Christmas Fun!

Hi! I've been MIA for a few days because of the holiday! My mother and I had a great time here in NYC! I have to show you guys the presents that my 7 year old niece, Grace, got for me. She picked them out herself (her parents didn't even know what she gave me) and wrapped everything up for me to take home over Thanksgiving. Seriously, the girl has excellent taste and I will fully be rocking this look in 2010! (Maybe not at work, but that's just maybe. . . ) :)

LOVE! How cute is this?!? :)

Even cuter was the way she wrapped it. . . Not sure if you can read the tag. . it says: "To: Aunt Cathrien From: Grace ho ho ho merry boatatos"! This relates to a few hours that we spent over Thanksgiving singing up made-up songs about potatoes -- too funny!

For Christmas dinner, my mom and I went to The Standard Grill, which is the fab restaurant in The Standard Hotel. . .

Check out the Dalmatian Santa cap on the guy behind me. . .

Cute pic of my mother

I kept the meal pretty sensible and band-friendly on the whole. . . starting with a ridiculously good cauliflower soup. . . with a poached farm egg, covered by trout roe . . and sliced toasted almonds on top. I normally wouldn't get cauliflower anything, but it was the only soup on the menu. Glad I did though! It was surprisingly delicious!

This photo does not do my organic salmon justice!!

And then. . . . INSANITY ENSUED!!! We had the CRAZIEST dessert that I have ever seen in my entire life! It's called The Deal Closer. Warning!!! Food porn follows!! Warning!!!

The only "deal" this could close is putting your dining companion in a sugar coma!

Me, catching my first glimpse (I know. . I look a little crazy-eyed, right?!) :) :)

Mom, looking like a kid on Christmas morning!!

This dessert is a giant bowl of delicious chocolate mousse, with bits of cake in it . . covered with chocolate shavings and fresh whipped cream. WHAT?!?! OMG, was it good! And, you'll be proud to know that I did not overdo it (er, to the extent that even having one bite of this thing could qualify as not overdoing it. . ). I had one spatula's worth of the mousse, a few bites of the ice cream and stopped before I made myself ill! :)

It just dawned on me that this was an NSV of sorts. When I was heavier, I would NEVER have allowed myself to get a gluttonous dessert like this in public. . especially not at a chic restaurant with hot waiters. . . But now that I feel like I am not looking like a fat person anymore, I was able to order it and really enjoy it! And, the fact that I didn't gorge myself on it was also an NSV, since this dessert clearly goes right on down the band.

Did you notice that they served it with two spatulas?! Crazy!!

While the scale hasn't moved downward, it hasn't gone up either, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I hope that I'll get the next pound off some time in the next two weeks. . .

I hope all of you had a happy and healthy holiday!! Am looking forward to catching up on everyone's blogs!

Christmas Came Early!! NSV!

Hello, pretty! I've been waiting for you!!

After about 2 months of stalking these boots on-line. . and REFUSING to pay full price, I finally found them on sale on Piperlime yesterday! They only had ONE pair left in my size. . for a second there, it was touch and go!! But, I got them. . and had them sent by overnight delivery so that my wait would finally be over.

I got home tonight, and they are in! I put on a good song to set the appropriate mood, changed into the dress I've been wanting to wear them with, and opened the box. But, when I tried to zip them, I couldn't!! AGH!!! My calves are still just a smidge too big for these boots!! Or. . . so I thought. . . after a minute of carefully adjusting them and pulling up the zipper, they were on!! And, they feel just fine and look great. Woo-hoo!!

I can't believe that I can finally wear normal boots! This is actually a big NSV for me, and I am so thrilled!

So, while the scale doesn't seem to want to move closer toward goal just yet, I'm going to enjoy things like these every chance I get! Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope that everyone is enjoying the holiday that they are celebrating, and I am sure that 2010 has a lot of nice things in store for all of us!

Guess who I finally met today?!?!

That's right, none other than the inimitable Angie! We met up earlier tonight for a drink at The Royalton Hotel, and had a great time. After a year of reading one anothers' blogs and writing back and forth, it was so great to finally meet her in person! Meanwhile, it really was just like seeing an old friend who I've known for ages! She is exactly as she seems on her blog and vlogs -- very open, nice, funny and warm!

Angie is now 80 pounds down, looks amazing, and is -- mark my words -- going to be tiny (!) when she gets to goal.

It's been so great to meet other bandsters through this blog. There's nothing quite like being able to talk "band" with someone else who is going through the same thing. Angie and I chatted a bit about the whole boy thing -- telling people about the band, and a whole host of other things.

AND, it's snowing here! It's really coming down like crazy now! On my way back from The Royalton, I walked through Times Square and had someone take my picture. . . here it is!

Post for Yana (and all Bandsters-to-Be)

I was reading Yana's blog a minute ago. She is one of the bandsters I have met here in NYC (though not at the last brunch) and is in the midst of her pre-op diet right now.


During my pre-op time, just like Yana (and just like nearly every Bandster I've encountered), I went through a period of questioning why I was doing the surgery. I thought -- why am I going to have myself cut for this? Why can't I just do it on my own? What if I fail at this? What if I have complications??
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If you've read my earlier posts, you'll know that I made a Pro/Con list to help me with these doubts, and that looking at it really helped to make the decision clear for me. I even took the list to the hospital with me, and had it right up until I was wheeled into the OR. I also made a Post-Op Plan for Success, listing all of the things I was going to do after surgery to help make sure that I wouldn't fail. I found both of these exercises to be a big help, since I really thought about my decision in a concrete way (i.e. on paper) and the pro/con list showed me that my "pros" really outweighed my "cons." And, in retrospect, my cons turned out not to be that big of a deal.


The diagram above is one that I found on Lise the Loser's blog before I had my surgery. It shows a host of the adverse physical and mental consequences of obesity. And, it also drove the point home to me that the risks associated with my surgery were probably much less than the risks associated with keeping on the course I was on. I found a lot of comfort in this, and I hope that any Bandsters-to-Be who read this will, too.

Bandster Brunch!

This was such a great weekend, between the Boot Camp party, the supper club on Saturday, and. . . brunch with several great NYC bandsters on Sunday! (I put links to everyone's blogs under their names in the caption just below. . )

Jen, Catherine, Carla, Colleen and Heather

Obviously (from past posts), I already knew Jen, and it was great to see her again! And, I had the pleasure of meeting Colleen, Carla and Heather, all for the first time. It was a great brunch and a really nice opportunity for us all to share our experiences and get to know one another, other than just through our blogs.
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I can't stress enough how helpful this blog has been to me throughout the past 14 months. I have met so many wonderful people through it, and all of your comments and commiseration have been a huge help to me. I also love being able to track my progress and to have such a great diary of this important year. I would absolutely recommend blogging to anyone bandster (or future bandster) who is interested in doing so.

Have a great night, everyone!

Another Culinary Event

On Saturday, my friend Marjorie and I headed out to Brooklyn to attend another event by A Razor, A Shiny Knife. That group is an underground supper club headed by the very innovative Michael Cirino, who loves food and is very into the science behind cooking.

We started out with lots of gorgeous, fresh ingredients, of course!

Most of you know that I really love to cook (and that hasn't changed at all since I was banded), and it was so much fun to get out there, roll up my sleeves and prepare a wonderful meal with about 20 other like-minded people! (Interesting observation. . no one there was more than a few pounds overweight. . . well, at least before the meal anyway. .) :)

The scene. .

Hare terrine. . this was a terrine made with rabbit (hare) meat, pork belly, heavy cream, pistachios, walnuts and other lovely ingredients. . . then wrapped in bacon (what?!) I only had a tiny bite, but it was dee-lish!

We made all sorts of wonderful things. . . ravioli stuffed with ricotta cheese that we made, and we also made the pasta for it. Here is me, kneading the pasta dough. . .

On the right. . . a big bubbling pot of tomato wonderfulness. . . into which we put lots of chicken and pork, until it just melted off the bone. This became the sauce for our ravioli. . . OMG, was it good!!


I'll refrain from putting up photos of every course, but it was a really amazing meal. I was glad that it was served family-style (unlike the last Razor event I attended), since that let me just take a small portion of the things I wanted. For some reason, my band wasn't that tight on Saturday, so I was able to eat a fair amount compared to normal. But, I didn't overdo it too badly, and -- SHOCKINGLY -- the scale wasn't even up the next day.

I was glad that my band cooperated -- I didn't even get stuck one time that day, I felt like I was really able to enjoy everything, and I don't think anyone thought anything was unusual about the portions I took.

Here is A (who made the terrine) with some incredible beef that was sliced thinly, then folded up around some grated truffle. Each little beef packet was tied with a single chive. Two were put into each of our bowls, and when they were served, hot broth was ladled over . . just hot enough to cook the meat. Wow. That was amazing, and the beef was so tender that I was able to eat it without a problem.

This cracked me up. . . the bottle says "DON'T F*ING COOK WITH THIS. ITALIAN SWEAT, BLOOD AND TEARS." Nice!

At the end, we did a Secret Santa exchange (we all brought little gifts with us), and I wound up getting three sized metal mixing bowls -- something I can always use!

We wound up being at the kitchen from around noon until about 10:30 p.m. What a great day, great meal, and a great group of people. I will definitely be doing some more events like this!

Here is me with my Secret Santa. .

Boot Camp Holiday Fun

This is me at the big wall. . . It's OK. . we're friends now!

This has been such a fun weekend! On Friday night, I went to my Boot Camp's holiday party with my friend Marjorie. It was a great party, and I really enjoyed seeing the people from my section in "civillian" clothes! Normally, we're all wearing really unflattering camoflage pants and army green t-shirts (covered with sweat, no makeup, etc.)! The funny thing is that it was actually kind of hard to recognize some people -- and I didn't know anyone's first name (we go by last names in Boot Camp)!

I realized the other day that I've lost about 30 pounds during the six months that I've been doing Boot Camp. I can really see such a difference in my body, and I am surely in the best shape of my life right now. What a world of difference from even this time last year!

Here is a photo of me with my two favorite instructors, Steve and Nicio

SIXTY SEVEN!! (And thoughts on telling boys. . .)

This morning, I hit 67.2 pounds down. That puts me at just 7.8 pounds from goal (and 17.8 from my aspirational goal. . ). Holy cr@p, that is fantastic!! :)

One thing I've been thinking a lot about is -- when it is appropriate to tell a guy about the band after I start seeing them. I think the answer to this varies quite a bit based on the nature of the relationship.

For now, I'm still really enjoying my rebound fling with C, but it's not something that I have any expectation will go anywhere. It's more about me getting back into the swing of things, and I'm really enjoying the attention.

That said, last Wednesday night, he was telling me about his New Year's resolutions and asked if I was making any. I told him that I wasn't going to be making any because (these days) when I want to make a change, I just do it right away, and over the past year, I've really been living out all of my most important past resolutions. I didn't elaborate too much on that. He knows that I've gotten more into fitness during the past year and have toned up and dropped a few pounds (not to mention hiring a tutor to teach me Adobe Illustrator, etc.), but I didn't explain the extent of the health-related changes.

Part of me wanted to get into the grit of the discussion. One of his resolutions was to write more, and my first instinct was to say something about my blog. But, I can't tell him about the blog without telling about the surgery -- and it's not exactly something I want someone who I'm having a physical relationship to read! (He does not need to have my "before" photos emblazoned on his mind!)

Part of my fear in telling a guy about the surgery is that his perception of me will change. I think that's a legitimate concern. Part of that is that I don't want the person to suddenly look at me through some kind of "fat goggles" and suddenly find me as being less attractive. Another part of that is that I don't want the person judging me based on my inability to control my weight without the band. I'd hope that anyone I'd be serious about would view this as a positive though -- that I find a way to fix serious problems when I have them, and that I'm not afraid to make big changes or take calculated, well-researched risks when I need to do so to improve the quality of my life.

Just something to think about. I'm thinking of using C as a guinea pig. . . telling him to see what his reaction is. He's a pretty cool guy -- very open, and I don't think he'd be judgmental about it, and he is likely to have an interesting perspective and to share it with me. And, if he does have a bad reaction, that is a lesson I can take into more serious dating situations. What do you think?

'Tis The Season!

I had a really fun night last night. My cousin, Heather, and four of her friends are in town on a visit, and I'd been trying to coordinate a time to see them. I called Heather around 5, and it turned out that she was just a few blocks from my apartment. . . so, I rushed home, and we popped open some bubbly that I had in the fridge, and had a great time!

As it turns out, one of Heather's friends is an interior decorator. She looked at my tree and asked if I had any ribbon (yes, a giant box of a zillion kinds) and if she could pimp my tree for me. I was like -- absolutely!! And, I'm so glad that I did! She took it to a whole new level!!

Check out the use of the leopard print ribbon here. . . Fun!

After that, I had plans to meet one of my bandster friends -- Peter (who you may know as REALIZEinCT on LapBandTalk.com) for dinner at Bar Boulud. We had a great time -- it's so nice to be able to sit with a fellow bandster and really talk about everything, from how we made our decisions to how people are reacting, and much more.

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Peter has lost about 80 pounds and is one of the first bandsters I know who did the Couch to 5K program and wound up becoming a runner as a result. He looks great! We walked around after dinner and took a look at the amazing window displays at Bergdorf and other shops on 5th Avenue.

Bandsters at Bergdorf! That window was spectacular!

I almost forgot to mention that Vincent Cassel (Oceans 12, Eastern Promises, etc. -- photo below) was a table away from us at dinner. I was happy to be able to provide a celeb sighting for Peter, since he came in from CT for our dinner! :)

Single digit?!?!

My mother just sent me an e-card with a really nice message. One of the things it said is "Now your goal is a single digit!" And, it is. I can barely believe it. . I am only 9 pounds from goal. Wow. . that is so major!

SIXTY-SIX!!!

Wow. . this last pound was hard-earned amidst Thanksgiving and December's holiday parties! I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to do a proper post . . . will get on that this weekend! Just wanted to share the 66 news. . . :)

Divine Intervention?

I didn't gain any weight over Thanksgiving (came back to see the lowest post-op number on my scale. . whew!), so that may have made me a bit cocky. . .

I was a little hungry late afternoon. . . with no healthy snacks around. . . and decided to get something out of the vending machine at work. Well. . . it turns out that they just stocked it with one of my favorite cookies. . . the Milano. . .

I plunked in a dollar and selected that option. And the freaking package just sat there, stuck!! I shook the machine a few times without any luck . . . then realized I was making a bunch of noise and really didn't want one of my colleagues coming in and seeing me acting crazy, trying to get cookies! So, I went back to my office, got another dollar (they were $.85) and selected it AGAIN. AND, both packages just stayed there -- they must have been glued together somehow! I shook the machine several times, but no dice!!

Finally, I just told myself "WALK AWAY!!! It wasn't meant to be!!" And, I did. I wonder what lucky bugger is going to get 3 packages for the price of one. . . :)

Back Home!

Me, with my nephew & niece on "The Drop Zone"

I have to admit it. . Thanksgiving with the family was a blast!! It was so nice to see everyone and to feel so good while doing it! My dad and step-mother hadn't seen me since my surgery (though I speak with them often on the phone and they keep up with my blog), so it was great to get their very positive reaction to the change in my appearance! All went well band-wise, I worked out twice (including one very serious 90 minute spin class!) and am not too worried about the scale tomorrow.

I'm going to keep this short, since I only just got home. Just wanted to say that I hope that all of you had a very nice Thanksgiving!

The Linda O Questionaire

I'm going to follow Amy's example and post my responses to the list of questions that Linda O. put on her blog. These are really great questions, and I bet that most future bandsters wonder about them. Here goes. . .

1. ANY REGRETS? Are you happy with your decision and would you do it again?
I have no regrets. I would do this again in a heartbeat.

2. ARE YOU SORRY, YOU DIDN'T GIVE TRADITIONAL DIETING ONE MORE TRY?
No way -- even if I could have taken off the weight with traditional dieting, which I can not imagine, I would be terrified about the extreme likelihood that I would eventually gain it all back and more. Now I don't worry about that. My band keeps me honest.

3. WHAT IS THE WORST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
None of the stuff you'd think would be a big deal really is. I don't miss pigging out, planning meals isn't that bad, sliming & PBing don't happen often enough that they are a big burden, etc. For me, the hardest thing is keeping the right balance between protecting my personal privacy and being open with people I care about.

4. WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT HAVING THE BAND?
Just one thing?!? Too hard! For me, it's that it has finally let me conquer the weight problem that I'd been feeling terrible about for as long as I can remember. And that I actually feel good about how my body looks. And that I am healthy, strong and fit and feel more attractive than I've felt in years. I could go on, but I'll stop there! :)

5. On a scale of 1 to 10 HOW HARD WAS/IS IT PSYCHOLOGICALLY TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T EAT THE SAME WAY ANYMORE?
I'd give it a 2. I was ready to make the change when I got banded, so the motivation helped me to get through the transition. Truth is, I still eat pretty much the same things, I just eat less of them (but am still full and feel satisfied). It took more effort to plan my meals and look at menus on-line before I went out to eat (so I wouldn't have to stress about what I could eat after I got there), but it was so worth it to me (even at the time) because the weight was finally coming off.

6. HAS BEING BANDED MADE YOUR PERSONALITY CHANGE? For the better or worse?
No -- I'm exactly the same. It did, however, change my bee-hind, which is now quite a bit smaller and cuter! LOL

7. Are you still able to party a little? (I am a wine drinker...can't imagine giving it up completely) and are you a party pooper now cause you can't party as much?
Hell yes. And I have never been accused of being a party-pooper! :) I still have wine on a regular basis, go out with friends several times a week, stay out late, etc. The only difference is that now I am even more careful never to drink so much that I would be hungover to the point of having to throw up, since that would not be too cool with the band.

The one thing I don't choose to do now is have a martini -- it's just way too much alcohol for me at this weight and given how much less food I eat these days! I used to have one maybe every 3 months or so, but now I generally stick to wine. I also stopped drinking cocktails that have carbonation.

8. HOW MUCH HAPPIER ARE YOU WITH YOUR BODY? I am wondering what I will look like 50-80 lbs thinner. I am 47 and will have a "lose skin" issue.
I am so much happier, that just thinking of it will bring tears of gratitude to my eyes. I feel so lucky to have found this tool and to have been able to make this kind of progress. The fact that I've been working out like a maniac for the past 6 or so months has helped, too.

On the loose skin issue, I'll be surprised if you have too much, since 50-80 lbs isn't a huge amount to lose, and you are only 47. I was happily surprised both (a) not to have any; and (b) that the "girls" seem to have bounced back into place (one of my biggest fears pre-op was the tennis-ball-in-a-sock effect. . ). I definitely recommend using lots of moisturizer -- maybe find one for pregnant women that promotes elastin.

9. HAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS CHANGED? Spouses? Family? Friends? Strangers?
No -- my relationships are all pretty much the same. However, I've stopped avoiding old friends and have been reaching out to people more, now that I'm no longer ashamed for them to see how fat I'd let myself become. So, I guess that's a positive.

As for strangers, I'm getting a lot more attention from men, and am getting a bit more star treatment when I'm out and about (better service, better tables, etc.).

10. DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE SAME PERSON OR COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOW THAT YOU HAVE LOST WEIGHT?
I feel like my old self, and it feels wonderful. This is the best feeling in the world to me, and I am so incredibly grateful. The effort and changes that I had to make to work my band are absolutely nothing compared with it. I am happy to have made them, and don't remember ever feeling deprived or like I was missing out.

11. (I'm adding this one on.) What do you wish someone would have told you pre-op that would have helped you to be less fearful about having the surgery?
I wish that I would have known that if there is no fill in my band, I can eat just like I did before. I was so worried that I'd hate it -- that the band would feel like some kind of stomach-prison, and I'd be really hungry and hating it that I couldn't eat enough. None of that turned out to be true. BUT, during Bandster Hell, when I found out that I could eat whatever I wanted even though I was banded, that was a bit of a relief for me. Even though I don't want to go back to eating the way I used to, just knowing that I could in an instant if I decided that was what I wanted made me less stressed about what I was giving up. And honestly, I haven't missed it for a second.

I hope that helps! Great questions, Linda!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Tomorrow afternoon, I head to South Carolina for Thanksgiving! I'm really looking forward to seeing my family. I'll be staying at my brother's house for part of the visit, and in a hotel for part (to keep a nice balance of family time and downtime).

In true modern family tradition, here's who will be there. . . me, my brother + his wife and my niece and nephew, my mother, my dad + his wife, Margie (his 3rd wife), and my sister (technically, ex-step-sister . . daughter of dad's 2nd wife) + her adorable little son. I'm so excited to see everyone. I'm very lucky to have a cool family, and I am sure that the weekend is going to be a lot of fun!

I'm also excited to see my dad -- who I haven't seen since I was banded. And, I haven't seen my brother and his family for about 30 pounds (since Easter), so I'm looking forward to seeing their reaction to my progress of the last several months! I'm also packing plenty of workout clothing and will be hitting the gym as many days as possible with my brother. . . who has dropped 90 lbs on his own during the last year or so.

Not sure if anyone will remember this, but I actually haven't told my brother about my surgery. I'd like to tell him, but his wife can be very judgmental and rude (she is Queen of the Zinger. . . sweet as pie until your defenses are down, then BAM! I've been stung way too many times). As a result, I'm not willing to open myself up to whatever unpleasant comments she may have to offer. I feel badly about not telling my brother though. We are close, and I love him to bits, but I can't ask him to keep a secret like this from his wife, so the burden rests on me. Fingers crossed that I don't get totally stuck and have to PB in front of them! :)

I was at their house last Christmas (just 2 months after my surgery) and it went just fine, so I'm not that concerned about Thanksgiving. Anyway, no matter what, I'm psyched to see the fam, to catch up in person and to get to hang with my niece & nephews!

I hope that all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! I am very thankful for all of you and for all of the support and encouragement you give me with your amazing comments, and the help and feeling of solidarity I get from reading your blogs.

Rent the Runway. . .

A DVF dress from the site

One of the main things I've been looking forward to about being thinner is being able to shop everywhere and wear cuter clothing. I'm just at the point where the higher end boutiques have a few things in my size . . but a lot of the stores in Soho seem to only stock up to a size 8 or a small 10. I'm not in those sizes yet, so it's still a little frustrating. I'm fine in a Gap 10, but a designer 10 is usually a whole different animal. . .


The other day, a friend of mine sent me a link to a relatively new site called Rent the Runway. This site rents out current designer dresses for between $50 and $200 per wear (including dry cleaning). I was all over it! So, I signed up and, when my membership was approved, I logged in. . . all ready to start thinking about fabulous outfits to wear to Christmas parties and on New Years. So. . . I sign in and see that the biggest size they have is a 10. A designer 10, so it's probably more like a small 10 or an 8. And, there are almost no dresses in that size. They pretty much only stock to an 8. WTF. That is so annoying.
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I wonder if I'll ever be able to wear a dress like this Peter Soronen one. . . Maybe not, since the biggest size they have is an 8. . .

Honestly, I'm thrilled to fit into a 10 right now, and am OK with still being in a 12 on some things. I'm definitely able to shop in a much broader range of stores now, and that is a huge NSV and something that really adds to my shopping fun. But, I still want to wear those designer gowns. I know that most have sizes for me if I were to buy them in a store. . . but how great would it be to wear a $1,000+ dress and only pay $200? Truth is, for most of those dresses, I'd only get a few wears out of them anyway, and with this, you can wear a different dress to every party if you want. Well, I guess it's something to (maybe) look forward to. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm built to be as small as these dresses are cut. But, they sure are pretty, and it's fun to think about it. . .

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This one is from Alberta Feretti. . . pretty, right? But satin is so unforgiving. . . I don't like the shoes they paired with this . . too boring.

Craziest NSV Ever. . .

This is so crazy . . . I still can hardly believe it. On Friday, I took one of my clients out for lunch to celebrate our b-days (which are just a few days apart). Mind you, I've been celebrating my extend-o-birthday all month, so I've been out to dinner much more than usual, having more drinks than usual, more desserts than usual, etc. . not exactly weight-loss friendly stuff, though I haven't been too out of control.

We went to a Bobby Flay place called Bar Americain, and she was recommending a few entrees. . . including the cheeseburger. I knew she was planning to have the shrimp (and I wouldn't be be nay-saying her choice), so I said "That sounds amazing, but I've had so many meals out during the past week . . I've got to be good today and rein it in!" And she said. . . .

wait for it. . . . .
. . . can I get a drum roll, maybe?
. . . . . . . or some end-of-the-earth music?

She said -- and I quote: "But Catherine, you're so fit and thin! You don't need to worry about that!"

WHAT????????? OMG. She thought I was thin. A person who didn't have to worry about calories. What? That is so the opposite of my reality, and I honestly was so blown away that I somehow gave someone that impression. I just couldn't believe that someone thought that about me (and the person who said this is gorgeous and very accomplished. . Harvard Law, outstanding resume, etc.). I'm sure she was flattering me a little, but that it was even in the realm of a thing that could be said with a straight face just stunned me.

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In other news, this extend-o-birthday celebration has got to come to an end. Weirdly, I had the most crazy PMS this month, then found that my band was pretty loose during TOM, so I was actually able to eat more than usual. . . which I did. Nothing too insane, but I was too afraid to get on the scale this morning. . . and I did 3 miles on the treadmill tonight, plus a bunch of abs and stretching. Fingers crossed that my foie gras and wine consumption . . . and those bites of gourmet macaroni & cheese with truffles (mmmm!!!!) . . . and the filet mignon (split 3 ways, but still. . . ) didn't totally mess up my scale number!! (No, that was not all at one sitting!) :)

NSV!!!!

This morning . . . just for kicks. . . I decided to try on my "thin" pants. These are the pants I used to wear in 2000-2001, when I was living in the Bahamas for work, working out all the time, and feeling good. I had them in a 10 and a 12, and I kept the 10 through the years because they were a symbol to me of where I'd been . . and where I would like to be again. I've tried them on here and there -- last time I barely got the zipper up, and they were seriously tight. But, this morning?!? THEY FIT!! They fit!!!!! I am blown away!!! This is one of the most major NSVs I was hoping to reach on this journey. I can hardly believe that it happened!! Isn't that amazing?!? And to know that you are going to get to yours, too?!

Observation. . and Tough Love. . .

I just realized that I have one pound for every person who is following this blog! (Well, officially following, anyway!) That is so cool!!

On a totally different note. . . Has anyone else tuned into Season 2 of Tough Love? It's a show where a professional matchmaker picks 8 nightmare girls and helps them become better at dating and relationships. I went to a party for the show before the first season. . . then got kind of hooked in to watching it (I so should not admit that)! :)

Well, this season there is a girl on there who used to be 220 lbs and is now thin. Her shtick is that she still thinks of herself as the "fat" girl and can't believe it when anyone says anything positive about her appearance (and she's totally cute). When guys compliment her, the only thing she hears is that they think she is fat -- even though that's not what they are saying. I really hope she's hamming it up for TV because she's kind of a one-topic wonder. . . I also am wondering if she was banded.

The girl I'm talking about is the blonde standing directly behind the guy.

I'm happy to say that I don't feel like she does. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I've been really conscious about -- and present during -- this whole process (recognizing the loss of weight at every step, taking photos, measurements, blogging about it, etc.), that the change has been gradual, and that I started out with very healthy self esteem, despite that I felt badly about the shape I'd let my body get into.

It's surprising to me, but I forget sometimes how heavy I was. For example, it was really a shocker to see the photo from my birthday last year and to grasp that I was that big. That wasn't a flattering photo, so even though I cropped it, I didn't look at it much before now. Also, it's completely surreal to me when I try on the pants I wore pre-op, see how gigantic they are on me now, and try to imagine that those pants were a little tight on me at one time. I almost can't believe it is true.

For those of you who are a bit post-op, how are you feeling about this stuff? Do you think of yourself as you are currently, as you were, another way, or some combination? Do you think you'll see yourself as you are when you are at goal?

SIXTY-FIVE!!!!!

I could not believe my eyes this morning!! The 3 pounds that I was up this weekend are now all gone, and they took that pesky extra .2 with them! Woo-hoo!! I guess going back to Boot Camp and the concern I had about losing/putting back on muscle weight was not an issue.

I am now officially exactly 10 pounds from my goal! (And 20 from my aspirational goal.) Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some Recent NSVs!

Here I am . . . focusing on my crank-i-tude of the weekend, and I totally forgot to mention all of the NSVs I've had since Friday! That just won't do!!

Random photo from Friday's party of me, Marjorie and Corrinne with a few of our friend's classmates from her graduate program.

Here go the NSVs:

1. On Friday, I went to a birthday party for a friend (she and some others rented out a small club, so we had it to ourselves) and had a great time. I met a ton of people, including a very nice, very cute French guy who was visiting from France for a few days. And, he followed through on his professed plan of calling me and seeing if I had time to see him on Monday. So, I had my first ever during-work-date yesterday -- I met him for coffee at a restaurant in my office building, and had a really nice time. (Not sure I mentioned this earlier, but I speak French. . . I studied law at a French law school for a year after studying the language for about 10 years and I have a degree in French Literature.)

Chantelle bra. . I love this brand. . a bit expensive, but so pretty and they actually have sizes!

2. On Saturday, I went to Bloomingdales to buy some new bras because mine were fitting horribly. All of a sudden, the ones I bought in July were just way too big, which freaked me out. So, I had my measurements taken there (have gone from a 40 DD to a 36 DD or D -- yay. . only good reduction in size there!) and the woman who was helping me pulled an armload of things for me. The NSV? All of the panties she pulled for me were in SIZE MEDIUM!!! I was so thrilled!! She thought I was a medium!! Of course, none of them actually fit properly and I had to have her pull the next size. . . but I was flattered anyway!!

3. On Sunday, I stopped in this great boutique in Soho called (bad name, great store) The New York Look. This store is the site of many a torturesome afternoon with friends, where I'd be stuck browsing for ages, knowing that absolutely nothing in there would fit me. Well. . . I tried on a dress and it fit!! Mind you, the cut wasn't flattering, but it totally fit!! AND, the saleswoman pulled a dress for me in size 8 and suggested I try it on!! OK, so I could barely get it on. . . but the fact she wasn't terrified to let me near an 8 felt pretty darned NSV-esque to me!!

Vlog Time!

Time for another vlog! Thanks everyone for all of your sweet comments today. . and offers to find me a suitable guy! I love it! Cara, your description sounded just fine and dandy to me! :)

Here is another vlog from me. . . I hope I don't say "anyway" as much as I do in vlogs in real life. . . !

Just in case that comparison wasn't clear enough. . .

(You can click on the photo to enlarge it. . )

November 15, 2008 on the left -- November 15, 2009 on the right.

I wish I wouldn't have cropped the one on the left so that I'd have a better comparison shot. Wow. What a difference a year can make.

B-day Weekend

Me & Hayley at Ohm Spa

Yesterday was a really nice day -- I had a luxury mani/pedi with my friend Hayley, then met a few close friends for a really nice lunch at Lupa, which is one of Mario Battali's places.

Honestly, I was in kind of a funk this weekend, so I didn't have as good a time as I might normally. I just was really feeling stressed about work stuff. . and maybe also a bit about turning 39 (given that I want to have children and am not even in a relationship at this point). I really try not to focus too much on the biological tick-tock thing, since there isn't a whole lot I can do to speed up the whole love/commitment process. I do get pretty angry when I think about how PP took up more than 2 years of my time, acting as though we were headed for these things, even though he was definitely not there, timing-wise.

Anyway, I started the day feeling really emotional, then had a phone conversation that did not help matters. Then, I rush to get to Ohm and when I got there, two really sweet Chinese women who work there were just beside themselves by the change in my appearance. One of them just looked so surprised, and she exclaimed "Catherine!! You are so thin!! You look beautiful!!" And, I totally lost it -- my eyes welled up, tears flowed over -- and I am sure I totally freaked her out! I tried to smile and tell her not to worry, but she was pretty quiet for the rest of the day (fortunately, she wasn't the person doing my nails)!

I don't know what was with me (hmm. . PMS?!) . . I was just feeling really overwhelmed, both by the positive changes in the last year, and also by all of the other BS that was weighing on my mind.

Can you believe the difference?
This is me at Ohm last year on my birthday. . .

Fortunately, Hayley and I were alone in the lounge, so we had a chat, I got it out of my system, and was able to get it together and get on with enjoying my day.

Not-a-so-fortunately, with all of the b-day eating and drinking I've been doing during the past week, my scale is up three pounds this morning. YIKES!! And, it was up yesterday, too. . . so it's probably for real. Darn it!! It took forever to get those pounds off. Hopefully they are easy-come-easy-go pounds. . . .

Happy Birthday to Me! :)

Today is my 39th birthday! I'm heading to one of my favorite spas with a friend this morning, and am really looking forward to it! Should be a really nice day.

It's interesting to think back on where I was at this time last year, and how many things have changed. I was less than a month post-op on my b-day last year, and was still really upset about my breakup with PP. Now, I am 51.8 pounds lighter than on this day last year (and 64.8 down in total), exercise regularly (and intensely!) . . and I am feeling just fine on the love front (despite that there isn't too much going on in that department!).

I really do feel like I spent the whole last year working on myself. Not just on the weight/fitness front -- though that is the most obvious and important change to me. I continued with my therapist, which is always good (I think of it as spa treatments for the psyche)! I also hired a graphic designer to teach me how to use Adobe Illustrator so that I could do more advanced card design, and that has taken my letterpress printing to a new level. This is something I really enjoy, and I'm glad that I motivated to find a teacher and arrange for those private lessons. And, like every other year, I read a ton, learned a lot, and spent time on my friendships and other important relationships. I am definitely in a much better place than I was in at this time last year, even though I was doing just fine then.

I am looking forward to enjoying the benefits of this year's work during this coming year, and to continue moving in a positive direction. I can see already that getting myself in shape is helping on the dating front. Looking better and feeling more confident definitely help! And, hopefully, that will make it easier for me to meet someone who is right for me.

Enjoy the day, everyone!! Will post photos later if I take some good ones today!

Thumbs up!

Good news on the scale front this morning. . . my scale was the same as yesterday! I was worried that it would go up after I did Boot Camp, or that the number I saw yesterday was just a fluke (water weight, etc.). But, 2 days in a row is a good thing!

I was talking to my dad on the phone last night, and it suddenly dawned on me that . . I am only TEN pounds overweight. (OK, 10.2, but who's counting?!) :) This is like a miracle to me. The amount I have left to lose is what a lot of normal/thin-ish people want to lose. That is just incredible to me. My band works like a charm!! Well, with some participation from me, anyway! But it's just so SO so so much better than having to do this without any help.

I had another realization recently. One that took a loooonnnngggg time for me to get to. The other day, it suddenly clicked that I am over PP. Definitely a much better place for me to be!

SIXTY-FOUR!!

FINALLY!! I'm down 64.8 as of this morning. That means I've got 10.2 to go to get to goal! Woo-hoo. Unfortunately, I cut the timing close on Boot Camp last night . . and my cab driver took a wrong turn, so I wound up being too late to do the class. I'm going to go tonight to make up for last night. Hopefully the workout won't result in my weight going up due to muscle weight.

Snail's Pace. . .

The scale FINALLY moved yesterday. . . a whopping .8 pounds. This is the first time the scale has been down since October 13th! Man. . now that I'm closer to goal, the loss is sloooooooowwwwww. Another wrinkle here is that I wasn't able to go to Boot Camp last week, since my friend was staying with me, and I only made it to the gym once (I ran for 30 minutes). I'm wondering if the .8 might be due to loss of muscle, rather than actual weight loss. I'm sure that's at least part of the reason for it. Hopefully there is some real loss in there as well.

I'm back at Boot Camp tonight. Fingers crossed that the scale isn't up again tomorrow. . .

Rather than only complain about how slow this is going, I should mention a recent NSV (thanks, Mary, for reminding me!). I am now comfortably wearing size 10 jeans from The Gap!! That is my goal size (with 8 as an aspirational goal size)! Woo-hoo!!! So, even with 11.2 pounds to go to get to my goal, it's all good. It may take months to get this last bit off, but it's OK because I feel so good and am really comfortable in my skin -- something I was not at all when I started this process.

Looking inside myself. . .

Yesterday, I had my one-year checkup with Dr. Ren. I had an esophogram taken, and they tell me that everything looks great! I have to admit. . . it was pretty interesting to see the esophogram! How weird is it that you can see the underwire and snaps from my bra in this?!

If you click on the photo, you will see a bigger version of it.

You can see the port above where my bellybutton would be, and the tube leading to my stomach. There was a side view of my stomach, too -- but I didn't get a photo of it (I was too chicken to scroll to it when I was alone in the exam room). It was interesting. The part (tissue?) leading up to my pouch and the pouch together kind of looked like a long, deflated balloon. It's so weird and cool to be able to see what my insides look like.

Dr. Ren seemed really happy to see how I've been doing with the band, and how far I've come this year, and it was great to get such positive feedback from her.

In other news, I finally got on the rebound wagon. . . I've seen a guy who I met at that Food and Wine Festival event at Norwood a few times -- let's call him C. It's nothing serious, but is a lot of fun, and he is actually pretty cool and interesting, and increasingly so as I'm finding out more about him. I'm definitely enjoying the attention after my year of self-imposed exile in nun-ville (well, maybe not nun-ville, but too close to it for my liking. . )!

Still Plateaued, but NSV

I'm still stuck at the same weight. . but at least the scale isn't moving up! I noticed an NSV this morning. . . it is a lot easier to get out of the tub these days! Not that it was difficult before (it was fine), but I'm both a lot lighter and my arms are a lot stronger. Just a random thing that I noticed when I was getting ready! (I am a big fan of taking baths, even in the morning.)

How great would it be to have a tub like this?!

Halloween / Marathon Weekend

One of my oldest friends (Sharon) is visiting from London with her 4 month old daughter, and is staying with me. We made brunch plans with several friends on Halloween, then I cooked dinner for 7 people at my apartment that night as a special treat, since I knew it would be too hard for us to go anywhere at night with the baby.

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The dinner was a lot of fun, and it was nice to catch up with Sharon's friends who I know and like. The meal turned out nicely -- and I'm surprised to find after the fact that I barely took any photos!

Guy dressed as Captain Marvel, at about mile 18 of the NYC Marathon

When this guy went by, I cheered "Way to go 'I hate running' guy!! I hate running, too!" -- which elicited a big smile, even though he was on his 25th mile!

On Sunday, I went to cheer for four friends (including Adam & Erica -- the couple of the wedding where I saw PP in July) who were running the NYC Marathon. They all did great -- finished in good time, and enjoyed finally seeing the fruition of all that training! We had a great group of people out for the race, and cheered for so many people who went by (many with their names on their shirts. I also saw a few other people at the race who I hadn't seen during the past year. It was really nice to receive a lot of compliments on how I am looking these days, and to feel good about seeing old friends in general.

Daisy man. .

Giant backpack. . . I guess 26 miles wasn't enough?

It was interesting to talk to Sharon and get her impression on my weight loss. One really positive thing that she said was that she thought I was thinner -- or at least more fit -- than at any time she has known me since high school.

But -- and I think a lot of you will know what I mean by this -- she did refer to the band as taking "the easy way" and, even though it actually IS the easy way, compared with normal dieting, I bristled at this a bit. I also got the impression that she felt I was being dishonest when I didn't tell people about my surgery when they asked how I'd lost all of the weight. I used my standard "portion control and exercise" explanation -- which is absolutely true. And, regardless of what anyone else may or may not think, I still firmly believe that I have zero obligation whatsoever to share information about my very personal -- and private -- decision to have surgery with anyone I don't feel like telling.