OK, finally, this little hold-out is giving some scoop!

Beautiful candles and fireplace at a friends' house in Wainscott (the Hamptons) last weekend... S and I were there with a few friends and had a great time!

Soooooooo.... I've been M.I.A. lately, but not for the usual bandster reason! I'm still on track, holding fast at 147, which is where my body seems to want to stay. I'm still going to spin class and yoga regularly, too. That seems to be very key to my maintenance, since I tend to eat some kind of cr*p every single day... nothing huge, but I do tend to have some kind of chocolate or a cookie every day.

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In Wainscott, I went outside to get a photo of outside, but the scene inside really made for the best photo.

When summer gets a little closer, I'm planning to cut out the treat (read: not have one every single day... just occasionally) and to try to get in an extra workout (a solid 4, instead of 3-4... with 3 being the usual number). I'd like to drop three or so more pounds, just to get in fighting shape for bikini season. What a freaking luxury. I can't believe that I am at a place where I actually think losing five pounds might make me look just a little too thin. Bizarreness. And I'm actually excited about going bikini shopping. And I have a boyfriend who is thrilled at the prospect of me being by his side at the beach in said bikini. --Somebody pinch me. I didn't think this could be my life.

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S, playing guitar in the sun out in Wainscott this past weekend.

Sooooooo.... speaking of S, things are going really well!! I am absolutely crazy about him, he is a complete sweetheart, and we get along like a house on fire (why is that an expression?!)! I'm trying hard not to put all the personal details on my blog out of respect for his privacy, but I think I can tell you this one thing.... The "L" word was spoken last weekend!! Aaa!! :) Exciting stuff, and I'm really happy about it!!

Shout-Out to One of My Super Fit Bandster Friends!

I'm bursting with pride for one of my oldest bandster friends, and wanted to share it with you. You may remember me mentioning my bandster friend, Peter, in earlier posts (like this one), and a few have met him at early bandster brunches here in NYC. Well.... guess what he did this weekend?!? He ran the New York Half Marathon!

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Peter has lost more than 80 pounds since he was banded about 2 1/2 years ago, and he's the first bandster I know who did the C25K (Couch to 5K) running program. That program got him started on a course that he's been following ever since, and he is now a real runner. It's amazing to see so many fellow bandsters go from being obese to being in the best shape of our lives. So, a big congratulations to Peter on this incredible accomplishment!

Comparison Shot!

A friend sent me some photos from a birthday party I went to last weekend, and I was really surprised to see how I looked in them. In particular, there was one of me with a group of friends -- all of whom are thin, and I looked like they did. I was actually surprised to see myself in relation to them and to see that I didn't look any bigger than they did. I'm not sure why I didn't have that realization with other photos before now, but I didn't, for whatever reason. Anyway, that inspired me to do another comparison shot.

Here is the photo I was talking about. The girl directly to my left is the tiniest of all four of us, probably a size zero or two. I am shocked that I look of a comparable size (at a size 8) next to her.

What Next?

At the start of this third year of banded life, I wrote that I thought this year would be about living my life to the fullest. So far, so good! I'm still going strong on the workout front, have been having a blast in my personal life, and I'm excited to be in a new relationship with someone who I am crazy about and who makes me very happy. And, with the Adirondack trip, I already hit my goal of doing a trip that was physically demanding enough that I wouldn't have done it at my start weight!

At a wine tasting event in Brooklyn on Thursday. My friend Jonny is on my left.

I'm definitely in the maintenance phase now. My scale still bounces around a little from day to day, but as long as I'm under 150 (which I have been consistently for a few months), I don't stress about it. And yes, I do still weigh myself every morning -- post-loo, pre-shower. That keeps me on top of my weight and keeps me accountable. If the scale is up a little, I try to make better choices, if it's fine, I don't worry too much about it. Working out a lot definitely makes it so that I can eat what I want within reason, and within my band's limitations.

OK, so the weird part?? Don't get me wrong -- I am THRILLED to be at goal. Seriously, I absolutely love it and wouldn't want it any other way. But.. I kind of miss the thrill of losing! That was such an awesome part of years one and two. I especially loved the feeling when I finally hit a new 10 pound marker (not to mention searching on-line for things that weighed that much.... my all-time favorite was Snooki!)

I do think... so, what next?? I've been moving to this place where I am now, slowly but surely for more than two years, and was focused on my weight-related goals every day during that time. It's kind of weird to have that part of the journey be over. It feels kind of like finishing a great book. So, I'm psyched to have read and enjoyed it, but it's a little bittersweet that it's over.

So, what next?? There isn't too much more for me to do on the weight loss/body front, beyond what I'm doing. I could stand to forgo some chocolate (seriously, I have a treat every day -- but a small one), but other than that, I feel like I have a very respectable workout schedule, and decent eating habits. I generally do 2-3 spin classes (which includes an upper-body workout with weights and an ab workout) and a yoga class. I don't feel like I need to do more than that, or want to make time for more than that. And, slowly but surely, my body is tightening up, and my legs, butt and arms are looking better all the time. It seems like the next phase is really just what I thought it would be -- it's about enjoying the benefit of the first two years' work, continuing to follow the bandster rules more often than not, and just living life to the fullest.


I love this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt and wanted to share it...

Adirondack Weekend

Making snow angels after hiking to the top of a snow-covered mountain! (No, that is NOT photoshopped!! This city girl actually did that!!)

I had such a great weekend up in the Adirondack mountains with S and a group of other friends. We went to S's family's mountain house, which is a really great, cosy spot (and the spot where we first got together over New Year's weekend). The weekend was just filled with great company, really good food (all of us love to cook and love nice wine). S's cousin and his two boys were such good company too -- the boys (ages 7 and 9) were seriously adorable and very well behaved. And, spending all that time with S was pretty wonderful, too.

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Adirondack Packbaskets in S's mud room

Our friends all went downhill skiing on Saturday, and S and I decided to spend the day together instead. So, after a lazy morning and a delicious breakfast, we went on a seven mile hike (in seriously cold temperatures, I might add!) up a mountain road on his club's property that takes you to a beautiful frozen lake. The walk wasn't that challenging, and thankfully, S bundled me up in plenty of gear, so I was much warmer than I would have been otherwise.

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Hmm... not exactly a selling point....

On Sunday, our whole group did a 3 1/2 hour mountain hike through the snow. As in, lots of snow. As in, some steps, you'd find yourself up to your knees! And on others, we were walking up a steep incline, digging in our boots and scrambling up rocks and ice. On the way down, we butt-slid through the snowy inclines (when it was relatively safe) like penguins, which was just a complete blast! And, eventually, I put on crampons, so I was able to walk down steeper inclines without being afraid that I'd slip and break my leg!

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In addition to being a ton of fun, and a great bonding experience with S and with our group as a whole, this weekend was a huge NSV for me. I never would have gone on a weekend like that at my highest weight. First of all, there is no way I would have enjoyed the 7 mile (largely uphill for the first 3.5 miles) walk. Second, I wouldn't have been able to borrow appropriate winter clothing, in all likelihood, since their gear all would have been too small for me. And third, there is no way I would have been able to do -- much less enjoy -- that 3 1/2 hour hike up a mountain, through the snow, if I wasn't in good shape. I thought about all of those things while I was enjoying these activities, and just felt so grateful about how many different things my band, and my working with the band, has made it possible for me to do.

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Four from our group on top of the peak we climbed on Sunday!

Kissing in Manhattan....

Did any of you ever read that book? Kissing in Manhattan by David Schnickler? There is a great quote from it that some friends of mine used in their wedding invitation: "It can happen like that sometimes. The city can tilt its hand and let two people fall for each other...."

Honestly, the book was OK, but the quote has stayed with me for years. And, now that I've been engaging in a substantial amount of kissing and general schmoop-i-fying in Manhattan, I'm reminded of it once again. :) If you're thinking from this that things are going well with S, you are absolutely right! We've been spending a lot of time together, both with friends and without. Next weekend, we're doing a trip back up to his family's house in the Adirondacks with a group of friends that will include Marjorie, two other friends, and one of S's cousins (divorced guy, about our age) and his cousin's two boys, ages 7 and 9. And tonight, he's coming over to cook a Valentine's Dinner for me. I am psyched.

I love it that I've been able to be open with him about my band surgery, so I don't have to make excuses for what I eat, so that he can purpously make me a small band-appropriate plate when we're having dinner with friends (like we did on Saturday), so that he's taken the trouble to ask me what I can and would like to eat before he cooks tonight, etc. Also, he's just so darned appreciative of the work I've done with my band... and in the gym, which really makes me feel fantastic.

So, I'm in a celebratory mood today! Just wanted to wish all of you a very happy Valentine's Day, and send you best wishes for much love, happiness and success. xoxo

April in Paris. .

One of my resolutions for 2011 was to take an actual, proper vacation. For the past three years, I haven't taken off more than a day or two at once, largely because I thought I should stay close to home given the state of the economy and my need to safeguard my relationships with my clients. Well. . . brace yourself. . . I'm taking a whopping THREE days off for a trip!! (Babysteps, people. . babysteps!)

My friend Marjorie and I have been brainstorming about where to go, and yesterday, we bit the bullet and booked our flights and hotel for Paris. She lived there for several years, and we both speak French (I have a degree in French literature (and Political Science) and spent a year at a French law school), and we both absolutely love that city. (I know. . saying you love Paris is like saying you love bacon. . .it's not exactly a tough sell!) So, we're heading over for a five day weekend in April!

This will be the first time in my life that I've been able to actually shop in Paris. In my younger (and thinner) years, I couldn't afford anything, and in my older . .er, less lean. . years, my size made it impossible. French women are tiny, people! Even now, I'll probably be at or near the biggest size in the stores, at a whopping size 8 (ha ha.. I still get a thrill seeing that number on the tags in my clothes. . funny how I stopped cutting out the sizes, isn't it!). :)

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After all the shopping I did in recent months, I'm not planning to do any serious buying in Paris, but it's nice to know that I'll be able to browse without wondering if some mean person is looking at me and thinking about how ridicule it is that the fat American is trying to shop in their store. Actually, no one is going to look at me now and think I even AM a fat American. Wow. And, my feet aren't going to hurt from walking around all day like they did the last time I was there!

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I'm looking forward to this trip so much. It's been three years since I've been in France, and I'm excited to go back with my friend who knows Paris so well and see sights that are familiar and new to me as well. I never get tired of that city. It's just so beautiful.

Stylish Blogger Fashion Show ;)

To kick off this post, I'd like to thank the lovely LDSwims for nominating me for the Stylish Blogger Award! I know that I'm supposed to list seven things about myself that you don't know and nominate others, but I hope you'll forgive me if I break with that tradition and just post about things stylish and fashion-related instead!

So. . . I mentioned that I've been shopping in earnest, and I was not kidding. I actually took a day off of work in January and headed to Woodbury Commons with my dear friend, Emily (Woodbury is the best outlet mall in NY). I bought three dresses and a coat. . all at substantial discounts, and all with seriously fashion-forward labels. . Dior, DVF and Wolford. I also have been doing a bit of shopping around town -- the post-Christmas sales have been amazing, and I actually really need clothing, so that has been a nice fit!

And, on to the fashion show!! Here are my favorite recent acquisitions. . .

This is a green silk DVF wrap dress that I plan to wear when it gets warmer. . with a tank top underneath and either military green espadrilles or these fun super high military green Guess shoes that I have. .

OK. . I may love DVF too much. . . but she makes the best dresses! I bought this one (terrible photo, but you get the idea. .) at an on-line flash sale at HauteLook.com. I had tried the dress on in the DVF store, didn't buy it because the friend I was shopping with (who I see only rarely) bought it. . . but when I saw it on sale for less than half price, I couldn't resist! I wore this one to work yesterday. . .

This is my Woodbury Commons acquisition from Wolford. . . a gorgeous gray knit dress with a matching coat!! I have to get the sleeves taken up a little bit, but you get the general idea. . .

Wolford dress and coat, together. . .

The dress from the front . . .

Wolford side view. . . I wish you could see how well it is constructed! Tried to show the lines of the knit here, but I don't think they show up that well. .
I found this gorgeous little Dina Bar-El number at New York Look, one of my favorite stores. It was on major sale (under $200) and fit perfectly! I am wearing it tonight to a benefit dinner for the New York Philharmonic! One side has a long sleeve, which you can see better in the second photo. . .

This is a DVF dress (er, yes. . another one. . plus I have two more that I bought a few months ago and didn't show here. .!) that I found in the flagship store in the Meatpacking this summer. . . I didn't buy it because it's a warm weather dress and I wasn't sure what size I'd need by winter. Then, I regretted not getting it and tried to find it on-line, but with no luck. . . . until I found it at the outlet for half price!! I absolutely love it for work, especially on days where I have a special dinner afterwards. And, this one is the piece de resistance. . . A Christian Dior dress for me to wear to work!! I've never had anything Dior before, so this was all the more exciting for me. (The photo so does not do it justice!) It fits PERFECTLY. I absolutely love it!! I got it for 1/4 of the original price. . .and while it was still expensive (er, original price was $2,400), I know that I will wear it for years and years. This was my post-bonus present/splurge to my post-goal self!

I hope you enjoyed my post-goal shopping show and tell! One of my favorite things about finally being at a weight where I don't expect to lose any more (and pray to God that I won't gain) is that I had to buy all new clothes. It's taken me months to build up a big enough wardrobe so that I'm not wearing the same five things to work every week, but I'm finally there. And, I really love everything in my closet right now. Getting dressed is a real pleasure. It's a major NSV for me, and it feels wonderful. I am so, so grateful to be able to feel like this.

Am including one final photo, lest we forget where I started. . . I look at this and can not believe the size of my arm and chest. It's hard to look at this photo and to think about how it felt to be that size. I was so uncomfortable that day, since it was windy and I was wearing Spanx (and terrified that my skirt would blow up) and my feet were absolutely killing me in those heels. I am so, so glad that I don't have to feel like that anymore.

Call Off the Amber Alert! :)

Skating at the Houston Galleria over Christmas

OK. . . so I'm guilty of going MIA for a bit. I just haven't wanted to blog about things with S because I kind of want to keep it for myself and just enjoy it. That said, things are going swimmingly, and I'm really happy. :)

In other news, I had two people from work (one of the mailroom guys, who I like a lot, and one of the secretaries) tell me that it is time to stop losing weight and that I need to be careful not to get "too thin." Meanwhile, I'm still in the mid-to-high 140s and wearing a size 8. Not exactly bone-thin territory, though I do feel pretty great! And, if I don't lose anymore, I'll be OK with that. In fact, I've started buying clothing in earnest. . . but that's worth its own post. . and photos. . . stay tuned.

This reminds me that I never posted about my Christmas in Texas. I was talking to my dad, who I love dearly. . and who is pretty thin-focused, and he said something to the effect of "Lovie, you look terrrrrrific!" (My Dad has called me "Lovie" since I was a tiny tot -- love it!) And then. . well, then, he said some words that I thought I'd never hear. . . something to the effect that I should "Be careful not to get TOO THIN." I was like -- "What?!?" Could you please repeat that?!? Um, could I please record that and make it my ring tone?!? :)

The funny thing is that I'm only just now a really "normal" size. I don't think that size 8 is what a person who is naturally in their ideal BMI would consider to be teeny by any means. I have friends who wear 2s and 4s who are much smaller than I am, without being too thin. I am still getting a little smaller though. Even though I'm not losing pounds very much these days, I do keep working out 3-4 times a week. And I'm not talking about B.S., barely-sweat workouts, either. . . these are serious hardcore -- but really fun -- workouts.

It's actually kind of amazing to me that I've been able to rehabilitate my body as much as I have already. And, it's kind of interesting and inspiring to see how much more fit, healthy and toned I can be. . . not that I'm giving up wine or foie gras any time soon (um, or EVER!)! I also didn't expect that I'd ever become someone who loves to exercise. Heck, I spent my first 6 months post-op feeling guilty that I wasn't motivated in that way at all. But at some point (thank you, Boot Camp), it just clicked, and now it's part of my life. I feel so grateful to have been able to get to this point.

I know that a lot of us struggle with motivating to exercise. For me, it was a matter of trying different things until I found something I loved. . . then switching before I got so bored of that workout as to become unmotivated. I strongly believe that exercise is what took me to the next level of success with my band -- beyond what I could have done with portion control alone. And I also know that it's OK that I let myself motivate to do it in my own time.

EIGHTY-FOUR!!

And, as if the weekend could get any better. . . I hit 84.8 pounds down this morning. 2/10ths of a pound from my ASPIRATIONAL goal. Wow!! I did not expect that and am thrilled! 145, you are nearly in my grasp!

So. . . the weekend. Wonderful would be a serious understatement. I spent the entire weekend with S, since we wound up going to see Black Swan and out to dinner (then each home to our respective apartments) on Friday night. Saturday was a great day . . I met with my best friend from 8th grade and her daughter for brunch, then went to have my hair and nails done.

Saturday night was amazing. S and I met at Fiorello's (great pre-Lincoln Center event location) for dinner. The maitre d' greeted us with champagne and gave us one of the very best tables. S was very, very appreciative of my dress and told me so more times than I can remember, which made me feel fantastic. The surprise event was a performance of the U-n-i-v-e-r-s-i-t-y Gl-e-e C-l-u-b (weird hyphens used to hopefully foil Google Alterts from picking up my post. . . ). The group is primarily of men, and they all hale from the glee clubs of a number of Ivy League schools and is a longstanding NYC tradition). They were really wonderful, and the current group from Yale sang as well -- and they were hilarious, and extremely talented.

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What S didn't know, though, is that a partner from my very first firm is very involved in the UGC, and he was there performing, which was a huge treat for me. We also got to catch up with him and his wife at the after party, at which they had a great band (and the Club members did another impromptu performance), and S and I danced the night away! It was so much fun. I don't know when I've ever had a better time.

We actually spent Sunday and Monday together, too. On Sunday, I went to hear S play guitar with a bluegrass group, which was wonderful (and led to him bringing over his guitar, so I was serenaded at home this weekend .. amazing!), and on Monday, we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and wound up having dinner at a very cute wine bar. What a phenominal weekend. We talked so much (including about that issue my friends had identified to me) and just really spent the time getting to know one another better. I'm more smitten than ever, if that's possible. . . :)

** Addendum! ** I can't believe that I forgot (!) to mention this in the first run of this post, but I told S about my band last night. We were having a heart to heart about all sorts of things, and it felt like a good idea to just mention it then and get it out of the way. He knew about lap bands in general and was totally fine in his reaction. I'm glad that I took care of that sooner than later so I didn't have to stress about it!

. . . THE DRESS!!

Please excuse the streaky mirror situation . . and the fact that I'm not all made up with my hair done in the photo. I was just dying to show you my new David Meister gown for my date on Saturday night with S! I can't believe I own anything with a size six on the tag, much less fit into and feel wonderful in a dress like this. Oh, what a difference 2 1/4 years makes.

October 31, 2008 vs. January 12, 2011

Have I told you lately how much I love my band? Have I mentioned how grateful I am that I get to really enjoy my life now on a level that I didn't even know was possible? I hope I've at least said how incredibly lucky I feel to get to live my life in a body that I like and that is strong, healthy and comfortable -- and to be free from the food prison. Looking at these photos reminds me of how far I've come. But it's been -- and continues to be -- a really enjoyable journey. I don't regret -- or even care about -- a single change that I've had to make to make the band work. It's been a fascinating, fulfilling and wonderful process and has brought so many wonderful and amazing people -- including everyone reading this post -- into my life. Words alone can't express how much gratitude I feel.

Plus Sized Models

Last night, my friend Emily hosted a Girl's Night Out at her home. We do these every few months, and it's generally a great mix of friends old and new. Interestingly, Emily had invited two friends -- really beautiful girls -- and, in the course of talking to them, I found out that they are both plus sized models.

It probably won't come as a surprise to you, but neither of them looked at all heavy! One said that she was a size 14, but I honestly thought she was closer to a 12, so maybe she was going by a stingy-designer-14. And, apparently, the starting size for plus sized models is a size six!! (Hey. . so even in my skinniest dress, I'm still in the range. . er, though maybe not age-wise at this point!) Also, I found out that sometimes plus size models wear padding to fill out the clothing more, depending on what their clients want.

This is one of the girls who was at our GNO last night!
She had the BEST hair. I had major hair envy!

It really was fascinating to talk to them about their industry. Plus, both girls were really nice and very cool (and interesting on other topics as well, of course)!

Does Anyone Have Superman's Cell No.?

What a weekend!! My date on Friday with S was so much fun. He took me ice skating at Bryant Park after work, then for drinks at the Algonquin. A 5-hour date that was really off the charts. We talked the whole time, and really have a lot in common. He also told me that he'd been on the wrong track in dating (using his brain, not his heart when deciding who to date. . . an all-too-familiar strategy. . I did the same thing for a long time), but since had realized that wasn't the way to go.

While we were at the Algonquin (Dorothy Parker's old hangout), S asked me to a black tie event for next Saturday. The next day, I found this AMAZING, floor length, black jersey David Meister dress at Bloomies that I absolutely love and took it to be hemmed (I didn't have any floor length dresses that fit anymore). Well. . . OMG (!!!!) it is a size SIX (WHAT?? STOP THE PRESSES!!) So, clearly, God Himself is sending me a sign that he endorses this date! :) (I am so not a six . . it's just the cut, but I'll take it!!)

When I took the dress to be hemmed, the tailor (a very sweet Asian man who did not speak much English said "You look gorgeous - like television star!," and another guy who came in to drop off his dry cleaning said that my date is a "lucky guy" -- and I hope that's an indication of what S's reaction is going to be! Very psyched about all aspects of this -- the guy, the date, the dress, and him already wanting to take me to a super public event that is bound to set off Gossip Girl blasts up and down the Upper East Side. .

BTW, for any newbies who are worried about getting stuck (and it's funny because this was so nothing to me that I almost didn't mention it), I actually got stuck when we were having dinner at the Algonquin. It wasn't a big deal. I always have enough advance notice that getting to the restroom isn't a problem, so I just made my way there, took care of the issue, and got right back to having a great time.

At dinner on Sunday night.

On Sunday, S joined us (Marjorie, me & another girlfriend ("A") who was with us in the Adirondacks) for brunch and the brain exhibit at the Natural History Museum. Eventually, M and A had to leave, and S and I stayed and did all the interactive stuff together (memory games, language tests, puzzles, etc. -- it was such a good exhibit). At some point prior to that, he'd asked if I'd join him for mass (he's Catholic. . and subsequently got me into church. . my dad practically did a cartwheel when I told him. . . lol) and then a dinner at the apartment of two of his closest friends, a married couple who I'd met once before at one of the UES crowd parties I attended with Marjorie.

There were 7 of us at the dinner, and I had a really nice time. His friends were really nice and very welcoming. I had a great time (and funny enough, I heard him talking in the kitchen to the wife/hostess when I went to grab a card from my purse, and the wife said "She seems really cool!" . . which I assume was about me, um, like 'cuz I'm so cool & such...ha ha)

Then, the next morning, I woke up to the best e-mail from S ever (suffice it to say that it's the kind of e-mail every girl would love to get after a really good date). It's pretty much the best e-mail I remember receiving from a guy. Seriously. . stick a fork in me. . . Wow. What a great guy -- we really had such a fantastic time all weekend, and I'm wondering if I can call Superman and get him to spin the world around a little faster to get to Saturday. . . :)

The Scoop. . .

The beautiful Basilique Notre-Dame in Montreal.

I am trying to keep my feet on the ground and not get carried away. But, I have to tell you that this S guy is pretty amazing and special. I don't know when I've ever been more taken with someone. I literally spent part of the weekend (on a long car trip) just listening to him and looking at him, trying to find something -- anything -- that I didn't like about him, but I could not find a single thing. (And I really tried!)

With Marjorie on New Year's Eve at Restaurant Laloux in Montreal

He's smart, interesting, funny, self-aware, has a great family, is well-traveled, successful, handsome, creative, and very warm. Our group (all 8 of us) stayed at his family's house in the Adirondack mountains on January 1st, and his parents were there. They were really wonderful -- fun, open, silly, friendly, very welcoming and they had so much in common with my family. Their overall way of being was similar to how we are, they have similar religious backgrounds, they hold hands when they say grace, and they even have the same "joke" mug that we do . . it's a mug with a ceramic frog affixed to the bottom (so you freak out when you get to that part of your drink and see a frog in there). Even his two dogs and cat were great.

One of S's dogs. .

So, after two days of this, and many really good conversations, I was feeling completely smitten. After we all had a wonderful dinner of that gorgeous turkey shown above, we all begged S to get out his guitar and play some songs for us (he even plays the guitar and has a great voice. . I was dying). We had a sing along (and lots of very nice wine!), and people scattered up to bed now and then. Eventually, S and I were the only people in the living room.

He held out his hands for me to take them, and I did, and he kissed me. Wow. We also wound up having a long conversation about how we'd both been feeling this incredible connection all weekend, and how surprised we were to know that the other person felt the the same way. He said that, to him, I was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, and that it wasn't just about how I look, but that he felt that I was funny, smart and a really warm person. . . All the things I would want someone to see and think about me. Seriously, I was totally blown away.

I'd like to stop the story there, but there is something not so great that I have to report. You see, S is part of this whole Upper East Side crew who have known one another forever (they are basically the real life equivalent of Gossip Girl). So, my friends have full knowledge of his dating history since, roughly, birth. (Seriously. . I found out at dinner that the uncle of one of the other guys on our trip was there the night that S's parents met.) Anyway, about three or four years ago, he was in a relationship with a friend of one of my friends and he cheated on her, rather than ending the relationship when he should have. He totally broke that girl's heart, and my friend really cautioned me against dating him. My friend also told me that S seems to have some commitment issues, and that she thinks this is why he has never married.

I get worried about information like this, but on the other hand, it was a while ago, and I don't have full information here. At this age, I can't imagine that anyone has a flawless past, and I'm certainly not going to refuse to date someone this incredible because of this. But it is making my happiness a little bittersweet.

Anyway, S and I have been having a great e-mail exchange all week (seriously, it's so distracting. . he's such a good writer, so funny and interesting) and he is taking me ice skating (!) on Friday night. How cute is that? BTW, I am a horrible ice skater! I hope that I don't injure him.

OK, people, hold your breath and make a wish. I do not want to get my heart broken again, but I am totally smitten.

Happy New Year!!

I only have a moment to post today, but promise to do a Christmas and New Year's recap soon! Long story short, I had a fantastic Christmas in Houston with my family. I did wind up getting snowed out of NYC for two extra days, which was a little stressful on the work side, but really enjoyable otherwise. I actually had to fly back into Pennsylvania and take the train to New York. A bit of a pain, but all in all, an outstanding trip!

I just got back last night from a trip to Montreal with a group of friends. We drove back to New York on New Year's Day and spent the night at S's parents' house in the Adirondacks (S is a guy friend of my friends who I'd only met once before, but who turned out to be kind of amazing). It was such a great trip. . . with an unexpected romantic component! Who knew? Not sure what the future holds there, but stay tuned.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!!

Free at last!!! Tonight, I finally finished that huge brief that had me working basically round the clock for the last 13 days! I am so happy that it is signed, sealed and being delivered tomorrow. AND, I'm heading to my dad's house in TX tomorrow and can't wait to see my family!

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Just wanted to send you all my very best wishes for a very happy holiday and an incredible New Year! xoxoxo

New Frontiers

I wound up working most of the morning and afternoon, then left the office for a 4 p.m. hair appointment in Soho. Now it just plain would have been rude of me to go there and not go to my favorite store, right? Right. As it turns out, they were having a crazy sale. AND, somehow, they talked me into buying something I never, EVER thought I'd ever want to wear. . . skinny jeans.

The guy brought me a size 29, and when I saw them, I though -- Oh boy. This is going to be the struggle of a lifetime and I'm going to look like 10 pounds of X in a 5 pound bag after all of it. . . but they fit. And I liked them. (I still have such a hard time understanding how big an article of clothing should be to fit my body -- I can't eyeball it very well at all.) I wound up getting a new dress for work too (navy sheath) and a pair of black pants (size 8) too -- all on serious sale. I also came really close to buying a black Alice & Olivia cocktail dress in distressed velour that had a zipper that ran the entire length of the back (meow!). I decided not to get it because I thought I might get arrested for solicitation . . . LOL! HOWEVER, when I saw that it was a size 6 -- a size that I didn't even wear in HIGH SCHOOL, I kinda wanted to get it. (Don't let me get too excited. . . the material was stretchy and it was pretty tight. . . but it did fit.)

Skinny jeans, skinny jeans. You no longer terrify me!

Saint Catherine of Siena Cookies. .

Dear Lord. . . Please stop me from putting this dollar in the vending machine. . . I really should be spending it on a manicure. And, possibly, a more comfortable hat.

Once again, I am reminded of how much my blog and all of your encouraging comments help me to stay on track. I have said this before, but I don't think I would have done as well without having my blog to keep me accountable and motivated.

Today (now yesterday), I wasn't perfect, but my food choices were an improvement over recent days, despite that I was at the office past midnight. I had oatmeal for breakfast, a nice piece of salmon for lunch and some kind of flaky white fish for dinner (thank God for an infinite supply of places that deliver to my office). I also had (it pains me to admit) a small package of peanut M&Ms late-afternoon. Nonetheless, it was still a respectable day, food-wise.

I don't usually suffer from "head hunger" very much, but tonight, I had it like crazy. I realized today that I must have used eating as a procrastination tool when I was overwhelmed with work and on my way up the scale. Despite that I was totally full, I had an urge to overeat during dinner, but my band kept me in check.

Later, I had a really, really strong urge to get cookies from our vending machine. But, since I'd already had M&Ms and, when I checked in with myself, I realized that I was not AT ALL hungry, I talked myself out of it. I had to do that THREE separate times. The second time, I stood in front of the machine for a few seconds looking at the options, then walked away. The third time, I had a dollar in my hand and was thisclose to putting it into the machine. Fortunately, that was after 10 p.m., so no one was there to hear me when I said "For f*#! sake, Catherine!! You are NOT HUNGRY!!!! WALK AWAY!!" (I seriously said that out loud. . . hello, crazy!) But, it worked. I got a green tea instead, and I feel really good about not giving in. I didn't even really WANT those cookies. I think I just wanted to take a break from my work.

It's amazing how much easier the recession made my weight loss part of this journey. Getting out of work by 6:30 or 7 on a regular basis was a huge help. I can't imagine getting to the gym as often as I have if I was working these hours all of the time, which is what I did for my entire career until about 2 or so years ago. I also think it would have been more difficult for me to avoid sabotaging myself, given my instincts during the past week. But now, I have my eye out for bad behavior, and I avoid it most of the time, and fight it when I start going down that path. For me, I see that as a sign that I have changed, despite that my old bad instincts kick in now and then. That, plus the fact that I am dying to get in a few workouts leaves me with no doubt about the strength of the changes I've made or my long-term commitment to working with my band.

Sending major love to all of you for helping me with this, with your own blogs, your comments and the fact that we all make up a pretty incredible community.

Not Good. (Unless anyone needed evidence that I'm not perfect)

I have realized this week that if I didn't have my band, I'd be on a path to gain back all of this weight. I've had an extremely demanding week at work, since I'm writing a combined response and cross-motion that involves some fairly complex technical issues relating to computer software (read: your basic nightmare). I'm far along now, and I do enjoy doing this work. But, until I get it done, the sheer immensity of the task (getting the research I need, writing the brief, putting together the supporting declarations and exhibits, etc.) creates a fair amount of pressure. And the kicker here is that my filing deadline isn't until December 24th, but I am hell-bent on filing by the 22nd (the day I leave for Christmas). BUT. . I do know that I have those extra days if I need them. BUT .. if I take the extra time, it will ruin my holiday.

Anyway, you should see the crap I've eaten this week. I usually make such good food choices, but Monday night, I got a blondie and mac & cheese from Au Bon Pain for dinner. Tuesday was fine. Wednesday, I had oatmeal for breakfast (good), then Thai noodles with chicken for lunch, with the leftovers for dinner. Not terrible. . except that when I got home around 10 p.m., I had two glasses of red wine and most of an avocado. Yesterday, I had a granola bar for breakfast (totally fine), some sashimi and a California roll for lunch (wonderful!), some peanut M&Ms (not great, not horrendous in the scheme of the day), and (WTF, Catherine?!?!) nachos for dinner. OK, so I ate about six chips worth (smothered in cheese, beans, sour cream and guac, I might add. .) and tossed the rest, but it was still a gross choice. This is worse than I ate when I was fat!!! Oh, and I haven't been to the gym all week because the earliest I've left the office this week was still after 9 p.m. That is IT. I am done with this trend. Today is a new day.

Anyway, if I ever wondered what ever motivated me to binge eat (which is how I consider I've eaten this week, even if the amounts were small), it's clear as a bell right now. It's work. It seems that I still have an impulse to reward myself with food when I am stuck working long hours. Until the recession hit, that was my norm for about 11 years, which tends to explain how I got to my highest weight.

And, I have an impulse to overeat in that situation too. All I can say is, thank God for my band. I know that a few days of my usual schedule will put me right back on the good path. Still, it was kind of surprising (and frightening) to me to see how easy it was to backslide into this bad behavior, despite that I've made so many good, positive changes through the last two years.

Weirdly, as of this morning, I haven't even gained 1/10th of a pound. But I feel sluggish and bloated - ugh.

Bandster Meeting!

I had such a nice time at dinner tonight! Justine from Adventures in Band Land is in NYC right now, visiting from the UK, and we met up at The Standard Grill! It was so nice to finally meet Justine, who is a year younger than me -- both age-wise and band-wise, and to get to know her better and to share band stories with her.

One of the many things that I like about blogging and being banded is that it has brought so many new people who I really like into my life. I really had such a good time tonight, and since I follow Justine's blog, it was more like meeting an old friend than meeting someone for the first time. If you haven't checked out her blog yet, I included a link above!