"'Madonna' Just saying the word makes me feel powerful."

The above quote comes from tonight's episode of Glee. It was delivered with deadpan, laugh-inducing humor. But. . I don't even know how I've gone this long without confessing my total admiration, love and. . well, respek for Madge, Madonna, Esther, The Material Girl.

I remember coming across her music in 1984 on Skye TV when I spent the summer in Holland at my mom's house. That was the summer I discovered Borderline and Wham's Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, among other '80s gold. Classic. I moved to Saudia Arabia that summer and remember buying a bootleg cassette tape of a mix of her songs at the tape souk in downtown Yanbu, Saudi Arabia. (No worries, I've since paid for all of those songs and more. . . )

In any event, her inimitiable personal style, imminently dancable/sing-along-able music and unabashed confidence has stuck with me ever since. Thank God. And, I've taken plenty of inspiration from Madge's all-empowered, unapologetic attitude through the years. Between that and her omnipresence on my gym mix, I have to give her at least a bit of credit for her hand in getting me toward my goal.

So, thanks, M. You are definitely no. 1 on my list of celebrities I'd like to have lunch with. Just before Jesus, and two above Olivier Martinez. Priorities people. Priorities. (Cut to lightening striking me. . .)

And. . . in other news, guess what bandster gathering I'm planning to attend?? Looking forward to it!!

Having a ball!

This weekend was a lot of fun. On Friday night, I went to see American Idiot on Broadway (musical where all the music is from Green Day's album of that title). It was alright, but I'm not a big Green Day fan, so I was not that in to it. I wouldn't recommend seeing it unless you really like the band and don't mind hearing somewhat Broadway-ified versions of their songs. It's just not rock & roll to me if the singer enunciates too clearly!

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On Saturday night, Marjorie and I went to dinner at the private club where I met C with friends who are members. This is such a cool club, and we had a fantastic time.

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Now I know how it feels to be a kid at Chuck E Cheese!

We had dinner in the dining room there. It was delicious. I had hamachi sashimi to start, followed by gnocci with parmesan, butter and sage. Everything went down just fine, and I even had a few bites of their Nutella pudding for dessert. Yum yum. After that, we went upstairs to the lounge for drinks. At some point, Marjorie and one of our other friends went up another level and came across this completely insane party!

They had filled an entire room with plastic balls and had a really good, high-energy band playing in there. There were all of these very attractive hipster kids hanging out there, some dancing, some lounging on the floor in the ball piles. It was the craziest thing!!

One of our dreamy fellow partiers. . he was tall and had a French accent. . .

The adorable guy above took the following photo of Marjorie and me. I hope you guys will appreciate that this was a huge fashion leap for me to wear that shirt. It is sleeveless and is open in the back. It is a very sexy, very naked shirt! There is no way in this world that I would EVER have worn anything even close to this naked before my band, or even before about 10 pounds ago. But, with 11 months of Boot Camp under my belt, I was really surprised to find that I actually have good definition in my arms and that I really liked how it looked. Major NSV.

I may have to get this shirt surgically attached though, since it seems to have supernatural man magnet powers. I really wish I had a photo of the back to show you. I don't know when I've ever been approached by more attractive, interesting men in one night. Three very cute guys asked me for my phone number, and two were already in touch several times today. I am actually interested in one of them (he is from Texas too and went to my college, so he gets extra points for that), though he lives in DC, and I'm not sure when he'll be in New York next. *Update* It turns out that this guy and I went to high school together and have friends in common. Small world!

I decided not to go out with the other guy who got in touch today -- and my reason may sound a little unusual. I don't know how old he is, but I'm guessing early 30s at the most. He was model good looking (as cute as the guy in the photo above) and seemed nice. But I honestly thought it was weird for someone like him to be hitting on a 39 year old (naked shirt or not) when he would look more at home with a gorgeous 19 year old model. Plus, he sent me a ton of texts today and was trying to get together for brunch, or drinks this week, etc., and I just found him a little weird. He also asked me out for today when I met him last night. Call me a cynic, but I have to assume that someone who looks like that but acts so desperado has something wrong with him. Honestly, I was half wondering if maybe he wanted to rob me or something!

The Fling Has Flung.

Well, after that recent post about my fun day out in Brooklyn with C, I thought I shouldn't leave you all hanging on that front. . . Alas. . am right back where I started before that weekend! Not that this should be a big surprise to anyone, myself included.

I wound up seeing C on Friday night and hanging out with him, his cousin and one of their friends at one of his favorite bars in Brooklyn. I had a really good time, and it was great to see him, as always. I liked his cousin a lot, and thought it was interesting that she told me she was glad to meet me because C never brings girls around. I was surprised by that, but it doesn't change that C isn't looking for anything more serious, exclusive, etc. Ultimately, this is just not what I want, and after six months, this fling needs to be flung so that I can increase my likelihood of finding what I do want.

So. . enough back-sliding on my part. I'm just not cut out to stay in something this long that has zero potential to evolve into something more meaningful. I just realized that it is getting to the point where I like him enough that this state of affairs is going to start making me unhappy, and . . . why would I want to make myself unhappy? Exactly! I wouldn't.

No matter the outcome, I don't regret a second of this. C is a sweetheart of a guy and he did wonders to get me over the breakup with PP. I'll be surprised if we don't wind up staying friends in the long term, but it's time for me to focus my energy elsewhere. So. . . stay tuned. . .

Underground Supper Club . . .

It was a gorgeous weekend here in NYC, and I really enjoyed it. I did way too many things and did not get enough sleep, but it was well worth it. On Saturday, I went to another event held by the supper club group that I like so much and whose events I've been to a few times. (After my Google Alert outing. . I'm a little paranoid about including group and place names, so bear with me. .)

This dinner was inspired by an exhibit at a very cool space -- it's a small gallery, and its metal walls open up to bring the outdoors in a bit, and to invite interaction from passers by. Here is a link to a photo of the gallery that will give you a better sense of what it looks like.

From the inside, looking out.

The exhibit was based on the concept of quarantine, so we had a quarantine-inspired meal. I've never had anything even remotely like this, and thought it was amazing. Really good, interesting food, and an incredibly creative, interesting and even humorous presentation.

The first course was served in a petri dish! It was Steelhead trout roe in a gelee. The "mold" is a powder that tastes of Meyer lemon, which was a nice touch. It definitely looked like something you should NOT eat, but it was absolutely delicious!

The accompanying cocktail. . . effervescent vertical vodka. . was served in a test tube. And, between the strength of the drink and its presentation, it certainly got the conversation going.

The second course was a hirame sashimi, served in a bell jar. The quarantine concept that course represented was "fumigation," so (I think hickory) smoke was injected into each jar, and it imparted a very light flavor to the incredibly fresh fish.

Course 2: "The Fumigation" -- When I opened mine, the smoke wafted out. It was cool and delicious!

The third course, "The Installation," was my favorite. It was a ravioli, accompanied by incredible white and black truffle-infused sauces. And, everything came in hermetically sealed plastic bags. . and we all got our own pair of scissors for the course. It was so much fun to put this together, and the dish was incredibly flavorful and yummy. Another thing I liked about this meal was that all of the courses were relatively small -- and just about everything served was band-friendly.

I'll leave out the fourth (24 day dry aged beef) and fifth (cheese with fruit and bread) courses in the interest of not overburdening you with food porn. . . but I didn't want to leave out the desserts. There were five different items, each based on a different cocktail. Between the hermetically sealed bags of the third course and this tray, this meal was an OCD dream! :)


Each of these desserts is based on a different cocktail. People were especially raving about the one on the top left, which is a tangy ball of lemon curd that represented the daiquiri. My favorite was the one on the bottom left. It was a gooey chocolate truffle that was frozen in liquid nitrogen (we got to watch this before dinner), then coated in cocoa butter. Once the truffle thawed, it was gooey and delicious, but neatly contained in its cocoa butter shell.

Catherine, Jonny and Michael

A friend recently asked me whether being banded took away from my enjoyment of eating out and attending events like this. My view is that it's actually added to my enjoyment, since I get all of the pleasure of trying things without having to feel bad about it later. There is something very nice about having a six course meal like this one, being able to try and enjoy everything, but not feeling overly full at its end. No matter how many decadent things I try, I never eat enough to make a significant difference on the scale the next day. And, not having any residual guilt (e.g. about enjoying a nice meal when I should be sticking to my diet. .) is incredibly freeing and definitely lets me enjoy things like this more than I did in the past.

Goal Gift

My mother and I were talking about what I might do for myself as a goal gift, and I had a realization that really hit home for me. I already have my goal gift. There is no better present that I could have ever given myself than to get to this point. There is not one single thing I could buy that would be worth more to me than actually feeling good about my weight and how my body looks.

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Even though I've been this weight in my adult life, I didn't appreciate it when I was at it at a younger age -- I thought I should be thinner. But now, I am enjoying it.

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So, along with the gift of feeling good, my "goal gift" also includes a host of other things, like (in no particular order):

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- Being able to shop anywhere I like;

- Wearing heels all day long without my feet killing me;

- Looking so much healthier and better;

- Not avoiding old friends because of my weight;

- Being able to RUN because my compartmental syndrome is completely resolved; and

- Being more comfortable on planes, on the subway, etc.

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Maybe I'm a little superficial because all the things I take the most joy in are related to clothes and looking better! :) But, I shouldn't ignore a few more gifts that come along with getting to my ideal BMI range, like:

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- Substantially lowering my risk for heart disease, diabetes, joint pain, and back problems; and

- Increasing my chances of being a healthy person with good energy and mobility when I am older.

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Those two are too important not to mention. I also went back to look at the Pro/Con List I wrote down in my pre-op journal, and realize that every single thing I was looking for has come true (well, other than the thing about not being a fat bride. . but there's still time for that one)! For anyone starting this process, I can't encourage you enough to make a list like this and to keep it and come back to it as you go through the process of getting to goal. It was especially helpful in reinforcing my decision before I had the surgery, but I also have re-read it countless times during the past 15 months, and it has helped to keep me focused on why I am doing this.

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So, I'm not going to buy myself a big giant goal present. . . though I'm certainly going to indulge in more clothing! Turns out that the best present I could give myself wasn't one that I could buy. I wonder why it took me until now to fully realize that!

GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!!!! I hit my goal this morning!!! As of today, I am down 75.2 pounds! Wow!! I knew that this was technically possible when I started out this process, but it was so hard to imagine it being a reality.

I only have a few minutes to write before work, but I wanted to let you -- and my friend Christina, who lives in Berlin -- know that I finally opened her "goal" present this morning! It's been sitting on my counter for so long, and I've been dying to open it! Here it is -- a gorgeous pair of dangling earrings and an extremely fabulous matching bracelet, accompanied by a really great, and extremely nice, card! I am going to wear the bracelet today as a secret sign to remind myself that today is the day I met my goal.

Here is a comparison shot. . . me in May 2008, before I was banded. I am wearing the same jeans in both photos. . only difference being that I can now get both of my legs into one leg-hole these days! You can't really see just how big the jeans are in this photo (which Yana was nice enough to take for me when she was over last week), so I'm including two more photos of me in my "Jared" pants!

Oh, how I love to play Jared from Subway. . . :)

Another "Jared" shot. . .

And, I really liked the following photo for my seventy-five / goal number shot, because it reminds me of all of the people -- you included -- who have supported me every day through this whole process, with your nice comments, your own stories, and by listening to (or reading) me as I have gone through the last 15 months. That has been a huge source of encouragement, inspiration and motivation for me, and I thank you!

Ten more pounds to go to my aspirational goal! (But I reserve the right to stop before that point if I'm looking too thin. . oh, to have such a problem!!) :)

So close!!! Only .8 to go to goal!!!

It's an Easter miracle!! This morning the scale moved down 2/10ths of a pound! Normally, I only get a little excited about a loss that small . . . but today. . TODAY!!! That loss means that the first three numbers on my scale are my goal weight number!!! WOOOOOOO-HOOOOO!!!! I am so excited!!

Me, taken yesterday by my lovely mother

My mother is in town right now for Easter, and we've been having a fantastic time! Yesterday, we went into a chic boutique in the West Village. . . and I saw a gorgeous green dress on the 50% off rack. It was calling to me. . . but then, I saw that it was an 8. A boutique 8. . and they didn't have it in a 10. My mother and the salesgirl encouraged me to try it anyway, and it fit!! Will post a photo soon!

Mom & me, having lunch in Soho yesterday.

As some of you may know, my mother is an avid follower of many bandster blogs. She posts as "Kathy," so you might not have made the connection if you have seen her comment on your blog. Among her favorites (to name only two of many) are Cara's and Roo's blogs. AND, I wanted to let Roo and Cara know that my mother is planning to be in Dubai later this year -- and hopefully Australia the next -- and that she would absolutely love to meet you both if you happen to be free for lunch when she is in your neck of the woods!

I also want to thank the lovely Camille and Roo for nominating me for The Stiletto Award! I am honored to be in such good company with your other nominees!

I am also delinquent in thanking Cara, Manda, Gilly and Beth for their very kind nomination of me for the Sunshine Blogger Award! I love all of you girls and really enjoy reading your blogs. It is so great to see all of the progress we are all making, and to know that we are all in this together! xoxoxo

One last thought I wanted to share with you today is that I'm actually going to go for my aspirational goal of 10 pounds less than my current one. A few people have posted to say that they hope I won't stop blogging (like some of our old timer favorites) when I get to goal. So, at my current rate of 2 pounds a month, that guarantees at least another 5 months! And I don't plan to stop after I get there.

Have a wonderful Sunday!! :)

The Sisterhood Strikes Again. . . With Closet Shopping!

Yana & me at my apartment last night!

Yana has a few events coming up, so I suggested that she come by to try on a few of the nice dresses that I have from before my surgery. Other than those few really special pieces and my two pairs of "before" pants (so I can play Jared from Subway!), I have pretty much gotten rid of every article of clothing I have that is in a size above 14. I should get rid of the 14s too. . but all things in due course.

There were two dresses I had in mind for Yana, and they both fit her really well and looked great!! So, I lent her both of them and will look forward to seeing photos of her enjoying wearing them! She really looked fantastic in both!

This is my favorite of the two dresses. . . I am wearing it at my friend Sharon's wedding in Italy in September 2007. The girls next to me are two of my best friends, L and Nadia.

The other dress has navy and white polkadots, and I bought it to wear to another friend's wedding in Italy . . this time in June of 2006 (doesn't anyone get married in the USA anymore?. . LOL). The men on either side of me are Scottish, and they are wearing kilts! Unfortunately for you, I didn't like how my body looked so. . . as per my usual old practice. . . I cropped liberally. Sorry ladies!! :)

And, for comparison's sake, here is me in the Karen Millen dress that I wore last weekend!

Saturday in Brooklyn

I was looking at some photos on FB this morning, saw someone's outfit, and had a revelation. . . I am going to buy some white pants this summer! I love how they look on other people, but I've always felt that darker colors were better for me because they hid my weight better. But now, I think they might actually look good. Definitely going to try some on when I start shopping for summer.

OK. . . so on to more interesting news. I haven't blogged about this, but after I called things off with C, we had a serious conversation, and he told me that he really wanted us to stay friends. This wasn't the usual "let's be friends" thing, he actually meant it and has been making an effort. In fact, if he'd put this much of an effort into it in the first place, I would have been much happier! So, about a month or so ago, he invited me to have dinner with him at an Indian place that I like, and we had a really good time -- great conversation. He treated me to the meal and even walked me home afterwards, which was very sweet.

At dinner, he said that he wanted to make plans to cook dinner for me at his place (which I actually had never seen -- he lives in Brooklyn). He followed up, but there wasn't a good day for us to do this before he left to go to South by Southwest in Austin and I headed to Houston. Anyway, he got in touch after he got back, and we made plans to have brunch out in Brooklyn yesterday.

Gorilla Coffee in Park Slope, Brooklyn (they have amazing coffee)

I met him at his apartment, which was nice to finally see, brought a bone for his ridiculously adorable dog, got the apartment tour, and then off we went to brunch at a very cute Latin American spot in Park Slope. We had a great time catching up (I went to college in Austin, so I was really interested to hear how he'd liked the town, what bands he had seen, etc.) and then we spent the afternoon walking around and going into all of these cute shops on Fifth Avenue. The weather was gorgeous, and we had a really fun time.

We also went to a really cool local beer shop where they have tons of varieties, and you can buy beers, really good cheeses and sandwiches and enjoy them on these long wooden tables that you share with other guests. We had a beer there, and C took this photo of me.

While there, we had a chat about this whole "friend" thing and how it's working out. Both of us agreed that it seems to be working out, but that it's a little tough because there is still a lot of chemistry and attraction there. And. . . cut to about 30 minutes later. . . when all that platonic resolve went right out the window. . . Oy! But I did have a pretty fantastic day. . .

Patent. . Prom!

Ever since a Google Alert outed me to a friend, I'm a little paranoid about actually mentioning the name of events that I attend! Hence the ". . . " in the title of this post!

This is an event that I attend every year. Basically, all of the attorneys in my field who are in or have contacts in NYC come out for this event each year. It's a big black tie event, and I generally run into a ton of people who I've gotten to know through the years.

My friends Kathryn and Monique.

At last year's event, I was already 34 pounds down and feeling much better than I had in recent years. This event was always a tough one for me because I'd have to run into people who knew me before I put on the bulk of my weight, and up until last year, I was progressively heavier every year. I put a story about that in a post about last year's event.

Why?! Why is this man not into women?! So handsome though. . :)

This year, things were so different. I feel just great about my weight right now (thank you God, band, boot camp, and so many more people and things!) and had that amazing Karen Millen dress to wear. I just felt great and was excited about seeing old friends and colleagues. The event was so much fun, we had a really great table at our dinner this year (since I put it together of clients and one of my partners who I really like), and it was really nice to hear all of the positive things that people who I hadn't seen for a while say. NSV!!

We joked that Kathryn was trying to see if I have a six pack (um, yeah, not quite there. .) but maybe she was trying to feel my port! LOL!

Hijinx in Houston!

Hi, everybody! I was in Houston for a long weekend and had a great time! I'd gone down to visit with family and friends and to see my best friend (Grace) & her husband's new house. Grace incentivized my trip by getting tickets to see Muse for us both, and her brother and sister-in-law (good friends of mine who you may remember from my 4th of July post) came down from Austin to go with us.

But first. . . we had some amazing TexMex. Honestly, I could put so much food porn up from my weekend, but I'll spare you most of it! I had forgotten how much better the TexMex is in Texas than it is here in NYC! It just does not compare!!

Ridiculously amazing mango margaritas and queso. . .

The concert was great. . Silversun Pickups opened, and were really good, and Muse had an amazing stage and put on a great performance. And, of course I got a kick out of having to wear a wrist band (we had floor "seats") that says "Entering Moshing Area Is At Your Own Risk" just a few months before my 40th b-day! :)

Here is Muse's set . . they came out on lifts in these skyscraper-like structures. Later in the concerts, the lifts went down to stage level. It really made for a cool presentation, and the music was great!

I also got to spend time with my dad and Margie (my step-mother), and we had a blast going out for margaritas and fajitas (yum yum!!) at one of my favorite spots in Houston. Funny thing. . my band seemed to have gotten tighter on the flight in, and it has stayed pretty tight since then. So, despite that I had plenty of TexMex and drinks during the visit, I wasn't actually able to eat all that much. The scale is actually still being friendly. As of this morning, it's only bounced 2/10ths of a pound above my lowest weight, which is a very small bounce and makes me optimistic that I may get that last pound off sooner than later!. . .Stay tuned!

Me, Margie & Dad having a really fun night out!

SEVENTY-FOUR!! It's a St. Patrick's Day miracle!!

I could hardly believe my eyes this morning!! The scale was at 74 down!!! This is particularly surprising because it's TOM, and I don't usually lose anything while that is going on. This means that I just have ONE POUND TO GOAL!! One measley little pound is all! I am only one pound overweight!!!

My BMI has gone from an unhealthy 37 to 25.2 . . . just .3 from my ideal range. I almost feel like I am dreaming because it is so amazing to me that I was able to take off virtually all of my extra weight. Wow. Looks like getting back on track with exercise last week and this week is doing the trick. I did 2 Boot Camps and yoga last week and have done yoga and one Boot Camp so far this week.

And, on another note, Happy St. Patrick's Day!! That warm embrace from my scale this morning may be the only kiss I get today, but that is OK with me!! :)

Sunday Vlog

I had a bit of trouble getting this file small enough to upload, but finally did it! Of course, nothing to be done about me cutting off my chin in half the video! :) By the way, here is a link to a great site with instructions about how to shrink video size using QuickTime Pro.

And. . . for all of my complaining, the scale was down another .2 this morning! I know it's only a fraction of a pound, but I'll take what I can get! I am now 2.8 pounds from my goal! (And 12.8 from my aspirational goal!) Woo-hoo!

What should you do when you finally get what you want? Everything!

A conversation that I had with Yana at brunch on Sunday really got me thinking. We were talking about events that we had sat out on in the past because of our weight. I was thinking of a day about two years ago when I was out on Shelter Island with PP and a few other (super athletic) friends, and everyone wanted to go kayaking. I didn't have anything appropriate to wear, and I was worried about being able to keep up with the ultra-fit, ultra-competitive crew. I felt really humiliated by this and felt just terrible. PP encouraged me to go, but I didn't want to be out there holding him back from enjoying it with his friends. So I decided to stay at the house by myself, supposedly reading my book, but really just feeling terrible about the whole thing.

Cut to today and I'm fit enough that I would go along without a second thought if that opportunity came up today. And I could wear my bathing suit and be decently comfortable (OK. . assuming it was still summer!) if I didn't have anything else packed that would work.

So. . that got me thinking. What ELSE is there that I was avoiding because of my weight and/or fitness level that I would enjoy doing now?! And, I made a list. I'm pretty sure that I've only scratched the surface in terms of ideas. . Also, I hope you guys will put your own "to do" lists in the comments. . am sure we will get great ideas from one another!!

To do (and not necessarily in this order):

1. The first photo above is an item on the list for sure. . . ziplining in Costa Rica!

2. Hike the Inca Trail and up Machu Pichu. It's a 4-day hike, with camping in tents at night -- and I am so up for that now! Not that I wouldn't rather stay at the St. Regis, but apparently there isn't one on the trail! LOL! :)


3. Go scuba diving in the Galapagos Islands (I'm advanced certified, and actually . . this was on my pre-weight loss list too!)

4. Get -- and actually wear in public -- a cute bikini (when I'm just a wee bit closer to my aspirational goal)

5. Enjoy shopping and trying things on (OK, I've been doing this, but I'm going to do it MORE!)

A photo from Agent Provocateur . . . not that I'm going to wear a big bow on my bottom. .

6. Buy loads of lovely lingerie (and hopefully have a nice boyfriend at some point soon to appreciate it. . !)

7. Run the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure (5K) again this year

8. Try new workout activities and classes (because I know I'll be able to keep up and not embarrass myself!)

9. Enjoy being out and about in hot weather because I am going to be so much more comfortable!

10. Wear clothing that shows off the fruit of all this work with my band and at the gym (within the boundaries of good taste, of course!) instead of seeking to camoflage my body. And yes, that may mean. . more color. (But not too much. . I do live in NYC for goodness sakes!) :)

So, what about you? What are you going to do when weight no longer holds you back? :)

Fun With the NYC Bandster Crew!

I had such a great day today. I met up with some of my favorite NYC area bandsters for brunch this afternoon, and we had such a fantastic time! There is something so great about being able to talk "band" with other bandsters. We were talking a mile a minute, and I would have been happy to stay for a few more hours! We also were all cracking up because when we ordered guacamole for the table, the waiter recommended that we get a double portion. . . and we were all like . . um, a single is just fine! :) I don't think we even finished it!

After lunch, Tracy and I went dress shopping at Lord & Taylor (best dress selection in the city). I found two that I liked -- one from Elie Tahari, the other from Cynthia Steffe, but with yesterday's Karen Millen purchase, thought I should cool it! Tracy found a few really cute dresses, and wound up getting one of them for an upcoming event.

One of my favorite things about hitting the 70 pound mark is that I'm finally in a size 10 -- which means that -- for the first time in YEARS! -- I can shop basically anywhere. It's actually FUN again to try things on. I thought I had lost that enjoyment forever! I didn't realize that it was so tied to my weight. Well, it turns out that it was.
It is so great that I no longer have to kill time, feigning interest in shoes and accessories waiting for my friends while they try on cute clothing that I can not wear. That was a bit torturesome, and it just reinforced all of the negative feelings I had about my weight and how I'd let it get so out of control. Cut to the present, and I'm in there grabbing an armload of frocks to try on, and having fun!

The clothing thing is something I'd been looking forward to since I first wrote out my List of Pros & Cons when I was deciding whether to get banded. It's funny though -- I only mentioned it by listing "better clothes" among the pros. I was thinking about having a broader fashion parameter and being able to wear different styles. But I don't think I fully thought out all of the petty humiliations that go hand in hand with shopping for bigger sizes when you don't feel good about your appearance. Now though, bit by bit, I'm noticing that those things no longer apply. It's a very freeing, wonderful feeling to be liberated from this. I definitely count this as a big NSV.

Just a little comparison shot. . .

It's strange, but I keep forgetting that I was ever so big. And, while I don't enjoy seeing the photographic evidence, I think it's good for me to remember that I actually let myself get that way. It reinforces the correlation between what I eat, how much I work out, and my overall appearance. So, here are some pre-band photos of me at my friend Sharon's wedding in Tuscany in September of 2007, next to a photo of me out last night in my new Karen Millen dress.

Scar Attraction Revisited. . .

I bet at least a few people might be curious to see how surgery scars look 16 months post-op, so I'm going to bare my tummy for all to see. . yikes! Most of you will remember that my doctor (Dr. Rumbaut of Monterrey, Mexico) was able to do my surgery with only two incisions. There was a little incision, which you can see toward the top of the photo, and a larger one underneath.

(If you click on this photo, you can see a bigger version. . if you dare!)

Dr. Rumbaut helped coordinate my follow-up treatments with NYU, and I've been seeing Dr. Ren (who is fantastic). She told me that my lower scar is a bit "keloid" and that I may have been allergic to the sutures. So, that scar really hasn't faded as much as it should have by now. I'm not thrilled to have it, but it does so much less to hurt my appearance than the 72 pounds it helped me to take off that it's hard to care too much!

My port is just a bit above the big scar, and it's not visible at all. I can definitely feel it if I touch it, but C never seemed to notice it during the four or so months that I was seeing him. I asked one of my best friends about it a month or so ago (he's actually someone I dated for several years, long ago) and let him touch the port (I kind of like to freak out my closest non-bandster friends with this) . . he said that he would have definitely noticed it if he was in C's position.

By the way, does anyone else like to say "port" in a funny voice? It's one of those words like "laser" that just cries out to be pronounced in a weird futuristic voice! I'll do a demo in my next vlog. . I promise! :)

SEVENTY-TWO!! AND ABOUT TIME, TOO!!

SEVENTY-TWO!!! NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL ABOUT FREAKING TIME!

OK, so it took me one month and four days . . . and a bunch of complaining. . . but the scale is finally down another .4, making me officially 72 pounds down as of this morning. WOO-HOO!! My initial goal is now exactly 3 pounds away!

I know that I'll probably bounce around for another few weeks before I see 73, but I have to say that it felt so good today to finally see an new lowest weight number! Thank you, God!! :)

Boo! More Boing!

I'm getting a little tired of this boing-ing act that I have at my current weight. I keep going up and down in a range of 3 or so pounds, and I've been bouncing around right here for about a month, despite my recent fill. It's so annoying because I'm in one 10-pound range on the high point, and another one in the low, so the way I feel when I see the number really varies based on what follows the 1!

Anyway, I keep reminding myself that I am happy and feel good at this weight. And, it wasn't too long ago that I was just thrilled to be in Onederland! So, it's not exactly a hardship to be this close to my goal, and I do realize that. But I'm SO close to goal and it's taking so long to get there! (Not that I've been perfectly focused. . as my recent post reflects!) Unfortunately, I've had a twinge in my left knee this week, so I took off of boot camp and running to give it time to heal. So, I'm not expecting much downward movement on the scale this week.

Funny thing. . .yesterday I had lunch with a colleague, and as we were going to lunch, he said "I like walking around with you -- everyone checks you out!" I had not noticed that at all, but after he said that, some man ahead of us (who was too far to be expected to hold the door) stood at the door and held it until I got there and could go through. If not for that, I would have thought my colleague was just trying to butter me up! I have to admit, it was a nice feeling! Am counting this as an NSV! :)