Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!!

Free at last!!! Tonight, I finally finished that huge brief that had me working basically round the clock for the last 13 days! I am so happy that it is signed, sealed and being delivered tomorrow. AND, I'm heading to my dad's house in TX tomorrow and can't wait to see my family!

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Just wanted to send you all my very best wishes for a very happy holiday and an incredible New Year! xoxoxo

New Frontiers

I wound up working most of the morning and afternoon, then left the office for a 4 p.m. hair appointment in Soho. Now it just plain would have been rude of me to go there and not go to my favorite store, right? Right. As it turns out, they were having a crazy sale. AND, somehow, they talked me into buying something I never, EVER thought I'd ever want to wear. . . skinny jeans.

The guy brought me a size 29, and when I saw them, I though -- Oh boy. This is going to be the struggle of a lifetime and I'm going to look like 10 pounds of X in a 5 pound bag after all of it. . . but they fit. And I liked them. (I still have such a hard time understanding how big an article of clothing should be to fit my body -- I can't eyeball it very well at all.) I wound up getting a new dress for work too (navy sheath) and a pair of black pants (size 8) too -- all on serious sale. I also came really close to buying a black Alice & Olivia cocktail dress in distressed velour that had a zipper that ran the entire length of the back (meow!). I decided not to get it because I thought I might get arrested for solicitation . . . LOL! HOWEVER, when I saw that it was a size 6 -- a size that I didn't even wear in HIGH SCHOOL, I kinda wanted to get it. (Don't let me get too excited. . . the material was stretchy and it was pretty tight. . . but it did fit.)

Skinny jeans, skinny jeans. You no longer terrify me!

Saint Catherine of Siena Cookies. .

Dear Lord. . . Please stop me from putting this dollar in the vending machine. . . I really should be spending it on a manicure. And, possibly, a more comfortable hat.

Once again, I am reminded of how much my blog and all of your encouraging comments help me to stay on track. I have said this before, but I don't think I would have done as well without having my blog to keep me accountable and motivated.

Today (now yesterday), I wasn't perfect, but my food choices were an improvement over recent days, despite that I was at the office past midnight. I had oatmeal for breakfast, a nice piece of salmon for lunch and some kind of flaky white fish for dinner (thank God for an infinite supply of places that deliver to my office). I also had (it pains me to admit) a small package of peanut M&Ms late-afternoon. Nonetheless, it was still a respectable day, food-wise.

I don't usually suffer from "head hunger" very much, but tonight, I had it like crazy. I realized today that I must have used eating as a procrastination tool when I was overwhelmed with work and on my way up the scale. Despite that I was totally full, I had an urge to overeat during dinner, but my band kept me in check.

Later, I had a really, really strong urge to get cookies from our vending machine. But, since I'd already had M&Ms and, when I checked in with myself, I realized that I was not AT ALL hungry, I talked myself out of it. I had to do that THREE separate times. The second time, I stood in front of the machine for a few seconds looking at the options, then walked away. The third time, I had a dollar in my hand and was thisclose to putting it into the machine. Fortunately, that was after 10 p.m., so no one was there to hear me when I said "For f*#! sake, Catherine!! You are NOT HUNGRY!!!! WALK AWAY!!" (I seriously said that out loud. . . hello, crazy!) But, it worked. I got a green tea instead, and I feel really good about not giving in. I didn't even really WANT those cookies. I think I just wanted to take a break from my work.

It's amazing how much easier the recession made my weight loss part of this journey. Getting out of work by 6:30 or 7 on a regular basis was a huge help. I can't imagine getting to the gym as often as I have if I was working these hours all of the time, which is what I did for my entire career until about 2 or so years ago. I also think it would have been more difficult for me to avoid sabotaging myself, given my instincts during the past week. But now, I have my eye out for bad behavior, and I avoid it most of the time, and fight it when I start going down that path. For me, I see that as a sign that I have changed, despite that my old bad instincts kick in now and then. That, plus the fact that I am dying to get in a few workouts leaves me with no doubt about the strength of the changes I've made or my long-term commitment to working with my band.

Sending major love to all of you for helping me with this, with your own blogs, your comments and the fact that we all make up a pretty incredible community.

Not Good. (Unless anyone needed evidence that I'm not perfect)

I have realized this week that if I didn't have my band, I'd be on a path to gain back all of this weight. I've had an extremely demanding week at work, since I'm writing a combined response and cross-motion that involves some fairly complex technical issues relating to computer software (read: your basic nightmare). I'm far along now, and I do enjoy doing this work. But, until I get it done, the sheer immensity of the task (getting the research I need, writing the brief, putting together the supporting declarations and exhibits, etc.) creates a fair amount of pressure. And the kicker here is that my filing deadline isn't until December 24th, but I am hell-bent on filing by the 22nd (the day I leave for Christmas). BUT. . I do know that I have those extra days if I need them. BUT .. if I take the extra time, it will ruin my holiday.

Anyway, you should see the crap I've eaten this week. I usually make such good food choices, but Monday night, I got a blondie and mac & cheese from Au Bon Pain for dinner. Tuesday was fine. Wednesday, I had oatmeal for breakfast (good), then Thai noodles with chicken for lunch, with the leftovers for dinner. Not terrible. . except that when I got home around 10 p.m., I had two glasses of red wine and most of an avocado. Yesterday, I had a granola bar for breakfast (totally fine), some sashimi and a California roll for lunch (wonderful!), some peanut M&Ms (not great, not horrendous in the scheme of the day), and (WTF, Catherine?!?!) nachos for dinner. OK, so I ate about six chips worth (smothered in cheese, beans, sour cream and guac, I might add. .) and tossed the rest, but it was still a gross choice. This is worse than I ate when I was fat!!! Oh, and I haven't been to the gym all week because the earliest I've left the office this week was still after 9 p.m. That is IT. I am done with this trend. Today is a new day.

Anyway, if I ever wondered what ever motivated me to binge eat (which is how I consider I've eaten this week, even if the amounts were small), it's clear as a bell right now. It's work. It seems that I still have an impulse to reward myself with food when I am stuck working long hours. Until the recession hit, that was my norm for about 11 years, which tends to explain how I got to my highest weight.

And, I have an impulse to overeat in that situation too. All I can say is, thank God for my band. I know that a few days of my usual schedule will put me right back on the good path. Still, it was kind of surprising (and frightening) to me to see how easy it was to backslide into this bad behavior, despite that I've made so many good, positive changes through the last two years.

Weirdly, as of this morning, I haven't even gained 1/10th of a pound. But I feel sluggish and bloated - ugh.

Bandster Meeting!

I had such a nice time at dinner tonight! Justine from Adventures in Band Land is in NYC right now, visiting from the UK, and we met up at The Standard Grill! It was so nice to finally meet Justine, who is a year younger than me -- both age-wise and band-wise, and to get to know her better and to share band stories with her.

One of the many things that I like about blogging and being banded is that it has brought so many new people who I really like into my life. I really had such a good time tonight, and since I follow Justine's blog, it was more like meeting an old friend than meeting someone for the first time. If you haven't checked out her blog yet, I included a link above!

OMG, Becky. . . Look At My Butt!

I know I wrote this once before, but thought it was worth mentioning again that -- from the time I first heard Sir Mixalot sing it up until sometime this year, I used to do whatever I could to hide myself (leave the dance floor, put it in a chair, etc.) whenever "Baby Got Back" was played! Don't get me wrong. I like that song as much as the next girl. . . it's just so freaking catchy. . . But, I thought that I'd just be INVITING people to notice my gigantic bee-hind, which was my most hated body part for as long as I can remember.

Well, guess what?

Things have changed during the past 2+ years.

They have changed A LOT.

OH. MY. G*D, Becky.

I kind of like my butt. And I can not lie.

Today for possibly the first time in my entire life. . . I wore an outfit on purpose that (gasp! shock!!) calls attention to my butt. Yup. I wore my new Hudson jeans with a sweater that did not hide the heinie.

Photographic evidence! (I wore my hair down though)

From the front

And the side. .

So Ladies (yeah!), Ladies (yeah!)

Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah!)

Then turn around

Stick it out

Even white boys got to shout

Baby got [a lot less] back!!

EIGHTY THREE!!! How in the world?!

Holy cr@p! I was really surprised to see the scale down this morning! It registered at 146.8. I seriously had to get off the scale, move it and stand on it again, just to make sure this wasn't a false reading. I'm kind of surprised that it's down, since it's been so hard to take off weight now that I'm below my initial goal. But, I've been making good food choices lately and have been working out regularly, so I guess it shouldn't be such a shocker. Still . . . I am now only 1.8 pounds from my aspirational goal. You know, the one I didn't set as my actual goal because it was so hard for me to imagine that I could possibly get there?? Yup. that's the one. Crazy!! I didn't think I could do it, but apparently, I can. (And if I can do it, you can too. Amazing stuff, right? I could not even IMAGINE this happening when I started.)

OK, time for me to put on my new Hudson jeans (just got 'em back from the tailor . . they are hemmed & ready to go!) and go meet my dear friend Tracy (a non-blogging bandster friend) for brunch! Have I mentioned how much I love my band? Also, I'd like to give a shout out to another non-blogging bandster friend, Nora, who was banded last week. Nora, welcome to Band Land! I am so excited for you -- you have so much to look forward to!

Scar Attraction Revisited. . . Again

I noticed a while ago that my smallest scar has faded to the point that I can barely see it anymore. The big one (I had 2-incision surgery with Dr. Rumbaut in Monterrey, Mexico) has faded a lot too, and it doesn't seem that noticeable anymore. For more than a year after my October 23, 2008 surgery date, it was still pretty red, as you can see from the April 2009 photo below. My doctor said that the bottom scar was "keloid" and that I might have been allergic to the stitches.

Click on the photo if you want to see a larger image. . or avoid clicking it if you don't!

Nonetheless, both scars have faded pretty well. I've got my "hernia surgery" excuse at the ready, in case anyone asks me about the scars and I don't feel like telling them that I had lap band surgery. I feel lucky that my port doesn't show, though if I lose more than 5 more pounds, I think it will stick out a little bit. It's definitely easier to feel, now that there is less fat surrounding it. I don't think there is going to be any way for me to avoid having someone I'm dating come across it eventually.

Unfortunately, I haven't thought of a good explanation for the port if I'm not ready to disclose the type of surgery I had. As of right now, my explanation will be "I had stomach surgery, and they put in some hardware that completely fixed the problem I was having." . . Followed by "I'll tell you about it some other time" if I'm pressed for more information. Does anyone else have a better way to deal with this? I could use some pointers!

OK, and for good measure, here is a bigger photo. It was interesting to me to go back to my March 6, 2010 post -- which was taken nine months and about nine pounds ago -- to see the difference in how my body looks with those few pounds off and nine months of serious workouts in. I'm going to post that photo below this one.

Photo from this morning:

Photo from March 6, 2010

(Nine Pounds and Nine Months Ago)

Funk

I've been in a little bit of a funk since my last post. The whole Erica thing was really disappointing, and I was mulling over how to handle the situation. Ultimately, she wound up calling me at work and I picked up, since I didn't recognize the number. Anyway, I let her know that I was bothered by her deliberately misleading me and by hiding the fact that she'd been to the reception. Funny enough, she told me that the reason she hid it was because she "felt guilty." So, it wasn't about protecting my feelings ultimately, after all. (As if I'd be upset that she went in the first place. .) Lame, lame, lame. This is not the behavior of a true friend.

In other news, I broke things off with Chris the week before last. He just didn't seem to be able to handle the possibility of moving and dating me at the same time. Basically, he still wanted to spend a ton of time with me, but he rolled back the physical side of things (which had barely even gone anywhere in the first place) to the point that I was left quesitoning whether he was even attracted to me! He'd be very affectionate when we were out, but the minute we were alone together. . . screeching halt. This was very different from how he was pre-job-opportunity, and I really did not like the change. We had a very open discussion about it, and his intentions sounded good, but I just don't think that's normal behavior. He doesn't even have an offer yet... not to mention that I don't know any guy who would be THIS conservative, especially when things seemed so good on the chemistry front at the outset. Anyway, since he is not capable of going with the flow, and I was feeling slighted, annoyed and frustrated, I decided to just stop seeing him entirely and focus on meeting someone else.

So. . . I've been pouting for the last week or so, but am now feeling better. For me, I really laid low this weekend, and it was just what I needed. Don't worry that I'm turning into a hermit or anything... I met up with friends for drinks, dinner and a party at the Bulgarian Consulate where a friend's jazz was playing on Friday and went to my favorite spa with my friend Hayley on Saturday for luxury mani/pedis. But, after that, I haven't left the house since! I cleaned, did laundry, stayed in bed and watched Masterpiece Classics on Netflix, and finally got out of my pjs around 3 p.m. to take a bath. Much better!

Now I'm going to pop on some clothes and get a massage at a super cheap, semi-suspect-looking Chinese massage place near me that I go to periodically! Fingers crossed I don't get bed bugs or put next to someone getting a happy ending! KIDDING!! (Kind of. .) LOL

Thanksgiving Recap -- and update on the PP sighting

At the Delano Hotel in South Beach with my mom

I've been MIA this past week because I was in Florida, visiting my mom for Thanksgiving! We had a great time, and the warm weather was such a nice break from the cold here in NYC. It was fun to break out a few summer clothing favorites, and I even made it to the pool twice to catch some sun.

View from our table at the Delano

On Thanksgiving, we went to South Beach for drinks at the Delano Hotel (an old favorite), followed by dinner at a restaurant called Barton G's that a couple I met on the plane recommended. Barton G's had very gimmicky food and drinks, but it was all really delicious! Our favorite was the Lobster Pop Tart (shown below), which we split -- it was an appetizer of lobster and gruyere, inside a flaky filo dough crust -- yum!

The Lobster Pop Tart at Barton G's

I ordered the turkey -- a traditional plate of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams and cranberry sauce. In typical bandster style, I could only eat a little bit, which made for great leftovers later on! My mother had the swordfish, which was actually served on a sword! Too funny -- but delicious!

"Sword" fish. . .

We shopped 'til we dropped on Black Friday, and I did quite a lot of my Christmas shopping. I also bought myself a new pair of jeans because my size 32 Lucky jeans are getting too big. After trying on countless pairs of True Religion, J Brand and others at Saks, I wound up getting a size 30 pair of Hudson jeans that I really like. Fortunately, they were on sale, since they are about a mile too long and I'll have to get them hemmed!

In other news, I have a bit of an update on the PP spotting. I found out later that he had gotten married at a small family-only event in Texas a few weeks before I saw him. And that we ran into each other just a few hours before his NYC reception. How weird is that? The funny thing is that his friend Wendy seemed noticeably uncomfortable when we met. . I guess now I have a better appreciation for why!

I also had the annoying situation of having my friend Erica tell me (when I asked) about the Texas ceremony, but she totally failed to mention that she had been at his reception the very night before we talked. That's especially weird, since she went out of her way to tell me that none of his friends went to the wedding -- as though I would be glad about that, somehow? Of course they didn't go . . it was a family-only event and they were all at the party here in town!

Erica told me that she didn't mention the wedding earlier because she didn't want me to have it on my mind around my birthday. I can understand that, but I still don't see why she wouldn't have just told me about the reception too -- it's been two years since we broke up, I knew PP was engaged, and I certainly would never begrudge him celebrating with his friends. I mean. . I'm not going to send a gift or anything, but it's not as though I hate him and don't want him to have any friends!

Black Friday lunch break with mom. . had to break up all this text with a photo!

It was also a little weird to (ahem. . cyberstalk and find photos of the wedding and reception and) see Erica, Adam, Jessica, Chris, Lauren and Randy there. After all, I'd been out on Shelter Island staying with the first four, and the latter two joined us for brunch one day. No one mentioned a word about Brian's wedding (which had just happened) or the upcoming reception, even though they were all about to attend it. It felt so strange to find the photos and see them all there.

I feel like they must have had a discussion among themselves and decided not to mention it to me, which feels really weird to me -- particularly where Erica is involved, since she's supposed to be my friend (I"m less close with the others, so I don't really feel that they had the same duty of candor). Does she think I'm such a loser that I'd go into a tailspin if I knew? (P.S., I wouldn't and didn't.) Did she really think it would be better for me to find out another way, rather than through her, my supposed friend?

I'll tell you . . . seeing her in the photos ONE DAY after she tried to act like Brian's friends ditched his wedding really chaps my hide. I can't imagine her thinking I'd be upset about her and Adam attending the reception -- I would never be like that! And the kicker?? When I found the photos, I also came across another album that showed me that during Part 2 of the Peter Pan Avoidance Tour. . . when he went to Chile, Easter Island and New Zealand for three months. . . during which time I was crying my eyes out every single day, hoping we'd get back together. . . well, it turns out that this girl -- his now-wife -- was on the Chile and Easter Island part of the trip with him. I am virtually certain that Erica knew about this and withheld that information from me (she went on a trip to Mt. Washington with them directly afterwards -- I can't imagine they didn't talk about the trip) .

All of this is now basically ancient history. I'm not upset about the PP part of the story -- though it would have been nice to have full information back when it mattered most to me. But I am upset that, once again, Erica just doesn't seem to understand the basic concept of being a good girl friend (looking back, I see that I didn't blog about a similar problem we had in the past). I'm also upset to find out now that I was basically a fool to waste those months crying over PP, since he was off having a fabulous time traveling with another girl while I was at home being miserable. I'm not planning to discuss this with Erica, at least not for the moment. Instead, I'm going to take a step back and reevaluate this friendship.

Guess who I ran into yesterday afternoon?

You got it. I ran into PP yesterday (a.k.a. Peter Pan, a.k.a. my old boyfriend who I haven't seen since July of 2009 (i.e. 30 pounds ago)). I had a really unusual schedule yesterday, in that Marjorie and I decided to see a 10:30 a.m. movie -- the new Harry Potter in IMAX. And, we went to brunch at a restaurant in a neighborhood we normally don't visit for brunch. And, it just so happens that out of all the tables in that large restaurant, they gave us one right in the window.

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At some point, Marjorie said "That guy looks just like PP," and I looked out and, lo and behold, realized instantly that it was him. I decided at that instant to go outside and say hello, and I did. Maybe it's not that dignified that I ran about half a block to catch up, but that's exactly what I did. He's about to move to Boulder, CO (what is up with these guys all moving to Colorado?!) and I really didn't think I'd see him before he left. That was a little disappointing because I really wanted him to see me thin. So, I got that opportunity yesterday.

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He was walking with a girl who I knew wasn't his fiancee by her appearance. As I came up to them, I realized that it was his best friend, Wendy (I am not kidding -- that is her REAL name. . too funny, given his nickname -- I only just put that together!)! Wendy was visiting from Australia, and I'd never met her before, though I had heard a lot of good things about her. So, I finally got to meet her. PP greeted me really warmly, gave me kisses on the cheek and a big hug on greeting and departure, and seemed really happy to see me. The whole thing was kind of surreal. He exclaimed (twice) that "you look fantastic!" Thank goodness for my Texas roots. . . I never leave the house without getting ready . . not even for a 10:30 a.m. Harry Potter showing. . .

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I guess it was kind of bittersweet. I was happy to see him, happy for him to see that I made the band work, and happy to see that he still lights up when he sees me. I'd be dishonest if I said that I wasn't feeling lots of old feelings on seeing him. But he's engaged to someone else now and we just didn't want the same things in life, so I suppose things are better the way they are. Oh well. . . at least I got the fun of showing off my new and improved figure, if nothing more! (He seriously did look stunned -- it was not un-fun!) ;)

Comparison Shot Reality Check

Lest anyone start reading this blog and think I've always been at goal (since God knows I plateaued long enough between that and today), here is a comparison shot. At left is a photo of me from my birthday celebration in 2008 -- just under a month from my surgery date. In the middle is me at the same spot in 2009, and on the right is me from last weekend. Apparently, slow and steady does the trick. I've been such a slow loser, with plenty of plateaus during this process, but the weight has eventually all come off. If I can do it, that means that you can do it too. Wow.

This post is a perfect example of why I tell all the newbies to take lots of before photos! I only have a few and wish there were more for the sake of these comparisons!

81!! Out of this world!!

Wow!! I had thought I was done, but the scale is moving once again! And, right in the direction of my aspirational goal! I don't know what is different about what I've been doing. . . except that I didn't get to the gym as much during the past two weeks, so maybe this is a loss of muscle mass?? I did go to spin last night and worked out really hard though, so I'm surprised the scale is down this morning if that is the reason. Who knows?! 148.8 is the new number. It's only 3.8 pounds from my aspirational goal -- and it's 6.2 below my actual goal.

Lordy Lordy . . Look Who's Forty (and in the 140s!!)

This has been THE best birthday that I've ever had! The party was a complete blast, I received so many nice messages, cards, presents and flowers, and just felt so completely loved and happy to celebrate this event with so many close friends.

The tables! I got the flowers for 1/2 off through a deal on ideeli.com and made the menus and CD favors (you can just see them under the napkins) myself!

I always wondered how it would feel to turn 40. I heard that expression "Fair, Fat and Forty" years ago and was scared that I'd be very fat on this landmark, but I'm not. Thank you, band. It's kind of amazing to come into this decade in better shape than I was ten years ago, feeling stronger and more confident than ever before. What a total blessing.

So. . let's talk about the party! Keep in mind that I held a dinner for TWENTY-SEVEN people in my friend Marjorie's ONE-BEDROOM apartment! Those of you who don't live in NYC (and heck, those of you who do) may think I'm totally crazy for trying to pull this off, but it worked!! And we had enough room!

Here is a before photo. We moved out most of the furniture to make room for two big tables, then put a third in the dining room.

Before

After!
The dining room, before: After! Note the twinkle-lights on the terrace! It was warm enough that we were able to be outside as well. So nice!

Tess, the amazing chef who was instrumental in bringing it all together!
With my friend Maria

Erica and Emily

The theme of the party was "Old Enough To Know Better, Too Young to Care," so I printed that up on the covers of the CDs I made, as well as on the menus. Here is a closeup of a menu. . .

And, another shot of the table with the candles lit!

And, here are my friends, sitting down! (That's Chris on the far left -- not the best photo of him, but you get the general idea!)

With my friend Jessica . . and, you can see my Tracy Reese dress!

Dessert was a sundae bar with vanilla ice cream, home made chocolate syrup, brownies, crushed toasted hazelnuts, Luxardo cherries, two kinds of sprinkles and whipped cream that was infused with fresh strawberries. YUM!!! Bizarrely, I only had a few bites! I was too excited talking to everyone to do too much damage on the dessert front. . . but I did have a sundae the next day when we did the clean-up. It was deel-ish!

Everyone seemed to have a fantastic time, and judging by how many of my friends "friended" each other on Facebook the next day, everyone really liked one another! I was also really happy that -- by and large, the party went off without a glitch. Not to say that there wasn't one. . . the kitchen sink not only got completely stopped up, but DROPPED OUT OF THE COUNTER (!!) after dinner was served! We wound up being unable to use it, and had to get Marjorie's building to let us use a vacant apartment so that we could clean up and get the dishes done before the party rental folks picked them up!

Fortunately, that actually turned out to be kind of fun! The valets from the building got luggage trolleys and carted things back and forth for us. We brought music and wine down to the apartment and sang along while doing the zillion and one dishes! And, the valets wound up being very happy because, in addition to tipping them nicely, we fed them like kings on the delicious leftover soy-glazed salmon, root vegetable lasagne and -- of course -- ice cream sundaes with homemade brownies!

Celebrating the Big Four-Oh

Monday is my 40th birthday. Gulp! I'm living my last few days in my thirties right now, and this one is almost over! While that's kind of hard to process, I'm at least glad that I'm entering my 40s feeling and looking better than I have in as long as I can remember. That makes the number much easier to . .er, stomach! :)

So, how am I celebrating? Well, I'm throwing a dinner party at my friend Marjorie's apartment for 27 people! Given the limited space, I was only able to invite my closest friends who live in the area, but as a result, this will be a party where I absolutely love every single person there. There isn't a bad seat in the house. And, if the dinner is ruined and we wind up having to order pizza, I know it will still be a blast (especially since the case and 1/2 of red and white wine, bottles of champagne, cases of beer have already arrived, and the party music mix is finished)!

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I really wanted to cook this meal myself, since I love cooking, but I didn't want to have to work during the meal. I explored a few options leading up to the final plan, and ultimately, I decided to hire a private chef to help me with the planning, cooking, and all of the during-event work. This particular chef is a woman named Tess, who is totally fun and lovely, and she used to be the private chef for a friend's brother (the one with the fabulous house in the Hamptons. . sorry, the old post only shows the cabana). It's been a lot of fun working with her, and I'm completely psyched for the event!

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Today, I spent more money on groceries (and alcohol) than I have ever spent at one time -- if I wasn't so shocked, I wouldn't disclose the number at all, but let's just say it was well over $1,000. Yikes! And that's before I pay Tess, the party rental vendor, the florist's bill, party favors, the cleaning service, my hair, etc. But, you only turn 40 once. And, with everything I've accomplished in the last few years -- especially with my band's help -- I really want to celebrate this moment in style.

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So, tomorrow I'm taking the day off of work (read: checking BBerry all day) and cooking with Tess. The party rental deliveries should arrive in the afternoon, and then Marjorie and I will set the tables as beautifully as we possibly can. I bought a ton (nearly 30!) of votive candles and, assuming we don't burn the house down, it's going to be absolutely gorgeous!

I am having three of these arrangements delivered on Saturday before the party. I actually was able to buy three coupons from Ideeli.com, so I paid half price for the arrangements! How wonderful. This florist is on my old block in the West Village, and I saw Giesle Bundschen going in there after she got engaged, and have always suspected that they did the flowers for her wedding to eye-candy. I mean, Tom Brady.

Anyway, this is certainly the biggest event I've ever hosted myself, and I'm just so excited about it. I'm going to wear the Tracy Reese lace dress from the comparison photo I recently posted and will be sure to put up lots of pictures! Wish me well, ladies (and gents)! Lordy lordy. . . I am about to turn forty!!!

Gimme Shelter!

Autumn leaves out on Shelter Island

I had a really nice weekend. My friends Adam and Erica just finished renovating their house out on Shelter Island, which is an island located between the Hamptons and the North Fork of Long Island. I've only been out there in the summer before, so I didn't realize how incredibly gorgeous it is in the fall! The island is just covered in trees, there are tons of deer everywhere (a bit dangerous for driving and lime disease. . but they are so darned cute), and it's just beautiful.

I made a special request for the room with the "Princess Bed"... here is the view from my window!

Another couple (Jessica and Chris, of the wedding I didn't go to last summer) came out as well, and we all really enjoyed the weekend. We had some nice meals out, cooked some really good things in, and had a ball doing wine tasting out on the North Fork. Chris and Jessica don't know (as far as I know) about the band, and I doubt they noticed anything about my eating, aside maybe from the fact that my portion sizes are so small.

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How to buy eggs on Shelter Island: Go to the spot where the guy who has the chicken farm puts a cooler full of eggs. Put $4 per carton into the container with everyone else's money. Take your eggs!

Here I am with Erica and Jessica at Love Lane Kitchen in Mattituck. . .

At Shinn Estate Vineyards in Long Island

Wine tasting at Shinn Estate Vineyard in Long Island

That night, we made a delicious dinner that included these amazing pork ribs, shown below.
One thing I have to say about the above photo is that I always hated how my hair looked in a ponytail when I was heavier. I felt like my hair helped to balance me out. . . volume on the top to match all that volume on the bottom. But I actually like how it looks in this picture. That is a first for me.

On Sunday morning, we made an elaborate brunch, and two more friends came over to join us. This French toast casserole was to die for! And, surprisingly, I was able to have a small piece without feeling like I was going to get stuck.

This became baked eggs with spinach and onion. . yum!

One interesting thing about this weekend is that I met everyone through PP (my old boyfriend), and I'm glad that I've been able to stay good friends with them. When PP and I were dating (pre-band), we went out to Shelter Island with Adam and Erica a few times. They are both super athletic, and I always felt embarrassed and frustrated that I couldn't/didn't want to do everything that the group wanted to do. . . like a 100 mile bike ride, or a big kayaking trip around the bay.

Cut to the present day. The ultra athletic Erica did my boot camp with me a few months ago, and she just came downtown about a week ago to join me for a spin class. This past weekend, I was up early on Sunday, so I went for a run before brunch. I ran along a road where I caught sight of the bay through the trees, crunching autumn leaves all the way. It was wonderful, and I felt so good thinking about how far I've come. Part of me regrets that I wasn't able to offer PP this version of myself, and I wonder how different things would have been if I had been able to do that. But, at least the next person I fall for will get the benefit of all these changes, and I'm hopeful that he will be even better for me than the version of himself that PP was able to offer me.

AND, the scale is holding fast at 149.6!! Even with all the wine tasting and good food from this weekend. Could it be that this is a new number for me?? I don't dare to think it. . . and I really don't expect it. But I'd be psyched if it's true!

What I lost. . . .

It's been so long (since February 1, 2010!) since I hit a new ten pound mark that you guys might have forgotten that I like to post pictures of things that weigh as much as I lost. Well, today is going to be a doozie. I am laughing so hard as I'm typing this because . . . . guess what?!?



I LOST SNOOKI!!!! Buh-bye, Snooki. Though honestly, I'd rather be 80 pounds overweight than to have to carry her around all the time!

Eighty!!!! Is Great-y!!

FINALLY!!! I hit the elusive 80 pounds down mark! I saw 149.6 on my scale this morning!! I haven't seen a number in the 140s since 1997 (phen-fen. . need I say more?). It took four months (since July 6, 2010) for me to get off this last 1.2 pounds. And, I will tell you that I'm pretty sure it's not a "real" loss or one that will stay with me for long.

I actually got some kind of stomach bug last weekend. It was kind of scary on Sunday night because I literally woke up every hour, on the hour (brace yourself. . TMI coming. . .) to retch into the lovely toilet, among other things. Glamorous, no? No. :P There was nothing to throw up. . . I would just heave a few times, feel better and go back to bed. . . until the next hour.

I was worried about my band during all of this. I also debated going to the hospital, but since I wasn't actually vomiting and only heaved a few times per instance before I felt better, it didn't seem warranted. And, everything seems to be fine. Had it been worse, I would have gone in for an un-fill. Anyway, after that wonderful night, I stayed home from work on Monday and haven't been feeling 100% until maybe last night. That said, I have been eating decently well the past two days. I haven't made it to the gym all week because I wasn't feeling up to it, so the loss isn't not due to that. I'm thinking it may have a bit to do with my giving up wine all week and drinking tons of water to rehydrate. . .

Real or not, I saw a number in the 140s today, so I'm going to run with it! I'm pretty sure my body wants to be in the 150s. But, it sure was exciting to see 149.6 on the scale this morning. I had thought I might see it earlier in the week . . actually, I kept thinking of that crazy line in The Devil Wears Prada, where the girl says "I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight!" Sick thinking!! But a funny line nonetheless.