my entire life. That's why I look at this process like "everything day is a surpirse" b/c every lbs I lose and every jean size I go down in new territory as an adult and it's all a new fun experience for me! I'm optimistic about it!
Catherine, I have not been a thin girl since middle school. I cannot wait to see the skinny girl that has been living inside me all of the years! Congrants on the NSV!
So I just discovered your blog while looking for people who've been banded and learning what I might possibly expect, since I'm in the pre-op phase. I love your blog by the way and this post especially has me wondering how I'll feel since I've spent the majority of my life heavier than the norm, much heavier. I am so eager to see what my future holds. Thank you for sharing your accomplishments, you should be very proud of yourself!
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